Believe to Achieve

455am run.  5.22 miles at 8:22AP in the wee hours of the morning, beautiful starry sky, no music so as to hear any impending "dangers".  One car went by me.  Did a loop four times around my home.  A nice loop.  Woke early and had energy for a run and could not sleep.  Worked my butt off all day on Mom/Baby at AFH.  We work hard and it is NON-stop action all day SERIOUSLY.  I clocked out two hours after shift end.  The new person getting dumped on.  I didn't eat lunch.  I didn't get tired until 7pm.  I was GO GO GO all day long.  Couldn't even ask my neighbor (coworker) how they were doing.  Okay I might have said hi to a few of them.  7 moms 7 babies is a LOT of work.  I am off to bed.

nil. zip.  spirit willing body not.  not sure what the heck is going on.  BACK PAIN 8.5!!  feet burning/numb.  patchy numbness in legs.  usually this doesn't stop me but with an impending 23 miler on my Squaw Peak course this Saturday I am needing to take it way down.  Seriously would have been not good to run today.  Pain was so intense I could only lay down at times on my stomach and still it pulsated.  My bone scan scores for my hips were low end of normal, so good enough but my spine was at Medium Risk for fractures due to loss of bone density.  Doesn't tell me if I actually have a break which I guess could be the case.  The pain is taking me by complete surprise.  What happened to my pain free running days?  I will take sleep-deprived running over this aggravating pain.  Got an adjustment today.  My hips were way out.  I went thru a major moment of INTENSE fatigue that I just had to lay anywhere.  So I just stopped on my living room floor and laid there.  Last night I did the opposite of a night shift after working 14 hour day shift without stopping --- fell asleep at 930pm slept til 1230am then was WIDE awake until 230am.  Difficult to fall back to sleep.  Eventually did until 630am.  Daughter getting up so couldn't run but then my feet were so tingly and my back throbbing that I fought the thought.  Could I actually take a rest day?  I am still tempted.  But I will be strong.  NO RUNNING TODAY.  not sure I can agree to that for tomorrow however.

6.15 miles way easy and STILL my hip, after adjustment, was yelling at me.  Tried new shoes yesterday.  None in my size but none that jumped out at me.  Took off my shoes for a short jaunt barefoot.  Ahhhh!!!  So love the freedom and using my own body and not fighting against all the wrong shoes!!  AP 8:48 after first mile of 10:23.  My husband ran one mile with me. It was uphill and he said as we started out "I thought the chiropracter said not to run?"   I replied "I am not running, I am trotting".  Sure was like why am I running pace.  It seemed to make my hip talk more. 

20 VERY PAINFUL Miles.  Back is really bad off.  The pain then went up my spine and to my shoulders and worse than any run I can imagine (except the last two miles of the Boston Marathon in  1996).  The nerve pain won't let up.  Talked with my Bishop who is a  Dr. about an epidural steroid order.  He said I need a current MRI first.  So with my appt I have this Wednesday I will get one (different Dr.).  Melanie left me in the dust.  I didn't see her past mile 6.  I had to stop when I reached the road at mile 20.  And even stopping hurt like the dickens.  Its like my nerves have some kind of disease.  They are all on fire in my spine to my feet.  This is VERY disappointing.  I may have to give up my SGM number to my friend that did not get in.  I just can't run SGM in this much pain.  Hopefully answers are on the horizon this week with lab tests and an MRI.   My pace down was almost as slow as my pace up.  This run has a 3000 foot gain/loss.  I loved this run the first year I ran it, but then it was aided by the running club.  I was so parched with only a 16 ounce fanny pack water and two gus.  Melanie drove back up to get me from the Golf Course at Hobble Creek.  I could barely walk straight.  It is hard to even type this.  PAIN SCORE 9!!!  AP 9:52. 

sadly i am no longer a runner...whatever this is better change its course soon.   Same thing but worse that has been happening to me over the years, sure hope its hormonal and not some autoimmune disease, least of all MS.  crossing fingers...  it is hard to describe...my muscles just won't move well, I walk funny and my legs are going numb and burning in pain down my spine and to my feet.  so ready for this "flare" to end as Kim calls these cases that happen to me.  This just happens to be the worst one in a long time.  Crap-ola!!  Be thankful you all can run!!  I am happy for you all. 

