Holy Hannah, today was hard. I think part of it is that I’m so stressed out with school and life right now, but it’s ok I actually talked to the sports psychologist and it helped a lot. And Paul I think could tell I was more stressed out than usual cause he gave me a pep talk, I love Paul :) sometimes I need to just relax and look at things from a more positive perspective, as things that I want to do not just obligations I have to do. Cause in all reality, I could choose not to do them but I do them because I want to. And now I’m feeling less overwhelmed haha
Anyways! Today’s workout was 12x400s with 90 seconds rest. Pace was a lot faster than the last time we did 400s, but there were less of them, 12 instead of 16, goal pace 74-79. Last time I averaged 82.0 for 16. I was actually excited, and nervous, before the workout, because the idea of hitting all of them under 80 was exciting but I also knew it would be hard. The last time I remember hitting under 80 for 12x400s was my senior year of high school, where I averaged 75s but with longer recovery after each set of 4. I remembered how hard that workout was and was excited to be able to push myself that hard again. Today I hit: 74, 75, 78, 82, 83, 86, 88, 88, 88, 87, 89, 87. That’s 83.75 average. After 2 I was struggling, thinking oh wow this is hard, my legs feel weird, I forgot what it's like to go fast. After 4 or 5 I didn’t think I could finish, my legs felt like jello. I haven’t gone that fast in... I can’t even remember. So then I was struggling mentally for the rest of the workout, just trying to get through it, stopped trying to hit under 80 because I knew it wasn't gonna happen. I asked Paul if I could like shorten the amount of reps and hit pace or just go for slower cause I needed something to help me believe I could do it. I honestly didn’t think I could finish. Paul said can you finish 10? I’d been thinking 8, but I said okay. Got through 10, barely. It was rough. Right as I finished the 10th, Paul asked if I could do the last two. For 5-10 seconds I had a mini battle with myself thinking aaaaghhjh but I just want to be done!! But Paul said he knew I could do it, and as I thought about it, it was just two more. I really, really didn’t want to, but I knew I could, and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. So I decided to do all 12 and finish the last two. Even though my times sucked, even though I struggled, I finished. I got the base down, and it’s going to help me further down the road. I did it all alone, too, it’s hard when you’re by yourself. Jacey was with me for the first one, but then dropped back and dropped out somewhere in the middle. But I'm kind of glad I am alone, or in this group, for the moment, because Paul is able to coach me more individually and I feel like I need that, and I don't have to worry about what everyone else is doing and can relearn how to pace myself. I'm struggling to learn pace (my first one I was going for 79 since Paul wanted us to start high and work down again, whoops), but it'll come with time and practice.
I'm also a little disappointed with myself because really, I should've been able to hit faster than that. I think I'm just used to hitting a pace I can hold for a long time, rather than one that triggers fast glycolysis, and then started worrying mid-workout about being able to hold it for 12 reps. I think if I would've recognized that this workout was meant to feel different, that it's going to hurt differently, I could've pulled off staying on pace, and maybe only had a few be slower towards the end. I wasn't prepared for the faster pace, but I feel like this was a good introduction to it. I hope we do more workouts that are fast before indoor because I need my body to learn that it's okay to go fast, to get strong enough to be able to hold it instead of staying relaxed all the time at a slower one. If I'm going to be running a mile fast I can't stay at 82s. The slow has been good to build up base and learn to get that rhythm down and relax to hold a pace for a while, but now that I've hit that pace and did it like clockwork, I like the challenge of pushing for faster. It builds my confidence.
Also, our women’s team won Conference for the first time in SUU history!! Even though I wasn’t fast enough to compete, I’m so happy I get to be a part of such an amazing team. Our girls did so well! Hopefully one day I can make an impact, I’m moving in the right direction. Paul asked me afterwards if I would have finished this workout a couple months ago, and honestly, no I wouldn’t have. I would’ve quit after 6 or 8 like I’d wanted to. So I’m getting tougher and proving to myself that I can do hard things, that I am fast, that I am a strong runner. So far at SUU I’ve lacked that confidence, but now I’m starting to believe it, to really and actually believe in myself, believe that I can become something great in these next 3 years. Paul said he believes in me, but it only goes so far, I have to believe in myself too.
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