Patience; the new endurance sport.

Jos called yesterday to see if I wanted to go with her, Ericka and their friend to St. George to support everyone running today.  I might have gone if I had thought about it sooner and made arrangements.  But maybe it would just depress me.  I don't have a clear vision of ever running another marathon based on what my body is doing right now.  My new office accountant is running it today for the first time.  I think this is Catherine's 7th or 8th St. George?  Her husband Scott  is running too. I am sad to not be there drinking up the adrenaline in the atmosphere.  I wore some pretty killer stilettos tonight.  And I stayed out late.  One of the benefits of not running 50+ mile weeks, has been not feeling chronically arthritic or exhausted.... so I can wear prettier shoes and stay up a little later without feeling murderous or wrecking my sciatic nerve the next day.

I am still loving the elliptical and I do my best to push it hard (9 Minute Miles at a level 15 difficulty). However, I am not in love with my personal trainer.  I get 1/2 hour wherein he shows me different machines and exercises using the balls, the weights, and pulleys.  I probably should have just joined the Cross-Fit gym.  It was just too far to be practical. Coming from years of just running out my door-- to having to go somewhere -- is already a huge burden, and a step down.  On Sunday, my cousin Amber reminded me that she'd teach me how to ride (she's does Triathalons and 100+ mile rides).  She has asked me lots of times to get a bike.  I never loved the idea of being one of the canyon riders who is always fighting for trail space or having to remind walkers/runners to keep on their side of the trail.  I don't relish the idea of having to repair a tire in the middle of a work out, wrecking a bike, or taking care of any piece of equipment.  I have always been resistant to the idea of biking.  Even if I do like the idea that you could do it for 4-5 hours at a time and could cover a lot of ground.  I won't get a clearance to even try it for another 3 weeks.  Once the piriformitis calms down, I'll try a spin class.

I had a great work out today--but about passed out twice.  I forgot to bring my water/juice and didn't eat before going to the gym.  It's getting so bad.  But I have to learn to eat before working out.  I just have to.  I'm eating about 1700 calories a day.  Eating has become a boring task that gives me no pleasure. The only time I feel normal is for about 15 minutes after I eat pure sugar. 

I ran 5 straight  miles (10 m/m)  on my own treadmill and nothing hurt. My cardio is much improved because of the elliptical.  But I just love my treadmill.  It's engine has been overhauled once, I've replaced the belt once.  It's been tuned up twice.  It has over 12,000 miles on it.  But the best part of my treadmill is the wooden deck.  It gives and almost bounces so running feels low impact. I ran and treated myself to back-to-back episodes of  Arrested Development (season 2) in anticipation of the upcoming 10 new episodes and movie.  I go to the trainer later today, but he's gone after my glutes and hams so hard that the tendons behind my knees are really, really sore. My butt and hams feel great though.  A lot stronger.  It seems all the personal trainers at the gym have a vendetta against runners and an agenda to shape up our back-sides and lower abs which-- they swear is the root of all running problems. I just can't let the meat head wreck my other set of tendons.  I'm already one down.  Even with 1,700-2,000 miles a year under my belt for the past 6-7 years --  I've never had any real knee issues and I don't intend to get any before ski season.

I don't know what to think about "running" on the elliptical.  It has MPH and mileage, and levels of difficulty.  I can't tell it's a harder work out or not (than running).  It seems so much harder to do it while you are doing it--maybe it's just more boring because you're not outside.  I breath a lot harder on the elliptical, and I feel like I'm pushing my oxygen intake to it's limit.  But it doesn't have the same total body cleansing effect that running does.  My run on the treadmill yesterday left me high the rest of the day.  I was euphoric with the success of it.  I am learning to do a total body work out. I'm surprised by how weak my butt, hips, and back are. It does feel good to 'get strong' in other places.  I ran into Ericka at the gym.  I hope she joins. She agreed to come to the 6:00 a.m. cycling class taught by Steve Orrick (our physical Therapst) and try Zumba with me :)  

While I am at the gym, I remember all the wonderfully sexist and judgmental things I was instructed by my father (while we were at the gym working out together while I was an adolescent).  He considered himself a genius at picking out women who he thought would not become overweight (ever) by gauging the amount of fat they had on their upper arms and inner thigh-- with a cross reference to the girl's mother. He would always point out to me women who had soft upper arms or inner thighs and tell me what they would look like later in life.  Likewise he would point out women who had very thin upper arms, space between their thighs, and instruct me how to gauge the % of body fat by the amount of flesh you might be able to pinch on their forearm/neck.  He categorically preferred very thin, petite, women who were unusually well endowed (on top).  It was as rare a find in the days before fake boobs, as it was stereotypically sexist. But since he himself was physically superior to many other men (tall, muscular, and incredibly good looking), I guess he felt entitled to judge.  Even more than judgmental about a woman’s % of body fat, he was genius at finding low maintenance women, who did not require make up, nice clothes or financial status; Which usually meant they grew up in a very large family (therefore didn't require a lot of attention, were shy, or socially undeveloped), or came from a strict religious background or poverty.  I find myself wondering why I, have to be the bearer and keeper of this useless information on how to find a skinny woman who won’t get fat after having babies.  When people say how terrible fashion magazines, TV, and the general media are for the self- esteem of young women-- I can say with assurance, nothing is worse for a girl’s self-loathing, than the opinion her father holds of women.  I am sure he thought sharing his opinions would shape me into a similarly low maintenance, low-fat woman.  Sadly, it did not.  It created a borderline man-hating, cellulite-ridden, overly judgmental woman who will challenge you to look at the fat of her upper arm as a way to determine whether or not you are worthy of her attention.  

