Believe to Achieve

Ragnar revisited.   Drove up to Pocatello with Rachelle, Rachel, Jonathan and Blaine.  Little sleep last night and NO sleep tonight.  Met my roommate at the hotel.  Her name is Chelsea.  First time pacer along with me (for a marathon.  I guess you can count TOU last year for one friend).  We chatted the night hours  away and then did nothing but toss and turn.  I wasn't even nervous.  I think I just wanted sleep so badly I couldn't sleep.  The expo was small.  The pasta dinner was fine except I had very bad stomach cramps and ended up heading to the bathroom three times during my Pacer Shift at the expo.  I figure I ran SGM in 3:08 last year with no sleep for several nights in a row-- what's a measly 26.2 mile pacing job?  NOTHING. The weather was overcast and muggy and perfect for a marathon. 

I had about 15 members in my pace group.  Very sad to lose them when we met up to the slow half marathoners and the course flattened out with some rollers.   I slowed as much as I could when I started to lose them but I couldn't keep that up as our Pace Director wanted us to run an even split the entire course without a garmin.  Just a stopwatch.  I completely am all for the NO garmin so it was liberating to me.  In fact the people in my groups garmins ALWAYS went off before the WELL marked (accurate) course markers.  Everyone knows that can mess with your head at the end of a marathon as it only adds on distance.  I tried to tell my group to not look at their garmins.  I was their garmin.  Several were thankful to "lose" their garmins for a while.  I took a potty stop at mile 13 that put me about 30 seconds UNDER the 3:40 pace (8:24).  After that everyone in my group slowed and all I had left were stragglers from earlier pace groups to encourage and get to run the last miles again.  IT WAS VERY SAD to see my group fade in the distance as I probably appeared to be galloping into the distance.  I was really only running on the pace after slowing to encourage my group.  I walked thu all the aid stations.  The group was thankful for that.  I got one guy at the end to run the last 5 miles with me and he finished just under 3:39!! :D.  He started with the 3:05 group so I was glad to get him back on course!!  There were several guys in this situation.  Three girls in my group wanted BQs.  Only one came out with the BQ.   Quite the bummer.  One missed it by 36 seconds.   She was passed by the 3:45 pacer.  So wish my roommate had grabbed her arm and pushed her with her but her watch had technical difficulties and she was running faster than goal pace.  This aches me!!  So sorry for this woman with her last chance BQ.    Splits for the record per stopwatch:  8:24 (drum roll please :D), 8:04 (oops too fast), 8:28, 8:17, 8:12, 8:21, 8:25, 8:20, 8:12, 8:12, 8:19, 8:03, 8:44 (slower walk thru aid station to not be too under time), 8:29 (potty stop just before the 13.1 mile mat-- crossed 30 seconds before expected time-- EXACTLY where our pace group leader wants us-- ABSOLUTELY NO GOING OVER the goal and only 30 seconds faster-- I was 37 seconds faster, but hey it was my first day on the job!!), 8:48 (perception talk with my group as now we are running with 11 min/mile half marathoners), 8:40, (same problem but congestion thinning), 8:24, 8:25, 8:13, 8:27, 8:21, 8:26, 8:17, 8:27, 8:21, 8:28,  and 8:30 for the last 0.2 miles=  3:39:23 (8:22AP).  All of it felt easy.  HOWEVER symphysis pubis burning again.  My body doesn't like too long of runs.  No other soreness except nerve pain in ankle and lower back. 

PM-  BYU women's soccer game with family that included a brief thunder/lightning storm.  Fun night.   They won 2-0.  :D.

Iced in river yesterday to help nerve pains.  Muscles not even sore from Marathon on Saturday, just sore back and ankle (left) and achilles on right (compensating for bad left side).  HOWEVER super tired and upset stomach due to too many cookies/donuts (krispy kreme, thanks Rachel! :D) post marathon.  I was so queasy the entire run.  First mile 9:17.  Finished with TWO FAST miles-- 6:35, 6:35 (rolling hills, mostly flat- pretty honest two fast).   1/2 mile cooldown 8:00 pace.  AP for 12.5 miles = 8:07.    Now off to Bountiful to my daughter's soccer tournament.  Rachelle-- if you don't call me, I will call you :D.  I am sure you were well under 41 minutes!!! silly girl.

alarm at 430am.  running by 442am.   8 miles @ 7:51 AP.  quickest shower.  clocked into work at 5:58am!!    12 hours 45 minute shift.   driving home at 6:49pm remembered Activity days (I am 8 year old leader).  I made the reminder calls Sunday evening.  Home for 10 minutes-- shoved food in my face that Troy had made....sitting out in the open but noone home (soccer for two of my girls, then activity days, and Young Women's for Courtney for a cookout up at the mutual dell in AF canyon).  BUT  no time for cleanup-- things scattered everywhere--- off to the church.  1 hour activity making daddy/daughter invites.  Home at 8:15 pm.  no computer time.  wiped out.  watched the end of "Emma" with my girls (with Gweneth Paltrov).  Sleep at 1010pm or so.  LOOKING forward to my 3 mile time trial tomorrow-- NOT.  (it  went well  : D, shockingly!! I am writing this on Wednesday). 

