Sock tans

It was sooo cold. Ran up to Wasatch, over to Thunderbird then took Wasatch back to Sunnyside. Then back home. 7:24 average. Ankle was bugging a little at the end. My hip felt great, it’s not nearly as tight as last week

I was tired today. Last run in Salt Lake, I did VA loop + Shriner’s. 7:27 average. 

Ran on the treadmill while Cate napped. 7:40 average (38:19). I forgot how much I hate treadmills

5 more miles on the treadmill. Park City is higher in elevation than Cedar, say what? 7:40 average again, I think I’m dehydrated. This job is crazy

Stomach bug is going around the house. Brody got it yesterday afternoon and it hit him hard, poor little guy. Then Cate and I were both sick through the night. Amy is feeling a little sick too but as far as I know she’s held it down. I’m anticipating more people to get sick as the day progresses. Jesse is leaving back to Salt Lake later today and I think I’ll try to drive back as well once I’m feeling more stable, the drive down the canyon won’t be good for my stomach. Need to make sure I can get up without feeling nauseated and can hold down some food first. Throws a wrench in the plans for sure but I’m glad I got it today and not later. Hopefully it’s just a 24-hour bug. Probably no running today, lol

Small meeting today after warmups, then an easy run.  Coach said not to go fast lol. But it didn’t feel too fast and Morgan nudged me a bit when we were going sub-7:00 pace, I’m usually not the one to go ham lol. Whoops. Canyon to Bicent then added a mile at Bicent before heading back to the track. 7:18 average. Felt the time off/elevation a tiny bit but it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. 

Weights after, wooo it’s been a while. I’ll probably be sore tomorrow. Also we added two minutes of jump rope to our warmup and all of our calves were dying hahaha

Rehab for hip after and Drew checked my ankle. I have a minor sprain in my ATL. But it’s small, only slightly achy, only hurts sometimes (on uneven ground), and feels a lot better than last week so I can still run on it :) hip flexor is tight again. Game readied my ankle

Nervous for the 6 minute test tomorrow. But I’m excited too. My whole group from last semester is gone now, we’re down to 11 girls :/ unless Danielle decides to come back. We’ll see. But hey I guess we’ve narrowed it down to the tough ones, right? Lol. Also cool to remember that I’m running with one of the best teams in the country (top 8% of teams in the NCAA- 25/349). Helps me feel better about being one of the slowest haha at least I can keep up sometimes

Two days into the semester and I've already had a mental breakdown. Oh boy, I'm literally going to have no life this semester. Three of my professors said on the first day of class either, "this is the most difficult class you will ever take, students pass the lecture and fail this lab every semester," and "This is the hardest class I teach because of how complex the concepts are," and "You HAVE to put in 12 hours of studying a week specifically for this class if you want to pass, and just because you put in the hours doesn't mean you will." 3 different classes. I'm also taking a different class online that might be the death of me, so much memorization. Yeah, I might have to change my schedule and spread these out better, I don't think I can take them all in the same semester.

Anywho, with that on my mind, into the 6 minute test we go! I was definitely already stressed beforehand trying to figure out how I'm going to manage finances and school and track and work and my future and still stay afloat. Today was a real slap in the face with reality that's for sure. This adulting thing really sucks sometimes. But I tried to calm myself enough to focus on just running, and I think I managed alright. I'm going to be starting up medication for depression and anxiety next week hopefully, when I can get in to see Dr. Newman.

We warmed up 2 miles before doing warmups. Odd? I think because of something with the recruits.

I was really nervous before we started. I was so sore from weights yesterday and tried to tell myself it wouldn't affect me at all just so I could forget about it and run. I really wanted to break 5:30 and believed it was possible. But I started to doubt because I didn't have as smooth range of motion and it felt heavier and harder to move because of the soreness.

