Believe to Achieve

10 miles at 415 am before work. couldnt sleep so this waz good cause i want 70 miles this week. yup first 70 mile week in a very long time....like a year.  no worries this kind of hat tricks work for me. still dont know which marathon i am "racing".  time will tell. ap for ten today was 8. first mile 9:10. last mile 7:29. felt very easy. went right into 753 pace after two miles like i was jogging. maybe i should run at 415 every day.   

7 miles at 640. put on call last night. ap 7:48. 7 x 0.1 miles random strides. paces sweet for me.   then came home started laundry after kids off to school.  went to rec ctr witb troy. 4 miles easy on tm. started at 8:57 pace. ran 0.25 miles at 5:54 pace. then a little later 0.12 miles at 6:44 pace to 4 miles. i was bored and hungry eve. though i ate in between both runs. healthy though. sugar detox not easy.  ap 8:12.  upper body weights x20 min.

Plan 20 miler up/down Provo Canyon starting at Kneaders in Provo with 8 at marathon pace at the end.  Noticed Flag at maceys going west in the wind.  But not too badly.  But that always changes in the canyon.  Had to delete garmin 15 secs into run as it said memory was full.  Off to a slow start here.  It is 8:32am.  Stopped tried to figure out watch and quickly deleted data from over a month ago.  Sure hope I didn't delete things I hadn't downloaded yet.  Oh well. No time to delete individual activities.  I got to get started. Start out with my skirt and two layers on top with gloves.  Removed gloves at three miles and top layer at 8 miles.  The first few steps of my run I was seriously considering my sanity.  My legs ever so slowly moved.  I just said come on Julie you were ready yesterday.  Kept putting one foot in front of the other.  Passed the first water fountain at mile 2 and was like hey it is only mile two and there is a water fountain at the base of south fork.  WELL unfortunately it was not turned on nor were the bathrooms unlocked, except the outhouse ones which I quickly used.  I spent time walking from building to building trying to find an on spicket.  NOTHING.  This bummed me out.  I was now running my entire run with no water til I get back to about mile 17 and 18 where there are two.  Even the bathrooms at the campground were locked and the water was off.  I only took 10 seconds to check there.  So on up I went. That first mile into south fork was dreadfully hard.  I was wanting out right then but I pushed through and made it to 10 miles not even noticing the park I passed at mile 8 with a water fountain!!!  I was in a zone but I found it on my way back just before mile 12 and my 8 miles at marathon pace.  Halleluyah!!!  I was in heaven.  Took a gu at mile 5  and 10 (the turn around on top) and was thoroughly parched without water with it.  So thankful for that fountain.  It is at the start of the Provo Half and Marathon tomorrow.  Perhaps that is why it is on.  AT mile two of marathon pace miles I nearly finished the whole run.  I struggled to keep under 7.  It is where the steep downhill turns FLAT for a mile.  My body was not happy with the sudden change.  I had read an article in the runners world last night about positive thoughts and that negative really hampers your efforts.  I put it to the test and began with some positive voices to myself instead of the IMMENSE amount of negative self talk I was giving myself the entire run.  AND guess what???? it REALLY worked.  I surged and I didn't die and I felt better.  I had to purposely change my thinking several times in those 8 miles.  I was SO very close to quitting....but once I made the change... I believed in myself and I actually was able to run better and finish strong.  Splits---8:24, 8:06, 7:52, 7:53, 7:58 , 7:53, 7:37, 8:14 (200 feet elevation gain), 7:48, 7:53, down hill but easy pace no effort here the next two miles-- 7:25, 7:23, Marathon pace-- first mile too much downhill I had to slow myself down-- 6:44, 6:56 (that flat mile), 6:46, 6:48, 6:45, 6:46, 6:50, and 6:40.  Iced in Provo River up the canyon a bit.  Had to drive there.  8 minutes.  Ahhhhh.  Felt great.  Got in car and accidentally left my running shoes on the roof.  I saw flashes of Pink through my rear view mirror.  I did a U-ey on the Provo Canyon Highway and went back for them.  So glad I saw them or they would be Hamburger by Now.  Funny sight. 

rewrote this.  last entry too depressing. heel pain back.  but will just stop there.  8:39 pace before work.  5 miles.  recovery from 20 miler. 

