Really crappy race and I honestly don't know what happened. One minute I was top 13 and the next I was 50th. Had a good first mile (5:50-6:10 ish there were people yelling splits all along the downhill of State hill, but I think 6:10 is more accurate.) I was 13th there. Honestly that was where it started to go downhill. The negative thoughts started there and slowly got worse. I guess I just thought top 10 wasn't gonna happen because of how much I was hurting. By Poker hill I was way far back. It hurt more than any race I have had this season. My arms killed, my legs were burning and I just felt awful. I tried to work up the hill, I don't really remember the hills much. Going by the bathrooms Bill yelled to slap myself on the face and get into race mode. Did that because I really wanted to be having a good race. But it only worked until the pond. Then halfway along the pond tried again. Nope. Then going up the little hill tried again but found myself thinking about how annoying the slant of the hill was. Then tried to refocus myself, told myself I was almost done. I picked it up with 600 left, then coming into the track area someone yelled 400 left, one lap on a track. That got me going a little, passed two girls in front of me and was going fast on the curve, then RIGHT BEFORE THE FINISH LINE about 6 girls outkicked me. I've had one or two outkick me before but that was just too much. This whole race was discouraging. I considered dropping out after Poker hill because of how far back I was and I knew my time was gonna be awful, but I knew I couldn't cause it just wasn't me. I finished the race last year and I was gonna finish it this year. What's the point of going to the trouble of preparing for a race and not even finishing? My time wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be but not even close to what I wanted. It happens to be my fastest State time but that's not saying much. I have never felt this awful about a race before. I just want to erase the past day and start over.
My thoughts on how I could've done better:
Better attitude. That really brought me down. I have been sick, could have been a part of it but not all. Maybe I tapered wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have tapered as much? I did better when I ran high miles then dropped to 50ish miles. Maybe when I go easy on the miles my body thinks it can take a break. I got sick when I started dropping. Idk maybe I'm stretching it for an explanation. Running has been pretty much everything to me, the thing I am most passionate about.
When I was talking to the SUU coach he mentioned that meets like this really shape a runner. I'm thinking maybe it's not the meet itself but what the runner does afterward. If they do bad do they get so discouraged that they give up and burn out or do they stand back up and learn from their mistakes, and try harder next time? I know I don't have a next time for State, but I do have a Nike Cross and a Footlocker, and a whole track season ahead of me.
I wasn't able to accomplish my goals for cross country but that doesn't mean I can't accomplish the ones I have for track. And who knows? Maybe I actually am good enough for a scholarship and am being too hard on myself. I'm hard on myself a lot. Maybe if I really focus now and do EVERYTHING right (ahem core) I can do the one thing I've always wanted to do (in high school): break 5 in the mile. And of course do the thing I've dreamed about since freshman year: run in college.
Mile cool down with Eleanor.
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