Sock tans

Weights were tough this morning (they’re every Monday/Wednesday). But I like weights. At the beginning of the season the warmup felt like a workout lol but now that’s nothing so yay for improvement! This week we did 4 sets of everything (except the banded walk thing was one set), increase in reps from last week staying at the same weight (we’d dropped in reps last week but increased the weight). But it doesn’t feel too hard, enough to feel like a good workout. I just can’t wait for the day that I can pound out 6+ BWT pull-ups, for now I can only do 2.5 BWT at once (but we did 4 sets). I used to not be able to do one body weight pull up, lol. Anyways, legs were sore and a little heavy by the afternoon.

Workout was 5x800s with 1 minute recovery between each. The pace was 2:55-3:20. Originally the slow end was going to be 3:15, then Paul switched it to 3:20 because of the heat.

I had the plan to start slow and then work my way down to 3:00ish on the last one, to try something new and see if that would help me to hold a pace. Bino had wanted to do the same, so we were going for 3:15 for the first. Came through the 400 at 90 and it felt relaxed enough so I was like screw it I’ll just run what feels comfortable. Bino only did two so her second was quicker at 2:55, I just stayed relaxed so I could finish all 5. After the 4th I’d wanted to quit. My thoughts weren’t very positive. The 1 minute recovery was tough and the wind was strong, and it was hot. I’d thought, “I can’t do it” and I might’ve said that out loud or it showed on my face or something cause Paul came over and gave me a mini pep talk, Paul is amazing. He said exactly what I needed to hear to switch my mentality and grit out the last one. If he hadn’t I can almost guarantee I would’ve sucked it up on the last one or dropped out, but he’d said he believed in me and that it was just one more and he knew I could do it and so I was like alright I can do it. I love Paul, he’s such an amazing coach :) Danielle killed the last one and ran a 3:03. Maybe next time I can go with her. She and I were the only two that finished, but our group is small to begin with.

Times went 3:02, 3:01, 3:05, 3:12, 3:13. Happy with it, I didn’t completely die like I’ve been doing lately so that was a real positive. And I’m so glad that I toughened up and just did that last one, and worked hard at it didn’t just run it. And I was on pace for all of them. Huge thank you to Paul for his pep talk :)

Cool down to 6

HR 50

SO SORE. Probably from weights yesterday? Dikes, 7:31 average.

HR 54

I’m tired. Had two exams today, one I was pretty stressed about so I stayed up until 2 last night studying for it. It went well, feel good about it, but I’m feeling the lack of sleep. Tonight I’ll be playing catch up.

Practice ended up being on our own, just a 50%. Kept it relaxed. 9 miles, 7:42 average. I’m still a little sore but not near as much as yesterday.

Also, not sure if I’m eating enough. I do get hungry a lot... but I’m used to it. That’s probably not good haha. I went from one extreme of eating a lot of ice cream, cookie dough and other junk to cutting out sweets and eating less in an attempt to be healthier... part of it was my lack of an appetite this summer and now I’m just used to being hungry. I don’t know how much I should be eating.

Today I had a banana, bowl of Cheerios and milk, 2 slices of multigrain bread, a ham/cheese sandwich, and a yogurt. Maybe that’s enough. Idk. Haven’t had dinner yet. I also need to eat more vegetables, I just don’t like them that much lol I’d rather have fruit

HR 53

60% run, 3 miles. Range was 6:30-7:00. Ran with Bino, warmed up 2 miles then started. We did it on Main. Splits were 6:25, 6:28, 6:42 (19:34- 6:31 average). Felt good and relaxed.

HR 51

Jomel later took my BP, checked my oxygen levels and my HR. BP was 105/72 (we actually took it a couple times cause the first was 100/44 and she was like whaaat), oxygen 97, and HR 62.

