Patience; the new endurance sport.

The dogs were incredulous. They stopped and turned back their heads in surprize to look at me when I turned around this morning at the shortest half-way point ever.  "You're turning around here? It's not even the end of the trail!" they were saying to me with their eyes. Then they just stood there on road, perfectly still, like doggie statues, and refused to move as I kept running the other direction.  They stood there a long time refusing to turn around; they were not done yet. What's funny is, many times in the past few months when I'd have to double or triple a loop, or double back a section of the trail to get in a few extra miles, they'd stop and look at me the same way.  But for the opposite reason like: "Are you even serious, it's 100 degrees and you want us to what....How far?"  Hopefully I'll be back into a good rythmn again in a week or so.  I'm anxious to get back to regular running again.

Two miles hardly seem worth blogging about, but those 2 miles hurt me.  I should be feeling rested and strong, right?  Two miles should have been a walk in the park.  But with each successive shorter the run this week, I have become exponentially more stiff. I can feel scar tissue in my pelvis becoming petrified and ligaments turning to cement even as I write this. I sat in the river after my run to see if I can freeze the irritation that began on Monday in my left hamstring.  I need someone to massage their heel into the back of my leg maybe. Not much I can do now, but sit on an icepack/heatingpad and hope for the best and try not to gain ANOTHER 3  pounds.   

Sarah suggested I skip the blog entry until my sense of humor returns.  It was a great suggestion.  But I'm not sure when this will ever be funny for me.  Congratulations to everyone who finished the SGM-- and more so to anyone, who even came close to their personal goals for the race.  As everyone knows now, race day was a disaster-- not just for the lesser runners -- but a mighty challenge even for the mentally and physically superior among us.  Pounding rain and 30 mph headwinds from the start never relented.  We got on the busses at 4:15 and were treated to pouring rain the entire drive.  We wore our trash bags once we got out, but it was was scary because we wanted to be close to the fire to stay warm (or put the bag over your head to keep it dry) but the wind blowing pretty hard and it sent the flames into unpredictable directions, threatening to melt the thin plastic to your skin if you stood too closely. An hour and a half later while waiting at the start, our heads were soaked to the skull.  I was so sure it would let up. I did a small warm up run and could could feel the still tightness in my left hip/ham that hurt me so much on Thursday during my little 2 miler. When I hit the starting line and I knew immediatly the pain wasn't like my normal nervous hypocondria, pre-warm up stiffness.  I spent 2 miles contemplating my footstrike becaue my left foot would not straighten properly (my leg foot bent at an outside angle and hurt terribly when I tried to keep it straight).  It felt like it my leg would pop out of my hip joint.  I stopped to stretch at mile 4 and tried to punch/massage my fist into the side of my hip a few times -- I felt like if I could just pop it back in the pain would go away and my foot would turn right.  I ran slowly, I walked, I stretched and by mile 6, even though I was not terribly behind (time wise)-- my leg buckled and I fell.  I got up fast, because I didn't want anyone to stop to help me, so I squatted on the side of the road while I thought of my options.  I could feel that stopping was a bad idea in light of the soaking wet and cold.  It was quickly becomeing a losing proposition all the way around.  Did I want to run slowly, but finish in 5 hours and while risking what felt like serious injury?  Or quit while I felt relatively whole so I could take on my overall goal of qualifying for Boston at a different race.  I shook it off and got back in and ran a ways with a guy holding a full size flag pole for his brother in Afganistan and a friend's WWII veteren father who passed away last week.  I tried to keep up the chat to keep my mind distracted.  But he was running painfully slow and the distraction tactic wasn't working. At the bottom of the hill at Veyo a passing runner knocked me off balance and sent me into a puddle.  Now my shoes and feet were wet .  But, I didn't mind the hill.  In fact, I venture to say that it's still my favorite part of the course.  I knew the hill would force me into a comfortable running position.  I was now thouroughly soaked by both rain and sweat (even under the trash bag).  The wind blew the stinging rain into my eyes.  It was unfortunate how strong and capable I still felt in spite of the pain and restriction in my hip going up that hill.  I got to the top of the hill, and on the downhill could really feel the pounding even though I was not fighting the gravity and taking quick small steps. The pain was sharp and hard. I thought of all the downhill past mile 13 and imagined how I'd feel between mile 24-26.  I imagined what I'd look like crossing the finish line in pain and hypothermic.  I wondered if finishing, just to finish would improve my mental tentacity to endure real life trials not associated with the race-- things like-- raising teenagers, losing a spouse, or being uprooted from my home -- or if enduring pounding rain and pain was a misapplication of a precious and limited resources--time and energy. I have to say, I surprized even myself by calling it a day, just before the time board at 13.1.  It read 2:13. I stopped and turned around and limped back toward the drink station.  I don't know if I'll ever know wether it was a premature, or judicious action.  But I do know it was instinctual and overwhelming.  The tragedy within me was the realization that every other part of my body-- my heart, lungs, and legs definitely had 13.1 more miles in them--in spite of the conditions. Overall, it was a humbling and humiliating experience. I'm getting an X-ray tommorrow and will think about what to do next after that.  Everyone, who finished this race deserves the utmost respect-- regardless of finishing time.  The finishing line looked like a war zone. When the going gets tough, the tough, indeed get going. 

