Sock tans

Legs were sore and heavy from Fridays run but it felt nice to get out. It was warm! 8:08 average

When it rains it pours, right?

1. My car got a flat tire last night, which means the tire needs to be replaced. All tires were worn anyways so I need to replace all of them, and it's an AWD vehicle, so they should all be replaced at the same time anyway. It's gonna cost over $850 to replace them all. 
2. Discovered that my right front ball joint is bad. It's leaking grease/fluid, and also explains the play in the steering. I can't drive on a bad ball joint because it could fail anytime, and a failure would be catastrophic. I'd lose control of the vehicle and likely cause an accident, and the wheel could fall off completely. Cost to repair one is around $300, and usually mechanics recommend all ball joints get replaced because if one has gone bad, likely they're all on their way out. So that's $1200. And that's not including an alignment, or if they also need to replace the control arm or tie rod, I'm not sure exactly what's all needing to be replaced. But it's bad.
3. I'm not making enough money at the job that I'm most qualified for to cover all of my basic needs like housing, food, phone, shelter, transportation, therapy, medication, and other healthcare. Reliable transportation and phone are a must in my job. Without transportation I cannot do my job, so without my car I'm in a huge mess. Not sure how I'm going to get to work this week. My dad is letting me borrow his car tomorrow but he needs it the rest of the week.
4. The $2000 or more cost to get new tires and ball joints is more than I make in a paycheck, and nearly my entire monthly income. I have no savings due to all my previous medical bills and barely getting by since. I've maxed out my credit card due to my car getting towed (a whole other inconvenience and shitty situation that is honestly BS but and can't extend my credit limit due to only having the card since November. I've already taken out a $500 personal loan to get an oil change and my car diagnosed by a shop that I no longer trust and won't ever take my car back to. They tried to screw me over and I caught them and they reluctantly lowered the price back to what it should've been. I don't trust their diagnosis and will be taking it to another shop. Anyway, I asked if I could get more and they would only approve the $500 because I have a short credit history. Doesn't matter I have a good credit score (731). So, no way to pay for these repairs.
5. Things are ending with Noah, and I'm very sad about it. I'll probably be talking with him tomorrow to officially cut things off. He's hoping to leave Utah for work and honestly doesn't seem invested in the relationship, he's prioritizing his career and ambitions. Which is fine and honestly good for him, but I'm more of a backup plan if his other plans fail and I think I deserve better than that. He's already made up his mind that he'd take the job that would require the relationship to end if it's offered to him, so there's honestly no future in our relationship. Even if he stays, I'm not his first pick and I don't blame him for that, and I know we haven't dated for a long time but it's still hard. Just coming to terms with the fact that it's over and I'm really sad. 
6. I found out the detective closed my case on Thursday. The emotions behind that have been hard to deal with. No justice.
7. My brother threatened to kill himself today over text. He's off his meds. And he's been constantly criticizing me and accusing me and my family of not loving him and watching him drown when the exact opposite it true. He told me he doesn't love me anymore and has no respect for me. Twice. Very hard to deal with as well because I do love and care about him so much, but he's so difficult to deal with and so critical of me and won't accept mental help.

I'm about ready to snap. The pressure and the stress about my finances is overwhelming. The sadness about Noah is overwhelming. The hurt from the case being closed is overwhelming. Watching my brother struggle and not being able to do anything for him is overwhelming. Listening to my brother spout of constantly critical and hurtful things to me is overwhelming. All of these are overwhelming enough on their own, and here I am facing all of them at once. It's too much.