Sock tans

Moving day number 2, I didn’t finish completely moving out of my apartment in Cedar until after 7pm yesterday and decided to wait until today to drive/complete the move. No running because I helped Grae with some of her math and tried to pull out and move everything in my car. I’m actually very surprised I fit everything in yesterday, my car is tiny. There was a point where I thought for sure I’d have to make two trips, I was seriously so shocked it all fit. I’d reorganized for an hour or so until it did. 

Over to 2100 S and up a little ways past sugarhouse park, 7:50 average. I forgot that Salt Lake is warmer than Cedar. I expected it to be cooler because it was still before noon, but it was already 90*. That’s hotter than today’s high for Cedar lol. Guess I better get used to it :)

Yesterday I hit my knee REALLY hard and it still sorta hurts to bend. It was kinda funny, but it also hurt a lot.

4 miles at Liberty Park, 7:56 average. It was quite hot, I should start running earlier. I’ve lost a lot of fitness from my “break” time and I want to start increasing my miles and being more consistent. To start, I’m making it my goal to run every day this week. I know that’s sorta lame and isn’t hard, but I need to get back in the habit of making time for my run rather than running if I find time later in the day or skipping if I don’t feel like it. It’s been a good break to get away from the high intensity training I’m used to but I’d still like to be in decent shape, which I’m really not in right now. I was surprised at how uncomfortable it was, I want to get back to where 6-8 miles feels comfortable then build off of that until 10 miles does.

I want to go with the high miles low intensity approach because I do find it more enjoyable and I did find more success with it in high school. I’m better at long distances anyways, Ashley Hawks told me when I ran with her a few weeks ago that she was always impressed with how well I could pace/how even I could hit splits my freshman year at SUU. I’d forgotten that it was my strong suit and was a little surprised, but she did have a point. In high school I was the girl everyone sat on in races because I could pace well and then they’d kick with 400 left and outkick me. Speed isn’t my strong suit. So taking that into consideration, I want to train for something that I know is my stronger suit. I actually loved running far in high school and not caring about how fast I went. Just running for as many miles as I wanted. My longest run ever was 18 (or 18.5?) miles. I want to be able to do that again. 

It’s kind of awesome to be in control of my training and to be able to choose how I run. And especially to run because I want to, not because I have to. I definitely want to run more half marathons and one day I do want to brave a marathon. But not until I’m at high mile weeks. I’m thinking my first real half won’t be until next spring so I can build up a strong base for it, then I’ll go from there. It might get difficult because of classes (I’ll be applying for BYUI’s Physical Therapist Assistant program in the spring and really do need to focus more on school than running to have the best chance of being accepted, and then the program itself is very rigorous) but I’m going to do the best that I can.

Started at Sunnyside park and did VA loop, then added up to foothill and back. I didn’t have my watch on me, so I didn’t get pace and I’m just guessing on the distance. Just getting out and running today was an accomplishment, I was close to deciding not to go because it was already hot, 92*. It’s supposed to get up to 100* today, which I’m not used to. I need to start going earlier in the mornings before it’s in the 90s ha. I felt a lot better than yesterday though so that was nice

Man, I’d wanted to run every day this week. Yesterday I was super busy with a couple jobs and a few things for BYU-Idaho, plus creating a new resume so I can start applying for jobs in Rexburg. I kinda took my scholarships at SUU for granted, now I’m trying to apply for new ones at BYUI but you know, most of the deadlines have passed.

I’m super happy though because I was on the waitlist for Anatomy and Physiology (every single section was full, about 6 or 7 sections- each with 140 seats) but yesterday I finally got enrolled!! If I hadn’t been able to my whole timeline would’ve been thrown off haha. So I’m really happy it worked out.

Anyways, today I ran to Cottonwood Complex and did 2 hill repeats on rollercoaster, starting from the double trunk tree at the top of Bessie. They ended up being .3 miles each. The first was 1:54 and second was 1:50. It’s been a looong time since I’ve run these hills, brought back some memories

My mom and sisters Millie and Tessa came home from our cabin today, which was a surprise. I thought they were coming home tomorrow. Anyways, then another surprise! My mom had bought them both some shorts and said something like “so you can go running.” Then Tessa and Millie both got excited, I was like what? So surprised. They’re 7. Usually it’s Hattie that’ll MAYBE come with me for a mile or two. But she doesn’t like running much, mainly uses it to condition for soccer. Anyways, my mom said they could run if I went with them :) but only a short ways. Millie and Tessa has to take walking breaks, mainly because they sprinted hahaha. Coming back I told them it’s easier if they go slower, tried it then Millie was like wow it is easier! Haha. Tessa didn’t have to stop much but had to stop to wait for Millie and I, we had to stick together lol. We went .75, at the end Tessa immediately requested we go again tomorrow or sometime and go longer, and that she go alone so she didn’t have to stop haha. Tess is very athletic. Millie wanted to go “just a little bit longer” next time. 

Anyways, afterwards I started VA loop but did an out and back instead. 3.25 miles alone

I was incredibly short on time, today I have back to back jobs. I also promised my dad I’d mow the lawn this weekend and forgot about it yesterday so I needed to get it done today. So, I did it then ran as far as I could before I had to get ready and leave. 3 miles, 7:31 average. It was hot and windy

Yesterday I planned on running later in the evening when it was cooler out, that didn’t happen. Today I have back to back jobs and won’t be done until midnight. So, no running again. Sigh. I want to, maybe if I have a long enough break in between jobs I will.