...at the Drs.  Why even when there is NO one in the waiting area does it take 55 minutes to get in for your appointment (or more)?  At least I felt very good about this NNP that works for a great OB/GYN.  Basically-- I am getting some lab work -- estrogen and progesterone (which she thinks is probably nonexistent and when it is low it makes you feel like crap), thyroid, iron, and vitamin B12 levels (she is worried the numbness/tingling in my legs is from folic acid or vitamin def. or anemia).  Also, it occured to me to mention my visit 3 1/2 years ago to the vein center for pain in my legs--  I forgot I was diagnosed with Pelvic Veinous Congestion and they told me I should have "coils" placed in my veins there to destroy them and hence not have the pain anymore.  Oooops...I had put this back in my brain as I didn't want coils in my veins via my carotid artery.  But now....(I need a reevaluation first, and she thinks it is most likely A lot worse), I am faced the question to have this procedure.  I am not sure how much I believe it but I guess it makes sense since I have a lot of uterine varices (varicose veins) and intense leg and back pain.  I can't get in there until the 21st. 

AP 9:22.   Joints all hurt especially left pelvis and then once again the sciatic nerve.  Bleep bleep bleep.  I ran with Troy.  First mile a trot at 10:19.  Nice fall weather and still it hurt more and more.....swimming later then biking if I can muster the energy.  I am so fatigued and my body even 5 hours later feels bruised all over.  What kind of deal is this?  At least I managed to clean the toilets and sinks and vacuum the upstairs.  I hate when I make no change in the world sitting around without progress.  BTW I got online to view previous labs to kind of see what to look for in my new ones...it turns out the labs are back.  I have borderline anemia, just below normal and my progesterone is nonexistent (she didn't get a estrogen level, it was zilch last time) and  my DHEA (the master hormone that makes all the others especially cortisol--stress hormone and progesterone) is VERY low.  I haven't heard back from her after calling the office to get in earlier than two weeks from now since my labs were back lickidy split.  She thought they would take a few days.  Anyone taken a DHEA supplement?  I hear women who are low and take it feel much better after two weeks.  Oh and my vitamin B 12 was low as well.  So I guess I was falling apart at the seems.  NEWSFLASH---OH my freaking heck I am also Vitamin D deficient.  That lab value just popped up!!!!  That is olden days deficiency!!!!  either its absorption (more probable) or intake problem.  I never took supplements while pregnant or afterwards.  Took them for about a month last Summer....hey I felt better for a while..when Dr. Remington, the anti-yeast Dr. put me on them and the diet to avoid all yeast and take a yeast killer.  This NNP also believes yeast is to blame for a lot of autoimmunity and disease and advised me to take a yeast cleanse and take probiotics (taking them now sporadically). 

Busy day at work.  Pelvis and bone pain.  What do I do?  I am just trying to brave it and take supplements and wait to hear about the rest of the studies. 

How can I go this long without running?  I got up at 3 am.  Can't sleep well.  Too early for a run alone.  Drifted back to sleep briefly at 430am.  Got out to run by 6:15am.  Ran my 1.4 mile loop over 5 times.  AP for 8 = 8:11.  Need new shoes.  Ordering them today.  First mile 9:31, last mile 7:04.  Pain not going to let up.  Waiting for supplements to kick in.  Blood levels for Vitamin D can get back up at two days but calcium in the bones takes 10 days.  I sure hope this is why I have so much pain.  I keep getting shooting pains down my legs and also down my arms.  So ridiculous.  Ran 2 mile cooldown, 1.75 miles were barefoot mostly on the grass around by my church.  It felt so invigorating and way less stress on my joints.  The dew on the grass froze my feet however but still I kept on but really was difficult hitting the pavement with frozen feet.  AP  for those two 9:15.  Slowed on the pavement.  Ouch.  Need thick socks next time on the road barefoot.  Grass running UnderRated.  Really quite enjoyed it. 