But alas! Shut that out of my mind and just went with the group. Started at the back of the group because I know my place. Unfortunately that means a second or two late start (we run into repeats). Ah well. First lap (according to coach's watch) 79, second 80 (2:39), started struggling- 86 (4:05), and then hit the wall- 94 (5:39). Yoli watched it and said she could tell exactly when I changed pace- my stride got so small and I tightened up etc. Yikes. I fought and fought to work through it, to just go faster, but my body was physically done. I don't know what happened. I thought for sure I'd break 5:30, sigh. Finished with 1688 meters.

Mostly I just feel sad and defeated. I think I've finally advanced to the acceptance stage of the grief process. I no longer feel stressed out about the potential loss of my scholarship, the potential of being the absolute slowest on the team, the potential of never being the athlete that coach gets really excited about and proud of (not like he is of Angie or Maddy or Sharlie), because well, it's upon me. I accept it. I'm not stressed anymore, I'm just sad.

Now that I've cried it out, I've realized that I've been fighting for all the wrong things- to move up in position on the team, to prove to coach that I can run fast, to secure my full scholarship for another year. But I know a lost cause when I see one. It's time to change my motives. It's time to let go of those dreams and settle with what I can do now. To find the simple joys and truly be happy for my teammates when they run fast times, not envious. Not bad about myself for being so slow. It's time to stop being critical of myself and feeling so inferior to my teammates. We're all working hard. We all just have different abilities, and that's okay.

The only reason I'm the slowest on the team now is because all the others that were slower than me quit. From my freshman year to now. And we keep signing faster and faster girls each year. And now, this is one of the best teams in the nation. So, if I must settle for improvement and chasing after my PR's, I will. As my coaches have told us over and over again, if we improve off of our best times that is as much cause for celebration as Angie winning conference is. Even though I'll never be the fastest, I am here because I want to be. Because I enjoy running and want to improve off of my high school times. Because I like challenging myself and pushing myself to do hard things. Because I like being an athlete and enjoy the journey towards improvement.

Coach asked for my best distance. I told him I haven't run it before. He said well this is your best distance then! Haha. Then I told him well, I opened the season last year with a 5:56. Because I did. And he asked for my mile split today. 5:39. He said, wow, that's major improvement! Later he brought it up again and said, the improvement you've made is crazy, and it was long past our conversation ended. I think he's also referring to this past semester/season. He seemed genuinely happy. That made me feel a little better.

Instead of feeling sad, I want to focus on what this is teaching me. Even if I never achieve the status that Angie, Sharlie, or Maddy have, I want to be able to look back on my experience as a collegiate athlete in a positive light. I don't want to just see stress and defeat. I'm done with that.

I'm learning to be more meek and humble. How to love and encourage others even in the midst of competition. How to let go of unrealistic dreams and tone them down to be more realistic. How to get back up after a fall, how to endure, how to find happiness wherever you're at. How to be confident in myself even if there are plenty of others faster than me. How to not care about what other people think. How to be more accepting of myself with all my flaws and weaknesses, how to love and encourage myself the way I would with anyone else. How to truly believe in myself and get excited about what I might be able to do if I work hard for it. How to not take things personally, how to let go of comparisons and just be my own person. How to maintain a positive attitude and keep moving forward even in the midst of difficulty, how to take advantage of every possibility and do things because I want to do them not because of what anyone else tells me I should or shouldn't do. How to be independent as well as how to soften up and allow others to help from time to time, how to loosen up and relax.

I'm grateful for a sport that can teach me so much.

We cooled down on 3 mile loop then Julieta and I were debating doing another mile or two, but we were both dying. We asked coach what we should do, he said no today was a hard day don't worry about covering distance. So we didn't. Yep, now my body's wrecked. Sooo sore

50% today, Dikes. Our group split up twice as we went along, I ran the majority of it with Morgan and Haley. 7:18 average. Then strides after. Then rehab and weights

Had a meeting during practice, then came home and crashed. What I thought would be a 10 minute nap turned into a 2.5 hour one. I was exhausted. Then went for my run, 8 miles on Dikes + Canyon, 7:31 average. Drew is gonna get after me for not coming in for rehab, lol

Tough workout today. 1 mile warmup, strides then started. 1 mile with 3:00 recovery, 12x400s split into 3 sets. First 4 had 30 seconds recovery, next 4 had 45 seconds recovery, and last 4 had 60 seconds recovery. Times went:

Mile: 5:43

400s:

1) 81, 85, 84, 87

2) 86, 87, 90, 91

3) 94, 87, 90, 88

Mile cool down. 87.5 average

After 2x400s, I was struggling. Didn’t think I’d finish, told myself I could quit after 8. Got to 8, then was like why not I’ll regret it if I don’t finish. So I did. Even though my times weren’t great, I finished and that’s an accomplishment. It was also tough with such little recovery. Compared to where I was at last year I’ve improved a lot. Looked back and I actually opened with a 5:57 mile at NAU last year. So comparatively, I’m doing pretty well. No way would I have finished this workout at the beginning of Cross season, either. Progress

Ran a mile on Dikes then ran into Max, Josie and Alison so I turned and ran with them for a bit. Then ran back towards Parks with Max and Alison and then went back up Dikes backwards (lol we’d just been talking about how we switched the directions my freshman year because of the dreaded hill and then I ran up it hahaha). Then back out to Main and finished to 10. 7:20 average

Glute was bugging a little after the warmup, went into the training room and after the first bridge I felt a pop. That was nice, hip went back in quick. Glute was good after that, stinking hips. Mile warmup then straight into a 60% on farm run. Coach said the range for my group was 6:25-6:35 and he wanted us to try to stick together, with an emphasis on those in the back to push to keep up (me haha). At the beginning coach was like what’re your 60s like? Your guess is as good as mine haha. I didn’t know what I could hold so I just made it my goal to stay with the group for as long as possible. I made it 3 miles then slipped back maybe 10-20 meters the 4th mile and then kinda died the last one but Haley wasn’t actually that far ahead of me and had fallen off too, I started closing the gap she had on me just a tad in the last half mile. Splits went 6:23, 12:55 (6:32), 19:22 (6:27), 26:01 (6:39), 32:58 (6:57). Averages out at 6:36, so I was right there. Coach was happy, and I am too. Now I know where I’m at. The first 3 felt really relaxed then the last two got hard. My anterior lower leg was bugging a tiny bit on the warmup, then gradually got worse as the workout progressed. I’d wanted to stop to be cautious about 2ish miles into the 60 but I was far from the track and coach was picking us up.. so I ran through it. Ankle was bugging a bit at the end too. Then did a half mile of cool down, calves were burning. I could manage my leg and ankle. Then piled in coaches car, drove back to the track, and got maybe .1 on the rest of cool down before I called it quits because my leg was too tight. Stiffened up in the car. Got it treated, Drew looked at it. Did hip rehab. Then went to weights, released it some, I could feel the difference just by palpating it compared to my other leg. Super tight. Coach I helped me out, he showed me what to do on the roller. Afterwards it felt so much better, just fatigued and still a little tight but I could feel when it just gave out. I was so tired by the end of weights. We did 5 sets today of pretty much everything. Usually it’s 3. This is the hard week in weights, too. Got some nutritious snacks after as always and tried the ionized water, it was rejuvenating. Then rolled out and ice bathed. This week is 3-4 days of effort, here we go. Depending on how my leg feels tomorrow I may or may not just do a 50. 

Leg was still bugging a little. Went in early and heated, rolled out and stretched. After the warmups I was still iffy about whether or not I should be running. After 1.5 miles warmup it felt surprisingly good, enough that I was debating between doing a 50% or the workout. Decided on a 50% because I wanted to err on the side of caution. Asked Coach, he told me I should take 2 days off and do the injury prevention thing and bike, but idk, I felt like the bike wouldn’t be any different than running. It’s not impact that’s the issue. It’s just tight. After a few jokes lol he said I could either bike or go get my arch taped and do a 50, I opted for the 50. At first the tape was bugging my heel but then it was alright after a mile. Leg was perfectly fine on the run, either the tape worked or I warmed up or both. I’m super sore and heavy, I think today was a needed recovery day anyways. Hoping I can do the workout tomorrow! Did Main + Canyon, cut it short to 7 like Drew wanted me to. 7:31 average. Glute challenge for hip rehab, rolled out, gunned (this is the flipping best thing I’m getting one for myself when I can afford one lol), rolled out plantar fascia with golf ball, rehab for leg, then ice cupped. Longest time I’ve spent in the training room in a while. 