saucony 5s.    really am I running another time trial today?  so get freaked out by the track but trying to train my brain to "cool" it.  Said a prayer-- "please help me run better laps 7-11".   I don't think God cares so much about my running but how I act while running and when running with others.  Am I a good sport?  do I lift others?  I hope so.  And if I am prepared and have tried my best, I can be blessed.  Today was that day.  And to God I am thankful!!  Warmed up to the track from my house including two laps around the track (AMEN no sprinklers on!!  Was worried that at any minute they would turn on and cause me to think about them every lap, they were on elsewhere around the track).  It was cooler today then all summer long.  My arms and fingers were chilled.  Oh well, better than heat that is for sure!!  There was also a noticed headwind every lap heading north.  The track is tucked by the school and the direction I was running gave me less of the advantage.  As I rounded the home stretch of each lap-- if I had a tailwind it was balanced out by the sudden 10 degree increase in temp, yucky!!  The wind was cooling things down.  Thank you wind!!  I honestly am very happy with this time trial.  The nausea didn't come on until lap 9.5 when usually it hits a lap or so earlier.  I didn't eat anything before this run nor any energy supplements ( I run without caffeine all the time, no stimulants).  I do have to comment that I definitely feel disadvantaged with my running friends that are not just younger but that take 5 hour energy drinks before some workouts and always at races.  However my heart can't take that strain.  HR would sore out of control.    At SG last year I thought "what the heck at mile 13, I can handle this one chocolate gu....then out of nowhere HR over 200 or something around mile 15 and I was running downhill-- granted it was roasty toasty as the elevation dropped-- but I am not doing that mistake again even if I love chocolate!!!  OKAY already I will get on with my splits for today---  very consistent, I think I see a pattern in the numbers :D  -- 1:33:08, 1:36:00, 1:35:76, 1:35:65 (6:20:49, first mile), 1:36:22, 1:36:07, 1:37:39, 1:37:67 (12:47:84 for two miles, 6:27:35 for the second mile), 1:37:33, 1:38:41, 1:38:09, 1:34:05 (19:15:72 for three miles 6:27:92). GOTTA LOVE A STOPWATCH for accuracy : D.    My hands were quite cold so I fumbled stopping my watch so I am thinking that last lap was closer to 1:33 but I can't be sure I was in a mode there at the end to just get it done and I was very surprised to see my time. I tried thinking out some math while I ran each lap but that never works-- I honestly thought I was coming in at 19:24 or so.  BUT 19:15 was SOOOOO very nice to see  :D.  It didn't feel any harder than a 8days ago so that is a good sign.   I just had to mentally tell myself to speed up laps 7-11 when I wanted to naturally slow down.  I am no track star and the track just messes with my head.  There were two walkers on the track (outside lanes, thankfully) and one other runner who I briefly informed I was running a 3 mile time trial-- he skirted over after he saw me coming and remained in the second lane the rest of his run and even cheered me on at lap 10.  I nodded my head and gave a thumbs up.  Not an easy time to say anywords.   I am thankful that this old body can move despite the very tight feeling in my pelvis-- like it is stuck and my turnover has to be quick but stride is stuck where it is at.  3 mile time trial 19 seconds faster than 8 days ago!!!  19 seconds!!!  YIPPEE.  NOW I am afraid of failure-- like how in the world can I will myself to run even faster next time?????  what if I am not faster?  FAILURE thoughts roam thru my head.  I should quit while I am ahead.  Luckily it is still a week a way.  I can try and think of other things right now--- like my 18 mile I have planned up AF canyon on Friday.  AHHHHHHhhhhh should be wonderful!!! 

430am wake up to alarm.  8 miles before work.  8:02 AP.  long very busy day at work.  byu women's soccer game at 7pm.   home a half hour ago.  bed in a few minutes.  legs achy from too many hours on my feet and no down time today.  should be an interesting loner 18 miler in the morning. i work the weekend.

Kids off to school just before eight.  off I go to my planned 18 miler starting at mile 9 of the AF Canyon half  (actually I parked just by the tunnel you run under by the golf course, across the street from north of lone peak high school) and headed UP the parkway trail  and into AF canyon for 9 miles-- passing the starting line of both the timp and af half and just getting about 10 feet into the dirt road up there when my garmin read 9 miles.  I didn't stop once (oh about 0.3 miles into my run my garmin started freaking out that it had NO room for more data so sadly I had to erase several of my runs this summer to make room for today.  my computer is being repaired so I can't download my garmin).    ANYWAY-- lovely headwind the entire run up the canyon (well probably not so much by mile 6) and why in the heck does the wind decide to change directions by the time I get to mile 16???  Headwind again.  Well at least a breeze feels good since by the time I came out of the canyon it was 10 am.  I finished my run at 1034am.  Started at 1016am.  I stopped for less than two minutes at the top to take a gel and some water and to use the hole in the ground potty-- stinky!!  But oh so exhilarating to have climbed 9 miles up knowing I only had to run downhill for 9 miles.  Well...I have to say after surging uphill at AP of 8:21 for 9 miles my legs and hips were in no mood to move fast.  I suppose I did just run SW on Wednesday and have been working every other day over 12.5 hour shifts (two coming up this weekend).  No reprieve.  I must go on.   I just let my legs do as best as they could.    Plan was to run the last 4 under 7mm.  That should be easy I thought since I was headed down.  First mile up 8:27.  By the last few miles up I was at 8:03 pace for three in a row.    Downhill miles-- 7:18, 7:22, 7:22, 7:01 (really ??  I was surprised since I ddin't push it but hey it is AF canyon) then when I got to where I needed to run my fast four I just told myself to relax and do what I could.  I should interject here that MY SAFETY was at risk on this run.  Late Friday morning is not a good time to run down this canyon.  I was early enough on my way up that I didn't feel insecure but the cars SPEEEING UPHILL was a freak show!!!  Are they TRYING TO KILL runners and bikers?????  I only saw two other runners (guys) and several bikers.  One truck WOULD NOT move to cross the lane to go around bikers going uphill while I was heading down (he didn't see me coming yet). This guy was beeping his horn like mad at the five bikers.  Very surprising behavior. I asked the bikers as I flew by "seriously that was on purpose???"  One girl replied "yes can you believe it?".   On an earlier encounter with another horn blower a biker was irritated enough with the driver that he "road the line" just to see if the guy would lay off.  He had two other bikers with him. Not sure what the biker thought he was proving.  He could have been killed.   Several times I had to jump to the side of the road for my safety.  And hey I was tired!!!  One water stop and car and truck encounters galore.  It surprises me how fast they fly up the canyon as if that would get them the tent site they need any quicker!!!  I wanted to yell out to the attendant at the front gate to tell drivers to slow down-- but I am sure even she couldn't have slowed them.  They are oblivious!!  Okay-- last five miles-- 6:41, 6:33, 6:33, 6:21, 6:45. ( I was planning on slowing the last mile to easy pace when I got to the rolling hills of the golf course but decided to stay below 7 and just get the run done!!).  AP over for 18 miles = 7:37.    Ice bath in my favorite locale for 15 minutes.  AHHHHhhhh. so Refreshing.    Then I had tons of energy when I got home that I listened to Journey's song "Separate Lives" like 20 times while I cleaned the  ENTIRE fridge and the bathroom.   Out to lunch with hubby-- his birthday was a busy day so we went out today.  Nothing fancy.  He loves cheeseburgers so we hit JCWs.   

