Patience; the new endurance sport.

They closed off about .5 of the trail right outside of my house. I went out and there was a 'Road Closed' sign.  There was also a sign about improvements to the trail, including a bridge off Lakeshore Drive.  Improvements? As long as you consider more traffic in the neighborhood and on the trail, an underpass that freezes and floods like all the rest, a bathroom so drug addicts, and gay people can find each other late at night.  Yes, most excellent "improvments".   I can not even tell you how inconvenient this whole winter training thing has been, and now they've shut down my trail--MY trail.  So now I'll have to run in and out of the neighborhood--in front of the neighbors. 

9:43/9:27/8:39/8:46/8:23/9:07/9:25/9:45  I wanted to pretend I could do a Tempo run.  So the idea for today was to run 3 miles at race pace in the middle.  I thought 8:23 would kill me.  Good think I was by myself breathing like a polar bear and rolling my eyes as I forced the pace. The AP for the whole run was 9:08.  I'll take it, it sure beats the 9:40's I'm cranking out lately.  Still I need to do some more interval running to improve that average pace and make the race pace get easier.  I wonder if this will get easier when it's warmer, or if I'm just doomed to train with tight everything and iron lung/frozen face.  I'm just hoping for no injuries--really that should be my goal right now.  My knees are a little stiff with all the skiing lately--but it stregthens the quads, which is good for the knees.  Regardless, I can feel that I'm totally gonna need new ones in a few years.  I know how to stretch/strenthen everything else--but I just don't think there is anyway around wearing down your knees after a while.

When I reread my blog entries it's embarrassing the number of misspellings, type-O's, and errors I commit like: your vs. you're.  I am the luckiest sloppy person alive.  How I have been able to accomplish this much in my life, graduate college, get married, have children, and hold a job when I can't even keep “there” and “their” straight is a testament to the kindness of mankind.  I don't even bother editing my FRB entries. Someday,  I'll look back and begin to track when I started totally losing my mind via the crescendo of mental deterioration made visible by the number of grammatical and syntactical errors here.  Maybe it's the whole internet age/ blogging/email informality that has replaced my training in written and spoken communication.  I’m afraid it’s indicative of my overall mental strength.  The stress I felt over crying babies/small children literally changed and retrained my listening skills to the point that 10 years later people can talk to my face and I still can’t ‘hear’ what they are saying and have to ask them to repeat themselves.  And then I quickly forget what they said—particularly if there were relaying instructions of any kind.  The frantic pace at which we all need and have instant (hasty) information shared via texts/email/wikepedia/google has created in me a frantic sloppiness that has completely replaced my BA in English.  9:30/9:27/9:08/8:54/9:19/9:23

9:35 av -- I was so not feeling it this morning. I gave myself permission to run at lunch time up the canyon.  I brought my gear to work and took off from my office.  It was bleak & sunny when I left wearing a base layer tank& sweats, w/one of my long sleeved marathon shirts (w/light gloves & hat).  A mile later, I'd peeled off my long sleeve shirt and ran in just my tank top, gloves & hat.  It was the most comfortable run I've had in a long time. Got my Vitamin D for the day for sure! Too bad the run was only so-so. I ran up past my favorite water fountain where the water runs so sweet and cold at the mouth of the canyon.  I didn't have a lot of energy to push it up or down the hill, but it was life-changing to be outside with bare arms in the sun.

I am so low enegry right now. I'm just barely hanging in there this morning.  Ran 4 miles and am blogging about it in spite of being in a hurry to get out the door for this weekend after I laid awake most of the night worried we were all dying of botchulism...you heard me, botchulism.  I let my 13 year old make dinner.  After we'd eaten, I congratulated her good work, and asked what she put in the spaghetti sauce (it tasted a little funny).  She replied "I don't know but the can was shaped weird and it sort of hissed for a while as I opened it.  It tasted funny.'  So I'm sitting at the table, all of us having fully ingested anaerobic microbial bacteria from canned tomatoes.  Fabulous.  Guess what the best part is?  Go ahead, guess.....neurological symptoms take 3-10 days to manifest.  And they are incurable.  I love having botchulism, it's so much more exciting that regular old salmonilla or listeria.  I get to talk to poision control every day for the next week.  It reminds me of when my daughter put a castor bean in her mouth she plucked from the sumac plants that grow behind our house in San Diego.  They look just like pinto bean once you peel them out of that prickley red ball. Why do we always have to get ricin and botchulism? So if I start seeing double, or if my son's eyelids droop, or my daughter has trouble speaking and we all end up in ICU, you'll know why I stopped blogging :) 