Workout today was a power run, coach said it would be a faster 50% but the range was 6:45-7:15, so not 50% pace... it’s like 55% haha because 60% pace is usually 6:15-6:45, except he bumped that up this week to 6:35... maybe he’s just raising the bar. Idk. It’s kind of fun to remember back to my freshman year when the majority of the team couldn’t hit 6:45 average on farm run... only like Angie and the Ashley’s, me (sometimes) and Brighton could. And maybe Sharlie. And now I’m the slowest and I averaged 6:36 earlier this week, crazy how much our team has improved. I remember 6:45 pace for 4 miles of 60% was good for me my freshman year, so I’ve improved too. 

Anyways, power run for technically 3 miles but our first mile of warmup was quick too. Coach is experimenting with workouts, today was an experiment haha. We’re cutting the 80% on effort weeks and changing it to something similar to what we did today. It’ll make the 4 days back to back easier to manage, it can be pretty rough sometimes. I’m happy that coach is so accommodating to our team and doesn’t actually want to kill us hahaha.

Power run: 7:15 (warmup mile), 6:48, 6:46, 7:18 (slower because we were doing laps to add mileage). Averages out to 7:02. Felt really good actually. Then a longer hill repeat that coach said was a quarter, definitely wasn’t. He wanted us to go to the stop sign. This is one of the steepest hills in Cedar, the girls that went the whole way said it was .42 miles to the stop sign. I stopped because everyone else did, or so I thought. Turns out some kept going. We ran .3, and that was still really hard. Yikes I felt slow as a turtle haha. Then 10x15 second hill sprints, those were nice actually. Felt good. Then longer repeat again at the end, Coach had Paul come down the hill a little ways so it would actually be a quarter. That one was really hard, but I wasn’t last because a couple girls stopped for a sec. Coach called us wimps hahaha then Sharlie was like well why don’t you try it and he changed the topic real quick! Haha it was pretty funny. Cooled down to 7.

Leg still felt a little tight/stiff during warmups, but then it warmed up on our mile of warmup and it wasn’t much of a bother. Was still a little nervous about it right before we started the hills because I didn’t know how it’d feel for repeats, but it was fine.

Weights after. Drew said today would be a recovery day for rehab so I just stretched, rolled out, rapid rebooted and gunned. Coach told me in weights that I looked good today in the workout and to keep up the good work. He also said I’ll be able to race at the next NAU meet which I’m excited about because I thought for sure I wouldn’t be traveling. Coach is more encouraging than I’ve expected him to be. And he’s seemed genuinely surprised and happy with what I’ve been hitting, so that’s kind of fun. It makes me more excited about what’s to come. 

It was soooo windy today! I had a hard time running in a straight line. Ran with Josie and Haley and ended up averaging 7:45 which is good considering. Then rolled out, did hip rehab, stretched out everything in lower legs, and rapid rebooted my hips. Knee was bothersome for the first 2 miles but then warmed up and was fine afterwards. 

Coach told me in the training room that I’m improving like crazy, which is true haha, and that I looked really strong on the hills yesterday. He said he can tell when someone’s ready to race and I’m getting there, he said Josie, Haley and I are making it difficult for him because he wants to travel us all haha. He said he thinks I can run fast this season like I used to, that I can get down to a 5:10 again. I was a little surprised to be honest, I think I’ve had this mental barrier and haven’t really believed I’ll improve off of my high school times. But I know it’s possible. He told me I need to have more confidence. That’s probably true :) he said I look more fit and I’m running really well right now, I’m excited because yeah compared to years past I am. I think I’m finally getting back into the groove I used to have. 