8 tired miles at recovery pace.  yesterday was a three for one work out-- hill work, long run and speed.  430am run.  so wanted to sleep in.  worked 12.5 busy hours.  ap 8:39.

super busy shift sunday....then crashed after eating a nicely cooked dinner by my husband at 8pm!!!  woke up twice and decided to get up for good at 4am. too early to run so held off until 530am.  ran my planned 12 miler.  my right arm all the way to my pink and ring finger is really bugging me (has been the last 2 weeks, I just haven't mentioned it).  i go to the neurologist today to figure out why my fingers are going numb  (pinky and ring finger) and i have a lot of nerve pain down my arm.  probably my cervical spine--- all the jarring down AF canyon on this ol' body.  i am so done with pain though.  how the crud will i be when i am 70??????  I will be a miserable sight!!!   Geez!!!   anyway-- what do I do when the pain is getting to me??  well I do what any normal insane runner does-- I pick up the pace to get the endorphins rolling so after 3 miles 8:19, 8:12, 7:54----  7:11 to 7:32 for miles 4-10 (mostly 7:19 splits) and it felt easy then of course I have to ruin it with two fast miles at the end-- the last mile I was already, in my mind, telling myself I could go back to easy pace because I didn't want to run fast uphill.   First mile 6:25 (flat and rolling hills) and 6:45 just SOOOOO hungry. I forgot I hadn't eaten since 7pm and went out for a run without any fuel in me.  Freaked out my neighbors sprinting by at that 6:25 pace.  Yup just some old lady trying to find that fountain of youth through running.  : D.   AP for 12 miles = 7:21. No stops.  Just running.    I sure hope this doesn't foul up my 3 mile time trial Wednesday.    No excuses.  A new TT PR is on its way!!

bed at 915pm up at 415am.  Ran at 535am in the humid air with my tight torso and legs-- old lady like.  First mile 9:44 !! : D  gotta love it!!  AP 8:35.   September 29th I am running Julie's 5K here in Ol' Pleasant Grove/American Fork. It will start at   7:15am.  The starting line is 1800 North and 1300 West by the white picket fence.  I will head south and turn left on the road that the AF hospital is on then turn left (this is the 1 mile mark) at  1100 North and run to 600 west and turn left (2 miles) then turn left again on to 1800 north until 1300 west (starting line and third mile just before here) and turn left down 1300 west briefly until 3.1 miles :D.  Then nice cool down to my house for 0.4 miles.  Anyone interested??  probably will get Jane and Kim to join me :D  at least I will see them from a distance!!!    total elev gain 48 feet and loss the same since it is a circle route.  First mile down hill, second mile flat, last mile uphill.  Fun times!!  Obviously it is not much up or down-- pretty honest course!!  It is the AF 5 k course but starting near my house instead.  AF now puts on the half marathon and 5k in June so they no longer put on the 5k in September.  Reply if you want to run this 5k. 