My uncle, who's a chiopractor (whom I lovingly address as Quack-O-Practer) did pound and dangle my S1-5 region back into place and pronounced Bursitis of the Hip, a result of repetative motion and compression of S-4&5.  This explains why sitting in the car, sleeping on my side, and sitting on a hard chair continues to hurts me even though I can walk.  He also says I made a big mistake alternating the heat with the ice the days before the race.  I should have stuck with the ICE only.  He also insisted on an X-Ray to rule out stress fracture--since every woman in my family has suffered a broken hip by the age of 65 (which explains why I'm terrified of my own hips all the time).  So now I'm waiting on a referral to Dr. Skow (?) Given my long history of rotating inflamation-itis of every tendon and ligament a body can contain, this is probably inflamation of a Bursus Sac-- which would also explain why my leg won't turn right and feels like it has a wad of nervy tissue keeping my leg out of its socket.

I walked.  I walked 2 miles.  Has it only been 3 days since I ran last?  The highly anticipated  marathon catharsis left me wholly unsatisifed.  While I'm at peace over making a healthy decision regarding my performance,  I need to find a plan b really soon.  I can't ride my bike, for the same reason I can't run and I think I might go crazy soon.  All that energy, for so many months, pointedly focused in one direction (26.2). Now it's just hanging around causing trouble.  Maybe I'm seriously going to have to consider swimming, or homicide.  Hmmm. Tough choice.  I think I'll pick swimming.

X-ray and MRI on Monday and Physical Therapy at Rock Mendenhall's Sport's Medicine Center.  I look forward to learning stuff.  Wish me luck.

I tried swimming on Saturday and remembered why I don't swim.  My skin hates, HATES pool water (cholorine).  I come away so itchy... a burning, prickely, itch that is positively maddening and causes me to drive home in a highly erratic manner.  I took a walk this morning.  It irritates my hip a bit, but not nearly as much as the stationary bike.  I also just needed to be outside.  My poor, poor dogs. I feel almost more sorry for them than I do for me.  We had a nice time outside today.  Then I went to get my X-ray and then to my first ever visit to a physical therapist.  Wow, electrodes are weird.  But man, do they know how to get to the root of where the pain is coming from and then electrocute it (both electrodes and utltrasound).  The therapist, named Steve Orrock ran SGM last week too. But he told me about his race in the rain and cold, and I told him about mine. And thenI talked a bit about HOW MUCH I LOVE RUNNING, and being outside--and we all but embraced and cried together.  But I'm always on the verge of tears these days.  Anyway,  I'm so glad he runs, and gets it.  I've been so afraid everyone (the doctor, the therapist, whoever) would just tell me to stop running. So I feel encouraged that the therapist feels confident that he can nurse me back to health and give me excersizes and stretches to prevent more injury-- that is, unless the X-ray comes back with a fracture....then he said positively no running for 3 months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed the X-ray was a formality.

