Sock tans

Didn't feel as good today, I think because I didn't eat much before. 8:48 average

Felt really tired for some reason. 8:40 average 

8:49 average. Beautiful weather this week!

I'm tired after this one. 8:43 average

One year ago today I was admitted to the hospital for a partial suicide attempt, self-harm, and having 2 other plans and a suicide note written out. 2 years ago I was admitted to the hospital for the same reasons.

It also marks the day that my life turned around for the better. 

Everyday I'm grateful to be alive and well. 

No running today because one of my best friends got engaged today, I went to help out with the proposal up at Deer Valley after work.

This one took it out of me. It was all uphill the first half but the wind to my back, then downhill the second half but going against the wind. And it was WINDY, especially in the canyon. I was getting blown over on certain gusts. Slow pace, 9:06 average.

It's my twin sisters' birthdays today, they turn 9. Crazy!

8:39 average. Getting nervous about the half marathon. I seem to get tired around 3 or 4 miles, the 7/8 mile runs feel long, and I think my overall anxiety has me doubting whether or not I can finish a half on such little training. Sigh.

On a happier note I'm now debt-free (not including student loans), my credit score went up 61 points, I registered for my last class needed for my associates degree and applied for graduation (it's not much but it's something), and we discussed going down to every other week for therapy (we're still sticking with every week for a few more weeks, but to be at the point where every other week is an option is huge, especially considering where I was last year at this time).

8:53 average. Imagine dragons released two new songs, one is not my favorite but the other is AMAZING.

8:46 average. Still trying to figure out my future. Today I found out I was awarded (if I accept) a $3,200 grant (per semester) at SUU. Makes me want to go back, that's a huge financial help. But idk, I'm told by my parents and therapist that staying here in northern Utah is better for my mental health. So I'm torn.

8:53 average

8:33 average. Beautiful day today! 63 degrees.

I just wanted to recognize the stability that I've finally achieved. These are two graphs showing my mood symptoms, the first from October through December 2020, the second January through March 2021. I don't know what finally worked, but a good guess says it was the right medication combination.

8:24 average. Another beautiful day today! 66 degrees. It's supposed to rain tomorrow.

I got accepted into UVU today :) still have decisions to make, but it's probably where I'm going to finish my degree.

Decisions to make:

1) what to study/what career I want: I'm leaning towards either exercise science- just because I know I'm interested in it but I don't have a career in mind for it- or secondary mathematics education to become a middle or high school math teacher, or elementary education and become an elementary school teacher.

2) where to finish my degree

3) how fast to finish my degree- balancing school and work

I joined two challenges that will happen in April. One is the 75 mile challenge: run or walk 75 miles in April. This one is for the American Red Cross. I'm going to try to make it running miles, which comes out to be about 2.88 miles a day on average if I'm not including Sundays. I think it'll help me be more consistent with my running.

The second one is a 100 mile walk for suicide awareness and prevention. The Life's Worth Living foundation is hosting it- a walk from Toole to Wendover. It will be a 3 day event with two of those days being walking days. It sounds like we won't be walking the full 100 miles, it'll be more of a relay. But I'll do as much as I can, possibly running some of those miles. I think this one will be far more meaningful, especially considering my history with suicide. I'm excited for it. 

My half marathon I'm having doubts about. It's not this upcoming weekend but the next. I'll see how I feel on my runs this week and decide whether or not I'm going to do it. I know I should probably just try. But I'm nervous about it. 

8:41 average.

My psychiatrist suspects I have an under active thyroid (hypothyroidism), which can be caused by one of my medications. It would explain my hair loss and sensitivity to cold. I'll be getting labs done tomorrow to recheck my TSH level (which was high last time) and check my cholesterol. I'll be meeting with a MD in mid April to look into it further.

8:55 average. 

My test results are back. My free thyroxine level was normal but my TSH was pretty high. This indicates subclinical hypothyroidism (hypothyroidism in its early stages). This was brought on by my medication (lithium), which I take daily for bipolar disorder. My lithium levels are still within normal range but on the verge of being too high. I don't know what this means in medication management, but some changes need to be made. 

8:56 average. 

This was to prove to myself that I can still run long distances. I'm still debating about the half next week, but I feel more confident that I can do it now.

If I do run it, my goal will be to run under 2hrs. That feels manageable to me.

I'm planning on running the half marathon on Saturday. I'm nervous but I'll do it haha. Next time I do one I'm actually going to train for it so that I'm actually ready. This one will just be a run-to-complete type half.

I'll be moving in the next couple of weeks so that my parents can remodel the basement. It will give me new places to run for a while.