saucony 5s.  nervous.  time trial day.  not particularly excited at all.   i tried to think positively to wipe out the negative thoughts i get when i get on a track and it's just me and my watch (and two walkers and one runner).  Good ol' stopwatch method.  on your mark julie get so go!!  seriously am i really running the tt now goes thru my mind-- wait i want  a redo...nope no can do.  it is now or never and get it over with already-- 2.6 mile warmup -- 2 to the track in AF, same track of course, two laps around the track.  Brief stretching moment then off i went listening to Journey's Separate Ways song four times-- yup the song lasts about 3.5 laps!!  cool.  although next time i am picking a little more of an adrenaline push song.  this was more of a steady beat.  i love the song.  anyway-- so i am running along and decide  I WAS NOT going to LOOK at my watch until the last two laps.  I couldn't see the watch the first four laps anyway since it was dark.  I was running the trial at 6:45am.  I decided this because honestly I am trying to figure out of "knowing" my splits helps or hinders.  I think if I saw that my first mile was 4 seconds faster than last week I would have freaked out and slowed then I would have also freaked out at mile two to see that I was only 3 seconds ahead of last week and so I think running without looking was better for me since I came in a whopping (sarcasm) 6.5 seconds faster this week.  FOR THAT I AM THANKFUL.  What I need to improve on--- well this week I went out too fast-- if I ran even splits to get 19 minutes I would run every lap at 1:35.   I got to find that tempo and stay with it.  I ran my first lap in 1:30:96!!!  that is my fastest lap since I started the trials in August.  Number two I got to find my gears laps 9-11 and get those numbers at 1:35!!!  AT LEAST I got rid of any 1:38s!!!  Now it is time to get rid of 1:37s!!! Thirdly-- I honestly feel I can break 19 minutes or right on if I ran on a flat road.  But I would need a tool to measure it accurately.  The garmin is not accurate.  If I had worn my garmin it would have told me the distance was 3:03 to 3:06 miles like my previous times I ran the trial with it and TODAY I had to swerve around a guy on the curve of the track-- surely I lost at least a second worrying about making the guy feel bad by passing him.   He looked about five years older than I.   Forth--- how in the heck do olympians do that many laps without tripping?  It is not easy to run lap after lap. VERY boring!!!  Feeling really sorry for any hampsters I have had in my years.  Caged up and only a wheel that goes no where!!!  Fifth-- so I pick it up the last straight away but slow as I near the line....what is UP with that??  I think I lost a second here putting the breaks on too early.  None of that next time.    Here are my splits:  1:30:96, 1:33:91, 1:34:91, 1:36:87 (6:16:65 first mile :D, I am quite sure I would have freaked if I saw my faster first mile), 1:36:52, 1:36:92, 1:37:00, 1:37:33 (6:27:77 for the second mile, see I went out too fast, still no peeking at my watch :D) 1:36:79 (yay faster rather than slower at my weakest spot!!), 1:37:28, 1:37:66, 1:33:15 (as usual I pick it up the last 100 meters-- I need to work on picking it up the last 200 meters!!!!)  for the last mile at 6:24:88 and time trial time of 19:09:30!!!!  6.54 seconds faster.  No fuel, just a couple swigs of gatorade and water before leaving my house.  2.6 mile cooldown- two laps around the track and 2.1 miles home.  Feeling glad I improved even if it was miniscule!!!  Goal next week--- 19:03 or better--- six seconds is all I ask. 

so badly wanted to fall asleep instead of get up at 415am and run by 425am!!  got pulled to Utah Valley hospital so less sleep time.  just three more weeks and i don't have to wake up before work if i don't want to!!  i figure i will feel this tired at the end of sg so better get used to it!!  8 miles @ 8:17 AP.  5 x 0.1 pickups to comfortably fast pace 6-6:14 pace.  0.1 miles easy in between.    very busy day at work and then of course i had to go watch the byu women's soccer play and since i was in provo i couldn't NOT go.  We won 5-1 :D.  The other team (Cal-Poly) scored first.    I guess that woke us  up in the first four minutes of the game!! 

at 440am this morning i was put on call....hmmmmm....maybe i will go to the rec center for the first time since i can't remember (i believe i have only been once in summer and then it was not since Boston marathon training, slacker!!).  So of course I could NOT leisurely run on the TM....I decided to try one of April's famous preSG workouts on the mill minus increasing the mile splits as her treadmill could go downhill (lucky :  D) and this ol' lady needs more of a warmup then 0.5 miles--- so 1 mile warmup AP 8:30 then 2.5 miles up at 4% incline 7:30 pace--- so hard to focus but it definitely felt doable but I was mentally tired-- overstimulated from waking early yesterday, 12.5 hours NONstop shift-- sat down twice!! yesterday then the game right after work-- my brain is still going.  I need a nap.  I went to bed at 1015pm worried about getting up at 430am to run but then placed on call so I laid in bed not able to fall back to sleep.  Oooops off on a tangent here-- RIGHT after the 2.5 miles of nice uphill I put the treadmill flat and ran 5 miles at 6:40 pace even the whole time except the last 1/4 mile where I kept upping the pace.  I thought about upping it earlier but I was just too sleepy and didn't want to make this feel like an extremely hard workout.  It was comfortably hard.  Increased the pace to 6mm for the last 0.1 miles.  8.5 miles in 60 minutes and 4 seconds including slow warmup mile.  I believe that is 7:04 AP.  Time to get the kids up for school then shower and wait for the call to go to work.  It is very possible, lots of babies being born in September!!!

got to bed past 11pm after two soccer games after a full days work without sitting down.  babies were being dropped by flocks of storks in the nursery!!    i didn't want to bail on Carina because i just don't do that but my tired run down body was so wanting 8 hours sleep....but my mind could not fall asleep longer than 4.5 hours so up i was at 4am....laid in bed unable to fall asleep so the long run was on at Lehi's smith marketplace.  We went off course and by mile 6 we were over two miles longer than we should have been so we cut off the busier AF/pg state st. and ran up 1100 north in PG  and still we were half mile over-- I wanted 18 miles but ran 19.4 because there was no way to run this circle run and not have to walk a mile or more back to my car so of course I ran it. The first 16 miles were easy pace which was so nice because my body did not want any kind of speed at all.  I was not the best of company because my brain was so fatigued as well.  Sorry Carina!!   After we climbed Canyon road to the mouth of AF canyon (down the hill) Rob and I cut off the trail and ran on the road back to Smith's marketplace.  He helped me by running the last three miles sub 7 minute miles--  6:52, 6:48, 6:38.  We ended just before the steep but brief uphill so we jogged the remainder back to our car at 8:04 AP (0.4 miles).   I iced myself in the AF river.  It wasn't as enjoyable as the last few weeks-- the outside air was cooler and the water temps were colder-- I could only take it 10 minutes but honestly should have gotten out at 7 minutes.  I took a while to thaw out.    This run was a "just get it done run".  I really wish I wasn't so fatigued today but that is how it goes in my life right now.   Look forward to sleeping tonight!!!     Eager to learn of Rachelle's TOU marathon.  : D.    AP today 8:03 for 19.4 miles. 

