My memory has improved. I still forget things every so often, but I’ve surprised my family with some things I’ve been able to remember. I felt terrible though because I forgot that today is my sister Hattie’s birthday. Usually I’m on top of birthdays. But I guess I have an excuse for forgetting haha.
Anyways, today my dad and younger sisters Millie and Tessa came with me over to the East High track. Millie and Tess rode theirs scooters and I ran, my dad chilled on the bench lol. My first two miles were a bit quick, I didn’t intend them to be. It just kind of happened- 13:43 (6:52/mile). Then I stopped and stretched by the fence for a minute, Millie and Tess dropped their scooters and grabbed the fence to start stretching too to mimic me, it was really funny hahaha. They’re so cute. Then I continued but slowed because I’m out of shape and can’t hold that pace anymore (kinda sad but it’s reality). 4 miles total
We meet with the doctor on Monday to determine if I need more ECT appointments or if I’m okay to just stay on Prozac. My mood is about an 8 today. I feel loads better than I did just a bit ago, but I’m not sure if I’m in a super extra stellar mood. But I feel good. I know you can’t have amazing days all the time, but having a mood disorder makes it difficult to know what’s “normal” haha. I’m certainly not depressed anymore. Probably the first time I can confidently and 100% say that since October 2015 (I was diagnosed with depression on my mission in August 2016- my first major depressive episode happened in October/November 2015 and I’ve been mostly down in the trenches since then (usually 3-5), but have occasionally come up feeling pretty good like at a 6-8 for a month or so). Anyways, the last 10 months I’ve been down at about a 0-3, the month leading up to my hospitalizations I was 0-1 every day. I guess I should say when I’m alone I’m these numbers. When I’m with friends, you can add 1-2 to it. I isolated myself for the majority of the month leading up to my hospitalizations and being with people didn’t help at all there at the end, I was pretty ready to be done with life after staying down at 0-3 for so long. Death honestly seemed better than continuing to live like that. But yeah, it’s been a rough ride for a while, I hope the Prozac works for me (I’ve tried Escitalopram, Celexa, Wellbutrin, Duloxetine, and Pristiq and none of them worked well enough- and one I had a bad allergic reaction to). I guess ECT is for rapid improvement in symptoms but you need to take an antidepressant to keep depressive symptoms at bay, if antidepressants still don’t work then I think the doctor said something about a maintenance ECT program. Idk, this is all my second hand information after asking my dad about a hundred times the same questions, so hopefully I remembered correctly. if I write it down I’ll remember it. I’ll edit it if I find out I’m wrong hahaha.
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