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May 2021

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Location:

Draper,UT,

Member Since:

Jun 21, 2011

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

800m- 2:23

1600m- 5:10

1 Mile- 5:12

3200m-11:03

XC 3 mile-17:55

XC 5k- 19:00

XC 6k- 22:25

Local 5k- 18:42

Local 10k- 41:31

Local 15k- 1:03:55

Unofficial Half (2020)- 1:45:46

Official Half (2021)- 1:49:28

60% (5 miles)- 32:32 (6:30 average)

80% (3 miles)- 18:52 (6:17 average)

16x400s- 82.0 average

20x400s- 82.6 average

SUU Road Race- 23:30 (3.9 miles/6:02 average)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Get up to 45-50 miles/week

Run a sub-19:30 5k again

Train for and race a half marathon

Long-Term Running Goals:

18:45 or under 5k

Run a marathon

Personal:

25 years old

I graduated from East High in 2015 and received a full-ride athletic scholarship to run for SUU. In 2016, I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was sent home early due to depression and nannied for a few months before returning to SUU in fall of 2017. I ran for SUU again, losing my mission weight and getting back into shape. In spring of 2019 I was forced to emergency withdraw from the semester due to severe depression and received 11 ECT treatments along with meds and a diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder. I then decided on a whim to transfer to BYU-Idaho the following semester, and struggled majorly there to even pass my classes due to depression. The following spring semester, exactly 1 year later, I again had to emergency withdraw from the semester due to severe depression and was again hospitalized. I then decided to drop out of school for a minute and work so I could pay off medical bills. I worked full-time and eventually paid off all my medical bills. In January of 2021 I went back to school online through SUU taking two more classes and graduated with my Associate's degree in July of 2021. Also in July of 2021, I got a new job working with special needs adults and teenagers. I loved it.

I'm currently between jobs, my mental health got bad again and I went to an inpatient hospital, a residential treatment center, and then a partial hospitalization program, and now I'm in an Intensive outpatient program. My goal is to learn how to thrive and not just survive. Surviving is what I've been doing for years, so it's going to be hard to learn how to truly enjoy life. But I'm grateful for the opportunity. 

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Miles:This week: 5.80 Month: 8.30 Year: 57.15
Adidas Distancestar Spikes Lifetime Miles: 3.00
Adidas Boston 7 Lifetime Miles: 430.33
Nike Pegasus 34 Lifetime Miles: 493.60
Nike Pegasus 34 II Lifetime Miles: 365.31
Nike Pegasus 36 Lifetime Miles: 480.43
Nike Pegasus 36 II Lifetime Miles: 319.00
Nike Pegasus 37 Lifetime Miles: 21.30
Total Distance
23.06
Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 18.56
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Total Distance
0.00

I'm definitely in a downswing, I'm feeling less and less like running. More and more exhausted/wanting to isolate myself in my free time. But I am really going to try this week to get out running at least 3 times.

Today I worked from 11-7, knocking on doors. Honestly, it sucked. I'm glad I only have 2 weeks left.

Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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Total Distance
3.50

Out and back on the JRT. 

Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 3.50
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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Total Distance
0.00

Rough day at work. Even rougher email after work, from my boss (like highest up head of the project boss) accusing me of falsification and threatening dismissal. I've already put in my two weeks but dang, I don't want to be fired, especially for something I didn't do. I have a 15 minute phone call this afternoon (Thursday) with her and I honestly don't know what to say. 

All this to say, I didn't go running today.

Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
4.50

I have been hypomanic and buying lots of things and one of those was a nice Nike sports bra that came in the mail today so I wanted to try it out. And I love it. No regrets :) I used a Nike gift card I got for my birthday so it's justified haha. The run itself was nice for the first 2 miles then kind of sucked for the rest of it. I've lost fitness.

Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 4.50
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
4.50

I'm visiting a friend in Rexburg for the weekend. It's strange to be back. Not sure if I miss it. Honestly, it's a little triggering but it's so good to see Cat again.

Went out towards Walmart and turned at the Jack in the Box. 

I'm going to be starting up equine therapy in two weeks. I was actually recommended equine therapy by my therapist a while ago. Then this opportunity just lined up, I know someone who is working for this company that does equine therapy and she hooked me up. I'm excited. 

Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
3.56

Got off work early today so I went running before it got dark. 

I had a discussion with my therapist yesterday that has stuck out in my mind- certain parts of it. We were talking about shoulding on yourself (I should be like ____. Or I should do ___.) and high expectations etc. She asked me to tell her what "perfect Sarah" was like so I started listing off the things I should be doing and am not or the way I should be and am not. She wrote them down and read them back to me, then said well now I don't know if I'd want to be friends with "perfect Sarah." It surprised me. But we determined that if I was "perfect Sarah" I would have no empathy for others, I wouldn't be able to understand trials. And I'd have a lack of understanding for others shortcomings because I'd have none myself.

So things like having bipolar disorder have their advantages. At least I have empathy and understanding.

I was grateful for the challenge to my negative thought patterns. It made me think about how possibly I could be accepted and loved just as I am, not as who I think I have to be. 

Another thing that took me by surprise: I mentioned in that list of things that "perfect Sarah" would be thinner than I am now, and my therapist said "but you're already thin." I guess I'm just super self conscious about having lost muscle since college running and am fearful of gaining a bunch of weight. I don't do anything about it, but that underlying negative body image is there and weighs on me a lot. Which makes me feel that much worse when I struggle to get out for a run everyday. But I'm recognizing that those kinds of thoughts aren't the best thought patterns either and could lead back down the path to anorexia. So I need to figure out a way to be content with my body being the way it is, because it's at a healthy weight and I do recognize that I am relatively thin. It's the perfectionism in me that gets me sometimes. 

Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 3.56
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
0.00

I've gotten really busy with work and school. And now added therapy. I could start waking up earlier to go running, and maybe I will. 

I switched my registration for the St. George marathon to the half marathon. It's clear to me that at least right now I'm unable to train properly for a full marathon. But a half feels doable. 

Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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Total Distance
4.00

4 easy before dark

Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 4.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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Total Distance
0.00

I started up an equestrian program today that will run for 7 weeks. It's amazing, I love it. So that and work took up pretty much my whole day. I could've gone running right after I got home from work but I was tired and when presented with the option of a chocolate milkshake or running... it was a hard call but I went for the milkshake lol

Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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Total Distance
3.00

Oh boy. I feel out of shape. 

I was reflecting on my run about how I used to be this super dedicated, fit runner and now I'm not. It's like college running just burned me out, because ever since I left SUU I've struggled to keep it up. I would love to be able to get back into running, but sometimes it feels like an impossible task. I'm going to try really hard to run every day this week. 

Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 3.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
23.06
Nike Pegasus 34 II Miles: 18.56
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
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