I have been truly enjoying the full body work out after my run. My long neglected back side is feeling stronger (back, glutes, and hamstrings) and by and by my piriformis is a little less irritated during the day while sitting down or driving in the car (and then suddenly standing up).  But time in the gym means being surrounded by people.  This is what I've noticed over and over.  The thinnest, most fit people do not work out as hard or long as us fatties. This goes for both men and women. The good looking ones do light reps of whatever they are doing, and spend most of their time standing around talking, subtly observing the better looking specimens of the opposite sex.  It leads me to believe that having a beautiful body is more luck than work.  As long as you are  10-15 % body fat by nature, your toned muscles show up with minimum work.  It always makes me sad, how it's never about the working out.  For the ones who are not "naturally" thin, it's all about the amount of food and what kinds of food you consume. Usually, far less of it than you actually feel you need.  It's surprising and depressing how little of it you actually need to get by.  

Ran on my TM again today.  I love it so much.  Arrested development is still genius and getting me through the miles at a 9:30 pace with ease.  I really think the elliptical and strength training is bringing me back.  Also-- I've learned to drink grape juice mixed with water throughout the day. It's my new weapon against my dangerously low the blood sugar. I'm replacing some of my complex carb calories for juice.  It's crazy, it goes against everything that I've practiced nutritionally, but I have to say, it's working for me right now. 

If I thought all those good looking posers checking each other out on other days of the week was obnoxious, it was nothing compared to today (Friday). The array of falling-off the shoulder, high rise midriff, decorative and strategically placed holes was stunning. It's a good technique though, I have to admit. Making yourself available for the weekend with a fellow poser by showing up to the gym on Friday and hanging around in your bestest work out gear. I wonder if they know just how grandly entertaining they are to the bloated, saggy, old people watching the magic happen from their places on the treadmills and ellipticals. Way better than the TV with captions for the hearing impaired.

I did 1 minute full board (8.5-9) mph every 10 minutes. I have never worked so hard, breathed so loudly, or sweat so profusely in public. Two different men tried to position themselves next to me to strike up a conversation, until they could see I was working out-working out. One of the things I love about elliptical work outs is that I can close my eyes when you're close to passing out and keep 'moving'. I've always had this weird thing where my body wants to put me to sleep when I work really hard or run really fast.

This summer, I ran in a different state almost every day for 10 days. When I was running down a gravel dirt road, between the corn fields in Iowa I found a really excellent, workman grade tape measure that had been tossed off someone's truck. It was at least 3 pounds of strong metal tape, with a thick plastic casing. I put it in the shoulder of my industrial strength running bra and supported it with one hand it while we ran 5 miles back to the hotel. My daughter made fun of me for lugging it back. But it was really high quality, and in good shape. I left the measuring tape back at the farm in South Carolina with my Uncle, thinking he could use it on the farm. There hasn't been a week since that day I haven't regretted leaving it. I have needed it every day for the last week. I use a bunched up cloth and vinyl seamstresses tape measure instead. Today my daughter was using that flimsy thing to measure out a wall in her room for a project--she looked at me and said "what did you do with that great tape measure you found in Iowa?".

I am feeling so much stronger these days. Even after traveling I'm still good-- which usually wears me out. The gym work outs, weights, and circuit training, the elliptical and treadmill, and time away from running in the cold and on the ground are doing the trick.  Last year and the year before were so hard--only about 6 weeks between marathon training cycles.  I'm just not made to do it--especially not 2 years in a row. The Long Saturday runs in the cold and snow these past winters really got me down.  I love 6-8 milers in the snow, but those 18-22's in the soggy spring snow right before DC Marathon actually made me cry toward the end. I was so broken down. It broke my will.  And when there is no will, there is no way.  You shouldn't need to ask yourself why you run. It should be what you want to do and it should inspire you -- not be like every other thing in life-- stealing away your time and energy. So I think I've put running back in it's place. I control it--it's not controlling me anymore.  It's weird how I got into such a demented OCD cycle about it.  I also think the problem in my liver/pancreas was exacerbated by the constant need for energy--overtaxing one of my weaker bodily system.  It set offl the cycle of problems with the glycogen depletion and hypoglycemia.  I needed to break my cycle, mix it up, get strong and find new ways to be fit.  Cross Fit was a huge eye opener. I feel really good--though heavier and fatter.  I'm  just not so good at eating smaller amounts of food. It's absolutely depressing how little food you need to stay alive.  Running longer distances does allow you to eat more without consequence.  But I guess that's like learning how to use money by using credit card.  It's not real money.