Sock tans

Out and back on Foothill. It was windyyy which made it pretty cold. 8:11 average (first mile 9:04, last mile 7:20).

I watched a documentary on Netflix called the social dilemma, it was eye opening. I disabled all my social media accounts afterwards because dang, if the founders of social media are talking about how addictive, manipulative and problematic social media is, it's really a problem.

So today I had my first speech therapy appointment. It was more of an assessment than anything, we did a couple of memory tests that were very similar to the ones done in the neuropsych exam. We had some good news! My tests showed that I was within normal limits for immediate memory. I was below normal limits on language measures and attention measures. Everything else was normal.

It surprised me that I was within normal limits on memory. It means one of two things (or both): first (according to the speech therapist), that my memory difficulties are mild enough that I can score well on these kinds of tests, and second, that my memory issues really are related to my depression (as suggested by one of my neurologists). I am in a stable mood today, and time has passed to allow for one of my medications to gain strength. This is more likely since I scored so poorly on similar tests within my neuropsych exam 1.5 months ago.

Either way, it's great news. It means it's more manageable than I once thought.

Foothill out and back. I'm going to start keeping track of how many days in a row I run. Might keep me motivated not to break the streak, we'll try it out. I won't be counting Sundays since, for religious reasons, I don't run on Sundays.

Running streak: 4

Wasatch loop. 

In 2020, I learned what self-love truly is. I learned how to be compassionate and understanding with myself. I learned that even amidst such heartache as I was experiencing 9 months ago, you CAN make it through and things do get better. I also learned that out of the blue, new opportunities may present themselves that wouldn’t have had you not struggled. I learned to look at things rationally and realistically, while still upholding a positive and hopeful attitude. When looking back at 2020, I don’t want to view it as the hardest year of my life, though it may be true. I want to remember it as the year I broke through my depression and took charge of my life. I want to remember it as the year that I overcame the most difficult things I have ever faced. I survived a pandemic, a full-fledged unmedicated and unmanaged bipolar episode, an earthquake, a land hurricane, and the list goes on. Whatever trials came, they also went. And now I’m in a better place than I’ve been in for years. And for that I am grateful.

Running streak: 5

Happy New Year!!

December 2020 stats

Number of hypomanic days: 2 (6.5 percent) ↓

Number of depressed days: 20 (64.5 percent) ↓

Number of stable days: 9 (29 percent) ↑

Average suicidal ideation rating: 0.16 ↓

Average meals per day: 2.97 ↓

Average hours of sleep: 7.97 ↑

Days medication was missed: 0 ↓

Average anxiety rating: 2.77 ↔

Average irritability rating: 0.13 ↔

Number of days exercised: 14 (45 percent) ↔

Average impulsivity rating (only 6 days of data): 2 ↔

All things considered, December was a good month. My mood was more stabilized than it has been since I've been keeping track (I started in October), and before then it's safe to say I was very unstable lol. So it's cool to see my progress.

I'm still a little worried about the next couple months because that's when I always seem to struggle the most. But this time I have a therapist and steady meds to help me through the darker months. If I can avoid another hospital visit that will be an accomplishment.

I broke my running streak :(