 I did 3 days of physical therapy last week. Physical therapy is kind of like volunteering to play the part of an infidel to be tortured by the Spanish inquisition.  The electrodes, the painful stretching and uncomfortable 'massaging' (also known as: let me stab you with 14 knives in this leg).  Then there are the days of waiting, i.e.: healing.  I would like to try aqua running but that horrible pool water makes me crazy itchy and I'm still rebuilding resistance to get back to either biking or  walk/jogging-- which I can only do in 5 and 10 minute increments at a time.  Then, after all that progress last week, I did a terrible thing by having to drive to San Diego on Thursday.  Which meant I also had to drive back.  Oddly enough driving and sleeping is my most painful activity.  Then the lack of stretching and movement during that drive time, made me feel like physical therapy went backwards.  I did all that painful stretching all the days I was gone, but the driving was hard.  The good news is, the big pain has subsided and only related to certain movements or long periods of sitting.   I've been walking a few miles every day to stay mobile, and to be outside so I won't go freaking insane.  Oh wait. Too late.

Here are anatomical parts and phrases that describe my pain: ischial tuberosity ,  piriformis syndrome, hip bursitis.  The physical therapist Steve Orrock said it's hard to know what came first: rigid lower back which pushed running impact into my hips, or hamstrings that got so tight they pulled everything down and out of wack.  But it resulted in my swollen, painful hip that stopped me cold. I've had tons of tighness in my butt for over a year, which I now know where my hamstring connects to my ischial tuberosity.  I felt a little out of wack the days before SGM, but not that bad.  I thought I was careful to run thorugh so many kinds of smaller injuries in late summer.  But tendons in my hips and lower back became rigid probably for having to overcompensate for those injuries.  Anyway...After many days of  jogging on the little trampoline, doing the slide board, riding the stationary bike, stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching and more stretching......today I got on the treadmill to be video taped.  It was really helpful.  I have not been letting my knees absorb any shock and it's been going into my hips.   That's probably been going on a long time.  I also am not twisting at all to aid in my stride.  So I was holding really still on top forcing that pressure down, and running hard on legs that were not correctly absorbing shock in the knees-- and deferred the shock back up to the hips.  So my hips were being compressed by my upper and lower body.  That's kind of the gist.  So I have a little bit of a posture re-correct (leaning more forward, knees more bent deferring lower limb shock, arms higher and closer to the body, and counter twisting with stride to defer shock out from upper body.  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  All I can say is, I finally ran a tiny bit on the treadmill (3 miles) practicing this way, and I feel pretty ok.  This is the best day, since the best day I had last week.  In fact, I think I might just cry from the pure relief of just knowing what to do from now on.

Guess who called me at 2:30 in the morning?  Go ahead and guess.....it was fastrunningmommy Sarah.  She said she would have to take a raincheck on our Saturday morning running appointment because....she was having the baby, and could I come get the kids!  So those cute little darlings of hers, so excited to be helpful and pleasant, loaded into my truck at 3:00 a.m. and came to my house and slept like angels until 7:00 a.m.  I couldn't sleep thinking of Sarah wondering how things were going for her.  Sasha showed up at about 7:30 with some soy milk for breakfast and news that William had been born at 4:30 a.m. weighing 8 pounds 8 ounces!!!!  Sarah fared well and everyone at home was fine.  And here was Sasha and Jeff standing in my doorway in their running gear 2 1/2 hours after the baby was born!   Jeff just said "Well, yesterday Sasha told me to come at 7:00 a.m.  So I came at 7:00!"  Well At least I had the kids right? Sasha said he'd post pictures later. At breakfast I asked Benjamin what his fastest mile was, he said something like 6:15, and announed that he could do that in his sleep.  My son just looked at him and said "yeah, well I ran a 9 minute mile with my Mom."  Benjamin just rolled his eyes. 