Windy again, this time the other direction. Did Cross Hollows from my house then came back up by Walmart and added a half mile on the Dikes trail to make it 10. Started out slowish because of my knee/leg, leg isn’t painful anymore it just makes my knee stiff and running doesn’t feel smooth for the first bit. 10 minutes in it felt good, warmed up. I was at 7:15 average pace when I hit the bottom of Walmart Canyon/Cross Hollows (5ish miles in), then felt good I guess and had the wind to my back going back up the hill past campus and towards Walmart/home. Ended up with 7:11 average for all 10, which was surprising. That hill always feels dreadful at the end of a run, plus the one up to Walmart, but it felt good today. Thank you wind :)

Did 3x10 pushups and 3x25 crunches, for whatever reason my abs are sore. I want to start doing core workouts every day, but I’m going to start small so I have a better chance of keeping up with it. Once I’ve been consistent for a couple weeks I’ll bump it up. Then glute challenge for hip rehab. It’s feeling a lot easier now than it did my first time, maybe next time I’ll increase the time for each exercise from 30 seconds to 45 seconds. It’s still hard at 30 seconds especially on my weaker/tighter leg, but I feel like I could handle more time.

HR 56

Dikes to Main + Canyon and back. Knee was stiff again for a little less than a mile then it warmed up. Warmed up quicker today, maybe because it was warmer out? (48 degrees). I’ve been hitting this point around 7 miles into the run where I just feel great and smooth. Second time in a row :) I feel pretty strong right now. 7:16 average

5x10 push-ups, 5x25 crunches. Glute challenge again for hip rehab, increased to 45 seconds each exercise (so 10.5 minutes straight hips, 5:15 each leg). It actually wasn’t even that bad. My weaker side felt it for sure, but I could’ve done a minute each exercise if I’m being honest. Crazy cause at the beginning of Cross 30 seconds felt really hard. I also remember when I couldn’t do more than 3 good form pushups in a row (high school). Now 10 at a time feels fairly easy (probably thanks to weights).

I’ve been terrible about sleep this week. I’m going to make an effort to get to bed earlier

HR 55

Weights in the morning, heavier weight/less sets week. I was lightheaded and a bit tired after, probably the combination of dehydration and a good workout. 

Afterwards I did 3 mile parks loop with Morgan then did Canyon to the two mile mark and turned. The snow progressively got worse until it was blizzarding. The low impact felt good on my knee though, maybe it’s time for new shoes

My phone died this weekend so I’m in the process of getting a new one. The same day my check engine light came on #blessed. Anyway, missed the memo from coach that practice was on our own, got to practice and no one had shown up but Paul. He didn’t get it either hahaha. Then Coach came and said to run in St. George. Well, my car wasn’t reliable and I am already incredibly short on time. I’m thinking about quitting my job because I’m stretched so thin. So I just ran in Cedar. It was sooo cold. Did out and back on Dikes but turned on Main on the way back. 7:39 average.

Hip rehab before my evening class

HR 56

Awesome workout today! I’ve realized that I need to be more positive about things and make note of when I have good days, too. Today was definitely one of those days. I’m so pumped!

Started with warmups and 3 miles warmup, then strides. Workout was 5x500s for the 800/1500 group. I’m actually really happy I’m in this group because I’ve forgotten what it feels like to go fast and I’m starting to remember and get back into the groove of it. Goal pace for the 400 split on them was 74-80, I forgot the full 500 goal pace. I was just focusing on the 400 splits because that’s what I’m familiar with haha. I hit:

500 time (400 split)

1) 93 (74)

2) 94 (76)

3) 96 (76)

4) 98 (77)

5) 100 (79)

Averages out to 96 (76). Coach yelled out to me as we were cooling down that last year in this workout I averaged 103. I didn’t realize how much I’ve improved since then, I’m so pumped! 100 is 5:20 pace, it’s crazy that I hit every one of them, even the last one when I was dead, at 5:20 pace or under. I’ve had a mental barrier at a 5:20 mile. It kind of felt like a dream rather than a real goal. To get back and running that fast... that’s seemed crazy to me. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been able to. But now... well, I just ran faster than that pace this workout and I feel like I could’ve run faster if I would’ve pushed myself harder on those last ones. I’ve got to get used to running fast, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and getting my feet going.