legs ALWAYS (lower calves to feet) so stiff and achy in the morning I wonder if I can break into a jog.  After about a half hour to an hour they feel a bit better.  But today after hot flashes all night -- night sweats etc.... yup that's the fun of being a woman over 40-- my levels are probably at zero because when I started to run  I felt sooooo depressed.  I decided to just keep one foot in front of the other.  Maybe I am doing too much in too little time?   I feel so Unprepared to "race" st george.  My feeling is to go out and relax and run for me.  Today I realized (again, emphasis here) that my stinkin' garmin needs to be thrown in the gutter!!  I ran a hilly 10 miles and then begrudgingly ran my two fast.  I was soooooo talking myself out of it.  The sun was beating on my face after leaving my house at 8am and getting to the last two miles around 9:20 am.  Did not plan that well but it was quite similar to the heat of SG at that hour.  Fond memories.  Okay -- here is why my garmin sucks--- I started to run my two fast and after about 0.2 miles I looked at my garmin (MISTAKE)-- it said 6:00 pace even. I was like HOLY CRUD slow down girl BUT just before I looked at my garmin I said to myself "I feel like I am running about a 6:30 pace or slower-- better check myself-- I thought I was running slow!!!!!  BUT looking at my pace and seeing it THAT fast "FREAKED me out so I mentally slow it down.  And then what do I do?  Keep checking my garmin over and over cause surely at some point my effort and the reading of the garmin will come to terms with each other and soon the garmin will WIN out as I succumb to the numbers and slow completely from the head games!!!  HOW pscyho is THAT!!!!!!!  I need therapy to get off this thing!!   First mile-- 6:14, second mile with zigzags and uphill finish 6:22.  AP 6:18.  Hmmmmm looks like a time trial OFF the track would give me the 19 minutes I want.  : D.    AP for 12 miles = 8:00.  Recovery first 10 miles ; D.

not a run day but made it one, i mean "run early morning before work day".  recovery run from my recovery run.  up at 410am for 8 before wok at Utah Valley Hospital's pediatric unit.  LONG busy day.  legs throbbing after work.  bed at 8:45 pm.  Seriously!! AP slow-- 8:45.   didn't even think of going faster, didn't care one iota!!

somebody shoot me now... even with going to bed early my legs were just achy when I awoke.  "old lady syndrome" I guess.  managed to drag my sorry butt out on to the streets at 420am!!!.  First mile 9:23. AP 8:26.  Even busier shift on peds.  discharged all my patients only to turn around and get the new admit -- very sick kid!!!!  didn't get out of work until 710 pm!!  drove home the 30 minutes.  LEGS THROBBING SO Badly that I now have ace wraps around them both!!!  What is the deal????  hope my legs come alive for the last time trial tomorrow!!!    I haven't done a time trial  having worked two busy shifts the days before so this should be interesting.  6 second improvement is all I ask.  trying to be optimistic but i feel so the opposite body wise.   The thought of racing SG makes me sick right now-- if you asked me to run 26.2 tomorrow I would spit at you!!!  I think I am reaching at the bottom of the barrel here.  I am supposed to be excited and eager and my body is having a major DOWN week!!!!  Eeeeks!!!!  My legs feel like they get when my iron level takes a nose dive!!!  must be all that heel strike hemolysis!!!

