Sock tans

My mom said that she and my dad were okay with me running alone as long as I texted her every 10 minutes or so and stayed on busy roads so that if I collapsed someone would see me. Because technically tomorrow would be the day I’m clear to be alone anyways, though it’s an ECT day so nope! Not really. Anyways, I was pretty stoked about that because I’ve gotten really bored of just running laps. I did VA loop intending to do an out and back to get 6 miles in, but then I started feeling really weird about 2.5 miles in. I was a bit head warpy/dizzy and couldn’t focus my eyes, just felt strange. So I texted my mom and finished the loop- the shortest way home. Then just lay down for a while in hopes that the weird feeling would pass. I wonder if I had a partial seizure, but I don’t really know. I never lost consciousness and it was only my left side, once I was home my hand started shaking/spazzing out if I tried to lift it, but eventually it stopped. My right hand was fine, it was weird. Same with my legs. Only my left leg twitched/jerked uncontrollably. 

Anyways, my run felt really good until that all started. I kept it slow and didn’t pay attention to pace, just ran comfortably at a pace that didn’t feel hard. A pace I could easily keep up for 6 miles. Ended up averaging 8:14, I was surprised because I was expecting to feel more out of shape. I like going slower. 

ECT day, I keep full body twitching randomly so that’s weird. And as usual I’m really tired and can’t stay on my feet. But no headache so that’s a plus. I’m feeling like a 7. 

Cedar City police gave me a ticket because apparently your car can’t stay parked on the street for more than 3 days and mine’s been there for over a month, and they are threatening to tow it. So I’m going to have to mail my car key to my house and my roommate will move it into the driveway. Yikes. 

Today I got a blood draw to check how my kidneys are doing. Then today was kind of an off day for me. It seemed to fly by, and I guess I got distracted playing with Millie and Tessa (my 7 year old twin sisters) because all of a sudden they were going to bed and I realized I hadn’t run yet. But I wasn’t really feeling up for laps at Bonneville anyways. My motivation was low and I considered not working out at all today, then I thought nah I’ve gotta do something. So I decided on a treadmill run, then realized the treadmill would be loud and the twins were going to sleep. I asked my mom if it would be too loud and she said I could do a mile but then I’d have to call it quits because it is quite loud. So I did a mile. Then I was like, only a mile? That was nothing... should I call it quits? No! Go do a core workout! So I went outside because it was cooler and did core for 24 minutes, then my sister Hattie got home and I waved at her to come workout with me. I got her to come out for an additional 10 minute core workout. I’m happy to do what I can in my current situation, there’s always something you can do. I also mowed the lawn and that was a good arm workout lol

My mood’s an 8 or 9. Also, I must really like Hattie’s shirt because she just said I’ve told her that I like her shirt 4 times today... hahaha whoops! My memory...

Today, I decided, was my cheat day. I just really was not in the mood for a treadmill run and wasn’t given the option of running at a track unless I wanted to ditch on some plans I had with my best friend, which I really didn’t want to do because her husband is in Minneapolis right now for work and she was counting on me. So I got to swoop in and have a girls night with her hahaha. But now I’m overly stuffed with food and sugar. Cheat day. That’s what I tell myself hahaha. Then I remember that I used to eat like this every day while I was serving a mission... those were the days. CHEAT DAY. That’s gotta count for something! I’m sore from yesterday’s core. And oh yeah- we saw Avengers Endgame and it was awesome.

Also, if I’m being honest I’m slightly terrified to go back to Cedar City. I still have another month here in Salt Lake at least, but idk the thought of going back and living on my own again kinda frightens me. Or maybe it’s going back to what I had before. This time will be different because I’m moving into a place with more sunlight and windows. I didn’t even have a window to the outside in my room this year, and it was in the basement. So hopefully things are better this time around.

Mood’s an 8 or 9

My motivation is so low right now. I’m considering taking time off running until I’m cleared to be alone. Or maybe I’ll take a small break until I’m excited and motivated to run. We’ll see. But maybe it’s better to push through until I can enjoy running again anyways, so I can stay in shape. Idk. I have all the way until August to be in great shape, whatever I decide will be ok I think. 

Ashley texted me this morning asking if I wanted to come with her to BYU, and I was like HECK YEAH! It was so good to see my team again and talk to Ashley and Maddy, the gang was back together! Lol. We were roommates my freshman year. Talked briefly to Coach and Paul. Paul is going to help me figure out some withdrawal stuff, the committee denied my request to have my records expunged for this semester and Paul said that was bogus, that he’d talk to them on Monday. Maddy said she was mad for me because they cleared her and hers was less severe than mine. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one upset haha, my dad is mad. But it’ll all get figured out. 

Anyways! My team is so fast. They did really well today. It’s exciting to know that THATS MY TEAM!! Haha. Josie, Alison, Haley, Linnea, Angie, Sharlie, all of them! And it makes me excited too because it was a reminder that it doesn’t matter where I am on the team, all that matters is that I’m on the team and getting faster. Well, at least I hope I’ll get faster haha. I’m so excited to go back and run with my team, but that’s several months away. Oh well. 

I ran with Ashley and both of us are out of shape hahaha. Look at us. We ran through BYU’s campus and then Ashley made the comment “don’t mind us just breaking the honor code” hahaha. Sorry BYU, deal with it! We were just in our track gear lol. We only did 2.25 because both of us were dying ha. 8:08 average

Also, so good to talk to Maddy. She withdrew from this semester due to depression too, and both of us shared how things felt while we were depressed etc. It was so good for me because it’s hard when you feel like you’re alone in this struggle but I’m not, it’s so good to be able to talk about it with someone who knows exactly what it’s like. And to remember that I’m not crazy or anything haha, that it is a medical condition. 

Also, I’m going to run every day I can I’ve decided. I just have to endure through this crappy period and then I’ll be able to go wherever I want once I’m done with my treatments. But I don’t want to get super out of shape if I can help it, at least not more than I am now.