AM: 2.25 miles easy

PM: Pre-meet at the course. 1x1k at 3:42, was surprised it was under 4:00 actually. The uphill was harder than it looks. But the downhill feels really nice

AM: Race day! This course is also hilly. But I liked it a lot better than Idaho. Conditions weren’t great, it was raining and cold. 47 degrees to be exact, that’s a big change from 80-90 degrees in the afternoon haha. I was shivering at the line, the wind made it so much colder

Had trouble getting into race mode. At the beginning I was treating it more as a workout, wasn’t very competitive and was right at the back, my mentality was like ehh. This race doesn’t matter. Then I was like, no, I need to fix that. Started moving up, passed Danielle, Bino and Jacey. Then as I started coming downhill I spotted Mary a little bit farther in front of me, was surprised to see her but got excited. I raced Mary all the time in high school. So I used the downhill and that’s when I got into race mode, it’s been a looong time since I’ve gotten into it like that. It didn’t last too long, probably only a mile. But I passed Mary and was close behind Josie for a while. I struggled for like a half mile, Mary passed me back and I just let her go, a couple more girls passed me. Then at the end I started to pick it up, could hear a girl breathing hard behind me, used the downhill and tried to kick but both the girl and Jacey caught me right at the end.

Overall happy with how it went, considering the conditions and the course it was good. Talked with Mary after, so good to catch up.

Cooled down to 5

PM: 5 miles easy. Ankle twinged a little. Now it’s stiffened up and is hurting. I forgot that I twisted it kinda bad in the race until now. It was so cold this morning that I was numb and that’s probably why I didn’t feel it on the cool down or rest of the race. Haha I was like, why is it hurting? Oh yeah, that’s why. I’ll just ice it a lot this weekend and it’ll be fine

I’m learning to be more grateful for what I can do in the moment, for who I am right now and what I can accomplish. I think the best thing is to be humble, be grateful, and be happy in the moment instead of looking so much to the future and believing that you’ll be happy when ___. It’s good to have dreams, to believe you can accomplish things, but only if it excites you, if it’s something you want to accomplish, and only if you can be grateful for the things you have already accomplished. Choosing to be happy now and to look to the future with hope is what’s going to bring the most success, and I think the greatest part of the journey is helping others along the way.

It’s interesting because my senior year of high school, at Arcadia, I ran a 12 second PR in the 3200, but as soon as I crossed the line and looked at the clock I burst into tears because I ran an 11:03 and didn’t break 11:00 and Mary had. I knew that if I’d just kicked a little harder and stayed with her I could’ve broken 11:00. A few minutes later I was put in my place and realized how ridiculous that was, I PR’d by 12 seconds! There’s always going to be someone faster, something you could’ve done better. But the reason I run isn’t to be the best, it’s to be the best that I can be and enjoy the journey, be happy with the small improvements and enjoy the camaraderie that comes from being a part of a team. Maybe one day I can work my way to the front pack, but if not at least I’ll know that I enjoyed my time as an athlete and made more meaningful connections with teammates, coaches and others along the way.

AM: 4 miles easy

PM: Paul texted that practice was on our own. Got thinking about track and got excited because I realized that this year I’m in good shape and might actually be able to PR, last year I was struggling to get in shape and was 6-8 lbs heavier than I am now. Even the thought of going sub 5:20 again is exciting, I know I can do that. I’ve gone 5:45 in practice before and it’s been fairly relaxed, I’m sure if I got into race mode and worked hard I could do it in indoor. When I talked to Paul he said to work for a 5:10 mile, then go for 5:00. It’s been a long time since I’ve believed in myself, but I’m starting to again, and I’m actually getting excited. Gives me something to work towards, and is a good reminder that I’m training right now for that, and that every day counts and is one step closer to achieving it.

Maybe got a little too excited. Went 9.25 miles at 7:37 average, making it 13.25 miles for today. Legs are a little tired but it feels good

HR 48

I’m going to start getting to bed earlier, I was so tired today. Sometimes I forget that I need sleep. Also, legs were heavy.

Mile warmup, strides then started. Workout was 4x1000s on the grass with 3 min recovery. We were all hoping for it to be on the track. I need to learn to love the grass because it’s just always going to be where we do workouts until track season. It’s good because it’s cross so we don’t need the fast speed and can learn to run off effort. And it’s also nice to throw pace out the window and just focus on being consistent, and it’ll toughen us up. I would rather run fast paces and build confidence on the track, but there’s time for that later.

