I met with my doctors again today, today it was a fill in doctor because my normal doctor was out. They asked about how I could be more med compliant, how my meds were going, things like that. They will be drawing blood tomorrow morning for a lithium level to check where it's at.
Because I have been hospitalized 4 times now in 6 months, it was recommended that I do a residential program for a month or so. So we also discussed potential programs I could do. My social worker found 3 that accept my insurance, 1 of which was out of network. So really just two. I researched them both today and feel like one of them will be the better option, New Roads in either cottonwood heights or provo.
I honestly got pretty sad tonight as I realized I won't be going back to my normal life for a while. I miss my clients and my coworkers. And friends too. The program that I was looking at has a 14 day blackout period where I will have no contact with anyone outside of the facility, no communication whatsoever. No internet either I don't think. Which will be hard, communication with family and friends here has been what has gotten me through the day.
But overall, I agree with my parents that it will be the best option for me. If I go back to the same circumstances I was in before the hospital, what will be different? The definition of insanity is doing the same things over again and expecting different results. I've done the exact same thing twice in a row now, how can I expect a different result?
Anyways, I'm just nervous because I don't know what to expect and I don't want to be miserable for the next month. But I know it'll be lots of therapy and med management, so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm also nervous because I don't know what it means for my job. I requested a leave of absence but I don't know if they will grant it, if they don't I will have to quit. And then I could reapply once I finish the program and I'm hoping they will hire me back. But I just don't know.
And then there are the finances. I have paid for August's rent, but I have other expenses that will come up like my phone bill and medical bills. I should go and cancel my subscriptions while I will be away. But then it's just hoping I have enough to pay for September's rent, and then struggling to make enough after that to pay for my medical bills and phone bill for september, which means I will need to be done with the program by the beginning of September and start working again ASAP. Just a pain. I wish I wasn't so broke so I could take full advantage of the program, they say the average stay is 74 days. My stay will obviously be less.
Lots to think about.
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