Sock tans

Wasatch loop, but added in 2x400 in the middle on the flattest part of Wasatch. I was originally only going to do one but I wasn't satisfied with the first. I know 2:00 is the goal, I get competitive with myself and it's hard for me to see 2:00 as success. It automatically feels like only under 90 is success. But for these, 2:00 is the measurement. I ran 95, 86. It's surprisingly difficult to hit a 400 time on the road. Then finished the loop back home. 

I got my neuropsych results back... they were less than satisfactory. More on that later. We're meeting with the neurologist to discuss it further on Friday.

The results showed everything we suspected- a decline in memory function from my neuropsych exam 6 years ago. I scored as severely impaired on all memory tests except a recognition one, which was considered intact. I scored borderline, low average and average on language tests. Visiospacial/construction was well above average, scoring in the 90th and 91st percentile. Processing speed was mildly impaired to borderline, working memory was low average, premorbid intellect in the high average range with 75th percentile. As compared to my previous neuropsych exam, all was stable except: my ability to learn verbal information dropped from the 63rd percentile in 2014 to the 1st percentile in 2020. Delayed recall of verbal information dropped from the 75th percentile to the <1 percentile. These types of declines were present in tests of visual memory. (2014: 25th-34th percentiles, 2020: 1st percentile). Depression and anxiety seem to have improved since 2014's test (interesting).

All informative results, so why the frustration? Well, the neurologist while evaluating the data repeatedly stated I put in "poor effort, especially on memory." Then says that as such, the results aren't accurate and should be "viewed with caution." The thing is, I tried very hard on every test, including the memory ones. With his interpretation of my results, this neuropsych evaluation means nothing. It was basically a waste of time and money.

So we had the meeting with the neurologist today. It was actually very informative, but ultimately doesn't change much. He agreed to amend his report to include some of the details he discussed with us and change some of the wording to properly convey his meaning. We had interpreted it differently than what he meant.

By effort, he didn't mean whether or not I applied myself. He meant I worked at a percentage of the capacity I could've due to my depression. I don't necessarily like that he's blaming all my memory problems on my depression. I feel like there's more going on than just depression- after all my memory is so bad. But I could understand how he'd come to that conclusion. Essentially I performed so terribly on a couple of tests that he can't explain why I'd scored so low. I scored lower than what those with diagnosed brain injuries would typically get. And the CT scan from March is essentially unremarkable. So his conclusion was depression.

He says I tend to underestimate how bad my depression really is. My parents agreed. My mom noted how feelig good to me was like feeling like you were drowning to someone else, probably because I have experienced worse and so it feels relatively good to be only moderately depressed. Yay for that lol

He said that most areas of my test are accurate. All except for memory. I can choose to retake the test in a year if desired, for insurance reasons. 

I wonder what this will mean for my neurology appointment in December. I might proceed with an MRI just to rule everything else out once and for all. Then focus on managing depression as the treatment for memory issues. 

Out and back on Foothill. My dad might have COVID-19. He got tested this morning, we will find out tomorrow. He was showing symptoms, the main one being that he smells and tastes burning metal. I most likely don't have it seeing as I tested negative on Thursday (I get tested every week since I work on a COVID-19 testing site). But that doesn't mean I can't get it in the next few days. 

The good thing is that this is probably the best time to get it. We'll have to quarantine for a while if he gets a positive result, but I'm only supposed to work one day next week so it's not like I'm out of working a lot of hours, and with it being the holidays my sisters' activities like dance and soccer are put on hold anyways.