I’m going to Weber State this weekend and I’m actually really nervous but excited. Because now it’s not just a far-fetched goal to break 5:20, what if I can actually do it? I haven’t really believed that I will, but now... maybe I actually can. If I can get myself into gear and push myself to hurt rather than stay relaxed. Granted it’s a mile and not 500 meters, but I’ve learned the pace and I know I can do it. I can hold it.

Coach said afterwards that if I can get a few races under my belt, I’ll be back and running like I used to. I’m excited because I think that’s true. I just want to PR so bad. To break 5:10 in the mile, that was a goal I had my senior year of high school that I missed by less than a second. And then it’s always been my dream to break 5:00. And maybe I actually can within the next couple of years. That would be so amazing.

Also, when I asked Coach today the likelihood of him having to cut my scholarship, he said not likely. I was so surprised, by the way he’d been talking during Cross and the sheer number of times he’s asked me to reconsider my options, see if this was really what I wanted to do, and the fact that he was almost going to cut me from the team this year, I just assumed it was going to be lowered no matter what. It helped me to relax and just focus on myself rather than trying to prove to Coach I was good enough, and maybe that was the secret all along. I’m just pumped to see how far I’ve come and the direction I’m going. Maybe now I can accomplish my dreams and be a useful player. In the last meeting I had with Coach before this, he’d said almost to himself “if we can get you back and running as fast as you did in high school...that would be a crazy story.” I want to make that a reality.

Cooled down to 9. Weights and rehab. 3x25 crunches, 3x10 pushups.

HR 52

I was tired today. My knee was also stiff and painful. Eeeeps in weights yesterday the 2 band hamstring curls were hurting it but me being me I thought psht don’t be a wimp and pounded through them anyways... Drew said to be smarter next time. I might have to skip out on those from now on until my knee doesn’t hurt at all while doing them.

I heated, rolled out, stretched and biked before running. It was feeling better than before, but still not awesome by the end of that. Drew just told me to be smart on my run, so I was in the clear to run but I was kind of hesitant about it. But once again, after a mile it warmed up and wasn’t much of a bother. Still felt it a little, but I was relieved. I’ll just have to be careful and warm up well before doing anything quick. I did Main slower and shortened my mileage to be safe. 7:40 average

Rolled out again, stretched again, did the glute challenge for rehab for 1 minute per exercise (14 total minutes- now that’s a real challenge haha), then game readied my knee. It feels surprisingly good now.

My new shoes came today so I’ll switch those out tomorrow and hopefully that’ll help the issue.

HR 60

Warmed up 2 miles, rolled out, did warmups and a few strides. I was really hoping for 5:20, thought for sure I’d break 5:30, and here we are. I came through 400 at 76 and relaxed through the 800 at 2:38 so I was on pace at that point, then I crashed and burned. I guess I’m just lacking the endurance and/or strength to keep up the pace. But I never gave up, I pushed myself and that’s all that matters. Aiden said that I went for it and that’s the first step. Maddy said that after a few races of pushing and working hard it’ll come and I will be able to hold it. It just takes time. The conversion for altitude/flat 200 meter track is 11 seconds so at sea level on a regular 400 meter track it would’ve been 5:28. So I guess that’s still decent. At least I’m heading in the right direction, last year at this meet I ran 5:45. And Jake said that after injury, you almost have to start over and set new personal bests post-injury. And I guess it’s my best college time. I should probably just let go of my high school times and focus on college and doing the best I can. And eventually it will come. I still have this year and two more years to cut my times down. I just have to be patient. 

All things considered, I’d say it was a successful meet. Sure I’m disappointed and it wasn’t what I wanted but I can learn from it and later this season I’ll be able to cut my time down. 

