Sock tans

Feeling good today. More motivated to solve my problems rather than surrender to them.

I'm considering applying for disability. One of the patients here recommended a disability lawyer to me and honestly getting a lawyer sounds like the way to go. You don't have to pay them if your claim gets denied. You pay them when you get paid disability benefits, and they will back pay you when your claim is approved, meaning from when you were determined to be disabled to the time it took for your claim to be approved, you will be paid. Meaning there will be enough for you to pay your lawyer. Considering it takes an average of 16-18 months for a claim to get approved.

The only downfall is if I go this route I have to settle with the fact that I won't be able to work full-time, and I'm limited on how many hours I can work. I can't make more than a certain amount or else I won't qualify for disability. I'm definitely struggling to work full-time right now. I've averaged 21 hours a week, but I would have to drop to 15 hours a week to qualify. 

Lots to think about.

I met with my doctor this morning, we increased the lithium dose back to 750mg. They mentioned the possibility of doing a residential program, but left it up to me. I honestly didn't really consider it until my social worker later in the day brought it up again, and gave me more information on it. Because I have been hospitalized 4 times in the last 6 months, it does seem like a good option. I'm just nervous to commit to doing that because I've never done one before, but one of the patients here has done one before and said she loved it. 

Nervous because it means 1 month without income, but also means 1 month without expenses like gas and food.

I could also do a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) where I spend about 40 hours a week Monday-Friday from like 9-5 doing treatment. If I did that I could find an easy job and work Saturdays and Sundays and have some income coming in. But, I think my parents want me to do the residential program. And I think that might be the best option.

Haha, my secret wish is that I get out of here Thursday and start up Residential on Monday. Because the Imagine Dragons concert is on Friday and I'm really, really wanting to go to that. Haha. But, obviously I will do what is best for my health, just really sucks if I miss it because I was really looking forward to that.

I met with my doctors again today, today it was a fill in doctor because my normal doctor was out. They asked about how I could be more med compliant, how my meds were going, things like that. They will be drawing blood tomorrow morning for a lithium level to check where it's at. 

Because I have been hospitalized 4 times now in 6 months, it was recommended that I do a residential program for a month or so. So we also discussed potential programs I could do. My social worker found 3 that accept my insurance, 1 of which was out of network. So really just two. I researched them both today and feel like one of them will be the better option, New Roads in either cottonwood heights or provo. 

I honestly got pretty sad tonight as I realized I won't be going back to my normal life for a while. I miss my clients and my coworkers. And friends too. The program that I was looking at has a 14 day blackout period where I will have no contact with anyone outside of the facility, no communication whatsoever. No internet either I don't think. Which will be hard, communication with family and friends here has been what has gotten me through the day.

But overall, I agree with my parents that it will be the best option for me. If I go back to the same circumstances I was in before the hospital, what will be different? The definition of insanity is doing the same things over again and expecting different results. I've done the exact same thing twice in a row now, how can I expect a different result?

Anyways, I'm just nervous because I don't know what to expect and I don't want to be miserable for the next month. But I know it'll be lots of therapy and med management, so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm also nervous because I don't know what it means for my job. I requested a leave of absence but I don't know if they will grant it, if they don't I will have to quit. And then I could reapply once I finish the program and I'm hoping they will hire me back. But I just don't know. 

And then there are the finances. I have paid for August's rent, but I have other expenses that will come up like my phone bill and medical bills. I should go and cancel my subscriptions while I will be away. But then it's just hoping I have enough to pay for September's rent, and then struggling to make enough after that to pay for my medical bills and phone bill for september, which means I will need to be done with the program by the beginning of September and start working again ASAP. Just a pain. I wish I wasn't so broke so I could take full advantage of the program, they say the average stay is 74 days. My stay will obviously be less.

Lots to think about.

I don't typically ask for help or for money, but I really need it right now. I'm not sure how many people, if any, read this blog. But if you do come across this, I would very greatly appreciate any donations. 

I am hoping to go to a residential treatment center, but their average stay is 74 days. I don't have enough money to pay rent for my apartment for September and I just lost my job today due to having to take too much time off of work for mental health. I won't be able to work because I will be in the treatment center for the next month or so, meaning I don't have the income coming in that I need. So really, I am in a tough spot and I don't really know what else I can do.

If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears. Otherwise, any and all donations are greatly appreciated! Thank you so much.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/sarahs-medical-and-rental-expenses-fundraiser/widget/large/

I'm up pretty early this morning because I couldn't sleep. I checked my gofundme this morning and wow, I am so surprised at how generous people are. I don't like asking for help, but I really need it right now and to see that people are willing to help me out is very humbling and heartwarming. My gofundme has $935 as of 6:15 this morning, so much more than I was expecting it to have this soon. The relief I feel is so amazing. I can now pay my rent for September as well as my other bills such as utilities, phone (though I may cancel it for a month, I'm not sure yet), and medical bills. I'm not sure yet, but depending on how much I have I may be able to stay longer at the treatment center now that I have some funds. I think it'll be cutting it close as of right now, but now it's possible to go and not have to worry about rent etc. I am so so grateful to all those who have donated, thank you sincerely.

It's looking like Recovery ways might be the residential program I'm going to go to. We're still working things out with insurance and everything so it's not 100% that I'll be going there, but it's looking much more promising than New roads. New Roads was going to cost me $15,000 out of pocket, so we said nooooo to that haha. We're hoping more of it will be covered at Recovery Ways.

My lithium level was checked this morning and came back at 0.9, which is right in the middle of the therapeutic range. So it makes sense why I'm feeling better haha. 

I will be here at the very least until Monday. 

I applied for short term medicaid which will also hopefully help with a few things, she said it usually goes through in 72 hours and with it being the weekend it probably won't until Tuesday. But still, that's faster than I expected! I hope that works out too and that I can get on that. It would act as a secondary insurance since I am still on my parents' insurance until May 2023. 

I'm feeling a lot more hopeful, I think everything is going to work out :) and people donated a lot more than I thought they would to my gofundme, which I am overwhelmed with gratitude for. It's up to $1355. That has been such a relief, now I don't have to worry about rent and my other bills as I'm seeking treatment at the residential facility. Thank you to everyone who donated!!

We're looking at a Monday discharge date if everything is in order for me to go to Recovery Ways. It's looking like it's all going to work out. So I'm happy about that. I'm nervous for the transition and I hope the program is good. In the meantime, the weekend is kind of just a make it through kind of deal, not much going on. But it's okay, just boring. Lol

I find out if I am approved for short term medicaid on tuesday. I really hope I do get approved. That would help soooo much. I also am reapplying for financial assistance through the U, considering my position there is a chance they may wipe any bills from them. But we will see. Also, my ambulance bill is being reprocessed, there is a good chance I won't have to pay anything for that, if I do then not too much. And with my gofundme, I will have enough to pay rent for the months that I'll be gone and other bills, so I can relax and not worry too much about finances until after my treatment, which is a HUGE blessing. Thank you to everyone who made that possible.