Believe to Achieve

feeling awful.  don't know what to do but take it one day at a time.  gonna start DHEA hormone that my level is extremely low in.  Look it up.  It is important.  A stress hormone--- precursor to all hormones.  apparently i have been under a lot of stress.  yup.  my runs are usually to help with that now it seems they are adding to the problem. heel pain back.  seriously?????  6 long miles to the rec center (8:20, no garmin, course tool).  I say long because my mind and body working together made it that way.  they are not connecting right.  running seems toohard.  even one mile seemed long today.  holy moly what is going on?  there is no "I love running moment" in running.  In fact when I run it is all fuzzy and surreal.  I will over come.  I have three times before (probably more).  I am tough.  but it would be nice to have magic pill to take to snap me out of this funk.  it feels like post partum depression without a beautiful baby to show for it.  sorry guys...i am supposed to be uplifting but I can't hide what is happening then i wouldn't be telling the truth.  I will figure it out and rise above it.  Hopefully in time for the St George Marathon.  Ogden is looking like a huge obstacle right now to me.  One foot in front of the other.  I am pretty much going to show up incognito, run, then come on back home like I never was there.  I hope I can muster a 3:13 (course pr).  Oh did spin class x 48 minutes.  First class since February. Trying to see if maybe running is a burnt out flame for me.  It was nice to do something new.  Ran home 2.88 miles (no garmin so had to course tool both runs, seems as though my garmin is in standby mode as well).  8:13 ap.  Stay tuned...digging myself out...no worries.  

still cant sleep.  and sadly foot pain back full force.   yay.   cant race ogden. iron level well below normal. found an informative write up on chronic pain and chronic iron deficiency anemia.   apparently the deficiency causes brain stem deficiency......leading to pain all down the spinal nerves to the feet. rbis is a very recent article/finding and fits me to a tee. intense nerve pains down spine and chronic pains in legs. oh man i felt so awesome after 8 weeks of intavenous iron tberapy in 2010 winter...that lasted one year and my level dropped again.  i highly doubt too many people would have run through tbis cbronic pain.  hence why from time to time i cant take it anymore. i actually feel worse than 2010.  5pm- tbought hey nice day out why not try a run? not good. felt awful. it saddened me the longer i ran. is this what burn out feels like? seriously i have no drive. no adrenaline. tbis sucks. bad. my legs and mind are on two difcerent bad wavelengths. i m trying to think or rest but nothing but runninglessness. how can this be?

Holy flip...dns is btr tham a dnf, right. cant even put weight on my heel.  wow this really changes my whole summer. another crippling sas running or i mean nonrunning summer. i see the hematologist on may 20. i tested out my foot qnd it hurt quite badly on the warmup but forced myself to run a quick 5k....i pretty mich whimpered the whole way and my left leg was doing double time since i couldnt land on my heel or push off. it was a disaster. i was full on crying at the end. just mad that this is happening AGAIN!   21:10 for 3.16 miles 6:41 pace. not out of breath at all just in too much pain to go faster. stupid move. now no running til ogden if i am painfree by then. see chiro and massage therapist monday.

50 minutes cybex trainer. heel hurt during this. :(.    i can walk better though. not painfree. really wish i was not stupid and just waited to see if i got into sgm....instead of trying to guarantee my spot by running the slam.   

worked all day. couldbarely walk on heel cant figure it out....why is there so much inflammatio. in a single moment? and immense tightness......stress peraonal and physical and body gave in and my mind is not too willing to overcome at this moment

5 miles broken up in to 0.1 to 0.3 miles at a time. yup was that painful and i found if i took long breaks in between i could get a grip on the pain. i did do one complete mile without stopping7:42 pace but my foot was asking to stop and walk. i was trying to concentrate on form and not the burning pain with each step.miracles can happen right?