Sock tans

Last night I went to UNI, was assessed and admitted. The average stay is 5-7 days. I was experiencing suicidal thoughts again and had a plan and was experiencing strong impulses to attempt so I decided it was time to get some help. A little frustrated to be back, but all the same, it's probably for the best.

I met with my treatment team again today, they suspect I might have Borderline Personality Disorder. They believe I have a mood disorder with it, whether that be the bipolar 2 disorder that is my current diagnosis or major depressive disorder. I'm going to research it more. This is good news, it would explain a lot. I don't know if they will make this diagnosis here or if it would be diagnosed later on, but gives me lots to think about. 

I'm doing better today, mood is about a 5/10. Calm. I had a therapy session today and was feeling lonely and down after that. But then I started feeling better after talking with some of the other patients here. They lifted my spirits from a 3 to a 5.

My doctor said that he strongly suspects that the bipolar 2 disorder was a misdiagnosis, that I truly have borderline personality disorder and the "hypomanic" symptoms I've been experiencing are really from the borderline personality disorder. He believes I have major depressive disorder as well. Which is good news because I can transition from lithium to an antidepressant, which will be less harmful for my body. And I can start Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is very helpful for those with BPD. Overall I'm hopeful that this will be a good thing and the answer I've been seeking.

Met with my treatment team again this morning. I'm feeling a lot better, no suicidal thoughts today. We're going to be checking my Lithium levels tomorrow, so they should be back by Sunday. If it's 0.8 or higher we're going to lower the dose so it gets in the 0.5-0.8 range. We're adding escitalopram (an antidepressant) at a low dose and we'll see how that goes. The plan is to ween off of Lithium eventually and be completely on an antidepressant. If I were to experience hypomania then we would know for certain I have bipolar 2 disorder, but my doctor thinks that is unlikely. He believes I have major depressive disorder. Even so, a 0.5 blood level of lithium is enough to counteract that at this time so we can see how escitalopram works with me. They will set me up with resources and therapists that specialize in DBT.

My doctor said he believes the Borderline Personality Disorder went undiagnosed for so long because I am reserved and calm. It typically presents in people who are not, but he knows what to look out for and I meet several criteria for BPD. Interesting!

I started the escitalopram/Lexapro yesterday and so far so good, no allergic reactions!

We're looking at a discharge early next week, my doctor says wednesday is a reasonable goal, could be before then could be after then but that is our goal. I kind of hope for sooner but we'll just have to see how things go.