Patience; the new endurance sport.

Finished "Meet Me In St. Louis" before it was light and began texting.  I did 300 sit ups and 50 push ups and then went to work.   As the afternoon wore on Cath and I started texting about how we'd be driving down to St. George by now "carb loading" on the car ride down and getting ready meet her friends.  We were both missing our trip and feeling how many things have changed since last year. 

I ran 2 very pathetic miles with a lady I met in my neighborhood.  When she said she wasn't much of a runner, she meant that sincerely.  I've been going so slowly recently (10 m/m) I thought it would be a nice warm up. She walked and jogged and walked and jogged.  After I left her back at her house, I started up toward the cementary.  The day was dawning cloudless and still.  I can not even express the pathetic nature of being the only runner on the road, my assumption being that every other runner is at St. George today.  The view of the valley from East Lawn, the herd of deer that ran in front of me on the road, and the calm, perfect October weather almost consoled me.  But I was still feeling my loss at not being in St. George when I came home and texted Catherine that we'd be about half way through the course.  I'll see her next week. We should have some nice canyon runs.  I hope this beautiful October weather holds out.

Wearing a thin yellow t-shirt for my afternoon jog seemed like a good idea considering the heat, until about 10 minutes later when the sun dissappeared behind swirling black clouds, and I was pelted with rain and hail pellets.  Why is rain so much worse when you are running up a hill?  As I was headed down the Temple hill, I realized my yellow shirt was soaked by the look drivers gave me from the insides of their cars.  A lady pulled over to ask if I needed a ride.  I said no because I was enjoying the weather, but quickly realized I'd soon be running in front of the high school at lunchtime with my shirt soaking wet, polluting their fresh minds with an X-Ray vision of my middle aged, saggy bouncing flesh.  I miss the river trail.  At the very least, anyone on the trail to see you would have been wet too.  9:45/11:00 9:45/10:10

Cath is in town a few days for a trial (she's a lawyer).  It was so great to have someone to run with again!  I would like to say I got to hear how great Tennesse is and all her expereinces there...but we all know how I like to talk....mostly about myself.  I miss her so much, she lets me talk , tells interesting stories herself, gives funny legal advice, and doesn't mind running slow.  What more could you possibly ask in a friend? So we're set up for pre-dawn running every day she's here.  I do know the move has been hard for her and her kids. I think it was hard to move across town.... The best news is, her case settled out of court the first morning she got here, so now she can play with me and not be as stressed.  Did I mention how happy I am she'll be back this week? 

It is just soooo much easier and funner to have a friend to run with.  I am so very out of shape though it's bad news.  Also, I am the very fattest/heaviest I have been since 2005.  You should see my boobs.  They're huge and I hate it. I don't even like them smaller.  I want them SMALLER.  I'm really only up by few pounds, but you know it's real when your clothes fit differently.  I have my doctors appointments to get all my issues looked at, cut out, etc. but I do need to be more careful about what I eat in the meantime, since I'm not running 40+ miles a week and walking or biking on the stationary doesn't cut the mustard.  A friend the other day asked me an interesting question: She said "It seems like you're not afraid of anything, but if tyou hought no one was looking or cared--what would you do differently?"  It took about half a second to blurt out "I'd be sooooo fat. Really, happy and fat." Being fat is unhealthy, but how healthy is running myself into the ground, getting tendonitis again and again, and becoming malnourished and anemic?  I've noticed a lot of things recently about the way I've been doing things since I started marathoning  a few years ago, and realized running is helpful in a lot of ways, but it's also unhealthy in a few ways too.  I wish I could be a more moderate person.  More moderate in my love of good food mostly.

Ran with Cath to the cementary.  We looked at her little niece's grave who was buried there and my Dad's two good buddies buried there.  We stood too look over the valley and the lake, ran up one of the trails behind the cemetary and talked about running  further up it next time she comes to town. I wanted to do it then, but she had to get back.  I am starting to remember a lot of things about this side of town (purportedly the "good" side of town).  I lived in Utah off and on in high school and I lived in this part of town.  A lot of weird stuff happend here that I'd forgotten about.  Things like, a girl in the neighborhood was found burned to death in that cementary.  Some people said it was devil worshiping (her parents), others said she had a history of depression (her brother). The matches and gas can were found near by.   Also, there's a lot of peeping toms and attempted rapes.  Right now there is an 'attmpted' rapist on the loose who followed a 20 year old down lover's lane, pinned her down and pulled up her shirt.  This is the road we always ran in the a.m. for cross country-- we nick-named it -- rapist lane, and were not alloud to go by ourselves.  I forgot how in the "good" part of town there's a lot more weird stuff like that.  On the "working class" part of town people are generally too busy working and to do crazy stuff like worship satan out loud or hide in the bushes waiting for 20 year olds to run down a dirt road.  So much for the "good" part of town.