:)

9:07/8:36/8:26/9:06/9:09

My sister is moving to DENVER!!!!! I am so psyched! I guess that means I won't have to move to New England now. 

Routine, mandetory easy run.  I'm really trying to go easy this week because a) I have a lot of skiing to do and b) it's my 'recovery' week, which I'm going to take very seriously.  However, the absence of fatigue in running less miles this week has caused me to run effortless 8:40-9:00's.  More miles does = faster speeds (3 weeks of >43 miles/week).  So that's an encouraging development.

Had so many plans for today but was bombarded by work late into the night, and into the early morning due to the work I avoided to have fun yesterday.  There are consequences to avoidance.....  I wanted to run or bike a little extra in the afternoon---but was exhausted and just couldn't do it.  I've been happily mentally/emotionally engaged in the recent activites of the past 6 days, and particularly the last 48 hours.  It's been worth it though to slow down and have a bit of fun.  It's been a good moment in time.  Next week it's back to busy bizziness, and several high mileage speedwork weeks.  Nose to the grindstone from here out, that's for sure.

My alarm didn't go off and I left Marsha waiting 1/2 hour for me.  I was so sorry, being late is such a big deal to me that if I were her, I would have just left and run on my own.  But she's so cool and calm, no biggie.  We got to run outside down our farmland country road in the early dawn in a balmy winter fog.  It's funny how 38 degrees feels balmy.  Nice easy run, AP 9:04

Cath is my cheerleader.  She graduated BYU Law and was teaching there by the age of 22.  Her mom who never graduated college when she was young (in lieu of raising her family abroad because her Ambassador husband took them to Sweden and Japan while they had 6 small children) just finished her Ph.D.  at 58.  So, our topic of conversation theses past few Saturdays has been "Who Am I really?"  brought on by developments in my personal life.  My thought was, once your parents die, who do you want to impress?  What is your impetus behind personal success? Who do you want to be proud of you? What can you take with you beyond this life? What legacy do you leave behind ? (Besides your children, for whom you don't can't really take credit for based on the principles of free will & election...alhthough, I'd like to because they are so smart and wonderful to me). So I started on the topic of 'impressing myself', since there is no one else I'd rather impress now that my Father's gone.  What could I do that would really  make me feel like "I'd arrived & conquered".  For many years, that's been going back to school.  A law degree?  An MPA?  an MPH?  So Catherine and I have been challenging each other. She wants to act & sing in a play (because she was always so studious and serious) and I want to go back to school and get a Ph.D. or an MPH.  She was saying how easy it would be to get the MA program out of BYU and it occurred to me that I don't just want to get an MA out of the way by writing some lame thesis on say, a post modern study Emily Dickenson's or Virginia Wolf's virtues of feminine solitude.  I want to do something that pushes my boundaries.  Like research about male expressionism and masculine archetypes through the writings of say Chuck Palahnick or Norman Mailer.  Or perhaps throw in a ModernYungian analysis of gender roles.  Anyway, I came away from 11 miles almost high with the idea of doing something new with my brain, something that would occupy a few years and inspire my heart.  I think if I'm doing that while my children are also in school, I stand a better chance of being able to help them be better students too. It's been so long since I've been to school, I feel like my brain is on a warmer plate in the microwave. The MA, Ph.D. route would lend itself to writing and research--which I would love if I could find a way to make that work.  But I could do the easier thing and go for the MPH, where I have experience and could just get a different job in the same field.  But I'm leaning toward lighting my fire and writing a book, or short stories more than going down the same boring path I'm on now.  The end.  AP 9:37

"I will always have that gold medal as a memento of that day," Kearney says. "I will be impressed with how I skied and performed. That was the best run I could have skied under the most pressure on the day it really counts." 