My team is gearing up for the progression run on Thursday. Or, I guess not my team anymore. It’s strange to not be in Cedar and not be at all the team meetings. It’s crazy that the season is already starting for them. I’m glad that I don’t have to stress about the progression run or the road race or meeting a certain standard, but I miss it at the same time. I especially loved the road race, part of me is sad because I know that I’d have done a lot better this next year. The excitement of knowing I could possibly PR is something I really really miss. I know I’m not even near in good enough shape and I’m transferring, but I still feel like I should be there running.

Out and back on Foothill, 8:04 average. Felt better than I thought I would. I’m getting excited for BYUI! I have a couple friends from my home ward that are up there and I have only heard good things about it. My mom thinks it’ll be really good for me. We always stop in Rexburg anytime we go up to my cabin so my family knows it pretty well, which is different from Cedar. I’m only going part-time this next semester so that I can work and ease back into it. It’ll help remind me that I can do well in school and that it was my depression that prevented me from doing as well in classes. I’ve lost a lot of confidence in myself because of what happened, especially in grades. I got my first ever C in Calculus last fall then was failing anatomy and anatomy lab and struggling in all my other classes last semester before I withdrew. I’ve always been an A/B student before then, so I just need to remind myself that I can still succeed in school. I think I’m nervous to do a lot of things because of what happened, but I just need to remember that my depression doesn’t define me and I can do more now that it’s being treated. It definitely affected my ability to focus and stay on top of my work. I often couldn’t even get out of bed so... yeah. That shouldn’t happen again

Modified Cemetery run with a lap in the cemetery. 8:03 average. I felt pretty good, but at the end I think I had an asthma attack. It’s been years since I’ve had one. I was wheezing pretty loudly and my breathing was really shallow. I stopped and tried to take deep breaths but my chest hurt and I still wasn’t able to get much air. I walked home. I think being slightly out of shape contributed, though I’m not sure why all of a sudden it happened. My chest still feels like it has a weight on it but I’m okay. My asthma isn’t that severe, I’ve mostly grown out of it. It was pretty bad when I was younger (I got it because of my biological parents smoking so much). I had to use a humidifier and an inhaler fairly often back then but like I said I haven’t had an attack in years. I don’t even have an inhaler anymore because I thought it was gone. Maybe I just have to stay in shape to keep it at bay- hooray for motivation!

Cemetery run again but shortened it, 7:39 average.

Didn’t run yesterday because I was working all day, 8am-11pm. I was so tired when I got home. No running today either because I worked for a long time today as well and I don’t really feel comfortable running in this part of Salt Lake at night. My parents neighborhood is a lot more familiar to me and more well lit. Theirs is also a larger neighborhood and not so close to Sugarhouse park or other sketchy areas at night.

It’s been 3.5 months since my last ECT treatment, 5.5 since my first hospitalization. Things still feel so much lighter and easier than they did before. I have yet to feel completely content and lose the anxiety,  but I haven't had any suicidal ideation whatsoever in 3 months. Which I’d say is pretty amazing considering how things used to be.

Cemetery run, 7:32 average. Felt really good.

Cemetery run again (it’s become my go to). I didn’t have a watch on me, but it was a quicker pace. I felt really good, which was a shock because I have a cold and haven’t run in a week. But it was cooler outside this evening so that’s probably why it felt so nice

Last week was a real struggle when it came to running- I just didn’t get out because I didn’t really wanna. This week I want to run every day. I’ve missed it and I’m ready to get in shape again.

I’m kinda looking forward to starting school again. It’ll be fun to start somewhere new. But I’m also pretty anxious about it because of last semester. It’ll be okay. SUU classes started today, but lucky me! I’ve got a couple more weeks of summer :)

Cemetery run again, this time the long way around Sugarhouse. Felt great, at a good pace again. No watch though. I kinda like running without my watch. Then I just run off of feel. I should probably charge it so I can get exact distance, I’m just guessing 

Over to Sugarhouse along 1700 E, started a perimeter lap then cut in at the main entrance to the drinking fountain. It was hot (I went at 4pm- the only time I could go today because it’s another busy day). 95*. Then did a road lap, stopped again at the fountain and drenched my singlet, then back home via 1300 E. My singlet was almost completely dry at the end. All it took was 1 mile to dry haha

Starting from my parents’ house I did VA loop and added up Sunnyside to Foothill then back down 900 S. It felt good, running always makes me feel better. My legs are starting to feel a little heavy, after so much time off I think they just need to readjust to running every day.

This week will be the first week in 14 weeks that I’ll actually run every day (besides Sunday- I never run on Sundays). I’m ready to start building up mileage and getting back into it.

Wasatch loop. Felt pretty good!

I found out some more stuff about my biological family yesterday. I’d asked my mom if there was a way I could look at my biological line for family history work and it turned into searching up Facebook profiles and mugshots :) turns out I have two half-brothers I didn’t know about. My parents have been in jail once a year and both got assault charges for beating each other up. Also my paternal grandmother wrote letters to us and blamed my biological mom for everything believing my biological dad was innocent, she claimed that my mom hit my uncle joe with a car. And my other uncle did a selfie video thing on Facebook I think talking to my biological brother saying “I miss you, wish you were here, this one’s for you” and poured out a bottle of beer on the ground in front of the camera. What is my family? I actually laughed everything was so ridiculous.

On a more serious note, I’m very grateful I was adopted into such an amazing family. It was really eye opening. Here I’ve been feeling inferior and like I don’t quite measure up, and yet I’m the only one from my biological family to go to college, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and my twin and I are the only ones to stay out of trouble with the law. It’s shocking to realize just how different my life could’ve been. 

VA loop