Got up at 445am and said "what the heck"  maybe I can do that last 20 miler and see if I am in or out.  Despite the difficulty of even PRing I must run SGM to stay in for the 10 year club and giving my number to someone would not be honest to myself or the marathon....so I must put up a big fight.  Did anyone think less from me?  I  just started running that 1.4 mile hilly loop I did Saturday and figured I would go and go until 20 (I stayed on this course until 14 miles then I added a bigger  hillier loop in sections).  At mile 14 my pelvis really acted up intensely as the pace picked up and the fatigue set in.  Cardio-wise I was great but man this pain is indescribable, throbbing nerve pain down deep in my buttocks and my pelvis feels like I am about to have a baby---burning, pressure.  Geez.  It throws off my form and my concentration but I perservered.  I never stopped my garmin as I picked up my water, gatorade and two go-gurts (I ran out of gu, what to do?).   Just bending to pick up the water was quite the feet.  I had no flexibility and it was quite painful.  I am so masochistic.  But I just had to.  This was my last attempt to put me in shape and its all taper from here.  No big work outs.  Just eazy/breezy from here on out and lots of pampering.  Massages, ice baths, supplements, good diet and I should be all set.  This was good for me to not stop my watch so  I wasn't cheating on pace.  Goal was to hopefully get to an AP of 8 or so.  AP was 7:58.  That was nice.  My miles were  7 above 8 and 13 below.  That seems respectable enough in all this pain.  Even as I sit here my pelvis and buttocks are throbbing.   Splits:  9:03, 8:35, 8:28, 8:18, 8:04, 8:01, 8:07, 7:59, 7:41, 7:45, 7:41, 7:45, 7:44, 7:43, 7:38, 7:55, 7:49, 7:45, 7:52, 7:30 (UPHILL POWER PUMPING!!)  BTW I am fully aware of how INSANE I AM.   I should not even be running, but SGM comes once a year and its here!!      Second of all-- my Dr's office called me yesterday and asked me to come in this morning to review my lab work.  Again--drastically low on Vit D and B12 (she said its due to age and poor absorption and stresses on my body...certainly NOT running : D).  Also drastically low on progesterone--- practically non-existent and severely low on DHEA the hormone that if low my body won't be able to handle stress well, meaning I am headed for the disease pathway if  I don't change.  Slightly anemic and amazingly thryoid intact.  Phew!!  Don't want to be popping too many pills.  Got all the prescriptions and have actually started taking Vit D on Friday but started a Calcium and B12 supplement that I started reacting to so I am glad she called and put me on a better one for better absorption.  Good Earth will refund me, YAY!!  She wanted to give me a Vit B 12 shot since I am so low but I may be allergic to the aluminum in the shot.  Don't want to take a chance.  Apparently all my allergies are due to immune dysfunction most likely due to my deficiencies.  I am on my way to healthier me.  She told me I would not get osteoporosis if I get my Vit D level up.  My bone scan just showed that I was at medium risk which means I am osteopenic (low bone density) but too low for my age.  My mom has osteoporosis.  So there it all is...a HUGE nut shell.  I am hoping somehow my back pain is related to the ADRENAL fatigue (DHEA) and not disk related.  It is listed as a common symptom along with fatigue, sleeplessness, lightheadness, and headaches. 

NO WORRIES everyone, this was just a mountain bike recovery ride with many a steep uphill to get my heartrate up once in a while.  So nice out and didn't want to waste it.  Back really started hurting at mile 10 and feet started to go numbish and tingly.   I think I will push for that MRI this week just to have assurance.  AP 5:07.  Time flies biking.  

