Wasatch loop + zoo. Felt good to get out and run.
This weekend something happened that was a trigger, started the depression spiral. I'm working to put a stop to it and turn things around. I've never been able to before, but I've never really recognized the spiral for what it was before I was already deeply depressed. I think my meds have helped stop me from dropping so low so fast. Or maybe just in general. So, I choose today to do the things that I know keep me healthy and happy and stop allowing myself to spiral, as much as is in my control. There's a sense of comfort and familiarity in being depressed and part of me just wants to let go and live there, odd as it sounds. I mean, I've been depressed for 11 years... it's what I know. But I'm here today not to move backwards, but to move forwards. Rather than stop taking my meds (as has crossed my mind a few times), rather than self-harming, I can choose to move forward, keep up with running, go to work, and hope that the future holds good things.
As my therapist said, we want to keep me going on the path to self-love, and not fall back on the path of self-hate.
Things I'm proud of myself for doing today:
1) Going running - it was tempting not to, but I knew I'd feel better if I went. I'm thankful for a healthy outlet that is so enjoyable to me.
2) Getting through work- this week is especially stressful. While I didn't get everything done I was supposed to, I was also doing twice the work since I was over two stations. It's a crazy week for everyone.
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