So since it's the weekend things are pretty relaxed around here, which makes it pretty boring honestly. But it's alright.
I've been able to give it some thought, and I'm starting to feel well enough to where I can recognize the danger I was in before I came here, and maybe feel something about it. Where before I honestly didn't care. I've had a few gut-punching moments where I realized how close I was to pushing myself too far and ending it all. Which is honestly a scary realization when you start to get out of the suicidal mindset and reset back to stability. It's interesting how much your thought processes change when you start feeling better and more stable.
I mostly feel bad because I'm not able to text people back while I'm here, I don't have access to my phone. I know there are a couple people trying to get in contact with me and I'm unable to respond (I briefly got permission to look at my texts, long story. Basically looking to see if my boss had replied to me, I'm worried about keeping my job after having had so much time off for hospitalizations and sicknesses. Still trying to figure out if they can fire me for that).
The doctors here have noted that I've had a blunted, flat, depressed, and anxious affect over the last couple of days, but today noted that I had a neutral affect. So improvement I think? We'll see if it lasts.
They noted that it's estimated I'll be here 7-10 days.
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