Very busy at work.  Used my poor Spanish all day.  By the end I was tired of thinking.  It had been a while that I spoke that much Spanish.    NEWSFLASH--- apparently all my labs were not in.  I thought I was only borderline anemic but apparently I am VERY anemic.  My ferritin level (iron stores left in my body) came back pathetically low--5.  Supposed to be at least above 12.  The dietician from my unit told me if that isn't corrected soon I would be in big danger.  I was thinking that my nails  on my hands got all the new ridges over the last year because I was getting old.  Apparently that is a sign of severe anemia (along with exhaustion and difficulty breathing on exertion-- I thought I was getting out of shape from not running ).  Ooops.  I never take supplemental iron because I get so you- know- what that I feel like a stuffed pig.  I got to find a product that doesn't do that and has great bioavailability.   I figure with all this correction I need to take I should be bionic in a few months....just not in time for SGM.  Blah, blah.  Still showing up there,,,unless I have a bone sticking out of my leg.  AFTERTHOUGHT -- I never or extremely rarely get colds etc....taking iron binds to the proteins that kill bacteria/viruses...hence the less iron in your body the less seasonal illness....they found this to be true in lactation--lactoferrin binds with iron supplements given to babies and babies are then more susceptible to GI diseases like yeast overgrowth.   So...its a win-lose or lose win situation unless I find that "happy medium".  : D

Was going to try some speed but decided to just go easy and forget taxing my body anymore than it has been.  Just ran 6 @ 8:45 AP.  First mile a 10:00.  Barely movin'. 

2 wake up miles before work at 523 am.  Still clocked in on time at 600am on the dot.  I live one mile from the hospital.  AP 9:05.  I took a shower.  How's that for  Tri-speed transition?  

Ran with Mel, Kim and Jane (the sub-3 marathoners) at 5:10am up AF Canyon.  Actually I didn't run with them I ran behind them.  In the dark up the canyon for 5 miles.  Kind of scary.  I had a bit of a panic attack.  Stupid hormone pills.  The first 7.5 miles and the last mile was uphill.   Steep uphill but totally doable just not speedy for me.   I was just plain tired and didn't want/couldn't run fast.  Even the downhill I struggled.  I avoided feeling pain but then came the left hip/foot problem and we were on angled ground. It wasn't  as bad as it has been however  :  D.  So hopefully taking it easy the next two weeks should get me there.   I just had no umph today.  The three speedies were quite impressive and its obvious they will go way under 3 hours at SGM.  They are in AWESOME shape.  I hope to come in at 3:20.  I turned around down the canyon at mile 14.25 and ran back uphill to Kim's car and the others ran all the way down and thru the golf course and turned around to our cars at the mouth of the canyon.  I drove Kim's car to them.  We iced in the FRIGID river.  Could only handle 3.5 minutes.  I didn't take my progesterone pill last night-- it was making me very tired and spacy-- so now as my level is dropping I am very anxious.  I am going to try to go on a more bioidentical hormone so I don't feel "out of it", and "non-caring" as I have felt on it.  The withdrawal is hard to take though so I will have to take a pill tonight and wean off it.  AP 8:11 for 15.  The last uphill mile killed my pace.  There was a strong headwind and the grade was very steep.  Slowly but surely  I will try to gain my performance back.   I read that if a runner is anemic (iron deficient) a tale sign is a decrease in performance.  I ran part of this run 4 weeks ago and could do 6:30s on the downhill.  I was breathing hard at 7:00s.  Blah.  Cross your fingers.  

7 @ 8:04.  First mile 9:33, last mile 6:58.  One BAREFOOT mile an hour and a half later at 9:40--had to avoid stinging nettle, bark and some pebbles.  Not the comfiest turf but better than pavement.  This was just to the north of Discovery Park at the Stake Center.  Too much weeds and potholes but overall it was still exhilarating.  I love barefoot running.  Absolutely no soreness from Saturday's run.  Hopefully a good sign.  Now to get my iron stores up.  Off progesterone.  I think the DHEA is making me dizzy.  I thought it was the progesterone but didn't take any for 1 1/2 days and took Dhea this morning and am beginning to feel the dizziness.  That is not supposed to be a side effect, but I am very sensitive to meds/hormones.  Maybe its due to my low iron.  That could be it.  I have run out of my free sample from good earth of floradix.  It is a natural iron supplement.  Going there soon to pick up more.  

