Believe to Achieve

I washed my orange mizunos yesterday and today I tried them out on my 18 miler (was going to be 16 miler and then detours happened and I was further away from home up in Alpine so I just ran my Alpine loop 18 miler but had to walk 0.6 miles home--wasn't going over 18).  Okay so my mizunos are losing cushion and feel squishy also---squishy but not cushiony??? hmmm is that possible???  the forefoot has lost all its traction on the right foot.  Yup my right foot has been taking a beating from my left foots lack push off due to the plantar fascitis and then ankle nerve trauma.  I have a lot of scar tissue on my left plantar fascia- I no longer feel much on the bottom of my foot-- it radiates to my ankle now.  I really am not a smart runner.  I am like the oldest on the blog and the stupidest.   When I ran my first marathon I ran 3-4 times a week.  I wiped myself with a poison ivy leaf on my first 16 miler and had an all summer case of poison ivy rash  and was on steroids for two months!!!!  It was all over my legs and hands.  The other area was the first to go, thankfully!!   I have plenty of "stupid runner"stories to fill a 50 milers worth.  Like I think about Rachelle-- smart runner-- does it right and gets it done.  Me???  I don't know-- maybe it is my lack of sleep and full time job and mom to three kids now but in my late 20s when I started running more than once or twice a week I was STILL stupid.     HOWEVER I did not start to get fast until my late 30s-- I think 39 is the year.  I took a lot of time off to have kids and get fat.  I enjoyed holidays instead running on all them.  So after October 6th I am taking a leave of absence from competitive running.  My body-- nerves mainly-- they are in so much pain every day--need a long break.  My nervous system is shot.  As far as SGM goes I am trying for a PR.  Subthree would be wonderful but honestly mathmatically it doesn't make sense to my brain and therefore it is NOT my full intent this year.  Last year the first master woman was Julia Cassidy--- 50 years old mind you--- and she ran a 2:58!! I have decided she is an alien.  Okay-- truth be known-- she was a track star in high school and college and her husband is a running coach.  Not many woman can run that fast over 50!!  so I may have to come to a realization about sub three unless my body heals with some time off.  I worry that time off at my age only will make me slower but either way it just has to happen.  I am exhausted from all this no sleep, working fulltime-  working nights for two of the last three years and now my nerves that hurt all the time.    I will do my best come race day with how my body shows up on Oct 6th.  Slow first half and a negative split is my plan.  Sleeping well is also my plan.  So the next two weeks-- TAPER madness begins!!   one brief SW on the TM, one 5K at my house, and two miles at MP the week of the marathon and NO running before work starting next week!!  Today I ran 18 miles-- hilly route into Alpine.  At mile 12 a woman passed me with a smile-- I was bored and was not pushing the pace at all, about 8:15 pace-- she cruised by me-- she was dressed like me-- black miniskirt and pink top---It woke me up from my slumber as I watched her legs come up from behind her in perfect form (unlike myself as I have been criticized by Hawk from runner's corner and TOSH physical therapy that I don't engage my glutes when I run therefore I don't have an efficient push off) just like I see Rachelle in all her stellar marathon photos!!  So pondering about WHY don't I run the effiicient way I tried to run and focus on lifting my leg behind me and you know what????  I gained on that woman that passed me very quickly--- I am 43 how can I change now??? IT did NOT feel natural at all but it made me FASTER-  VERY NOTICEABLY as she was 20 seconds in front of me and I gained on her in a few strides.  So very weird (JAKE???).  Anyway.... I ran easy for the first 14 miles (I think AP was 8:07 here) and then ran two miles at 6:47 and 6:44 on the flattest part of my run-- barely any down hill, in fact the first mile had a dip-- so down then up.      Just before running these quick miles my body was rebelling.  It did NOT want to run fast at all but once I got going it felt good.  However-- after two miles I was done-- I made a left hand turn towards Deerfield Elementary and the sun was beaming in my eyes and I had to swerve and slow to miss a car that was turning right that I just was not in the mood anymore. I was reliving painful moments (in my mind) of how awful the last few miles of SG can be.  But I do have memories of how wonderful those miles can play out.  I so want that day to be October 6th.    Cooler temps and a tailwind please!!!  AP for 18 miles = 7:53.  Ran last 0.84 miles at 6:55 pace after slowing to a 7:33 mile for the 17 th mile.   Iced in AF river for 8 minutes.  Ahhhhhh!!!   sorry long post.