Sock tans

Met Sawyer at the track, we went out the same way as yesterday but took a left towards Walmart and took the bike trail that goes out towards Sugar City. Sawyer’s a cool guy, he’s from Illinois. He ran for a D3 college for a year then transferred here to BYUI. Anyways, as sad as it is I was a little sore this morning. It feels nice though. It’s been a while since I’ve run with anyone and I’ve got to say it goes by a lot faster and is more enjoyable when someone’s there with you. And it feels good to be running a bit farther, I’m excited for workouts and such. It’s hard to motivate yourself to do a hard workout, it’s easier with others motivating you too. 7:55 average

Today we ran through campus to the field where tomorrow’s race will be. Tomorrow is a 4x1 mile relay, though I have work so I won’t be able to race. It would’ve been fun if I could’ve. Anyways, we ran the course- it’s on a hill and has a deceiving long uphill but it would’ve been fun too because of the downhills. Then we started to run back towards the track, Sawyer and I added on because we were only at like 3 miles. We did a large block loop around campus. Then once we got back to the track we did 4x100m strides, if it had been all together it would’ve been a 73 400 ha. It’s been a long time since I‘ve even tried to open up my stride. Then I ran home :)

I pushed off my run until later which was a mistake, I didn’t have much time before work then remembered I was meeting with my Bishop to renew my temple recommend immediately after and then right after that I was meeting up with one of my mission companions and her husband, who also served in our mission. I haven’t seen them since my mission 3 years ago. Then it was pretty late and I’m more iffy about running in Rexburg at night so no running today.

It was super windy today and 42 degrees. It's already getting cold here, this week it hasn't gone above 50 or 55. I felt like I was going at a snails pace because of the wind and my legs felt heavy. I'm still a little sore, my quads especially. Strange. Anyways, I went towards Walmart but followed a bike trail by the river to see where it went. It was short but pretty. Then I turned and went back. 7:50 average

I tried out some shoes I got a while back from Brent while running for SUU. It's about time for me to get new shoes and these were free so I thought why not try them out now? These are the white and blue-green adidas that look ginormous. After putting them on I realized they were 1-2 shoe sizes too big, lol. But still, the bottoms are mountains. Lots of cushion, though heavy. Anyways, they felt much softer than my others (my others have about met their end). Between the morning and afternoon General Conference sessions I went out and back towards the straw maze. 7:24 average

We ran to the upper fields and did 4x3 minute pickups with 2 minutes rest. Then ran back to the track and back home for FHE. Just under my knee was bugging at the end, probably an IT band issue. Or a definitive sign that these shoes are shot.

I'd like to believe everything is fine and dandy since everything that happened 6-7 months ago, and truthfully I do feel so much better. I was just thinking today how strange it was that I didn't feel super depressed, usually before whenever I got deep in thought or something affected me deeply, I'd naturally feel intense sadness. But now I don't. However, I still feel like subconsciously there's something not right. I don't know how to explain it. Although I'm no longer depressed and no longer have any suicidal ideation (and haven't at all in 5 months), I am very stressed and unmotivated, unsure where I want to go in life. I can distract myself by going out and doing my everyday things, but I often come back to wondering what I'm doing or what the point of everything is. I feel like I've been avoiding anything that might possibly bring me down a path that leads to depression, which is good but I almost go to the extremes. I transferred schools for one, I quit college running, I moved to Rexburg to "start over," I tried to forget everything that happened and act like I was just a normal student. But now I can feel my motivation slipping, I've often wanted to just withdraw from classes and work instead because at least then I'd be making money instead of digging myself into debt, but I truthfully just don't know where I should be focusing my efforts. I don't get excited about doing well anymore, I really could just care less. I don't really know what to do about it.

I think maybe it's time to find a therapist here in Rexburg. I am back in the habit of berating myself for not doing things right and I feel very stressed out. I am gravitating towards staying at home rather than doing things I need to more often now and I know that wasn't a good thing in the past. Also, one of my roommates is suicidal right now. I know it's an opportunity for me to help, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's good to have someone with similar experiences and be able to connect that way, but also she's been through this many times and has gone through a lot worse than I have, so I don't really know how to help her...

 So just under my knee still really hurts. I was going to meet up with Sawyer but I decided to let it rest for a minute. So, probs no running today

Today we went to Porter park and did 8x 2 minute pickups with 2 minute rest. For the first couple I hung onto the guys, but they were going pretty quick and I dropped back a bit after 3. Then cool down back to the track and Sawyer and I did 5 laps to get to 7. We were only planning on finishing to 6 but got talking and sorta just went to 7. Plus my usual .5 from running to/from the track.

