Believe to Achieve

oh so tired.  but I managed to get out the door for my lonely 20 miler at 7am two seconds before per garmin.  Decided to run from my house to AF high school, to Art dye bathrooms to moutanin ridge park then up alpine highway to highway 92 towards AF canyon and up the canyon to nearly the caves about 1/4 mile short.  10 mile turn around had a bathroom perfectly on the left that I have never seen or used with running water toilets!  Had a lot of time stopping for bathroom issues on way up about 24 min 26 sec.  They were significant issues and now I had got here at 8:35 avg and my legs that I put on desitin had dissolved due to this issue.  Burning chafing that swelled like diaper rash on a baby.  I was so not excited to run fast back to my house and cause further harm there.  First mile down 6:54 but I was just in too much burning pain and my pelvis was achy too so I had to slow down.  Second mile out of canyon 7:20.  Some speedy cars that I had to flag to slow down already but glad I only had 2.3 miles of canyon up and then down to avoid being hit.  Ran same way back. Got to water at moutain ridge park and I was spent and my feet were hot so I took off my shoes and socks and sat a bit and could feel the worsened chafing and it looked bad.  I was going to call my husban. And then I was going to ask a dad that was at the park with his three kids.  He was holding a baby.  I felt strongly I should ask him for some diaper cream but I just held off.  I stood a while looking at a few people outside their houses by the park...maybe they have vaseline? surely they do.  But instead I just contemplated more and took a long time there.  Probably nearly 20 minutes.  I then just got going.  Five miles and the easy five left, slightly down hill for three and then rolling flat home (not so easy actually).  So I ran to Art Dye park got some water.  Contemplated the last 2.73 miles....Ran to AF hs.  Sat under a tree for a couple minutes to think how I wanted to run the last two and just get it done and try not to think about the chafing.  Ran 7:08 to one mile left mark. Traffic  Light.  Waited less than a minute than ran last mile in 7:09 stopping 0.2 from my house just feeling the burn from the chafe.  So wanted to think about rest first.  Then just got it done.  So many stops that I usually don't take but it was best.  Otherwise I was done at 10 miles.  Avg pace 7:59 for all 20.  Splits up: 8:48, 8:35, 8:29, 8:31, 8:33, 8;13, 8:23, 8:30, 8:47, 9:06= 1:26:01 total time up  Last two up head wind and up into canyon. Time to go home.  6:54, 7:21, 7:31, 7:19, 7:28, after long contemplation....7:51,7:39, 7:31, 7:08 and 7:09 = 1:13:56 time down. 2:39.57 total running time for 20 miles.