feeling awful.  don't know what to do but take it one day at a time.  gonna start DHEA hormone that my level is extremely low in.  Look it up.  It is important.  A stress hormone--- precursor to all hormones.  apparently i have been under a lot of stress.  yup.  my runs are usually to help with that now it seems they are adding to the problem. heel pain back.  seriously?????  6 long miles to the rec center (8:20, no garmin, course tool).  I say long because my mind and body working together made it that way.  they are not connecting right.  running seems toohard.  even one mile seemed long today.  holy moly what is going on?  there is no "I love running moment" in running.  In fact when I run it is all fuzzy and surreal.  I will over come.  I have three times before (probably more).  I am tough.  but it would be nice to have magic pill to take to snap me out of this funk.  it feels like post partum depression without a beautiful baby to show for it.  sorry guys...i am supposed to be uplifting but I can't hide what is happening then i wouldn't be telling the truth.  I will figure it out and rise above it.  Hopefully in time for the St George Marathon.  Ogden is looking like a huge obstacle right now to me.  One foot in front of the other.  I am pretty much going to show up incognito, run, then come on back home like I never was there.  I hope I can muster a 3:13 (course pr).  Oh did spin class x 48 minutes.  First class since February. Trying to see if maybe running is a burnt out flame for me.  It was nice to do something new.  Ran home 2.88 miles (no garmin so had to course tool both runs, seems as though my garmin is in standby mode as well).  8:13 ap.  Stay tuned...digging myself out...no worries.  

still cant sleep.  and sadly foot pain back full force.   yay.   cant race ogden. iron level well below normal. found an informative write up on chronic pain and chronic iron deficiency anemia.   apparently the deficiency causes brain stem deficiency......leading to pain all down the spinal nerves to the feet. rbis is a very recent article/finding and fits me to a tee. intense nerve pains down spine and chronic pains in legs. oh man i felt so awesome after 8 weeks of intavenous iron tberapy in 2010 winter...that lasted one year and my level dropped again.  i highly doubt too many people would have run through tbis cbronic pain.  hence why from time to time i cant take it anymore. i actually feel worse than 2010.  5pm- tbought hey nice day out why not try a run? not good. felt awful. it saddened me the longer i ran. is this what burn out feels like? seriously i have no drive. no adrenaline. tbis sucks. bad. my legs and mind are on two difcerent bad wavelengths. i m trying to think or rest but nothing but runninglessness. how can this be?

Holy flip...dns is btr tham a dnf, right. cant even put weight on my heel.  wow this really changes my whole summer. another crippling sas running or i mean nonrunning summer. i see the hematologist on may 20. i tested out my foot qnd it hurt quite badly on the warmup but forced myself to run a quick 5k....i pretty mich whimpered the whole way and my left leg was doing double time since i couldnt land on my heel or push off. it was a disaster. i was full on crying at the end. just mad that this is happening AGAIN!   21:10 for 3.16 miles 6:41 pace. not out of breath at all just in too much pain to go faster. stupid move. now no running til ogden if i am painfree by then. see chiro and massage therapist monday.

50 minutes cybex trainer. heel hurt during this. :(.    i can walk better though. not painfree. really wish i was not stupid and just waited to see if i got into sgm....instead of trying to guarantee my spot by running the slam.   

worked all day. couldbarely walk on heel cant figure it out....why is there so much inflammatio. in a single moment? and immense tightness......stress peraonal and physical and body gave in and my mind is not too willing to overcome at this moment

5 miles broken up in to 0.1 to 0.3 miles at a time. yup was that painful and i found if i took long breaks in between i could get a grip on the pain. i did do one complete mile without stopping7:42 pace but my foot was asking to stop and walk. i was trying to concentrate on form and not the burning pain with each step.miracles can happen right?