First three were nice and consistent. Last one Bino and Danielle picked it up and ran with me, I dropped back after a bit because I started worrying about it too much and gave up. I need to stop doing that. I’m frustrated because it was the last one, I was on pace with 400 left. I was cranky, tired and frustrated, not my day? I need to learn how to relax, let negative thoughts and feelings go and replace them with positive ones. I’m good at positive self-talk and managed to thrust all the negative down for the first three but it’s like as soon as something changes I can’t keep it down anymore and start to die. Paul gave me another pep talk before the last and that helped me in the first half, I was starting to struggle mentally but held on a little longer, then negative won out. Running is such a mental game.

Times went 4:05, 4:03, 4:05, 4:17.

Positives are that I was more consistent than past workouts. It was just the last one. I’m heading in the right direction, just need to toughen up mentally and continue to work hard.

Cooled down to 6.

Asked Coach after how fast he wants me to increase my miles, he said he doesn’t. He wants me to stay at 8 for a while, because it seems like anytime I get up to 10 I get injured. I can’t deny that, so 8 it is. I’m a little sad because I do feel more confident with higher miles, but maybe if I do 6 on faster workout days and 10 easy on recovery days that’d be alright. Then I’m still running long sometimes and getting that benefit, and on faster days I can hit the paces without worrying about distance.

HR 48

50% on canyon, we hauled the last 3 miles. Just under 7:00 for two of the miles and then 6:30 pace for the last bit. But it felt good. Then strides and finished to 7.

Went to the dive-in movie at the pool, it was a good time. Mini arm workout from trying stand 4 of us up on a paddle board at once, and trying not to let Alex or Payton throw me off lol. Got a few bruises but it was a blast

HR 53

So I'm taking a swim class that starts next week, it’s intermediate swim and I could swim to survive but that’s about it haha. So Kenady was kind and taught me the different strokes this morning so that I can at least know something going in. Didn’t spend much time on back, breast or free because I had those mostly down, just need to work on the breathing. Spent the rest of the time trying to learn butterfly, it’s freaking hard. I sort of had it by the end, I was just exhausted so I could only do like 5 strokes at a time. I’ll probably attempt it again sometime this weekend and see if I can do it better when I’m not so dead.

I went through the graphs of my mileage to see how much I really have done in the past few years and I was surprised. I didn’t really believe coach until I looked at the graphs, cause I was like pfft I ran high miles in high school and was fine! But back then I wasn’t always at 80 miles and my miles were slow, now they’re faster and I’m much more consistent with mileage. And my body has changed a lot. But yeah. Coach is right yet again. When I push my miles and start believing I’m only going to be fast with those high miles I get injured.

I think my problem with running has been that I haven’t 100% trusted in the program or the coaches. It’s been more like 80%. There’s still been a part of me that has doubted whether or not this would really work for me and wants to start pulling in things from my training in high school, mainly the higher miles. But I think I’m ready to let go of that once and for all and start trusting more in Coach and Paul. As I think about it, I have gone along with things and done everything they have asked, but there’s always been a nagging part of me that’s thought, what if this doesn’t help me? How am I going to improve? But I’m surprised when I learn the thought process behind it. For example, here I am wondering how the heck I’m going to improve enough to move into the other group when my group is only doing half of the workouts. I didn’t like the separation, I don’t like feeling inferior to the other group. But then I remind myself that Coach didn’t just put me in this group, it was a mutual decision. I knew I wasn’t ready to jump into intense training right at the beginning of the semester. I needed to come back slower so I didn’t reinjure myself. And it gives us an opportunity to be coached more individually. But now that I’m able to do the workouts and be confident about finishing and Im starting to maintain paces, I’ve started looking at how I’m going to progress to completing the whole workout, if we just do half of the other group’s then I’m never going to get faster or eventually be in the other group. I was surprised when I asked Paul about it yesterday and he’d already been thinking along those lines and already has a plan, he’s still refining a few things but was on the same page. I guess I’m just starting to trust more in Paul and Coach, and am finally starting to let go of what I thought I knew and just trust that Coach and Paul are going to help me get to where I want to be. And I don’t have to worry about doing things wrong because they’re always thinking a couple steps ahead of me when it comes to training. So, from now on, I’m going to stop comparing everything we do now to what I did in high school. It’s never going to be the same, the training we do now is a step up from that, and is so much more successful than the training I did in high school. I guess I’ve tried so hard to be independent of a coach because I realized after high school that I’m not always going to have one, and because of some things that happened I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need a coach. Which is dumb because I have two amazing ones here trying to help me.

