Sock tans

8:27 average

Felt fairly decent for being out of shape. A remarkable improvement from one and two weeks ago though. Last week I felt like I was getting sick so my chest and throat burned on the run, the week before that I had severe fatigue and felt like I was running up a mountain. Today I felt good, out of shape but good. It was somewhat enjoyable especially with music.

I have a lot going on, difficult to summarize. It's been pretty difficult but at the same time I'm doing remarkably well all things considered. 

I had therapy today and it's given me a lot to think about. I'm lucky to be alive. My therapist thought when she took me on as a client that I was going to commit suicide, that's how severely depressed I was, and then the change in me has been remarkable. But she said today that I seem to have a victim mindset, and I've been thinking about how wonderful that would be to change my inner narrative to be one of hope and pride. Rather than waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me and only focus on those things that go wrong, change it so that I'm celebrating my victories and looking for the good. Even though the world can be a shitty place sometimes, it can be really amazing too. Making the shift to a victory mindset will I think make all the difference.

I ended up in the ER around 1 am due to severe and sudden abdominal pain that started around midnight. Just my luck, I have another hemorrhagic ovarian cyst this time on the left ovary, plus free fluid in my left adnexa around the ovary, slightly prominent free fluid in the cul-de-sac, and free fluid in right and upper left quadrant. What the free fluid is from, I don't know, but it would make sense if it was another cyst that had ruptured. Would explain my pain. The fluid and hemorrhagic cyst can explain my pain as well.

I have a history of ovarian cysts. One ruptured on my right ovary last August, then discovered a large one in February on my right ovary, then discovered 3 large ones on the same (right) ovary in June and was scheduled for surgery until they ruptured 2 days before surgery. And now this one on my left ovary. I don't know what the solution is, but I'm over these damn cysts. They hurt like hell when they rupture and put me at risk of ovarian torsion when they get big. 

All this to say, no running today. I slept maybe an hour if that in the ER, so I caught up on some sleep throughout the day (decided not to work today). 

2 miles easy this morning, 8:47 average. Average HR- 161 bpm, Max HR 179 bpm

I love Nothing but Thieves. They've got some great music.