Worked at UVRMC's NICU (where I worked for 17 years).  They gave me a vent baby.  It had been 2 1/2 years but it felt like just yesterday.  It was however an extremely busy shift.  Got off early to watch my daughter play a soccer game.  Got home extremely moody.    Man these supplements/hormones.  I feel depressed but no reason.  

7 mile progressive, not on purpose, hillwork run.  Ran up 1800 north from kids school after walking with Brooke and Amber, my girls, to school for walk to school day.  It was .9 miles at 19 min.  : D.  I carried Brooke's backpack because she complained.  It was rather heavy by the end.  Anyway by 9:15 am, having awakened at 5am I was losing motivation and was already fatigued.  I just said to myself to start running until I felt like it.  I ran up the huge hill and tried to just stick with a hard pace straight up.  First mile 8:43.  Last mile 6:43.  Cooldown mile 7:53.  AP=  7:42.  I ran on the canal and then it started pelting rain and immediately the hard clay soil turned to mud.  I looked like I was in the Dirtiest Darn Run.  Veered off the canal and had to add in more hills to go above it.  Dang.  But it was a good workout.  I am certainly out of shape mentally and physically.....COME ON IRON LEVELS< ABSORB!!!!!!!  Got some ideas of what to eat from Sasha.  Sure hope it helps.  I can't believe how fatigued I am feeling continously.  I may try to really slow it down at SGM and shoot for a fall marathon like Mesquite when I am restored.  Think, think think.  I just don't know.  Still thinking.  : D

Ran  just over a mile (9:20 pace) to Kim's house and met the speedy threesome-Kim, Mel and Jane.  I love punishment : D.    Their warm up pace is my MP pace.  So sad.  I stayed with them.  They were warming up to "race" a 5K per Melanie's schedule.  Their goal was 6:15 AP.  I am choking right now.  I told them since I am close to home and can see (we left at 6:10 am) I didn't mind if they left me.  We ran a 2.25 mile warm up -added to my earlier warmup-  my AP was 8:06 for 3.72 miles (splits: 9:20, 7:57, 7:22  this is a warm up?, .72 in 7:36).  We ran the IHC American Fork Hospital 5K route.  I haven't run in it for three years and its this Saturday.  I always seem to have to work that weekend and I do this year.  There are no mile markers up but I know the course and its very simple--a square route--first mile a gradual uphill not very steep, mile two a brief steeper hill then uphill for a bit, mile three rolling downhill  to flat to the finish.  Since I am out of shape I wasn't sure what I would run it in.  I ran my 5K(3.1) in 21:16.  The others stopped before reaching a true 5K (3.06) so I guess I can subtract 16 seconds to be even with them. Got to take some when I can.   : D So 21:00 even.    That's my pace minus how long it took me to run .04 miles longer.  The others came in at 19:15 and 19:30. A 6:15 and 6:22 pace.  Their first mile was a 5:50!!!!  Mine was a 6:34.   Second mile I gave up.  I was all alone and it was uphill and moonshadowed.  It was a slow 7:12.  Last mile 6:51.  AP =  6:51.  It felt controlled but seriously this pace for 26.2 miles!!????  NO way.  Not ever in my mind.  And that's what they are going to do SGM in.  I got to get my energy level up and get healed again.  My muscle aches have WAY improved since taking vitamin D and B12.  I think I may be on the road to recovery.  Cooldown-- to make 10 miles even.  Splits:  7:47, 7:58, 7:43, 7:30.      AFTER MY RUN:  I had a "date" with my neighbor (VTee) to show her the new bike trail and ride with her for a few miles.  She has never road her bike longer then a couple of miles except in spin class.  We are both over 40.  She is very tall and lean.  Beautiful.  It was such a gorgeous bike run with fall in the air.  We just did a leisurely pace up thru Art Dye park and passed Lone Peak HS and thru the Golf Course.  Some steep inclines and she was such a trooper.  Such a lovely time to take it easy and talk.  We ran into my friend Amber (Sandberg) from my Ragnar Team.  She is in awesome shape.  She is the one I tried to stay with at Hobble Creek.  We talked for a bit then continued on our trek. Bike miles:  11.3.   What a good day so far  :  D.   