Cooled down 7 miles slow, 7:50 average

Not gonna lie, today was one of the days where I had to shut my mind off, try my hardest to be positive and just run because I was moody, stressed out and there was a lot of negativity from my teammates. I was really frustrated because their complaints just made me envious and I don’t like that, I just want to be happy with my circumstances. I have a lot of things to be grateful for like being able to train with such a fast team and under such patient, kind and understanding coaches. And I still get opportunities not a lot of other people get, others have to pay for gym memberships and I get bribed with food to go to weights haha

Only like half of us did the workout today, I think it was all those that Coach was planning on racing this coming weekend? Not sure. Coach isn’t sure if I’m going this weekend, it just depends if there’s enough spots on the bus. This is my one chance to travel with the team during indoor, and it’s hard to stay positive and believe I’ll be able to travel much in outdoor because that’s even more difficult. There’s less spots. I understand it, I’m the slowest, we have to accommodate sprinters and throwers and jumpers, too. I understand, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult. On the bright side though, I can always drive up north when BYU or Utah State or UVU or one of those hosts a meet. So I’ll still be able to race, even if it’s not with my team.

Paul ran up to me and stopped me as I was leaving weights, he reminded me that I’m running really well right now and even if I leave SUU having only PR’d by one second, I still will have PR’d. He also reminded me that this weekend was the first meet, and that it’s ok that I died. Later on I’ll be able to hold it. I love Paul, he always seems to know exactly what to say when I need it, even though he probably has no idea that I really needed that today.

Anyways, I ate way too much for lunch today only an hour before practice so I wasn’t feeling great. But my teammates weren’t doing great for their own reasons either, except for Sam and Alison. I think they’re the only ones Coach let finish the workout. The rest of us he pulled and told us to do distance because he “didn’t like what he was seeing.” To be honest, considering how I felt, I didn’t do too terribly. It was just on the 800, I wasn’t looking at my watch and just ran with Morgan and Julieta was behind me so I thought I was fine, though it did feel surprisingly comfortable and easy. Turns out it was way slow... oh well. 2x1000s, I hit 3:37, 3:38 which is awesome. They didn’t even feel that hard. I just felt like I ate too much haha but they were really relaxed. 60-90 seconds rest between them, then the 800 was 3:03 so way slow. And that’s why coach pulled us haha. Kind of bummed, if I’d paid more attention to pace I might’ve been allowed to finish. Oh well. Then did Main and cut down 300 W for cool down, I was glad to be alone and work through the negativity that had built up over practice. 

Weights later, it’s a hard week. 5 sets and up in weight. But it’ll be good for us. Also, Coach I had me roll out my quads on the PVC pipe and it hurt like heck. He says that’s what’s most likely causing my knee pain. It did feel a lot better afterwards, the hamstring curls didn’t hurt my knee anymore and I actually got a burn in my hamstrings rather than knee pain hahaha. Also because there’s an odd number of us in weights Coach I helped me with a lot of the partner stuff, it was nice to have him coach me one on one. He pointed out my feet wanting to roll to the side, in my left foot especially I don’t usually use my big toe for power. I’ve always known my foot positioning was terrible so I was just like, “yeah.” I asked him what I could do to fix it and he said to just pay attention when walking, I have to create the neuropathways so I use my big toe. One day my form will be fixed haha. Ooh I should ask him how to get my right arm to move through the same ROM as my left... haha. It’s fun because I actually understand what he (or my trainers or my coach) talks about now that I’ve taken quite a bit of Exercise Science classes. It intrigues me.

HR 55

Distance run today, Canyon + Bicent. 7:22 average. I was feeling pretty tired but I kept up. Also heart rate was high this morning, my body’s probably just tired.

Hips haven’t hurt in a while, I think the rehab finally took care of them. My knee started hurting the last two miles, felt some sharp pain a few times. Drew is going to scrape my quads tomorrow since we did hard tissue work yesterday. Rolled out and game readied

HR 65

2 mile warmup, strides then started. 2 laps and straight into an 80%. A mile on the track, a mile on the block lap, a mile on the track. Hit 6:01, 12:32 (6:31), 19:23 (6:51). 6:28 average. I was not in a good place mentally. Almost dropped out after 2 miles but then told myself to suck it up, what was 4 more laps? And it didn’t feel that hard, an indication I didn’t work hard enough haha. That last one I dogged just trying to finish. I was surprised I hit what I did, it honestly felt so slow. I thought for sure it’d be above 20 minutes so I was happy that it wasn’t. 

