Sock tans

As an update, I'm still here in the hospital (I have been since Thursday evening). My suicidal thoughts are lessening but are sometimes still present. My doctor will request a blood draw tomorrow to check my lithium levels, then depending on how I'm feeling and whether or not the lithium is at the right therapeutic dose we will evaluate and go from there. If I'm doing well and the level is good, I would anticipate discharge as soon as possible but I really don't know how long it will take for results to come back and for my doctor to sign off on everything and begin discharge paperwork. So my guess is we're probably looking at a Tuesday discharge date if all goes well, if not then later.

There's not too much to update today but I'm feeling a lot better.

Someone tested positive for COVID on our Unit yesterday so we were on quarantine until everyone else tested negative. The person who had COVID was discharged. So we just barely got the all-clear from staff that we're okay to go down to the cafeteria and do fresh air breaks and stuff like that. And also we are allowed to have visitors. 

I'm both happy and surprised that I've managed to test negative for COVID the three times I've been tested because like half of my family has COVID at the moment. We were all exposed at Christmas when my aunt tested positive the next day. So I thought maybe I'd have it as well but so far nope! Which makes me happy.

My lithium levels came back at 0.9 which is right within the therapeutic range. Discharge goal is Thursday, I just met with my social worker and that's what she told me. A little bugged because I feel good enough that I could leave today or tomorrow honestly but it is what it is.

I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. I'm feeling a lot better, no more suicidal thoughts. My boss brought over a giant sign with all my clients and coworkers handprints painted on the bottom along with some flowers. It was the sweetest thing. My coworkers and my boss all reached out to me some sharing that they've been there before too. I have such an amazing work environment I love the people I work with.

Here's a picture of the sign:

It may have made me tear up. It was the sweetest thing. I miss them. 

Today I decided to go for a run and it felt so freeing. After being cooped up for so long it's so nice to get back outside. I only ran 2 miles because I want to ease back into it and don't want to pressure myself to do more than I want to. I want to enjoy it. And I really did enjoy it.

Easy 3. Felt really good, shorts weather!

Side note: I weighed a lot less in the hospital than I was expecting. The last time I weighed myself (several months ago) I was 137. In my SUU days I was 128ish. One of the doctors asked me how much I weighed when I was borderline anorexic and I told him truthfully 128. Then I hop up on the scale and guess what? I was 128. Ummm... interesting. I was not expecting that. Haha.

Weight is always a little sensitive of a subject with me just because I did have so much struggle with it when I was at SUU. My coach had multiple meetings with me during which he suggested I try to get my weight down to 18% body fat or the lowest end of the BMI healthy range, which is 125/126lbs. I was really struggling to get below 130lbs so I started skipping meals and limiting how much I ate. And I know coach didn't intend for me to think it, but from all our conversations I began to fixate on my weight and believed myself to be the fattest girl on the team. When I was weighed in the hospital in March 2019 I was 128lbs, which also surprised me.

Anyway, I know muscle weighs more than fat so even though I'm the same weight I was when I was super fit and running for SUU, it doesn't really mean much because my fat percentage is higher. But I was still pleasantly surprised to see I was 128lbs. I thought for sure I'd be 137-140.

Anywho, not that weight really matters that much. As long as I'm in the normal/healthy range I'm good.