8:48 av: 8:28/8:14/8:57/8:43/9:08/9:15/9:05

I started out too fast.  Warmed up .5 then ran about 100M repeats (every other one fast) for the first three miles, pushed a solid 4th mile.  Then I gradually lost focus and ran a whole mile while I was thinking of a million other things: conversations I had with my cousin over the weekend about the U of U's accelrated Ph.D. program, an investment strategy, how to study for the GRE while I'm still working (or not), or how to generate additional income.  These thoughts took exactly 9:08 minutes because I snapped out of it when my Garmin went off at mile 5.  I ran one more solid-effort mile, and then I offered myself a 'cool down' mile which was almost as fast as the other miles. Those repeats/intervals were so hard I was in tears trying to maintain my effort.  Am I the only one who cries when running is hard? It conjured up a bit of advice Sasha offered me once. He said "get mad, collect all you 'mad' and let the road have it" --or something to that effect.  But every time I try to pick up and then maintain the pace, I can't conjure up the 'mad.' Instead I conjure up the 'martyr' and cry about how hard it is---literally cry.  The hard breathing, eye rolling and crying is so pretty--real championship stuff.  Next Thursday I'm going to try to run a reverse/negative split tempo.  I need some know some other real work outs, instead of these ones I'm making up.  But whatever, they helped me qualify for Boston last summer.  Also, I'm afraid if anyone did try to teach me how to do real interval/repeats, etc.  I'd probably just go all victim. It's such a character defect, but if anyone tries to help me/push me it makes me want to give up.  It's got to come from inside me or else it's just not happening.  I've learned that at least.

Ran 5 w/ Marsha in the pre dawn with the ol' headlamp and 2 more at lunch.  It's so foggy and moist today. It always reminds me of Oregon or winters in San Diego.  I love how the water condenses on my arm hair. I haven't needed gloves for a week even though the temps are still in the mid 30's.  I'm home at lunch getting my treadmill fixed once and for all--rollers and belt replaced.   Hopefully this should keep the treadmill going for another 5 years before the motor goes.  It has over 6,000 miles on it now.  They did a temporary fix while the parts took 6 weeks to arrive.  So for the past 6 weeks, I've had to set the incline to 3 or above just to get it to roll.  But it would still grab, or stop (mostly while I was doing speed intervals). so I'd go flying over the top. It was freaky to try and run hard & fast, but not know when the machine would quit on me..... (cue the soap opera soundtrack)....I needed that treadmill so much over the past 2 months and it betrayed me.  I had to run on the stupid BYU track--around and around and around-- when it was too dark and cold!  It let me down.  Can I learn to forgive and love my treadmill again?  Can I heal this sence of betrayal?  Can I learn to forgive?  They say time heals all things.....

9:53/8:30/8:30/8:43/9:12/8:40/9:09 

I wanted to tempo 4 miles straight with a negative split end (which I kind of did if you count the warm up mile).  But I should have started RP at mile 3 instead of 2.  Mile 5 was just killer, I had to take a breather.  I'm getting there ....running 3 miles at race pace is way easier that doing 100 M sprint/stride repeats.  I'm going to build those to 300 M next week.  I hope I Saturday's long run isn't a disaster.  Fast running really gets my hams/glutes and they are tired now. I'll be happy to pull of 16 sub 10's.

