Sock tans

Wasatch loop. Tripped at the very end on a bump in the sidewalk I couldn't see because of the dark. Added a good cut to the collection I got over the weekend from canyoneering, lol

Speaking of canyoneering... it was my first time. I have a decent fear of heights but I decided to brave it and go anyways. I was scared much of the time but it really was a lot of fun, and in such a beautiful place. I will say, though, I was terrified when the sun was setting and it was getting hard to see and we were still in the canyon trying to get back up to the desert floor. Rather than following the map like normal, we literally climbed the face of the mountain so we could be up at the top before it was pitch black outside. It didn't do any favors for my fear of heights. At one point Ruthie told me not to look down and like an idiot... I looked down. There was a 200 ft+ drop right below me, and I had to make a very sketchy climb up about 10 meters, which if I didn't have enough traction on the rock I'd slip and fall off that cliff. I prayed "please God don't let me die today" and I'm still here so He really came in clutch this weekend #blessed. Other than that though it was a blast

Today I decided to mix it up. I went over to Sugarhouse park and did a lap, then along 1300 E out and back taking 1700 S back home.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the trauma I endured 5 years ago (I've been working through it in therapy recently, something that probably should've happened a long time ago). Now that I'm working through it in therapy, I naturally want to share what happened and find my voice. But what do you do when sharing such information can damage someone's reputation and, because they are mentally unstable (someone who does what he did must be) and unpredictable, what if it places me in danger? But at the same time, speaking out about it could help protect other young girls. Do I leave it as is and continue on with my life leaving that in the past, or do I speak out for those who haven't yet found their voice, or who think they're alone? I know for a fact I'm not the only girl that has had an incident with him, both of the other girls transferred high schools. I don't think anyone's ever went as far as mine did, though.

The problem is that if I share it publicly, people I know also know him. I'd reckon several on this blog know him, or of him. Do I have an obligation to keep quiet about it because it doesn't just involve my personal experience, but those of others? I have to think about his family, friends, people who care about him. And even him, this information leaked would destroy him. And I don't know if I'm capable of doing that- I've already felt like enough of this was my fault even though I know it's not, but that guilt could follow me around for years.

It has already been reported to DCFS. My therapist was required to report it, so that if something were to happen in the future either with me or another girl, it would be on file and could back up any claims. I also know he was fired from East High a year or so after I graduated, though I don't know why. So really, all action that can be taken has been. Or so I believe, I really don't know. My therapist is convinced I'm not the only one either. She told me Monday that the DCFS worker was shocked by this case. It is pretty crazy if I think of it from an outsiders perspective. And even more crazy that it happened to me, in my neighborhood, in my high school. You hear of it happening to others. But you never expect it to happen to yourself. 

Had an all-day training for my new job today. I'll be going down to part-time with my current job, full-time with my new one. I'm gonna be busy but it pays off the medical bills quicker.

I'm considering transferring to the U of U or UVU. Depending on how finances are looking in January that'll determine when I start. I came to the realization that I only wanted to go back to BYUI so that I could have a second chance to prove what I'm capable of and be back with my friends. I was ignoring the fact that I have a serious illness that requires treatment, and the best treatment for it is here in Salt Lake. There is nothing for it in Idaho. So considering that and the fact that in all reality, I really didn't love BYUI, I'm not going back.

I know it's taking me forever to get through school, but I'm also starting to understand there's no rush. It's only me putting the pressure on myself to finish quicker, and I've had a crap ton of setbacks. I may take the last class I need for an Associate's Spring semester online through SUU, and keep my full-time job. Then next fall potentially (most likely) I will start working towards my bachelors at a University in the valley. That is my plan for right now. 

Foothill out and back

Out and back