Sock tans

Today's run was a bit rough, I just feel so out of shape. My chest felt like it had a weight on it. But I was glad I made it more than 2 miles. I want to get back to doing at least 3 miles a day, but I will have to work for that.

9:18 average

So the last couple days I've been working out potentially doing ketamine treatments, and it worked out! Tomorrow will be my first session. I'm pretty nervous but excited. 

Easy run today, 9:06 average. I have my first ketamine appointment later today, I'm not really sure what to expect but my therapist is going to be there to guide me through it. I'm excited but nervous.

Edit: so I just got back from doing my first ketamine treatment. It felt... weird. It felt very odd I almost felt like I was drunk but not really, I was getting some really cool visuals of things moving like a cool abstract painting of sorts that moved, I saw waves and felt them moving. At one point trauma did come up and it was scary but my therapist was there and helped remind me that I was safe, and I had a really big epiphany at the end that I’m a good person, always have been and I deserve to be loved, and I didn’t deserve what happened to me and it wasn’t my fault and I can let it go now because it’s in the past. Idk I thought it was really cool and really healing.

I’m definitely glad my therapist was there and not just the guide. I’ve been working with her for a couple years so she knows me well and could tell when I was starting to struggle and helped direct me out of that. And I was able to tell her what was coming up and know that she understood.

8:58 average

I found a job! I had an interview today and got hired at the airport. I will be helping push people in wheelchairs. It will be a lot of walking, about 10-12 miles a day. I'll be doing it part-time, 3 days a week for 8 hours at a time.