Believe to Achieve

Okay.....I should NOT experiment with hormones.  60 percent better than yesterday.  I am telling you I was in an abyss.  I   HIT ROCK BOTTOM...No one on this earth should feel like I did for several hours yesterday...crying in SPIN CLASS???? despair. you name it.  HOPE-less.  I had come off estrogen and progeterone saturday as directed but I was also put on testosterone last tuesday.  I didn't feel good about the testosterone my dr. gave me cause my level was low...my dose too was low...I started it last Tuesday--a week ago.  Every day since then my outlook on life dwindled and I was dizzy with a headache.  I stopped taking it also on Friday (last dose so four doses).  So instead I decided to take the precursor hormone to estrogen and testosterone called DHEA (which my body is super low level of and it is the most abundant steroid in the human body).  APPARENTLY my body operates on low levels be it low number of binding sites or whatever my body/brain doesn't like it.  I took the DHEA 25 mg tuesday and wednesday. DID not sleep either night normally at all.  In fact Thursday morning I was up at 0200 for two hours putting away dishes and making my kids lunches after I had slept just two hours.  BING.  I was awake. BRAIN just super wigged out.  So as the scientist I like to think I am I run tests on myself and NOT rats.  Should have looked at some Rat studies.  Some people do not have the right receptor sites for two types of estrogen, alpha and beta.  The rats given estrogen and progeterone  WIGGED out.  They couldn't pass the swim test.  Whatever that is.  I suspect that they are put by water with cheese on the other side LOL.  Okay so DHEA 25 mg is fives times the dose I have tried...but I decided I was being wimpy...the dr. wanted me on 25 mg to get my level up.  WELL I guess I just proved myself right and the Dr. wrong.  I KNOW WHAT MY BODY can handle.  I am telling you I have been to the bottom and back...and I still feel somewhat in doubt of myself and all I stand for...but I am getting back to ME.  No more hormones for me.  I will take PHYSICAL pain over the DESPAIR  anyday.   So if I can help anyone at all I would like to.   It is not how we are supposed to feel.  SO on to FINDING JOY IN THIS LIFE.  GRATITUDE DAY #1  I am thankful for FRIENDS that listen friends that LIFT friends that take the time to KNOW me.  AND I am thankful for MY DEAR LITTLE FAMILY-- TROY my husband, strong in the Gospel and strong dealing with me :D.  Courtney Brooke and Amber my beautiful children living good lives and learning every day to be happy.  RUN today:   STILL SORE.  Seriously funny to be this sore in muscles I apparently never use...so this should be good right?? I should have some glutes forming now.  Ran 7mph(8:34)2 miles, 7.2 (8:19)mph for 2 miles, 7.4 (8:06) x 2 miles then on/offs x 10 for 0.1 miles each (basically some strides) 6:18, 2 x 6:15,  2 x 6:10, 2 x 6:07, 1 x 6:03, 1 x 6:00. SW at 0 percent.  All other miles 1 %.  I was laughing at myself during the strides and seriuosly thought maybe I shold run them??? MY MUSCLES WERE SORE/TIGHT in my butt and thighs.  AP for 8 miles = 7:59.