Today I was pleasently surprized to learn my little run around the Temple is almost 4.5 miles-- so I can wring 5-6  miles out of that street without having to do too much doubling up.   There are lots of runners and walkers out early. So I feel good about upcoming winter running.  There's a girl at the end of the block who did Boston (so they tell me).  I'm going to meet her and see if she wants to run with me sometimes.  I had a hard time last year approaching November. It was the winter of Marsha and the headlamps, and our adventures on the BYU indoor track.  I hated every minute; except that one time I almost stepped on a dead skunk in the middle of the road in the dark.  That was exciting to spontaneously swear all the very worst swear words in front of the singlemost churchy person I know.  Good times.  But after running in the dark like that (and later on the track in the deep part of winter),  I realized when you can't see anything it makes no difference where you run.  So now that I'll be in the dark, I won't miss my trail so much and I can be glad there are street lights and other runners down a really long, straight wonderful street I can feel safe about running on in the middle of the night or early  morning.  That said, it has been so nice to run with Cath these mornings. I'm going to miss her when she goes back to Knoxville again.  Beause we only ran on Saturdays all these years, running consecutive days will have to tide me over (6 days of consecutive running would equal 6 -8 weeks of our regular running).  I will miss hearing about the messy divorce cases she's working on; the name calling, fighting about money and custody battles, and the children with attachement disorders.  I will miss hearing all the ways her family is crazy and wonderful.  I live vicariously through other people's family stories now I don't have any parents or grandparents anymore.  I'll miss that.

Late yesterday devolved into a Disney screen play in which I lost my cat, my stove, and the dogs ate a 4 layer carrot cake.  Luckily I did find my cat. and the stove was purchased, rather than stolen.  However, the cake --intended for Michelle's Hartford Marathon Victory party will never be recovered. I'm glad it's Tuesday.

Learned about Home Schooling and Power Hour from Cath as we trotted along today.  Two 'super-mom' items never to occur in my home, ever.  But it was interesting to learn how quality people, with post graduate degrees, from good homes raise their children too.  It's nice to have a benchmark by which you can determine how badly you are actually doing.  I always feel this way, when I see other people's chores lists on the fridge for their kids (make bed, do homework, do the dishes, etc).  It makes me wonder if mostly ignoring, and then yelling violently at random moments during the day isn't such a good parenting technique.  I'm sure they know I love them. After all, who tosses them a few bags of groceries every coupla' weeks and put up with trombone practice every single day?  This supermom, that's who. (9:45 ap).

I went to Goblin Valley, hiked Little Wild Horse and Bell  slot Canyons, drove the Monument Valley loop on the Navajo Indian Reservation, and hiked Delicate Arch at Arches, all in the past 4 days, thanks to fabulous friends who like my company enough to let me camp out with them.  The thing worth mentioning on the running blog was taking a few minutes to get dropped off to run about 2 miles down the long road to the sign along the highway into Monument Valley that says "Forrest Gump ended his cross country run at this spot, 1980".  I've always loved the movie, and the moment when Forrest suddenly stops running, being followed by a pack of other runners seeking his wisdom, after 3 back to back transcontinental crossings. That moment, when he realizes he is done running is poignant.  Aren't we all running away from pain, from our sadness?  Having recently moved, cut my 8 inches off my hair, reevaluated my motivation and time commitment to running, I wondered if I was, like Forrest, ready to stop running 'from' what's been eating me alive most of the  past 6 years.  Am I ready to stop running?  If not literally, figuratively?

Wow.  I got a call from Catherine this morning at 6:45 (8:45 Knoxville time) to say that Boston Marthon had filled in 6 hours yesterday.  We were going to sign up today....we've been planning it since she left in august (since she requalified for Boston at Ogden really).  We've been waiting all this time, and now  it's FULL!!  Why did we wait a day?  All this, on top of  missing the St. George lottery.  The Universe has conspired against us for the past 6 months  :(  Boooohooooo.  I couldn't believe the news (so early in the morning it wasn't getting into my brain).  Now, I'm more awake and fully bummed out. But sadder for Catherine, because at least I got to go run it once.  Who knew it would fill up in less than a day?  I guess I really did end my cross country running on the same spot as Forrest Gump. 

Ok, so after my friends in Hopkinton, Salem and Newell found out I had not made the Boston Marathon sign up after the historic 6 hour electronic mosh pit mayhem --but that our other mutual friend in Utah, Marisa, had--it was suggested that I should come anyway and that they'd drop me off at the start to bandit the race (they work for the city of Boston and the State of Massachusetts respectively).  I'd prefer it, if someone just knew the race director and got me 2 legitimate spots.  Not that I don't mind stealing a race (shhhh! 2 marathons this year), but the Boston Marathon?  I don't know, that's like moving from petty larceny to grand theft.  I keep thinking about Forrest Gump finally stopping in the middle of the desert--done . Am I done?  I emailed a friend the picture of the sign where Forrest Gump stopped running on the road to Monument Valley.  His response was "of course he stopped. Why would anyone KEEP running?"  Well, Joe, only real runners know he should have at least quit at the end of the road, not in the middle of it. I'm going to sign up for Ogden now see if I can get in one legitimate Marathon next year. 

