So Bino switched to sprints/hurdles workouts since she’s focusing on the 400 Hurdles this year. I’m so sad. And now I really have no one to pace with. But it’s okay, I still have my swim class with her (which started today and was actually a good hammy workout haha) and it’s good practice to be by yourself in workouts. It forces you to go off of feel. Next semester, I’ll be with the 5k/1500 group and I’ll have people to work towards, I’m moving in the right direction and will start having better workouts than I’ve had in my whole time here at SUU. Right now my fitness is about where it was before I got injured, which is great for me. I’ve had a lot of setbacks what with gaining weight, getting out of shape for my mission, and getting injured, but this year is my year to make a comeback and set some new PRs. I’m going to listen to my body for once, trust in the program and now that my body is back in the athletic shape it needs to be in, eventually I will prove to coach that his patience was worth it. I’m moving forward and improving so that’s what matters right now.
Today it was just Jacey and I. Workout was 3x1k at 5k pace (so 3:30-3:45 Paul said) with 90 seconds recovery. Paul said he’d prefer it if we started at 3:45 then worked down to 3:30 instead of the other way around, so today I listened and tried not to go out too fast. My fear has been that if I start slow I’m not going to be able to pick it up, I’ve wanted to at least get one at the front end so I don’t feel so slow, but again it’s time for me to listen to my coaches and stop worrying. I hit all 3 at 3:40. So although they were slower, they were super consistent. And I did that by myself. And, those were all faster than the 1ks we did on the grass a couple weeks ago, by a long shot. Four weeks ago (on the grass), my times were 3:55, 4:07, 4:34. Two weeks ago (also on the grass) I was more consistent with 4:05, 4:03, 4:05, 4:17. Today was on the track, so naturally a little faster, but not 25 seconds. I’d say maybe 5 second difference at most between grass and track. Today I didn’t feel great, I was tired and running felt hard compared to Salt Lake (probably the elevation change), so especially considering that I’m happy with it. And I proved to myself that starting at the slow end of pace doesn’t always turn into a bad workout.
I’ve also realized the importance of staying positive. Sometimes, not going to lie, it’s really hard. But it’s a choice that I actively try to make because positivity always brings about greatness. Staying positive has allowed me to finish workouts that have been really challenging and to keep moving forward. It took me very nearly losing my spot on the team to see the value in what I have and be more grateful for it. And being in the slower group to practice staying positive and being humble, listening to the coaches and allowing them to teach me for once, instead of believing I had running all figured out. Not trusting that Coach was only looking out for me and wanting to help. My way doesn’t work, and while yes I know a lot about myself and running, Coach and Paul know so much more. I’m working on being more teachable and trusting in the program, that it’ll work for me, too. That just because I’m in the second group, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be forgotten. In fact, the opposite is true. Paul is able to give more one on one coaching with such a small group. I’m also trying to be more grateful for the things that are going well because always wishing for something you don’t have is no way to live. There’s always going to be someone faster, a goal just out of reach. And yes, at times things can be really discouraging. For example, my group has trickled down to 3, one of which will be on a mission next semester. So next semester I’ll be the second slowest distance runner on the team. But instead of looking at it like that, I choose to look at it as: I’m on the 2018 XC team, the best women’s team in SUU history, and I have the opportunity to be coached by one of the best coaches in the country. I am given an opportunity most people aren’t: simply to run for an NCAA Division 1 university, and a competitive program at that. For whatever reason, coach has allowed me to keep my scholarship despite my lack of contribution to the team. And I am improving. Even if I’m at the back, even if all our girls continue to improve and the gap between me and the back group of girls in the faster group stays the same, I have the opportunity to become a better runner than I am now. Not everyone has that chance. I have stuck with the program, gritted through tough workouts, and I’m still here while 12 girls I can think of that I know, that have also been on the team while I’ve been here, decided for one reason or another not to come back. Three transferred schools. The other 9 just quit the team. All had their reasons and I know that for some it came with a lot of tears to do so, but ultimately their decision was to move on and give up running collegiately. While I’m sad that I’m not at the top, and that so many of our girls take their position on the team to heart (myself included, I’m trying not to), I’m also so grateful because what a cool problem to have. I’m grateful to still be here. I’m sure there are girls that would have loved to run in college and couldn’t, despite all their hard work. I’m living my biggest dream.
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