Both of our teams this year have a shot of going to Nationals. That’s never happened before. And I know the girls, I know where they used to be and where they are now. Coach has a knack for seeing potential in people that others can’t, and I think maybe he sees something in me too.

50% today, dikes + canyon. 7:43 average

HR 52

1 mile warmup, then 3 more laps and straight into the 80%. Paul wanted us to do 2 miles, pace 6:20-6:45. Bino and I ran together, it was slightly annoying because they were prepping for the football game so they had stuff in lane 1 and blasted pre-recorded advertisements and announcements, then set off some firework thing that sucked to run by. But it’s cool we got to jam to Imagine Dragons for half a lap.

Anyways, we hit 6:13 for the first mile then finished at 12:49 (6:36). So 6:24.5 average, not what we were going for but we were still on pace. The last mile was kind of rough.

Then over to the hill for whistle hills, 3x15,20,25. Finished to 7.

HR 52

9.25 miles easy, 7:53 average.

Our women took 8th at pre-nationals and our men took 10th. You know, every day I’m more and more grateful to be part of such an amazing team. Helps to know that I don’t suck, it’s just that our team is so good. Have to remind myself that just because I’m on the slow end of the team that doesn’t mean I’m slow. I’m running for an NCAA division 1 nationally ranked team, and I stuck with it even when it was tough. And I’ll continue to do so. Only 4 of the 12 girls from my year are still here and Morgan and I are the only RMs on the women’s side that have come back and stuck with the team. Most either come back for one semester and get married and quit or just never come back. It’s also crazy to remember that I’ve lost 16 lbs since coming home and that it’s all because of running, and few changes in nutrition. Hopefully one day I can be fast enough and start contributing to the team’s success, I’m hoping that happens this track season. Even if I’m on the back end of the traveling team and PR, that’d be a dream come true. I also finally made the decision to stay the 5 years and use my redshirt year, so I have 3 years of collegiate running left including this one. That’s more than enough time to improve and PR, I’m finally back in the kind of shape to be capable of it. It just took me a year, but now I’m ready for my comeback season.

50% today on hospital then I added on the 2 mile loop to make it 8. 7:19 average. Good run, felt great

HR 52

Awesome day today! Our women’s team was ranked nationally for the first time in SUU history, we’re ranked 23rd. The men are ranked 25th. We’re also ranked 4th in the Mountain region (really competitive) after Colorado (No.1), New Mexico (No.3) and BYU (No.9). The next teams nationally ranked in our region are Utah State (No.27) and NAU (No.28). I know I’m not on the scoring team, but it’s still pretty cool. (I’m our 12th runner).

Mile warmup, then strides and started. Workout was 16x400s, split into sets of 4. The first 12 were supposed to be at 84-88 (5k pace), last 4 at 80-84 (3k pace). First 4 had 2:30 recovery after each, next 4 had 2:00, next 90 seconds, and last 4 also had 90 seconds.

Times went:

1) 85, 84, 84, 83

2) 82, 83, 83, 83

3) 82, 82, 82, 82

4) 80, 78, 79, 80

Comes out at exactly 82 average.

Cooled down 2 miles.

Feel really good about it! I’d decided to go for 85s beforehand but felt good and relaxed so that’s what happened. Also helped to have Brighton there to pull me along. The faster group’s pace was 80-84 for the first 12 and 78-82 for the last 4 so I was in their range! Yeah! Legs got heavy after 8 but I stayed positive and worked through and stayed relaxed, then pushed the last 4. It was so nice to have someone faster than me there (Brighton had class and they’d start the workout too late so she did it with us instead). Kept me focused and I was only a second or two behind her on almost all of them. The other girls were just a little behind me, Danielle and Bino caught me on the last one. Everyone killed it! What a great day. 