Big    L   bigger Q   (that's right I am a big loser and  quitter!!!).   I can't even fix this font!!!  Man alive I hope this is the bottom before just before I get to the top!!!  I should have realized the signs (entry from yesterday tells it all, the ace bandages and massive fatigue).  I got up at 5am thinking I would go out at my usual time but it was even darker and colder so I thought I would wait for my kids to go to school.  So I packed their lunches and sent them on their way at 8am.  Got out the door a little past 8 and ran to my first "road block" on the way to the track. I had to take a "detour" to run around all the digging going on by the AF hospital.  First hint.  Then when I got to the track my disappointment turned more sour-- CHEERLEADERS (about 25 of them) practicing on the field in the middle with their two instructors standing ON the track conducting them.  FLIP OUT.  I already have anxiety about running fast on the track but to have 27 women staring at me????  I was super self concious and it shows in my super way off first lap split-- 1:28:86!!!  Like HELL-OOOOO way too fast!!  this only made me more anxious and by the 10th lap I lost it when I had been looking at my splits and then saw overall time of 16 minutes flat with two laps to go.  There was just NO way on this green earth I was going to run a 3:00 minute 800 right now even though my first 800 was 3:01:97  (this would get me the 19 minutes I wanted).   It was a quick math check and my mind and body caught on extremely quick and I stopped dead in my tracks on the track 15 seconds into the 11 th lap (QUITTER).  I was super depressed at myself but every passing lap in front of the cheerleaders was getting to me and so was the high fat costco apple strudel muffin I ate at the end of my shift yesterday (you all know the ones, super yummy and super stay in your gut for several days feeling).  My legs weren't particularly fatigued, but they felt weak,  I felt super anxious-- - how I got at mile 16 at SG and saw my plummeting splits and panicked and "lost" the race.  I am feeling like such a loser.  But as penance I got back to the starting line within a minute and ran my last two laps with the added 15+ seconds on my watch and ended up coming in at 19:18 (minus the 15 secondms = 19:03!!!!!)  I finished the last two laps in 3:03:41.   I would have been faster but midway thru I looked at my watch for the total time for the time trial and was like "oh my I am not even going to beat my time from two weeks ago" so I started slowing then I remembered the extra 15 seconds from going over 10 laps before restarting my watch(I didn't reset my watch) and was like "silly Julie"  you are so mathmatical, run girl!!!".    I am sure it would have been 3:00 straight up.  Okay---so I felt very sorry for myself-- going out too fast and bombing the second mile then totally quitting and then trying to go fast again after stopping, I felt like I had lead for legs.  I was so angry after sittting and contemplating my fitness for about 15 minutes that I got up and ran 2 x200 meters in 41 and 42 seconds each.  I think I have a little touch of the flu.   The kid that came in last night to work was very ill with serious diarhea and try as we did to keep things clean he was going every where!!!  Poor kid.  You know that weak feeling you get when you feel flu-like? The achy joints and impending doom feeling last night should have been a give away.  Splits are dismal-- 1:28:86 (what am I running the mile repeat????), 1:33:11, 1:35:11 (where I needed to stay at), 1:36:22 (first mile 6:13:30!!!  7 seconds too fast!!), 1:36:19, 1:36:48, 1:37:67 (anxiety mounting), 1:39:35 (what the heck??   2 mile split 12:42:99 (easy math here and I am thinking  I could get this, 6:21 pace-- hmmmm all I need is a 6:20 last mile....if ONLY), 1:38, 1:39:13 (freak out!! it is here that I see 16:00:12 for  2.5 miles and do my quick math and tell my body NO!!!)  TOTAL LOSER!!  I regret it fully now but my mind and body worked quickly against my spirit that I didn't have time to spit at them!!  But I am taking my 19:03 anyway I can get it right now.  I must lift myself up from the bottom and climb to the top.  I am never again running a time trial with cheerleaders on the field. 

I washed my orange mizunos yesterday and today I tried them out on my 18 miler (was going to be 16 miler and then detours happened and I was further away from home up in Alpine so I just ran my Alpine loop 18 miler but had to walk 0.6 miles home--wasn't going over 18).  Okay so my mizunos are losing cushion and feel squishy also---squishy but not cushiony??? hmmm is that possible???  the forefoot has lost all its traction on the right foot.  Yup my right foot has been taking a beating from my left foots lack push off due to the plantar fascitis and then ankle nerve trauma.  I have a lot of scar tissue on my left plantar fascia- I no longer feel much on the bottom of my foot-- it radiates to my ankle now.  I really am not a smart runner.  I am like the oldest on the blog and the stupidest.   When I ran my first marathon I ran 3-4 times a week.  I wiped myself with a poison ivy leaf on my first 16 miler and had an all summer case of poison ivy rash  and was on steroids for two months!!!!  It was all over my legs and hands.  The other area was the first to go, thankfully!!   I have plenty of "stupid runner"stories to fill a 50 milers worth.  Like I think about Rachelle-- smart runner-- does it right and gets it done.  Me???  I don't know-- maybe it is my lack of sleep and full time job and mom to three kids now but in my late 20s when I started running more than once or twice a week I was STILL stupid.     HOWEVER I did not start to get fast until my late 30s-- I think 39 is the year.  I took a lot of time off to have kids and get fat.  I enjoyed holidays instead running on all them.  So after October 6th I am taking a leave of absence from competitive running.  My body-- nerves mainly-- they are in so much pain every day--need a long break.  My nervous system is shot.  As far as SGM goes I am trying for a PR.  Subthree would be wonderful but honestly mathmatically it doesn't make sense to my brain and therefore it is NOT my full intent this year.  Last year the first master woman was Julia Cassidy--- 50 years old mind you--- and she ran a 2:58!! I have decided she is an alien.  Okay-- truth be known-- she was a track star in high school and college and her husband is a running coach.  Not many woman can run that fast over 50!!  so I may have to come to a realization about sub three unless my body heals with some time off.  I worry that time off at my age only will make me slower but either way it just has to happen.  I am exhausted from all this no sleep, working fulltime-  working nights for two of the last three years and now my nerves that hurt all the time.    I will do my best come race day with how my body shows up on Oct 6th.  Slow first half and a negative split is my plan.  Sleeping well is also my plan.  So the next two weeks-- TAPER madness begins!!   one brief SW on the TM, one 5K at my house, and two miles at MP the week of the marathon and NO running before work starting next week!!  Today I ran 18 miles-- hilly route into Alpine.  At mile 12 a woman passed me with a smile-- I was bored and was not pushing the pace at all, about 8:15 pace-- she cruised by me-- she was dressed like me-- black miniskirt and pink top---It woke me up from my slumber as I watched her legs come up from behind her in perfect form (unlike myself as I have been criticized by Hawk from runner's corner and TOSH physical therapy that I don't engage my glutes when I run therefore I don't have an efficient push off) just like I see Rachelle in all her stellar marathon photos!!  So pondering about WHY don't I run the effiicient way I tried to run and focus on lifting my leg behind me and you know what????  I gained on that woman that passed me very quickly--- I am 43 how can I change now??? IT did NOT feel natural at all but it made me FASTER-  VERY NOTICEABLY as she was 20 seconds in front of me and I gained on her in a few strides.  So very weird (JAKE???).  Anyway.... I ran easy for the first 14 miles (I think AP was 8:07 here) and then ran two miles at 6:47 and 6:44 on the flattest part of my run-- barely any down hill, in fact the first mile had a dip-- so down then up.      Just before running these quick miles my body was rebelling.  It did NOT want to run fast at all but once I got going it felt good.  However-- after two miles I was done-- I made a left hand turn towards Deerfield Elementary and the sun was beaming in my eyes and I had to swerve and slow to miss a car that was turning right that I just was not in the mood anymore. I was reliving painful moments (in my mind) of how awful the last few miles of SG can be.  But I do have memories of how wonderful those miles can play out.  I so want that day to be October 6th.    Cooler temps and a tailwind please!!!  AP for 18 miles = 7:53.  Ran last 0.84 miles at 6:55 pace after slowing to a 7:33 mile for the 17 th mile.   Iced in AF river for 8 minutes.  Ahhhhhh!!!   sorry long post. 

