Believe to Achieve

Nothing. Drove home yesterday between conferences. Listedned to conference on drive home with sister and courtney, my daughter. Lots of reflection. Wow i am hard on myself.....like i trained hard or something...i think because is my ninth year, eighth in a row i am in a rut with some same feelings.....and getting older makes my goal harder to imagine...being injured and sick all summer also a double whammy...depression hurts. Anyway...here are my sg times from 1995 then ten years off and 2006 to 2013....3:35:34, 3:46:33, 3:41:03, 3:26:30, 3:11:40, 3:18:03, 3:08:43, 3:07:18, and 3:07:11. Ta dah. This last one was the easiest physically but harder mentally. Once i realized there was no wall and it wss all in my hewd i could move faster. I have been depressed and not seeing things as clear so i get emotional easily. I cried at mile 24. I have never done that in a race. I really am so thankful i qs able to run. However i am bummed i didnt sprint a 6mm pace for that0.25 miles. It would have put me under 3:07 :-) as it takes 1:30 for 0.25 and i rwn a 6:43 which takes 1:41:14 seconds to run. Ha ha. And i had been doing that exact pace for pickups for 0.1 miles x 12 twice befor the race. Like i said in my race report i thought i had it. I was surprised to see my watch read over 3:07...live and learn.

Wow. Hit bottom post marathon depression. Feeling a bit better. Feeling sorry for nit being the best i could be for my friends. But since i am pulling out of it i am determined to enjoy my time off and get back to training n november. I look forward to training with april via blog. Her goal more lofty at boston.subthree...i am just going for a pr. I think i can do it. I feel btr on new ground. And flat courses suit me better than sg. It will be a fun journey.

Nothing but hanging with my hubby and kids :D.  Went to jamba juice and had a very yummy PUMPKIN smoothie with spices :D YUM.    Two soccer games and a movie with Troy and Amber -- Enchanted. Again.  Amber's choice.  Cute though.

Coming out of depression more and more....mostly over worry that even after taking time off my body won't be better.  Stopped taking celebrex and morning stiffness coming back.  Argh.  Antiinflammatories long term are not the best so I come off them for a few days.  Today is first day of fall break.  Fun things planned.  First breakfast at Kneaders with the family.  Amber really wanted to go back for lunch there too. Maybe we will do that :D .    Seriously looking back at how pathetic my summer was physically SG number nine was a miracle.  After being CASTED in early August, four days after removal painfully running a marathon cause I signed up---not racing it---just jogged it (3:41), took another week off after that cause wow it was like running my first marathon, then running hope to hobble with the gang two weeks after that and seriously was in so much joint pain coming down the other side I was just glad to be getting it done and enjoying the view, a week later I attempted an 18 miler with Carina.  Ended up crying by mile 9 turn around.  I could not make myself run downhill from the joint pain everywhere, not to mention all the itching I was doing from the swimmer's itch I contrated one day before hope to hobble.  Nice to know I had a parasite dying in my skin.  STILL have spotted scars on my arms and belly.  I walked 1.5 miles at 23 minute pace.  VERY DEPRESSED. Ran 16.5.  The next week I was accidentally put on roster for Spanish Fork Half.  I was freaking scared.  I hadn't run a 7:38 pace on any of my runs since mid July.  That morning I ran around my cul-de-sac to get to that pace on my garmin and it was not easy. Said a prayer and went to the starting line.  After three miles I eased into pace and held on and with watch dying I ended up 2.75 minutes under pace.  OOOoops. But great for me cause I felt like a runner again.  The next week I ran my only true long run of 18 miles (hope to hobble is slow and on trail).  This is two weeks before SG.  I was in absolutely loneliness and it felt like so hard I wanted to quit.  I made it to 14 and did the planned sub 7 for four at 6:46.  Not sure how I did it.  AP was only 7:59 for entire run.  The next week I ran with Kim and Jane for the first time and months.  I just stuck with Jane and we stopped five times I think (not easy for me to get back to pace with lots of stops) but we had an ap of 6:36.  That is the extent of my training.  Only one week at 58 miles, one other in 55, and the rest in 40s.  I just know I can break 3 hours when my body is responsive.  So right now it is time for me to rest from training.  No running three weeks then jogs without watch for two more (after reading article Christie posted to my blog).   Time now to hang with family and work on other talents  :D  Five weeks of whatever else I want.  OFF to Kneaders.

13 hour time and a half shift. Yup called into work at beginning of shift. Busy all day. Dealing with depression feelings. Not sure why? Usual things not as fun for me. Go long periods without being hungry and dont eat. Seriously wondering if i need antidepressants. Weird. Menopausal darkness. Dont worry i try hard to think myself through the melancholy feelings....pit in stomach and anxiety. Not my usual self. Just need to be home more with kids. And hubby. So i am. Hope it is okay to share these feelings...i absolutely to not want to depress someone. I am just not sure why? I worry i wont be able to exercise/run as my pelvis creaks and my foot ached by end of shift but not bad just enough to give me anxiety. I can fight this . Part of it is that four days before sg i started on hormone replacement of estrogen and progesterone. My levels were almost zero....i not sure if helping..no night sweats but this depressio.. i had it a bit becofore taking. So who knows?

Post awful sumer and marathon depression too much for me and the roads were calling my name....i ran my five mile loop no watch or garmin or knowledve of time i left or got back. No need for a watch. Just a need for a run. Hamstrings only problem. But not that big. So kept it so nice and easy. Honestly have no idea of pa e whatsoever. Lost in my thoughts and the beautiful chilly air. No worries no plans to go all out just run when i need i it.