AP 9:27 I ran in the full, bright moonlight around the cementary and back. It was actually kind of spooky in the dark. I get breathing pretty good going up that steep hill mile (at the Pioneer 10K they call that hill "Goliath"). We (me and the dogs) miss the trail so much. They suffer the loss more than me...now bored in the back yard, they wreck my patio furniture and dig holes in the grass. Six miles a day on the trail used to keep them docile as lambs. As for the marathon madness....my contacts at Zion's Bank are still trying to find out of they can get me an available spot at Ogden, in the meantime, Cath and I have signed up for the National Marathon in DC for Saturday, March 26th. It's not the Marine Corps Marthon I've been wanting to run for 4 years, but at least it's a Spring Marathon, away from Utah where I can see both Cath and my sister. The winter training should be "interesting". I'll have to start up in late December. Not sure how well I care do do, since it's an unfamiliar race and my ultimate goal will be to requalify for Boston at Utah Valley Marathon in June (should I actually get on the ball and register ON TIME).

I took the dogs up behind the cementary up, up, up where the trails crisscross  and deer paths lattice the mountainside..  The view of the valley grew smaller and smaller framed by orange scrub oak and yellow mountain grass.  I had to walk a few of the rockier, steep trails but the view was spectacular once I got as high as I could.  The bulbous grey clouds were below me as I watched heavy rain sweep across the valley from South to North.  There are days so beautiful in Utah in the autumn, they border obscenity. Like the thin line between insanity and genius.  Seconds after I was washed with that Universal communion up on the mountainside, the rain started to pitter patter, and by the time I was home I was 100 % soaked.  I love the mile home, it's downhill and flat and I can really turn it on.

I love these rainy autumn days--except my tent will never dry out from my trip.  I've had it hanging over the fence for a week now and it seems like it's rained every day. Now it's not red sand on the inside, it has red mud.  Still, I so enjoy the smell of the dying trees and wet road, and the feeling of the wind in my face in the early morning.  I miss hearing the wind whip through the trees down by the lake, but still it's nice to be outside.

Did the TM watching La Dolce Vita (1961), which was one of the most depressing movies I have ever seen.  It is an existential mess that started off listlessly trying to discover meaning in living, and literally ended with an orgy and the idea that sex is the only thing worth pursuing in life--at the expense of all other things.  I'm big on foreign films, but I did not love that one.  I especially hated the main character.  But other than the terrbile movie, I had a really nice morning and took a good amount of quality time for the sit-ups and push ups which normally, I have to through. 

Yesterday the snow on the ground just made me want to take an enormous hot bath instead of run--which I did.  So today, it was very chilly, but no snow on the ground.  I took the loop up toward Rock Canyon and back. I was throuroughly chilled once I stopped running, and took another hot bath.  I love October, it is by far my favorite month of the year....but did not expect snow.!

9:01/10:58/8:50/9:22/10:00

I had a nice speedy first mile without too much effort getting to North Temple Drive.  Without the trail to run on, running has lost all of it's therapeutic benefit for me.  Where I used to let my eyes restfully gaze upon the river, I am eyeing drivers to see if they are checking out my fat arms.  I hate running on the street.  I love the uphill mile though getting to the mouth of Rock Canyon.  It's so gorgeous once you're standing at the foot of the mountain looking upward.  I know it's slow, but it gets me breathing so hard it really feels like a work out and it doesn't hurt anything when you go that slow--just your lungs. The only bad part about the uphill mile is turning around and having to go back down the hill.  While I was up there though, I spotted the dirt road carved into the side of the mountain that I think might traverse the bench and lead me back to my house without having to go back on the road.  I'm going to run that tomorrow to see where it goes.  

I am so in love with October.  I don't mind the rain at all (although I'm really glad I'm not training for anything).  I took off in the late afternoon with my dogs up Rock Canyon, got in that nice 1 mile uphill climb, and then found the trail that traversed the mountainside heading North.  It was a little spooky to run it so late in the afternoon (also the day before Halloween).  I was up there all alone-- just the sound of my feet hitting the gravel and the quiet roar of rain.  It so exhilarating to be by myself looking over the valley dotted with autumn color, watching the rain sweep by. I live for runs like this--alone, on a mountain being cleansed by autumn rain breathing in October glory from high above the valley floor. I thought about the Halloween Half.  I had such a good time last year--but I'm just not in the mood for a party right now and totally unsure if I want to run more than 8 miles at a time until next January.