holy flaming heel....not to mention sciatica as well throuh the symphisis pubis bone and lower back on right side only. left calf tight and shin  because it is doing all the work. i can only plant my foot down and strategically place itas to not have to push off too much. by the last mile (i ran 5 without stopping, training brain)  it spread to my ankle....burning knife like pain.   flip out.   so looking forward to chiro appt and massage today.  this pain in heel may really just be referred pain to heel from sciatic nerve. when i stand up i get an electric shock like pain through my groin.   and tbat area is super inflamed like someone kicked me there. this has felt this way for five days now and lower back pain has gotten progressively worse.  seriouy i m the only nut out therd who would run with this much pain....but i m a nut who signed up for a grand slam....otherwize i would stop. i dont know yet if i will start ogden or not....if tbis appt helps and a steroid shot i may be able...but then run risk of dnf.   which is btr a dnf or dns?  neither.  both r hard places to be.    8:11 ap.

massage and adjustment-   hip height difference 1 inch.  ooops.  deep tissue massage--knot size of fist in hamstring.  lower back very crampy today. she worked me good.   today i woke and could walk on foot painfree. but very stiff.  tried running and it instantly hurt as before.  still ran as getting steroid today.  got to pin point locale.  ran 2.5 easy then two someday probably not this lifetime.....marathon pace miles.....not ogden.....644, 644.    flat miles. cooldown to house 1.5 miles.  ran by af high school and around that loop.   heel was a huge bugger. lungs are raring to go.  

zero miles of running but a whole lot of walking in my busy 13 hour shift. steroid flare so foot on opposite side more painful than usual and pain gone where heel spur/main problem is :)   was seriously in doubt today but as the hours passed i feel better and better....foot may be resurfacing....going to sleep well wnd try a three miler in the am before work.  racing ogden not my goal running it is.  training run for utah valley that i will tru to pr at if i make a turn around.  course pr for me that is so 3:08.   ogden...if runnable foot i think i could get 3:10 to 313. 

5 easy but not easy for foot.  steroid flare. getting worried.  but made it without stopping. 8:46 ap.    lower back bugging on right side. 

not good. steroid flare or he hit the nerve......opposite side of foot from heel to ponky toe which is also s1 to s2 lower back referred pain. tried to run....made it 0.1 miles. tried grass running. btr due to coldness but so far it looks like i m going to run /walk this thing. i was not even going to start....broke down crying cause it is looking like another painful summer injured and i dont have much time left.  husband thinks i should finish walking if i have to......since i wouldnt be better off not running mentally.   i just want this nerve pain to go away.     why oh why?    chiro appt with dr frazier. lots of lower back instability due to imbalance. back and spine realigned. laser to back and foot.

so happy to have cut this race short...four miles then walked a bit then ran to about 5.2 or so and found the sheriff, no tears) first dnf and i was very calm. relieved. this has got to be my smartest running moment ever.  walking hurt, but i am masochistic and hoped for a miracle...two visits to chiropracter, one massage, two steroid injections to heel, laser to back....no relief...even with a pain md out of dezperation.  standing around the fires by myself (lost kim and stacy who i staued with at the marriott) i was wondering how i was going to persvere the pain in my foot?  boston was hard but this pain was even more severe.....i started the race with a goal to just finish at 330 then just finish....but at 0.1 miles it was clear i was not going to be canceling out "hot coals barefoot" feeling in my right heel and ankle.  i tried all my tricks to negate it....even singing out loud with my ipod music.  my first mile was a shocker--7:04.   i thought i was at a 830 pacw. i didnt have a garmin.  mine broke when i did two weeks ago.  and i didnt want a time pressure anyway.  i thought to myself...if this pain were gone this race, rain and colder temps, would have been sweet!   i just knew i was ready cardio and mentally . i just didnt get a miracle. but i m so okay with that. a nice police officer gave me a warm drive to the halfway where i cheered many runners on while i froze, being soked. but i enjoyed it. thanking volunteers along the way. seriously they rock to be out there longer than an individual runner!   i got offered a ride by a very kind man as his wife was running her first race. she came in at 2 hours at the half and we were ofc the long way to north ogden. it was so toasty warm in the truck. i was so thankful he heard my request to find a way down as the relay shuttles were far from leaving the half way point. some great conversation there. he dropped me off at my hotel which is 0.1,miles from the finish. i quickly changex and made it to the finishe line at 2:59!  saw third place gil cross and many friends after that. everyone persevered well. i was limping at the finish line and was having lots of shooting pains through my ankle. idk if it is my back...herniated disc or plantar fascitis or both.  so painful. yay, i m out of competition for the slam. a relief. i only signed up for it to get into sgm. i got in on my own anyway.   ha ha.  now i can rest. if foot heals i will run uvm but i m not going to stress about it.  st george is my focus.