worked.  no run today.

Worked yesterday.  No run.  But this morning at 430am I hit the road and ran 6.2 at 7:36 AP.  Starry morning all alone on the wide streets.  Ran by my work and used the BR quickly.  Quite enjoyed the morning air.  8:42, 7:57, 7:40, 7:27, 7:04, 6:50, and 0.2 at 7:16 pace.  Accidentally wrote this entry on Friday so this is a redo.   

Ran at 9:15am.  Semi-heat simulation since it is not near as hot here as it will be in SG.  But most of the heat will be in the last hour from 9 to 10am.  I plan on finishing before the clock strikes 10am (3:15).  Really wasn't feeling too good leaving my house.  Those three day shifts in a row were busy 12.5 hour shifts.  Rarely sat down.  Pretty much ran a detox pace, couple warmup couple quick and then tried to slow down.  Should have slowed more.  Plan to run all the rest of my measly miles until the SGM really easy that I will practically trip over my feet.  AP today for 8 miles=  7:43.  Splits:  8:50, 8:20, 7:55, 7:14, 6:57, 7:19, 7:37, 7:35.    Rest of the week plan:  easy 6 ( like 9 average or slower) on Tuesday, work Wednesday, easy 4 miles on Thursday, and 2 miles on Friday.  Saturday a mere 26.2 miles in the blazing dessert sun at unknown pace.

5 easy at 8:00am.  AP 8:59.  First mile 9:40.  Last mile 8:18.  Glad  I took it easy.  Really wondering how everything will work out but time will tell.  Not too much planning, gonna go by feel.  Although I think I will go out slow and pick it up at the half.  

Busy 12.5 hour work day with adorable "Newbie Cuties" on mother/baby.  Hope my legs and my mind feel alive like Allie's did before TOU, just a teensy bit is all I ask.  Not sure of my capability under the "procrastinator not on purpose running plan".  I can't believe how badly  I felt only two weeks ago and how slowly but surely my body is recovering from the added iron, vitamin D and Bs.  Seriously remembering that dreaded extremely painful 20 miler up the trails "with" Melanie is a nightmare to forget.  I figure if I feel that much pain running as best I can at SGM I would be satisfied.  I can't have any regrets.  I didn't do the time (adequate training) so I can't commit the crime (PR) unless my mind gets me to where I have been before and takes me there.  A lot of racing comes to play mentally over the physical.  Our bodies can take a lot our brains will it too.  I believe in the power of the mind.

5 easy miles mixed with dryheaving/nausea/stomach upset.  Too much unabsorbed iron.  Going to cut back on the supplemental iron (even though its a natural mix from good earth) and eat a juicy steak today.  The one my husband picked out has 10 percent of needed daily value of iron and is way more absorbable since it is an animal source.  Anyway...felt relaxed in my run working out kinks that of course are phantom body freak outs trying to notify my brain of its task this Saturday.  But I don't feel pressure.  I feel good about going out real easy for the first half forcing myself to stay put until mile 15.  That's what I want to feel and if it gives me a 3:15 or 3:20 finish I am good with that.  I have wonderful memories of running this marathon on a high for the last 10 miles.  I don't want to feel like death warmed over and the need for someone to throw me a lifepreserver.  I am excited to feel good in a race.  Something I haven't felt since---ummm.....geez I think last year.  Ready set go!!!  AP today 8:34 for 5 miles.