Sock tans

Okay so I haven't run in... over a week. It's looking like that half marathon might have to be deferred to next year cause I just haven't had the motivation to train for it this year. I feel bad about it but it is what it is. 

On another note Imagine Dragons dropped their new album tonight and I'm stoked about it. They're my all-time favorite artist.

So how's life? I'm struggling financially but what else is new? Currently in a big debate over whether or not I should keep my job or get a new one. Don't know if this is my bipolar cycle getting to me, probably. There are some really good aspects of my job but some really sucky ones at the same time. And I'm not getting paid very well. I'm in a depressive swing. Have been for a solid 18 days. It's fuuuuun. Hehe. Not really. No suicidal thoughts for a year. Still going to weekly therapy but considering dropping to every other week. Despite being depressed I'm doing quite well. I'm not to the point of tears depressed. Just my usual withdrawing and keeping to myself, feeling tired and less motivated than usual. But I am learning ways to be still and in the moment so as not to be anxious, which is nice. And the up side is that I'll be hypomanic sooner or later haha :) or maybe that's a downside too... ah well hypomania is more fun than depression. 

3 miles

2.75 miles

Well... I deferred my half marathon entry to next year. It was obvious I'm in no shape for a half marathon. I was struggling on a 3 miler today and ended up walking a quarter mile of it. But it's okay. I'm feeling more motivated now to run. Hence why I got out and ran today. We'll see how long that lasts though haha. 

I had therapy again today and my therapist asked me where I thought my mood was at and I said I thought I was coming out of depression/entering into an upswing and she said she could tell. I seemed happier and brighter. It always surprises me when she can tell just off of my countenance.

I also learned today that I could ask my work for a mental health day if I need it. Because bipolar disorder is a disability, they have to allow for it. Same with doctors appointments like therapy and psychiatry, but I've managed to not disclose what my appointments are for thus far. Idk why but I'm a bit more wary of disclosing my disability in an employment setting, and I have a hard time seeing myself actually asking for a mental health day because it's never even crossed my mind, I feel obligated to go to work no matter what. And thankfully in 18 months I haven't gotten so low that I can't get out of bed. But it's nice to know that if that were to ever occur again I can ask for a day off. 

Easy 2.75

3 easy

I had therapy this morning, T'was a good time. My therapist went to Canada to learn more about ART the past 5 days. We had an ART session today. It was really cool actually. I left not having any suicidal ideation whatsoever and feeling really hopeful and inspired. 

2 easy

Easy 3.

My therapist is opening up her own practice and told me today that she's leaving Red Willow. It really scared me for a minute because she started saying how she wouldn't be accepting insurance and that it would be close to $200 a session and I can't pay that much. But then she said she'd do a sliding scale for me, that she's already worked it out for me to pay what I currently pay ($60 a session) if I wanted to continue services with her. She said that I'm the one client she'll be doing that with, which im extremely grateful for. But boy I was so sad for a minute because I thought I wasn't going to be able to afford her new prices and I'd be on the search for a new therapist.