50% with Bino and strides after

HR 51

I’m getting sick... nooo

Today’s workout was 3x2k with 1 minute recovery between each. Goal pace was 7:20-7:45 (5:55-6:15/mile). Bino said Paul told her the goal pace for us was 7:40. Idk, I had the attitude of no, I’m going to go for the faster pace. I want to try to keep up with the other group, since that is our groups end goal anyway. She and Jacey weren’t so down, they wanted to go their own pace, which is fine. I think I’m just frustrated at being in no mans land, not really fitting in either group. I didn’t feel awesome but I didn’t feel like dying either, except for on the third one, that one was rough.

First one was good, was right with Josie and Brighton through the mile (5:54). Fell back a little on the last lap, came through 2k at 7:23. Was able to start the next one with the group but fell off after like a lap. Came through the mile in 6:12 and finished at 7:53. The last one was on my own since they’d started already. Btw one minute recovery isn’t much haha. Anyways, last one I struggled and just told myself to finish. Came through the mile in 6:34 and finished at 8:13.

Mostly I’m just frustrated because I want to be in the faster group so bad, I want to be able to stay with them for the whole workout. I’m just not strong enough to hold their pace yet. Which I guess isn’t surprising, this is only my second week at 50 miles since injury and I’m only just starting to have successful workouts. It’s great and all to be the fastest of the second group, but also, I kind of miss the higher expectations, the groove of running with our top girls.

But I’ve got to think back to this summer when I was just wanting to be back to where 8 miles a day felt like normal. Now it is normal. It’s a process. I just have to be grateful for what I do have, work hard, and with time I’ll be where I want to be. Today was a good workout for me, I’ve always struggled to keep longer interval workouts consistent. And it seems like everyone gradually got slower each one, so it was still a decent workout. I worked hard and that’s all that matters.

HR 58

Easy 9 in Salt Lake. Foothill + VA loop. 7:56 average

Wrote an article summary for an epidemiology of overuse injuries in college and high school athletes done by several PhDs for athletic training. Findings were that college athletes had higher rates of overuse injury than high school athletes, females had higher rates than males, and non-contact running sports (cross country and track and field) had the highest rates of overuse injury as compared with other sports. Repetitive muscle/tendon strains were the most common injury, followed by stress fractures.

So basically, all you runners out there, give your body time to heal and you’ll be fine. Overuse injuries occur when the body endures microtrauma and not enough time is given for the body to repair itself before more damage is done. All these tough workouts will do no good unless there is time for recovery.

Easy 10 on Shriners, went past the fire station on 11th Avenue to the end and a little towards memory grove, then turned at 5. 7:52 average

Did 1.5 slow with Hattie (she’s awesome and has good endurance for an 11 year old, I want her to do track when she gets to high school. She’s better than I ever was at soccer, and she loves it, so she might stick with that. But maybe I can convince her to still give track a shot hahaha. She should only do it if she really wants to, we’ll see what she’s feeling in a few years haha). Then did 7 more, 7:32 average. VMO was twinging a bit so I didn’t do 10 like I’d planned. I’m going to listen to my body and give it a little break this week, it’s tired.

Wasatch loop, ran without my watch because it was dead. Planned on doing more in Cedar then opted out of it because I’m feeling like I should lower my miles a tiny bit this week based on how my body is feeling. 6 months ago I didn’t listen to my body and ran myself into the ground until I had a stress reaction in my femur, I’m not about to do that again. So maybe I’ll just drop to 45 this week, we’ll see

So Bino switched to sprints/hurdles workouts since she’s focusing on the 400 Hurdles this year. I’m so sad. And now I really have no one to pace with. But it’s okay, I still have my swim class with her (which started today and was actually a good hammy workout haha) and it’s good practice to be by yourself in workouts. It forces you to go off of feel. Next semester, I’ll be with the 5k/1500 group and I’ll have people to work towards, I’m moving in the right direction and will start having better workouts than I’ve had in my whole time here at SUU. Right now my fitness is about where it was before I got injured, which is great for me. I’ve had a lot of setbacks what with gaining weight, getting out of shape for my mission, and getting injured, but this year is my year to make a comeback and set some new PRs. I’m going to listen to my body for once, trust in the program and now that my body is back in the athletic shape it needs to be in, eventually I will prove to coach that his patience was worth it. I’m moving forward and improving so that’s what matters right now.