ahhhhhh......sleep in and to work at 6am.  No running.  So glad.  Just need a break.  : D. 

insomnia. yup to bed at 10pm and woke at 1230am as if I was ready for the day!!  completely and utterly AWAKE.    By 230am I decided I needed a sleeping aid intervention.  I was so ALIVE.  I even thought.......hmmmm maybe I should go out for my run now?  but I knew it was just a frenzied menopausal mind.... literally.    1/4 pill and a half hour later I drifted off --- on the floor by my bed as my youngest daughter took over my side of the bed.  She doesn't usually come in bed with us so  I am sure she had a bad dream.   It was broken sleep until 716am when  I freaked and saw the time  " alright kids it is time to get up"   I usually wake them at 7:10am to get to school at 7:50am.   Sorted laundry swept the floor after the kids left and then out I went in my ME- Lan-- Co - LY mood.   I really am going through some sort of chemical depression.  The world doesn't look the same.  Running seems forced and not helping my mood.  Yup, the signs of what I stated above. IT SUCKS.  It reminds me of post partum blues and the my teenage years after my father and sister and then brother died in car accidents.  Like nothing tastes good, nothing feels good.  Blah.  It has been going on all summer since my hormone levels dropped to ZERO and still remain that way.  I wonder if they play a role in all my chronic pain?? I have a dr's appt with an endocrinologists two days before SG.  It is always a long time to get in to a specialist.  AP  today--  7:24 for 10 miles.   Ran uphill into a headwind for most of the first two (8:33 first mile, second mile 8:08, yay since it was uphill) miles then onto the canal (about a mile in dirt) and had to slow going around trucks digging the undergournd tunnel on canyon road, then turned around at five miles.  Headwind on downhill, tailwind on uphill-- so pretty consistent effort.  Last two miles 6:40, and 6:23.    IT will be a miracle if I snap out of this depression come race day.  Suck o rama!!!  I have also lost five pounds without trying.

not sure what this EASY run was all about:  8:16,  7:51, 7:42, 7:49, 7:42, 7:40, 7:39, 7:38.    Two  mile loop course around my neighborhood x 4.  The usual dark run (530am).   Marathon shopping (you know double coupon tuesday with hubby) at Walmart so had to run early.  I sure wanted to see the sun but it was kind of cool with the mist in the air after rainfall last night.  AP 7:47 for 8 miles.  I gues it had something to do with UNbroken sleep-- 7 hours!!!  I did have to take a muscle relaxant to sleep.  Otherwise I a quite sure I would have been UP all night.  I was wired at 9 pm.  Amber read to me in bed and then Troy and I watched about 7 minutes of the BYU women's soccer game against Oregon (saturday's game)--- I am guessing 7 minutes as I was out before remembering much of the game.  : D.  What to do about marathon day running shoes??? I don't like either pair I am wearing-- well I like my mizunos but they are feeling flattened and there is no tread in the forefoot.  Yesterday I wore my mirages and honestly I am just putting up with them because I bought them.  Can't wait until their mileage is up!!!    Migraine all afternoon yesterday-- radiating down my right arm and down my leg.  Burning tingling pain.  So done with this type of pain.   I guess it is good I don't get seasonal allergies and have my eyes swell and my nose continuously drip.  But my pains seem seasonal-- worse at different times of the year so maybe my allergies manifest differently. 