4 miles, my legs felt heavy. It was also cold, the wind chill made it a bit bitter. I’m buckling up for this winter, I’ve heard it gets really cold here. I’ll happily enjoy this 30+ degree weather while it lasts ;) also the tree just outside my apartment dropped literally ALL of its leaves last night, that was crazy

Met up with Sawyer this morning before heading to Salt Lake. We went out towards the freeway entrance then up by the temple and the water tower, it turned out to be just over a 6 mile loop and we added a mile at the track. Going up to the water tower was long and steep, my legs are still heavy from earlier this week. I feel pretty out of shape but I hope to get up to higher miles soon. I just need to build up my base slowly.

Out and back on Foothill. I was planning on doing Wasatch loop, hopefully the extended 8 mile loop, but my legs felt sooo heavy and still a bit sore. I decided to listen to my body and go shorter to give it time to recover. Not sure why it’s taking so much out of me, but I guess I need to whip myself into shape :)

Today we ran over to the bike trail that goes by the water park and did a larger block lap to continue warmup, it ended up being just over 2 miles. Then we did 400s on the trail, alternating directions with each repeat. I was wondering how accurate the distance would be, but each was spot on .25 so that was nice. It was super windy so that affected everyone’s times depending on the direction. Bailey said the 400s would be at 5k pace, so my only goal was below 90 for each. I haven’t done speed in so long so I wasn’t sure what I was capable of. I know 90 is technically a faster pace for a 5k than I know I’m in shape for but they’re only 400s so... naturally they’ll be faster right? Lol

Anyways, my times went:

(Wind to back, against wind)

87, 85

84, 89

88, 94

90, 95

Averages out at 89. After 4 my legs felt like jelly. I was going to stop after 6, but then decided to do 8. Then we cooled down to 6.

Ran with Sawyer to the bike trail that leads to Sugar City, along that for another mile and turned and ran back. 4 miles is about the distance when my legs get heavy. Time to get over the hill haha. We talked about possibly starting to do longer runs together, starting at like 8 or 8.5 miles. I want to be able to do 10+ mile long runs by December. I feel like that's reasonable, and I want 8 miles to be my go-to for regular days. Not sure how long it'll take for that but I'll be building up to it :) then we'll see where I want to go from there. 

Today we ran Saturday's 5k course for practice. It's pretty flat and a good chunk of it is on dirt. The rest is pavement. I actually like the course, I'm excited. I'm also nervous because it's been so long since I've raced a 5k, I have no idea what kind of shape I'm in. I guess I'll shoot for sub-20 minutes? Not even sure if that's a good goal. I'm nervous that I'm not even in shape enough for that, I don't know what's reasonable. We'll just have to see how it goes.

Anyways, we added another 2ish miles at the track once we got back. It was a great temperature and I love running under the stadium lights so it felt nice. We were kinda cruising today but it felt good. 7:10 average

Sawyer and I met up again, we went south on Main to Pioneer and took it to the road just below the one by the temple then added another mile on the track. Took it easy, 8:06 average

My family is up in Island Park (about 1hr from Rexburg) and I drove up today for a few hours to see them. Island Park is so beautiful and my family's cabin is on the Island Park reservoir so the view is amazing. Too cold right now to swim, but still super fun to go up and spend time in the forest.

I left with a good amount of time to spare but with the construction in the canyon we were at a standstill for a while plus the snow and rain. So I just missed making it back in time for practice. It's cool though it was kind of an optional practice. I debated going running but then decided not to because I had a date soon after. Soooo.... sorry no running

Wow what an adventure.. haha. So, I was up late last night and I was worried I'd sleep through my alarm so I set 3 different ones. I woke up to the first one and thought, wow I still have time to sleep I'll wait for the next one! Welp, I fell back asleep and slept right through the others. Then my coach called me like 20 minutes before the start and somehow I woke up to that even though my phone was on vibrate, I panicked and got ready as fast as I could then started driving. I'm still sort of figuring out the neighborhoods of Rexburg and the start was in one I'm not as familiar with, so I drove around trying to find the start (I was there on Wednesday so I thought how hard can it be to find it?) I ended up at a high school and tried calling my coach again for directions, I knew I was close but I'd taken the wrong road and I had like 10 minutes now before the race would start. She didn't answer, I decided to just park in the Albertsons parking lot and run the course until I got to the start, even though it was cutting it close. I got there with less than a minute to spare, though they started the race a couple minutes late so I was fine. But phew a .7 mile sprint in the freezing cold wasn't exactly what I had in mind for warmup haha :) 