Today it was just Jacey and I. Workout was 3x1k at 5k pace (so 3:30-3:45 Paul said) with 90 seconds recovery. Paul said he’d prefer it if we started at 3:45 then worked down to 3:30 instead of the other way around, so today I listened and tried not to go out too fast. My fear has been that if I start slow I’m not going to be able to pick it up, I’ve wanted to at least get one at the front end so I don’t feel so slow, but again it’s time for me to listen to my coaches and stop worrying. I hit all 3 at 3:40. So although they were slower, they were super consistent. And I did that by myself. And, those were all faster than the 1ks we did on the grass a couple weeks ago, by a long shot. Four weeks ago (on the grass), my times were 3:55, 4:07, 4:34. Two weeks ago (also on the grass) I was more consistent with 4:05, 4:03, 4:05, 4:17. Today was on the track, so naturally a little faster, but not 25 seconds. I’d say maybe 5 second difference at most between grass and track. Today I didn’t feel great, I was tired and running felt hard compared to Salt Lake (probably the elevation change), so especially considering that I’m happy with it. And I proved to myself that starting at the slow end of pace doesn’t always turn into a bad workout. 

I’ve also realized the importance of staying positive. Sometimes, not going to lie, it’s really hard. But it’s a choice that I actively try to make because positivity always brings about greatness. Staying positive has allowed me to finish workouts that have been really challenging and to keep moving forward. It took me very nearly losing my spot on the team to see the value in what I have and be more grateful for it. And being in the slower group to practice staying positive and being humble, listening to the coaches and allowing them to teach me for once, instead of believing I had running all figured out. Not trusting that Coach was only looking out for me and wanting to help. My way doesn’t work, and while yes I know a lot about myself and running, Coach and Paul know so much more. I’m working on being more teachable and trusting in the program, that it’ll work for me, too. That just because I’m in the second group, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be forgotten. In fact, the opposite is true. Paul is able to give more one on one coaching with such a small group. I’m also trying to be more grateful for the things that are going well because always wishing for something you don’t have is no way to live. There’s always going to be someone faster, a goal just out of reach. And yes, at times things can be really discouraging. For example, my group has trickled down to 3, one of which will be on a mission next semester. So next semester I’ll be the second slowest distance runner on the team. But instead of looking at it like that, I choose to look at it as: I’m on the 2018 XC team, the best women’s team in SUU history, and I have the opportunity to be coached by one of the best coaches in the country. I am given an opportunity most people aren’t: simply to run for an NCAA Division 1 university, and a competitive program at that. For whatever reason, coach has allowed me to keep my scholarship despite my lack of contribution to the team. And I am improving. Even if I’m at the back, even if all our girls continue to improve and the gap between me and the back group of girls in the faster group stays the same, I have the opportunity to become a better runner than I am now. Not everyone has that chance. I have stuck with the program, gritted through tough workouts, and I’m still here while 12 girls I can think of that I know, that have also been on the team while I’ve been here, decided for one reason or another not to come back. Three transferred schools. The other 9 just quit the team. All had their reasons and I know that for some it came with a lot of tears to do so, but ultimately their decision was to move on and give up running collegiately. While I’m sad that I’m not at the top, and that so many of our girls take their position on the team to heart (myself included, I’m trying not to), I’m also so grateful because what a cool problem to have. I’m grateful to still be here. I’m sure there are girls that would have loved to run in college and couldn’t, despite all their hard work. I’m living my biggest dream.

