Sock tans

VA loop today this time taking 1300 S. My mom said as long as I texted her every 10 minutes and stuck to that route (since it’s one where a lot of cars and traffic are) she was fine with me going by myself. But she also told me to write her number on my arm in case I passed out so that if someone found me they could call her. Lol. 

Running didn’t feel great today. In fact, there were a couple times when I actually did feel like I was going to pass out. I had thought psht I won’t pass out when talking with my mom but then I was like oh crap on my run haha. My vision had started to go black and my head felt weird. So I stopped and/or walked a few times. Also I’m out of shape. I just want to get back to where running feels good again. My legs were burning at the end though so I was satisfied because that means I’ll get stronger, right? Went slower today, 8:21 average. 

Idk why but this past treatment has taken a lot out of me. Hopefully it’s my last. Might have another in 2 weeks. Who knows

Mood’s an 8 or 9. Things just feel so much lighter than they did a few months ago. To put in perspective- while I was severely depressed I couldn’t get myself out of bed some days, except to go to practice. Now I actually have fun and enjoy whatever I’m doing. Who knew life could be this great

Today I switched it up a little and went the opposite direction on Foothill. I had to take the busy roads in case I passed out or seized and texted my mom every so often so she knew I was okay since I technically shouldn’t be running alone. But eh we bend the rules a bit lol. I took it slower again and averaged 8:12. Breathing felt fine but my legs were hurting by the end. Maybe I should start working on strengthening them outside of running. Idk. I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out today so yay! But I felt fatigued. I stopped a few times but they were short and I never walked like I did yesterday so that’s a win in my book. Next goal is to only stop once or not at all.

I’ve decided I shouldn’t worry so much about my training at the moment because I have a lot of time to get back in great shape before Cross. And I’m grateful for that, my summer training will begin once I go back to Cedar and stop taking the medication that is contributing to my exhaustion. I’ve obviously lost fitness because of my hospital stays and my efforts to get mentally healthy, but in the end it will be worth it. My performances might even be better after curing my depression. 

Our men’s team won conference so wooo! And our women’s took third I think so that’s awesome! I was a bit sad that I couldn’t be there or compete like I might’ve if I hadn’t withdrawn from the semester, but I have other years that I’ll be able to. And overall, I’m grateful that I was able to get the help that I needed. But huge congrats to them for their great performances!

I felt better today than I did yesterday. I ran on Foothill again but this time I made it all the way to the drinking fountain! I was happy with that. Plus I was able to rehydrate a little :) unfortunately I still stopped a few times due to fatigue, I hope that I can make it all the way through a run without stopping sometime soon. The last mile and a half was rough. Also it was really windy. Guess I better get used to that though because Cedar is always windy. It was nice to have it to my back on the way home though. I went 7:00-7:15 pace a few times. Granted they were downhill lol so that definitely helped me out :) 8:08 average. 

Felt good today considering. I was still tired but felt much improved from the past little while. Running has felt weird for a while, my form just hasn’t been quite right, or at least not the same as it had been when I was running with my team. But I think it was because I hadn’t run for a while and was just getting into the rhythm of it, and because I’ve been going slower? Idk. But today I went 50% pace for the last mile or so (7:15-7:45), and my stride felt smoother and I was back to the zone I usually get to in a distance run. I like running 50% pace because it actually gets my respiration rate up, but my legs are weak. I think more time running and maybe weights once I get back to Cedar will help me to hold it longer. Anyways, today it was windy again. I did VA loop, 7:52 average. My legs are a bit tired/sore from the last couple days, but I only stopped twice today! And one of those was just getting stuck at the stoplight I always get stopped at :) Improvement. 

I felt really good today! I wasn’t exhausted from the start like I have been for the past few weeks. Also, I got to stop taking Lithium today! Because I’ve finally been able to bump up to the higher dose of Lamigdal. Maybe that’s partly why I wasn’t super tired. And it’s been a week since my last ECT so I don’t have to be watched 24/7 anymore, and I can finally drive! Blessed. 

I did VA loop again, I was surprised at how much better I felt. At the 3 mile mark, with a mile left of the loop, I thought that felt like a short run. I felt like I could do more than that. Which is surprising because usually (for the past couple weeks) once I get to that point I have to try to motivate myself to work through the fatigue. But I wasn't super fatigued today. So I decided to do the 5 mile route instead and take Sunnyside back up to Foothill. I’ve always kinda not liked sunnyside because it’s all uphill, but a deceiving uphill that looks flat. I stopped once about halfway up, then finished the run. 7:53 average. A faster pace still feels a bit rough, but I think that strength will come back.

My knee has been feeling a little stiff and slightly painful at times for the past couple of days, so I thought maybe it’s time for new shoes. And the difference is astounding! I love new shoes. Also so crazy to see how worn my others are compared to this new pair. The bottoms are like almost completely smooth from wear. The new ones feel amazing! But felt weird to put on because the insides haven’t molded to the shape of my foot yet like my old ones haha