Anyways, I was kind of in a funk and I haven't raced in soooo long so I wasn't sure what pace to go out at, I decided to stay more relaxed rather than go out too fast and die after the first mile. I don't think I went out quite fast enough tbh, I wasn't really in race mode. I started out in front right off the bat. First mile was 6:41, I thought meh I guess that's decent and then relaxed far too much. Going on the dirt was rough because of the uneven ground, but it was softer than pavement so that felt kind of nice on the legs. Once I got to the neighborhood stretch a girl behind me caught up and said "let's go" so I was like okay imma try to stay with you. That worked for like a half mile, then I fell off. Tbh I held back because I didn't really wanna hurt. Then two more girls (all three were on the same team) passed me, I gave like a half-hearted effort. By then I think I gave up and just wanted to finish. Then in the last quarter mile one more girl from a separate team passed me. I came across in 21:56, 7:03 average.

I was a bit embarrassed because of how slow my time was, but I wasn't surprised by it. I didn't really race, the last 2 miles I was basically just running it. I didn't really try that hard and I'm kind of mad at myself for it. I need to practice pumping myself up and getting excited about races, then giving it my all. And most importantly mental toughness/positive thinking. As I thought about it though, at least it wasn't the slowest race I've ever run. Haha. I can be happy with that ;) putting it in perspective though, I ran faster at practice on Wednesday... so I know I can do better if I actually go all in. Next time :)

We ran up to the upper fields and did a fartlek workout. 4 on/3 off, 3 on/2 off, 1 on/3 minute break. Then 1 on/2 off, 3 on/2 off, 4 on/3 off. I should've had more water today, I could tell I was dehydrated before we started. I did the second half of the workout barefoot to mix it up a little. The cool grass felt nice on bare feet.

Ran with Sawyer again, we went out towards the airport to a park I've never been to. It had a dirt road/path and was nice! We did a large loop and then went back to the track and added to 5. Then I ran home. 7:58 average

Today we carpooled to the course and ran it. It's 2 loops and mostly dirt, but a good stretch of pavement at the beginning of each loop. I'm excited for it, it feels more like a cross country race than last weeks. Got into a groove and running felt nice today. 7:29 average

Met Sawyer and we ran out towards Walmart then took the bike trail towards Sugar City. Felt decent today. 7:55 average

7:29 average

Had a solid warmup this race so that was nice. About 8 minutes of it lol maybe woulda liked a bit more but that's how things go sometimes haha. Anyways, I was excited for this one because I liked the course. Anyways, first mile was 6:28. I led the race until about 2 miles in. I didn't fight like I should've. I actually thought about just dropping out because I didn't really care. Thought psht I can be as slow as I want it doesn't matter. My stomach was killing me and with about .75 left I stopped for a minute. Can't remember the last time I did that in a race, I've just lost my competitive edge I guess. Anyways, some of the other girls were really really nice and helped motivate me to get going again. At the end I kicked and finished at the same time as another girl, so I was tied for 3rd or 4th. Without my wee little break my time was 21:23 but that doesn't count haha total time was 22:01. Idk what's up with me as of late, but I guess I just like running more for fun now. Plus the training we've done isn't really enough to bring great results, if I were to get really into it and want to improve I'd have to increase mileage and do more speed and tempo workouts. Right now I don't think I'm in that kind of a mood, but perhaps this winter or spring I'll start focusing more on training. 
As for this race, it was fun and a good experience so I was happy with it. Also happy to see that I can still easily break 6:30 in a mile during a tempo/longer race. It felt relaxed and easy-ish. So I haven't lost all my fitness lol

7:47 average. It's getting chilly, it was 20 degrees out. Ran by myself today, sometimes it's nice to be alone with your thoughts.

It's so cold and icy. I was dreading going outside, then my roommates all came home right when I was deciding whether or not to go running. We settled with doing a core workout inside, pretty sure Tyler thinks we're crazy (he's always chilling at our apartment even when his roommates aren't there haha). It's cool though we jammed to Taylor Swift and Imagine Dragons, it was a blast

On a more serious note, I started up therapy again today. I've been on the waitlist for a while but they finally had an opening and were able to accept new clients.  Next week will be when it really starts because today was just the intro/getting acquaited.

Discovered our apartment complex has two treadmills, an elliptical and some dumbbells so that's awesome. Ran on the treadmill because it's icy outside. The roads here don't get cleared very well, some roads are still packed with snow/ice from Monday's snow storm. It's cool it'll just be an interesting winter running-wise. I'll have to figure out where the best places to run after it's snowed are