8 miles, 7:29 average

7 miles, 7:19 average

8 miles, 7:40 average

Holy Hannah, today was hard. I think part of it is that I’m so stressed out with school and life right now, but it’s ok I actually talked to the sports psychologist and it helped a lot. And Paul I think could tell I was more stressed out than usual cause he gave me a pep talk, I love Paul :) sometimes I need to just relax and look at things from a more positive perspective, as things that I want to do not just obligations I have to do. Cause in all reality, I could choose not to do them but I do them because I want to. And now I’m feeling less overwhelmed haha

Anyways! Today’s workout was 12x400s with 90 seconds rest. Pace was a lot faster than the last time we did 400s, but there were less of them, 12 instead of 16, goal pace 74-79. Last time I averaged 82.0 for 16. I was actually excited, and nervous, before the workout, because the idea of hitting all of them under 80 was exciting but I also knew it would be hard. The last time I remember hitting under 80 for 12x400s was my senior year of high school, where I averaged 75s but with longer recovery after each set of 4. I remembered how hard that workout was and was excited to be able to push myself that hard again. Today I hit: 74, 75, 78, 82, 83, 86, 88, 88, 88, 87, 89, 87. That’s 83.75 average. After 2 I was struggling, thinking oh wow this is hard, my legs feel weird, I forgot what it's like to go fast. After 4 or 5 I didn’t think I could finish, my legs felt like jello. I haven’t gone that fast in... I can’t even remember. So then I was struggling mentally for the rest of the workout, just trying to get through it, stopped trying to hit under 80 because I knew it wasn't gonna happen. I asked Paul if I could like shorten the amount of reps and hit pace or just go for slower cause I needed something to help me believe I could do it. I honestly didn’t think I could finish. Paul said can you finish 10? I’d been thinking 8, but I said okay. Got through 10, barely. It was rough. Right as I finished the 10th, Paul asked if I could do the last two. For 5-10 seconds I had a mini battle with myself thinking aaaaghhjh but I just want to be done!! But Paul said he knew I could do it, and as I thought about it, it was just two more. I really, really didn’t want to, but I knew I could, and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. So I decided to do all 12 and finish the last two. Even though my times sucked, even though I struggled, I finished. I got the base down, and it’s going to help me further down the road. I did it all alone, too, it’s hard when you’re by yourself. Jacey was with me for the first one, but then dropped back and dropped out somewhere in the middle. But I'm kind of glad I am alone, or in this group, for the moment, because Paul is able to coach me more individually and I feel like I need that, and I don't have to worry about what everyone else is doing and can relearn how to pace myself. I'm struggling to learn pace (my first one I was going for 79 since Paul wanted us to start high and work down again, whoops), but it'll come with time and practice.

I'm also a little disappointed with myself because really, I should've been able to hit faster than that. I think I'm just used to hitting a pace I can hold for a long time, rather than one that triggers fast glycolysis, and then started worrying mid-workout about being able to hold it for 12 reps. I think if I would've recognized that this workout was meant to feel different, that it's going to hurt differently, I could've pulled off staying on pace, and maybe only had a few be slower towards the end. I wasn't prepared for the faster pace, but I feel like this was a good introduction to it. I hope we do more workouts that are fast before indoor because I need my body to learn that it's okay to go fast, to get strong enough to be able to hold it instead of staying relaxed all the time at a slower one. If I'm going to be running a mile fast I can't stay at 82s. The slow has been good to build up base and learn to get that rhythm down and relax to hold a pace for a while, but now that I've hit that pace and did it like clockwork, I like the challenge of pushing for faster. It builds my confidence.

Also, our women’s team won Conference for the first time in SUU history!! Even though I wasn’t fast enough to compete, I’m so happy I get to be a part of such an amazing team. Our girls did so well! Hopefully one day I can make an impact, I’m moving in the right direction. Paul asked me afterwards if I would have finished this workout a couple months ago, and honestly, no I wouldn’t have. I would’ve quit after 6 or 8 like I’d wanted to. So I’m getting tougher and proving to myself that I can do hard things, that I am fast, that I am a strong runner. So far at SUU I’ve lacked that confidence, but now I’m starting to believe it, to really and actually believe in myself, believe that I can become something great in these next 3 years. Paul said he believes in me, but it only goes so far, I have to believe in myself too.  

50% on our own today, I did Cross Hollows. The wind was pretty strong. 10 miles, 7:35 average. Legs feel heavy. Didn’t really mean to go 10 it just kind of happened.

HR 54

Easy 50%, 7:47 average.

HR 53