Sock tans

Easy run after therapy

I spend so much time worrying and stressing out about my job performance at work, but every time I am baffled by my bosses comments about how I'm doing amazing and all the clients love me etc. today I wrote up monthly reports and sent them in, but was stressing wondering if they were good enough. Then my boss texted me saying they were amazing and great work etc. 

It's left me thinking I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I should have more confidence that I can do a good job.

To be perfectly honest I was this _ close to quitting my job, but as time goes on the more I love my job. It's kinda crazy but I think I'll be here a while. Which is new for me. I switch jobs a lot. But hopefully that'll change. 

3 in the cold rain. I picked up the pace so my out of shape butt was feeling it. Honestly I'm embarrassed that this pace was comfortably hard. It's been a long time since I've gone below 9:00 pace as sad as that is. But I feel accomplished. Got that familiar feeling in my lungs that lets me know I worked hard. 

Just for reference, my mile splits were 8:37, 8:08, 8:27. So nothing to shout about but something that was satisfying for me after having gotten into the 9:20 pace gig.

I'm making it a goal to run every day this week. 

Well the whole let's run every day this week really didn't pan out... I guess I just got busy with other things. I worked late one night, then another I decided to go hang out with some friends, another I went to a haunted house, and the rest... idk. I need to be better about setting time aside for running.

Well I guess another day I was helping my parents move stuff out of their basement so they could remodel. A couple of boxes were my old personal stuff. I went through it today. Old journals, scrapbooks, pictures, running medals, and letters from people close to me. I was laughing because I found a story I'd written for my sister Hattie and it was so random, then deeply touched when I found a letter from my old YW President. She passed in February 2019. She took in my brother when he became too difficult to live at home (he has anger issues and mental illnesses, it's hard to explain why that was so necessary but it was for the best). So finding that letter was sweet but also hard. I miss her. 

I didn't bother setting a goal to run every day this week because I knew it was going to be crazy. My boss is out of town so I picked up a couple of extra shifts. However, I think running every day is too ambitious of me right now, so I'm going to make the goal to run 3 times next week because that seems more obtainable. If I run every day then awesome! But 3 days is my goal.

Easy 3, 8:50 average

The good news is that I've finally really stabilized my mood, we upped a dose of my medication and it's helped a lot. It's kind of crazy to think back to before I started taking medication/before ECT treatments when I thought it was normal to cry every day. Haha psych it's not. So glad to be past all of that.