I have worked so diligently to stave off winter illness.  I have been a model of fresh food consuming, pro-biotic taking, hand washing, no food or drink sharing of public health policy.  But I woke up with my upper chest a little scratchy and tight.  Been having a hard time sleeping the past 4 nights, which is probably the true culprit.  When I don't get enough sleep or I'm under any kind of stress, I get sick.  It's guaranteed.  I'm bummed, but I know from experience the real trauma won't happen until Monday (it always takes me 2-3 days to  develop major symptoms from the onset).  Could be worse, I think it's just a cold. But if it was strep or the flu I'd be down for the count pretty quick.  It's just such bad timing--at the start of my 8 week, hardcore, training countdown.  This whole Boston Marathon training as been fraught with inconvenience and obstacle.  Par for the course.  I was just starting to get excited about my training and feeling stronger and dreaming of what it's going to be like running into the city of Boston.  Having a cold is just going to be one more discouraging and depressing event to this whole episode.  People dream of qualifying and running Boston.  I did, so why all of this?  Should be fun to see how 16 will feel when I can't breath  :(

9:43 av.  I planned on going 16, but what the heck 18. Sure. I was running with the big girls and boys.  Ran with Smooth's group. Kim/Cathy (whose coming to Boston too), Teena, Kelly, Davey Crockett and Maynard (Brad).  Dave had run 13 miles before we even got there.We ran up the windmill hill through the golf course along the Jordan River and turned around at the military cemetary at the top of the hill.  Smooth doesn't like the hills, but I do.  I knew she'd really start to rock-n-roll about mile 10, right about when I was running out of gas.  The river was so fat and full and green.  The color reminded me of the Colorado River out in the desert of Southern California.  Smooth and I saw so many hawks.  Five flying in a group and another group of  three. They flew in a bunch, circling around and falling out of the sky above the water like they were fishing.  We saw one big fat one (maybe an owl?) up in a tree.  We think we saw a bald eagle, it had a huge wing span and a white head. Lots of ducks, geese in formation flying north.  That river parkway is very pretty.  This time I could see where we were in the valley.  Last year when I went to meet them there, there was so much fog, I couldn't see the point of the mountain, or the golf course, or the windmills.  I got to tell Susanna about my newest favorite documentary (Grizzly Man) that I watched two times in a row.  Teena and Kelly had run very far ahead at a much faster pace. The other two ladies and Manyard only ran 10.  We met up with Kelly & Dave again around mile 12 and finished up  the run together.  I wanted to drag out those last two miles, but Kelly and Susanna wouldn't leave me behind and kept me company those last 3 miles (at my lagging pace). By the time we finished, Dave (the 100 mile ultramarathoner) had run 30+ (just another Saturday for him).  Kelly, Susanna & I --18.  But Kelly was going home to run another 7-8 with Scott (to make another 26 mile Saturday), and Teena had run 18 too, but at a 7:30-8 m/m pace.  Next week they're all running 22 (I've got 14 on my agenda).  Man I'm such a lightweight. But I did feel  really strong and I could have even pushed the pace a bit and gone a little further.  But it was a pleasant run.  I'm grateful for running friends and to hear what they talk about.  After the run, we sat in Teena's car eating oranges, bananas and hot chocolate (thanks girls!).  And RAD showed up to say hi.  It was so fun, those girls know how to make a running party. I never showered after yesterday's (easy) workout, so I really deserved a bath.  When I came home I sank into the most delicious hot tub (made even more delicious because I had to drive home in my sweaty cold clothes and was chilled ). I eased myself into that hot water and said a  prayer of thanksgiving for warm water that runs right out of the faucet in my bathroom.  God bless America. 

Ran inside super easy on my treadmill because I'm about to hack up a lung. I could feel this coming on Friday and had a little tightness in my chest Saturday morning--but had no problems till yesterday.  It feels good to be home, but whenever I have a second of downtime, I always wish I was skiing.  It snowed a little all weekend, I'll bet it's really pretty on the mountain today.  My lungs can't take the cold though :( I need to get better quickly as I can. Fluids, rest, staying warm.

I have been so very sick, IN BED since Monday night.  I got up this morning, feeling a little better and ran a very pitiful 4 miles while I sweat my life away.  Hopefully tommorrow will be better than today.  The doctor gave me an inhaler (for bronchitis) and antibiotics for a sinus infection (which I'm not going to take).  I don't think my fever has been high enough to indicate a bacterial infection. I have slept over 27 hours in the past 2 days.  I'm freaking out about missing both mileage and speed training, but I don't think I can do it like this.  I had neighbors bring me really amazing soups--one had kale and red peppers and zucchini, and the other had cabbage, tomatoes and carrots.  About once a day I get really hungry and then go back to sleep.  Wihout the soups everyone in my house would starve.  I've been down for the count.