this insomnia is fascinating me--- fell asleep at 10pm and awoke at 2 am bright eyed and bushy tailed :D.  seriously????  Got up for two hours then TRIED again to fall asleep. Too late take a sleep aid although I took 1/2 a muscle relaxant before bed.  Took our car to the shop and PRAYING for a miracle--- PLEASE!!  Our car didn't pass emissions and it failed BADLY in the HCppm like over 2,000 points OUT of range.  The CO part of emissions passed.  This is the first time our Honda has failed and it is 17 years old.  We were told two months ago to be shopping for a new car as our Honda has over 213,000 miles on it and is running on 2 cylinders instead of four-- due to leaky rings in the engine.  blah.  So can't afford a new USED car right now.  STRESS.  What is new???  Okay so with some miscommunication with my husband this run got off to a late start but luckily he drove me to the start of my run at the base of AF canyon.   He ran on the trail while I headed UP for four miles-- brief headwind the first mile then really no wind.  Thought my first mile was quicker with the way my legs were turning over so my first mile being 8:41 was like "oh I guess my sleep deprivation is making think I am running faster cause my brain is in slow mow".     Got to the turnaround at 8:23 AP (8:41, 8:31, 8:08, 8:10).  Then I just let my legs take me down at a comfortably hard pace which I didn't look at until the mile beeped with each mile down the canyon---  actually the pace felt natural and NOT forced until the last 0.1 miles.  Splits down 6:19, 6:12, 6:12, 6:14.   AP 6:14.  Wow.  I ran this workout just before pocatello marathon.  I thought I would struggle to keep up with that day but I was actually way ahead of myself.     AP today 7:18 for 8 miles.  Running ONLY FOUR miles the next two days before work at 8:45 to 9 pace :D.   Iced in river x 10 minutes.  Troy was asleep in the car ; D.   BTW LEGS felt great on the downhill.  They are coming alive again.  I am NOT going to read TOO much into this. Sub3:08 is all I hope for!!

new nike pegasus, hot pink.  feel great on my feet, now trying them out on the roads on a recovery run.  4 miles before work nice and easy, first mile 9:26 : D.   AP 8:50. 

pink nike pegasus again.  haven't worn nike running shoes since my first marathon in 1995.  it is hard for me to see that symbol on my shoes...weird but true.  they are so comfortable.  are running shoes supposed to feel comfortable?   hmmmm???  maybe my feet will fall asleep and not work too hard if they are too comfortable.  4 sleepy miles at 5 am before work.  insomnia mania-- broken "awareness" sleep.  getting really ridiculous.  I feel wide awake all the time only crashing for two hours.  First mile 9:56!!!  AP 8:53.    maybe my feet really are asleep? ; D.

no 5k.   no sleep and  construction in way and didn't feel like running a diversion through the parking lot.  Kim and Jane were going to run 10 beforehand and pace me so I just met them at 515am on NO sleep AGAIN-- CHRONIC insomnia happening here even with 1/4 xanax (anymore and I would have collapsed midrun from hangover feeling).  I slept from 1030 to 2 then  I was awake wondering what to do with myself and tried NOT to think of anything stressful.  I tossed and turned and apparently fell back to sleep as I awoke again at 4:51 am.  Hmmmmm .....it is here where my decision to "scratch" the 5 k and run down the AF canyon with my friends  looked "easier" to me.    So meeting them we started at about 5:40am at the reservoir running 1/2 mile up on the dirt road there and turned around.  Their plan was to beat last years time (6:37AP for their  "easy" run).  They can cough up 6mm on AF so obviously going faster than 6:37 is easy for them.  And it is for me but I was just too tired from two long incredibly busy shifts at work (lots and lots of babies and lots and lots of sick babies!!) and honestly no continuous restful sleep.  I decided to run what felt easy for me and didn't push the pace at all when they did.  It wasn't worth the exhaustion to me.  Also this was BY FAR the BUSIEST AF canyon has been on any of my runs up there and it was early!!  I am sure there were at least 40-50 cars that sped up hill and since I was behind my friends a distance  I was on my own and my vision is going literally I slowed often with anxiety for my life.   I like to run on the left side of the road and my friends the right-- but I stayed on the left so no cars would come up behind me and kill me.  There were only five or six cars that came down however in that time. I should have just stayed on the right but it freaked me out-- the UNknown.  IT WAS DARK!!  I zigzagged all the way down stopping in the dirt at times to avoid falling off into the river.  If  it were daylight my eyes would have allowed me to know what to  do but blindness hindered me.  I am such a whiner this morning.  After I was out of the canyon I was so overstimulated that I just slowed it down to take in my run and feel my NEW shoes under my feet.  They felt great the entire run!!  almost too good if that is possible.  I stopped and peed at mile 9 of the timp half where there was a water fountain but no potties (odd) and when I went to pull up my pants (it was slightly dark but I was quite visible) lo and behold a guy was jogging towards me.  He got the  full monty that is for sure.   Dang!! sorry I really am modest.    I didn't make eye contact when I passed him.  The other three girls Kim, Jane and Madison had stopped earlier and I just kept going. They eventually zoomed passed me but I departed by turning right at Deerfield Elem and they turned left-- I wanted to be alone and not have pressure to smoke the course.  But as my garmin beeped 10 (I didn't include our warmup mile) I had a momentary thought to see if I could go fast the last 2 since I had slowed to a 7:28 pace for that last mile.   Itook me about 15 seconds in to this mile to tell myself I could do it.   I saw my pace at 7:08 and said okay Julie now or never and I ended up EASILY running a 6:32 and 6:17 mile for a fast finish.  Those last two miles felt the best out of all of them.  AP for 12 miles 6:56.  This was all easy and nothing forced.  The others got back after me-- their breathing seemed labored (I guess they all got walking pneumonia 3 weeks ago) and they were sweating quite a bit (they said it all felt good to them-- I am sure 2:55 marathon is in their stars from all this fast training).  This was my least sweatiest run thus far!!  It gives me hope that IF I sleep the next several nights until the last night before SG I can shoot for subthree-- the key here is sleep and repairing and rejuvenating my body and it is not happening.  Kim gave me one ambien and then for the next two nights she gave me some melatonin.  Please OH please I need sleep!!