Sock tans

Mood was a 5 today. Not awesome but not terrible either. I’m judging based on how much energy I have, how excited I am to do something, how sad I feel, or how much I just wanna stay in bed. My mom’s concerned about my steady decline this week in mood. If it continues to drop I’ll probably have to get more ECT treatments, though we’re also concerned about that because I’m on the more extreme side of the memory loss side effects. I’ve improved a lot, but I’m still iffy on a couple random things that come up each day. Like today, I forgot that church had been changed to two hours a while back instead of 3, that was a big change that I feel like I should’ve remembered. I also noticed Hattie’s braces and couldn’t remember when she got them, I asked her and she laughed because she’s had them since October. My memory loss is amusing sometimes lol. But also frustrating. At least I don’t ask the same questions every 10 minutes like I did last week haha. We will talk with the doctor next time we meet. 

I went back to the hospital this morning for a blood draw to check to make sure everything is still good after taking my medications for a few weeks. I also have another ECT treatment scheduled for early tomorrow morning. My mom says I was usually really tired after my ECT treatments, and once I have a treatment I have to be monitored for seizures for a week, so we’ll see how running goes for the next little bit. 

Today I did Wasatch loop. I tried not to look at pace. I stress myself out about needing to be in 50% range, but I need to let that go for the time being and enjoy my runs. I’m not in as good of shape as I was a month or so ago, and that’s okay. For right now when it’s still unclear when I’ll be at 100% mentally and ready to truly hit the road, it’s a bit impossible to have a goal to work towards. Maybe for now I’ll just be running (when I can) for fun and because I want to. Once I’m done with treatments, once I have the energy and the right mentality, THEN I can really set out to get back in good shape. I’m not there yet. 

Anyways, today I noticed I wasn’t running as smooth as I was when I was with my team. My stride was off. I slowed down and paid more attention to my back kick and foot strike, and sure enough going slower allowed me to have a smoother, more relaxed stride. I was able to get back into that groove where running didn’t feel that difficult and I could separate myself a little from focusing on what my body was doing and instead go to my thoughts or things outside of the physical discomfort of running. Then, around 2.5 miles in, I got really tired. I stopped for a minute, and I honestly just wanted to lay down right there and take a nap. But I wasn’t home yet. So I continued and didn’t bother finishing to 6, I just wanted to be done. Averaged 7:58

My mood’s a 4 today. I’m really tired and don’t really want to do anything other than stay in my bed (though I did go run some errands this morning).

ECT this morning, went back in since I dropped back down. We’re going to play it by ear now, I might have another ECT appointment another day. I’m having a hard time staying on my feet, I’m a bit dizzy. No running today both because it’s an ECT day and because there’s no way I could run in a straight lane or remain upright for that long. I have difficulty getting from my room to the kitchen without almost falling over. I will also be starting up a new medication in a little bit. 

Mood’s a 6 or 7

My sister Hattie came with me to Bonneville so I could run laps. I have to be monitored again for unintended seizures. Hattie ran the first mile with me, I was surprised she wanted to. We ran 8:02, not bad for a 12-year-old. I was impressed, I expected to go slower. Then I finished to 4.5 while she practiced soccer drills on the field. 7:38, 7:26, 7:49 for the mile splits, then Hattie joined for the last half mile at 8:00 pace. Averages out to 7:47/mile. I was sore from ECT yesterday. 

So the plan for right now is to do one ECT treatment a week for 5 weeks, until another medication I just started today kicks in. After that I can stop taking the medication that is causing my fatigue. I was stoked when my mom told me that. 

Today I’m an 8 or 9. It’s been a good day. 

My mom is in California with friends and my dad is in Florida for work, so I get to stay with my grandparents. They were kind to take me to Riverton High’s track and I ran there while they walked. It felt nice, though it’s getting warm. I got fried. 

Anyways, I was planning on 6 but decided to cut it short to 5, both because I felt bad making my grandparents wait and because I didn’t really want to do another mile. Eh. Splits (I had to manually time because my watch is always .08 off of a mile done on the track) went: 7:16, 7:19, 7:25, 7:28, 7:38. Averages out to 7:26.

Today I’m tired, but I’m at an 8.

Today I decided to try a couple 400s since we were at a track. First I did a couple miles warmup and stretched briefly. Then started, I did 200 recovery after each. Hit 83, 85. Then called it quits after that and cooled to 4 because I was discouraged. I’d been hoping for 80 or under at that effort. But I am out of shape/took some time off while in the hospital and have been rather limited in my running for a while now because of doctor’s orders, so it’s expected for me to be slower and less fit. I shouldn’t let it get me down, I’m alive and feeling better than I have in a loooong time, the physical fitness will come back eventually.

Anyways, today I’m tired and a 7. 

No running today. It was a busy day. I will have 1 ECT treatment a week for 5 weeks or until the doctor says otherwise. Which means I’ll be under 24/7 surveillance for probably another month to watch for seizures. I also have to keep a look out for a rash, then if I get one I have to go straight to the ER. I guess it is a common condition with one of my medications and will become life threatening fast if left untreated. So let’s hope I steer clear of all that. 

Today I’m a 7 or 8