nothing. cant run. walking with limp. heel pain and wicked sciatica......think the disc herniated last year is more so. lumbar 4-5.  woke with cramps in both legs mostly in right. lower right back pulsating pain to thigh burning.  blah. train wreck.

worked from six to 115. had meridian health test done. sulfur overload in body. taking some homeopathic meds to help my body detox it.   and some organ support vitamins to help during detox.  lots of burning pain in lower back and foot a nightmare...BUT no shooting pain in ankle today.  pf   making its comeback....oh what a joy....a long with tendinitis jist above ankle.  see hematologist next tuesday...runing out of money..lovely.  onward. april and i have some unfinished business this fall. watch out :--)

Cant bear weight on foot without pain. So weird. What to do next? plan eventually to get some hiit and swimmimg going.  probably not run til august.  

Woke to charlie horse in left leg that ended up turning to burning pain and tightness around calf all day and tingling...right foot felt 50 percent better today.  this is not a injury....i m certain of that....it is a longer flare of the undiagnosed nervous system autoimmune disease.  it will stay in one place for a while- burning pain and tightness and tingling then suddenlu change to the other side....the exacerbations have lasted longer lately and appears that i have residual deficit in between flares. hoping hematologist/intrernist can finally figure what my diagnosis. u should see me walk....today my left leg cannot move right.  my right is doing all the work. no problem with upper body symptoms.  i m sorru but i m going to ise my blog to chart this problem.  last fall my arm to finger went numb with shooting pains.  the legs feel worse than that. kim's mother said her mother took 7 years to be diagnosed with lupus and she said i sound jist like she did with nerve pains and flares with remissions. my blog is full of entries about me talkimg of burning pain.  this flare came on right after i had the flu for a week. i had a similar flare in 2004 and dr holmes found that i had a current infection of ebstein barr virus.   some of my readers think it is from my running but it is in part....as the stress of work, training, and flu brought on this flare.  i also have been worse in the spring.  it is perplexing and at times deeply depressing. how long can i endure this? very serious here. i wonder if the flare will end. if it doesnt i can no longer run competitively. i m hopeful ot should end soon. 30 min spin easy. 20 minutes cybex trainer, very easy.

nerve pain flare over. ahh. except heel of course. homeopathics and Bone up helping me heel. i think.  3 extremely slow miles because i couldnt stand it anymore. i believe i have a neuroma on my heel. very distinct shooting pain up calf when i palpate the bony protrusion on my calcaneus of right foot. probably will get the mri.  need an official diagnosis. the pain is not where i get the pf. gonna start hiit tmr. 27:53. This entry is for sat. I worked all day friday  and walking was painful.leg cramp in left leg.

nothing. so depressed i cant even remember tbis day. oh yah went to 7 peaks for dour bours. limping. how fun. no rides for fear i would land on foot and make it worse.

25 mile bike ride. canal. then biked beside rachelle and carina in the 10 m race. biking doesnt hurt foot. but it hurt more after biking. walking. i m trying not to lose hope that i will run again. pain free. mostly depressing.  

biked about 40 minutes. nice ride. up to canal and over to art dye and back home in the early cool morning air. dr appt. ferriting 34. dropping . iron not absorbing  ut no infusion til i m at deaths door again. foot a nightmare. i camt dream it away. sucks. hiit program started. josse made a rljtine dor tbree times a week for me. i did core challenge in front of her. not easy. 

20 min bike ride. no time. worked all day. sinus infection on right side. atopped taking homeopatbics. .not thinking they are helping. foot pain just there constantly if i walk. maybe this is it for me and running? cant imagine being pain free anymore.  so tired. did not sleep well. about tjree hours. 

16.5 mile bike ride from my house on canal to 800 north orem.  then back. 4:11ap.    mountainbike. joined kim and crew at af track high school and,did a tough hiit workout. even wall climbers!   sore. drove to manti for travis' sealing to tori. nice. then dinner outside. worried i may never run again. very serious. this ankle has some issues.

losing track of what day of week it is. yesterdays work out was today.   yesterday i worked all day on mom/baby.  walking a chore. pain.