Sock tans

Happy New Year!!

December 2020 stats

Number of hypomanic days: 2 (6.5 percent) ↓

Number of depressed days: 20 (64.5 percent) ↓

Number of stable days: 9 (29 percent) ↑

Average suicidal ideation rating: 0.16 ↓

Average meals per day: 2.97 ↓

Average hours of sleep: 7.97 ↑

Days medication was missed: 0 ↓

Average anxiety rating: 2.77 ↔

Average irritability rating: 0.13 ↔

Number of days exercised: 14 (45 percent) ↔

Average impulsivity rating (only 6 days of data): 2 ↔

All things considered, December was a good month. My mood was more stabilized than it has been since I've been keeping track (I started in October), and before then it's safe to say I was very unstable lol. So it's cool to see my progress.

I'm still a little worried about the next couple months because that's when I always seem to struggle the most. But this time I have a therapist and steady meds to help me through the darker months. If I can avoid another hospital visit that will be an accomplishment.

I broke my running streak :(

Wasatch loop. I had in my head that I was going to go the full extended loop, but after 3 miles I knew it wasn't happening. Or more accurately I decided not to try because I wasn't feeling amazing. Maybe someday this week I'll be ambitious and make it happen, idk.

Running streak: 1

I didn't run again today. But I did have therapy.

We discussed my dilemma about not having the motivation to do things and yet needing to for the betterment of my health. She basically said everything I already knew but validated it and helped it sink in a little more, and gave more perspective. For example, she pointed out that I'm in a much better position than I was in last year at this time. That while I'm struggling with moderate depression, last year I was in a suicide spiral. And I'm very self-aware. For example, I can feel when a depressive episode is settling in. I can recognize it. I can also recognize hypomania, though I haven't been hypomanic for a while.

She also said something that really surprised me. She said that I'm the only one of her clients actually tracking my moods, and I'm not flaking on therapy where a lot of her clients are doing so right now even though they really need it. She said that holds a lot of significance and means I'm accountable and I'm putting in the effort to get myself healthy. 

She also encouraged me to do things that are going to help improve my condition, even if I don't want to do them. She said to think of the future and look at what each action will bring you, and make choices based on that. If it's for the betterment of your health, if it'll bring you peace, and if it'll improve your mood, do it. If it won't, don't.

The wintertime is more difficult for most people because of a lack of Vitamin D, but especially so for those with mood disorders. She recommended me to see someone to discuss in depth what nutrients I might be deficient in and discover ways to get enough of them either through diet or supplements. She also recommended I see a nutritionist to discuss diet and how it affects mood. My mom has mentioned diet being a significant factor before, in fact brought it up again a couple days ago. I might try adjusting it. My therapist also said staying hydrated is important with relation to mood, which surprised me. I don't know how that correlates but I'm going to try to stay better hydrated. And I've been slacking on my mindfulness techniques, so I'm going to recommit to doing one every day. And starting tomorrow, I'm going to go for 7 straight days of running.   

I get the first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine on Monday :)

Ran 3 miles and did a 7 minute core workout with my mom and sisters

Foothill out and back. Almost didn't go but I forced myself to, ended up feeling pretty good. 

Out and back

Got the COVID-19 vaccine today! What a day. I also got an IUD placement. Has me feeling really crampy and a little nauseated when the pain is rather intense

The vaccine hurt less than the flu vaccine for those wondering. It really wasn't bad at all. They say I could have a fever and chills tomorrow but we'll see. 

No running today

So far my arm feels like it's been punched but other than that no fever no chills. I have some residual cramps from the IUD.

I'm going on a hike later today with Olivia, might make that my "run"/exercise just because I don't feel the greatest.

My class also started yesterday, I've got to write two 3,000 word papers within a month so that's exciting

I signed up for a half marathon! It's on April 3rd. I'm hoping this will give me some motivation to train.

Imagine Dragons posted a link to some music that I haven't heard before, I think they're songs that didn't make it onto their previous albums and I love it. I hope they release them fully soon.

Today was also a really good day in therapy. My therapist told me that I'm stable, which surprised me a little because my moods have still been fluctuating into depression. But because my suicidal ideation has been non-existent for 22 days and at a 2/10 intensity or lower for 57 days straight, and I haven't come close to needing a hospital stay in 9 months, I'm stable. Which is exciting.

Wasatch loop

Foothill out and back

Felt good today

Wasatch loop

Foothill out and back. Sad to say, my legs were feeling a bit tired, but I guess that's to be expected. I'm determined to get a full weeks worth of runs in this week. And then keep up the trend. I'm not really sure how to best train for a half marathon, especially when it's only 10 weeks away, but I think at first I'm just going to focus on mileage. It might not be my best half, but I hope to at least be in shape for it.

If all goes well, this will be the first week since the end of July that I won't have missed a day of running.

VA loop. Legs felt tired again, but it was also warm enough for shorts! As was yesterday. Today it was windy and started to drizzle at the end of my run.

This week I've been at a stable place mood-wise, which I think has helped me with motivation. I adjusted medications on Tuesday to hopefully stabilize my moods further- to have less frequent dips into depression and less intensity within those dips. The meds I've been on seem to have eliminated hypomania almost completely, interestingly enough. I wonder if that's possible for bipolar 2 depression, at the right dose and on the right meds. One can hope. To have only the occasional dip into depression, that would be amazing. 

Well, I slacked for a few days. Yesterday I had no time to run, I was working all day. Unless I wanted to run at 8pm which I didn't. I was ready to come home and be done with the day lol

Anyways, I'm going to recommit to running every day and try not to miss any more days. Sometime it'll stick. 

Apparently we can't go over 40 hours a week at work, so now I don't feel so bad about leaving early for therapy appointments and school. Even with my shortened hours I'm cutting it close. 

For those who don't know, I work for the HERO Project (Health and Economic Recovery Outreach) at the University of Utah. We are a research project studying the spread of COVID-19 through Utah.

We're currently testing faculty, staff and students in Granite school district, MBA students at the U, and people in the community in northern Utah. In the past little bit we've been in West Valley and Salt Lake, but we have also tested in Provo, Logan, Layton, Woods Cross, and in the summer some of our team went to St. George (before I was part of the Project). In the past we have tested University of Utah students as part of their weekly testing, but we decided to continue doing community testing instead. So now the U has its own staff for U of U student testing.

A couple great perks of this job is that we all get vaccinated against COVID-19 and we get tested weekly for COVID-19. It's a great job to have in the midst of a pandemic.

I get my second dose of the vaccine on Monday.