Sock tans

Wasatch loop to the zoo. I felt surprisingly good! My legs felt great. Right when I turned the corner onto Sunnyside, another runner crossed the street to the side I was on. He was fumbling with his shirt, trying to get it on, it seemed like he'd just come from the zoo trail. Lots of runners and bikers go there. Anywho, he seemed to be a legit runner and in good shape. But he wasn't going too much faster than I was. From his stride I first thought it might be Patrick, I thought about yelling his name, but no as I got closer I knew it wasn't. I was glad I didn't call out to him then haha. We were probably going 7:15ish pace I would guess. From there I slowly tried to catch up to him, but he must've heard me or saw me because once we got to the top of the hill just before the post office his stride changed as he picked it up. Darn. I stayed maybe 20 meters back from him until Foothill, where he ran across the street while the light was yellow, I got caught at the light. Oh well, it was my time to turn anyway. It made for a bit of fun, I miss running with people. 

Shriner's run. I felt really good! This is the highest mile week I've had since I left SUU, since January 2019. It's weird that it's been that long since I've gone above 40 miles. It feels nice though to be running every day and getting into better shape.  

Turns out this loop is only 7.5 miles long, not 8. Whoops. Ah well, it's still decent. I took my watch with me, but it was my old green one. The buttons are touchy, harder to start and stop your run than the newer one I got from SUU. Unfotunately I need to get a new charger for my red/black one, it broke. So, the green one it is. Anyways, I must've not hit the button right when I started again at one of the lights because the distance was only 6.7 when I finished, I was like that's not right. I knew for a fact the shorter loop is 5.5, so the longer one had to be more than 1.2 longer. So I mapped it out online to see how far it actually is. A little disappointed that it's shorter than I thought, but it's only off by a half mile.

For the portion that my watch measured, I averaged 7:39.

AM: Wasatch loop

PM: Wasatch loop again. Didn't intend to go, just decided to. I had a lot on my mind and a run sounded like a nice way to clear it. 

Today marks one month out of the hospital. I seem to have buried a lot of my feelings and they came out in therapy yesterday, and then today were brought to the surface again. I guess that's what happens when you're forced to withdraw from school without knowledge of if you'll ever return, be hospitalized, be quarantined because of a pandemic, and say goodbye to the person you thought you were going to marry. And say hello to thousands of dollars of medical bills, woooo. What a crazy time.

In all reality I'm doing a lot better than a month ago. Sometimes I convince myself I'm all better so then when I realize I'm not, I have a lot to think about. Hence the second run. 

First 2.5 were with Hattie, she was supposed to get it under 22 minutes, we did it in 21:30 (8:36 average). Then I did VA loop on my own, 7:56 average. My legs were a bit heavy

Shriner's run, 7:58 average. It's still strange to see the University of Utah campus so deserted

I got a job offer today, which I'm happy about. It'll be my first full-time position

Wasatch loop. Turned 23 today, that's weird

Wasatch loop and added a little, I felt meh today

Wasatch loop

AM: Wasatch loop. I love the smell right after it rains. I start working at my new job tomorrow

PM: Wasatch loop to the zoo. Originally planned for shorter but felt really good, other than having had too much dinner. Tried out my new shoes, they feel amazing. Although apparently I kick the inside of my right calf a lot because it's rubbed raw... whoops. These shoes must be stiffer than my old ones lol

I'd originally planned on 8, but I was tired so I settled with the shorter loop. 

Shriners run. Felt good! A dog ran up to me at the roundabout and I couldn't see anybody to claim it. I was going to go knock on someone's door to see if it was theirs but then the dog ran down the street to someone mowing their lawn, I wasn't sure if they lived on that property or if they were just workers, but the dog hung around them for a while so I hope that's where he came from. It was a cute dog. Rolled my ankle pretty good in a pothole I didn't see, but it doesn't hurt so hopefully I didn't do any damage

Waited until after work to run, then was exhausted when I got home. Didn't end up running :(

5 with Olivia- to Sugarhouse, 2 laps around and back. Then I did VA loop on my own right after. 

Wasatch loop to the zoo. It was quite windy. My right hip flexor is really tight. 

VA loop then dropped down 500 S and did a lap in the cemetery

Wasatch loop to the zoo again. The last mile and a half my quads hurt. I'm really sore for some reason

I was feeling ambitious today, lol. Wasatch loop to the zoo then 2 miles up Emigration Canyon, dropped down and finished with the end of VA loop. 7:40 average

At one point in the run I thought, "I'll go for 14!" Then I hit 10 miles and I thought "nope." Haha my legs were dead, it's been a long time since I've done a run longer than 10 miles.

Out and back on Foothill. My legs were pretty sore

Wasatch loop + zoo. My legs were still a bit heavy but they felt a lot better than Saturday

Wasatch loop again. I could mix it up, but I like this route lol

Same as Monday

Shriner's run. It's getting toasty, might start running earlier in the mornings.

I'm adjusting medications again, each time I do it makes me nervous. But this time feels more controlled, I'm just increasing a dose and if it doesn't work well I can always drop to the one I'm currently at. I stopped taking a medication two weeks ago because I didn't like how it made me feel- extremely restless. But my mood seems to have dropped as a result, hence the change in dosage of the one that works well for me. The only worry is that I'll start seeing side effects from it. But we shall see. 

My motivation seems to be doing well, I started up running consistently again and have been running more than I have in a long time. I also searched, applied and started working a full-time job without any push to do so (unless you count medical bills as motivation lol). I'm still trying to figure out what my plans for the next year or two will be. My dad has suggested that maybe college isn't for me. Or that I could go to school part-time instead. Except that's what I was doing at BYUI while working part-time, and look where that got me. I want to graduate, except I don't know whether to continue forward with studying recreational therapy or exercise science/kinesiology. And from there, I don't know where to continue my studies. I could go back to SUU to study exercise science, I could finish studying recreational therapy at BYUI, or I could transfer to the U or UVU or somewhere in the valley that has either major. My dad likes the idea of my staying in the Wasatch front a lot better because I'll be close by the resources I need. My therapist agrees, she says there are no resources in Idaho- those who go to Pocatello are sent here. But it's not that far of a drive if I need services- either from Cedar or Rexburg. They're both just over 3hrs away.

I could just work full-time year round. Finally get my own place and hold a steady job.  But in Salt Lake where housing is outrageous? And for what? Without a degree I can hardly make much. And it wouldn't be in a field I'm passionate about. So... what do I do? Am I even capable of graduating? I've struggled so much in school the past two years and this past year was a complete waste of money, I'm no closer to graduating from BYUI than I am from SUU. Do I throw in the towel and say school's just not for me and save myself the time and trouble, or do I go after what I want even though there's the very real possibility that I'll fail at it? My parents don't want yet another repeat of the year ending with me in the hospital. How do I know that this is the last time? How do I know that I've finally got things figured out, that I'm properly treated for my illness? Do I have enough confidence in myself to continue placing emphasis on my mental health before all else and making sure that I take my meds, go to therapy and utilize the resources available to me? And how can I believe in myself enough to accomplish what I set out to do when those closest to me are doubting my abilities?

Wasatch loop + zoo

Out and back on Foothill. I was going to go for longer, but... tbh I was exhausted and not really feeling it. Plus it was already 90 out, felt like a furnace. Next week I'm definitely going earlier in the mornings, if my work schedule allows for it