Told myself to toughen up, stop being so negative and just finish the workout. Ran over to the hill, I’d missed the first 2 repeats but I did the last 7. Weights after and got my quad and lower leg scraped out. Rapid rebooted.

Just trying to stay positive. Most likely need to lower my expectations. Might reevaluate a few things and come up with a plan for what to work towards going forward, seeing as I won’t be traveling. I’m learning to find the positive in comments from my teammates and let go of jealousy and frustrations. This will be a good strengthener for me because I’ll be able to learn how to let things bounce off and focus more on the positive, pushing through and doing what I can to improve, rather than comparisons and the negative thoughts that press down on me. It’ll help humble me and help others up instead of focusing on my own struggles. Because in the end, what does it matter if I achieve what I want if it doesn’t affect someone else in a positive way, too?

HR 55

Today’s workout was pretty tough. We did warmups, 2 mile warmup and strides before starting. Workout was 4x400s with 3 minutes rest, 4x300s with 2 minutes rest, 3x200s with 90 seconds rest, 8x100s with 15 seconds rest. All at mile pace or faster. My goal pace is 5:20, so 80, 60, 40, 20. Originally it was going to be 6x400s but then coach changed it. After the 300s he also said if we felt like we needed to drop out we could. I was surprised. None of us did. I think he said that because it’s the third day of speed this week for everyone and we know our bodies well enough to know when it’s not a good idea to push etc. I like that coach allows us to decide and judge what we can handle. It helps prevent injury.

Anyways, times went:

400s: 78, 79, 78, 79

300s: 56, 56, 59, 58

200s: 37, 38, 38

100s: 18, 20, 20, 19, 19, 19, 19, 18.

Starting out, those 400s felt harder than normal. At that effort I thought it’d be 76-77 range. But my legs felt heavy. I felt like it was a good workout though and under 5:20 pace, so I met my goal. Cooled down to 8 with Madison and Haley. Weights, rolled out, glute challenge for hip rehab (45 seconds/exercise), then quad/toe/hip exercise for knee. Noticed my VMOs weren’t fully firing so addressed those briefly, we’ll work more on them tomorrow. Knee is feeling better than yesterday and Tuesday

Later did 3x10 pushups and 3x25 crunches. Didn’t I say I was bad at doing core daily? Lol attempt number 2, going to try to do this daily for 2 weeks straight. Then I’ll bump it up, but I’ve got to start small haha. Baby steps. I also forgot to take my pulse this morning... sigh.

Coach made a side comment today about needing the women’s team to be bigger and the men’s to be smaller... we have like 40 guys and only 11 girls. Lol.

I decided that I’m going to stay positive about everything and focus on what I enjoy. Because I really do love it here, even though it’s hard. And I’ll just expect not to travel with the team so I don’t keep getting disappointed. I’ll go to the local meets in outdoor if I can and it’s not all about racing. I like seeing the improvements I make even in practice. And the 80% yesterday wasn’t half as bad as I thought, last year at this time I ran 19:47. I compared it to the 18:52 I ran a month or so later. But I also wasn’t at my best yesterday and realistically could’ve been right around there if I’d pushed the last mile like I was supposed to instead of settling. Next time.

I started up medication finally, got prescribed two different kinds one is the regular everyday one that will make gradual changes in the brain for both depression and anxiety (takes a few weeks to start working) and the other is for immediate relief for extreme anxiety. I took the immediate one yesterday a couple hours before bed because I was getting so stressed out about anything and everything. It actually worked, I stopped worrying about things, felt physically more relaxed, it was weird. I guess I’ve been so used to always worrying I haven’t known what it’s like to not stress about things, even though there were still things to stress about... if that makes sense? It was really, really nice actually. Feeling better about taking medication now, I was hesitant haha. Side effects, if any occur, should only last one or two weeks. And hopefully I’m not allergic lol.