Unlike Sasha who kept his schedule without missing a beat, I won't be running until the afternoon.....I hope to get in another 3 miles on the treadmill.

I got out of bed and for the first time in 3 weeks I was not in sheer pain after laying in bed for 8 hours.  I did my stretches with great success and  got so excited I just threw on my running shoes, promising myself to be extra-oh-so- careful.  I was walking down the stairs saying to myself --"I promise, I promise, I promise I'll be so careful." I got outside in that clear blue pre-dawn sky and did a slow little jaunt down the street, leaning forward, arm closer to upperbody-swing the way they taught me to defer the shock in PT.....so slowly, so slowly I thought, I'll just go a little ways down the trail.  I tried to keep my head forward they way they taught me but I couldn't help looking up at the yellow, red, and orage leaves against the sunrise sky.  No one was on the trail and I was in sheer exctasy.  I mean, I got teary eyed and overcome with gratitutde and everything.  Then this runner coming from the other direction sort of looked at me funny.  Wiping aways the little tears, I realized suddenly that I was still wearing my stripey pajamas and running shoes (that plus my hair was all crazy and matted because I hadn't even brushed it yet)....I'd only planned on going a couple of hundred yards but got carried away.  I did 2  miles in the morning this way, and then 2 more carefully and slowly in the afternoon.  I won't bore you with how gorgeous this fall day was by 5:00 p.m.  It was glorious, and filled with all my favorite colors and tempetures.  No one in this world could have enjoyed it more than me.

Stretched and ran 2 on the treadmill 12m/m.  PT this morning, and then I'll do 2 more tonight.  Yay!  I'm moving.

I did physical therapy yesterday for 2 1/2 hours.  I was sore after I came home, but this morning was great.  I can still feel that strange hard lump in my hip and it feels so weird, but it no longer hurts.  Best of all I can sit down, even for long periods of time, without pain.  That went on for so long --like a year-- I actually thought it was arthritis in my hips.  Who knew it was where my hamstrings connect to my  pelvis.  I felt pretty good today, so I ran 3 easy miles.  The posture I'm practicing is so different than the way I normally run.  It's challenging NEW places in my legs and back. But I'll do whatever it takes to end the wrong kind of pounding to my lower back and hips. I made an appointment to run the canyon with Catherine on Saturday.  She's busy trying to build her mileage up to 60 miles a week and I'm struggling to not break a hip (or whatever).  I can always hope for good weather....Haven't these days been golden delicious? I wish it could just go on forever. This is absolutely my favorite time of year....maybe because it's my birthday time of year....

That extra half mile yesterday (that plus I ramped it up to a whole 10.54 minutes a mile) cost me.  I spent the night waking up from the tenderness in my hip/butt again and it hurts again to sit down.  So I'll do my PT and stretching today, and go back to doing 2 in the a.m. and 2 in the p.m. at the most astonishingly slow rate that would make any of you reading this cry to imagine the slow motion effort of anti-running. I've really got to throw in the either some trampoline running, the stationary, or aqua swimming if this goes on another week.  I've gained  7 pounds since the end of September when I started the taper for SG.  You just forget how many calories your body doesn't need without the running.  You can live on nothing really when you're not doing anything heroic.

I'm not going to include the 8 miles on the bike here.  This is a running blog so I refuse.  But for the sake of history and personal reference I need to remind myself that I did in fact cross train.  The same tendon causing all the trouble on my ischial tuberosity acted up again when I dared to run a  single extra 10 minute mile on Tuesday.  The PT suggested I keep running 2 miles in the a.m. slowly, but asked that I reserve my high intensity work outs to the stationary or water jogging/swimming.  So I did 8 miles on the bike after 2 miles on the treadmill.  This sucks-- but it's better than nothing.