It took me 62 minutes to pull this one off.  I have 13-14 to run tommorrow.   What do I do?

I went from 45-50 mile weeks to like 29.  I've been dying all week about how how far I came last week finishing with an 18 miler, feeling so strong to lying flat on my back for 3 days.  I'm much better, but still wondered how to take today. I took a dose of dayquil, and two hits off my inhaler before I met Catherine at 7:30. It was actually really warm and I ended up part of the run in a sleeveless base tank. We picked a route that I could drop out by my house around mile 6 if I needed to.  While I was running my phone (which I always turn to vibrate or off while I'm busy) kept vibrating the whole time I was running.  Down around mile 4, we were met by a very scary, injured, abandoned dog right in the middle of the trail.   We couldn't go around it because there was steep marsh on one side of the trail, and fence on the other.  The dog hunched down and looked straight at us with his ears flat to his head, we couldn't tell if he was scared or rabid.  It was so "To Kill A Mockingbird" with the rabid dog wandering down the street before the big trial. It had an ominous foreshadowing feeling about it.  We eventually picked up rocks and sticks and went the marsh route while the dog kept his eyes glued to us in his lowered perch in the middle of the road.  I could not get a deep breath during the run, but it was not as cold on my lungs as I was afraid of, and somehow the running itself wasn't too shabby (9:21 for the first 8 miles. 9:40s for the rest).  By 12 and 13 Catherine was babysitting me.  She recounted the number of times on long runs I'd kept her courage up and kept her going (good story Catherine, but whatever, it worked).  I'm glad I had her to help me get it done.  It's been hard to know how much cardio fitness (I've worked so hard to build in the past 3 weeks) has been lost, how much muscle strength due to flabby running.  But what else can you do when you're sick?  It makes your body more run down, more weak to stress it while it's busy killing virus & bacteria.  At least that's my experience (the sicknesses stick around longer under duress).  The whole run was a little rough and all I could think about was poor me.  But once I got home I saw I had 6 messages on my phone in under 2 hours.  An 8.8 earthquake hit Chile in the very region where my in laws live & all my husband's family lives.  No phone lines, no cel lines, no online contact because the electricity/gas/major highways were closed.  My sweet little mother in law lost her first son due to the effects the 8.5 near Valdivia in 1960 had on her health. The subsequent conditions, and Tsnumani ruined the entire region.  Those memories are never far from her mind. She was 6 months pregnant with her first son when it hit, she was alone and the noise so defening that she (being deeply religious) believed it was the second coming.  She ran outside and saw a neighbor's cow struggle as it fell sideways and was caught in a chasm in earth, while telephone poles popped out of the ground.  There was no food or water from the outside regions for 3 weeks, no relief.  My father in law and his friends used scuba gear to recover sacs of flour & provisions off sunken vessles in the harbor.  My husband's oldest brother was born with sever cerebral palsy due to the malnutrition and oxygen deprevation because of the nervous state of my young mother in law (she had hyperventalation & fainting spells every time she heard loud noises for the remainder of the pregnancy). We named our son after her lost son, I know the effects of an 8.8 seventy miles from her house has her struggleing for composure.  She's so tiny.  But they are deeply evangelical and we know their faith will be of comfort to them.  We've heard now from some relatives that have been in contact and they have mild damage to the house, but still no electricity, water, phones.  Now will come the Tsnumanis, aftershocks, food & medical supply shortages.  I'm sure they will prevail, but we have friends and family from Valparaiso to Punta Arenas--all of whom have been affected, some having lost their homes to structure damage.  Such a weird day.  I'm still coughing and I'm exhausted from the morning's effort, and now I'll spend the day trying to contact my sweet mother in law.