Sock tans

AM: Wasatch loop. I'm starting to feel like I'm actually getting back in shape. Running is feeling really good, I'm getting excited about starting to increase miles this week. Thinking about doing two a days, both to help with mileage and to give me something to do in the evenings to release built up energy from boredom. 

I haven't been taking a watch with me because I want to run at a pace that feels good and enjoy my runs. All of these runs I've memorized the length of. I don't want to be so caught up with hitting a specific pace that I obsess over it. For now, I want to go with the higher miles less intensity approach to getting into shape. Build up my base. Then I'll see how I feel about introducing speed work, fartlek, hills, etc. once I do that though I want to have a goal, a time-trial or a race to be working for. 

PM: VA loop, 4 miles. I love night runs, I always feel so much better in the evenings.

Today I had a therapy Zoom call and I also went back up to UNI for a psychiatry appointment to check in with meds. Everything is good so far- no suicidal thoughts, no depression, no self-harm, and also (as far as I can tell) no hypomania since my hospital stay. Which is great- it means my meds are working.

With that being said- today's therapy session surprised me. Here I've been feeling like I'm doing alright, and considering everything that's happened I'd say that I am. But I was surprised to realize that even though I feel okay day to day, deep down there's a lot of stuff going on. One thing my therapist pointed out that I'd never considered before was that I'm grieving my diagnosis. For a long time I was in denial. Now who knows where I am. And of course everything that happened has thrown my whole life up in the air. Am I going to go back to school and finish my degree? Am I going to go back to BYUI? Am I going to finish out at the U? Or am I just going to start working and making a living? Can I finish what I set out to do? And is it okay if I don't?  So many uncertainties.

Started at Sugarhouse and did Cemetery run. 7:51 average (yes I measured this one because I couldn't remember how far it was). My legs were heavy, but otherwise I felt good. I'll start out small with the two a days, maybe 2 a week? Idk I'll see how I feel. 

Today I went with Hattie for her workout, her soccer coach has been giving them workouts to do on their own each day because of the coronavirus. I'll be going with her for more of her running workouts. Today's was a 12 minute jog out one way, then pick up the pace and run back the same way in under 10 minutes. It was kind of fun, but I don't think Hattie enjoyed it haha. She said she needed to puke. Without breaks she did it in 9 minutes and one second (7:13 pace), with breaks it was 10 minutes and 32 seconds (8:26 pace). It made me want to run a mile time trial just to see where I'm at. Maybe another day haha. 

Afterward I went to Liberty Park and did 2 laps.

Wasatch loop. It was windy and my legs were tired.

Wasatch loop to the zoo. I felt surprisingly good! My legs felt great. Right when I turned the corner onto Sunnyside, another runner crossed the street to the side I was on. He was fumbling with his shirt, trying to get it on, it seemed like he'd just come from the zoo trail. Lots of runners and bikers go there. Anywho, he seemed to be a legit runner and in good shape. But he wasn't going too much faster than I was. From his stride I first thought it might be Patrick, I thought about yelling his name, but no as I got closer I knew it wasn't. I was glad I didn't call out to him then haha. We were probably going 7:15ish pace I would guess. From there I slowly tried to catch up to him, but he must've heard me or saw me because once we got to the top of the hill just before the post office his stride changed as he picked it up. Darn. I stayed maybe 20 meters back from him until Foothill, where he ran across the street while the light was yellow, I got caught at the light. Oh well, it was my time to turn anyway. It made for a bit of fun, I miss running with people. 

Shriner's run. I felt really good! This is the highest mile week I've had since I left SUU, since January 2019. It's weird that it's been that long since I've gone above 40 miles. It feels nice though to be running every day and getting into better shape.