Believe to Achieve

another 12 hour shift with the babies.  Making my day.  My mom is on her way here. Driving with my stepfather.   So wish she didn't have to fight this fight!! 

8 miles at the gym.  Ran 15 min ons/offs.  Ons from 9.8 -10.2 (3 at each pace)  Offs at 8:34 for 75 seconds.  Trying NOT to think about cancer.  Pretty much quite irritated that I can't solve this problem.  Pancreatic cancer in any stage is uncurable.  

five miles at the gym so I can see my friends. Saw Britney, Kim and Jen.  Appointment at Huntman Cancer Institute today.  WAS THE VERY WORST APPOINTMENT I HAVE EVER BEEN TO. LIKE KICKING SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE DOWN.  Wow that was just awful.  Dr. asked my mother if she wanted her prognosis or if she heard anything/read anything. We both said two years.  He said NO MUCH SHORTER.  4-5 months median age (half people die) if untreated within 4-5 months.  9-12 months if treated.  I was like hold on there. But then I just broke down and cried and jumped to my mother's side.  It was like learning your family just died in a car accident but only you can brace yourself for it.  As many of you know I lost two members of my family- my dad and older sister who was 14 at the time in a car accident in 1982 and my brother three years later in a car accident 1985.  I think we felt like begging for mercy.  It was unbelievably awful.   Just not right.  But NOW TO BE POSITIVE. She could be that 1% and there could be some clinical trials that will improve outcomes. There are some they just don't have a spot for my mother yet. All filled up.  Waiting to hear if there is one over the week until she starts chemo next Tuesday. Sorry this is not much of a running blog. IT is my life alongside running.  

won't be running. could NOT sleep last night.  How do  I deal with this???  LIVE LIFE to the fullest we can.  Accept what we can't change and move forward with HOPE AND FAITH.  blah.  I mean OKAY I CAN DO THAT.

Ran up in Ogden after driving there for training at 6am and training until 530pm.  Ran at 7pm. Up hill two miles to the east from the hotel, hampton inn and suites downtown. Then took long way back that included running by the Ogden temple. Went out for dinner with Danielle, another nurse training with me. We went to the Blue Lemon.  Fish TACOS yum yum and chocolate cake.  Couldn't sleep this night (Thursday). Always the case adjusting to the end of daylight savings.  

too tired to waken early to run before leaving at 730am for training.  So after training at 5 pm tried to beat traffic (ha ha) thru slc but ended up taking 45 minutes longer to get home than driving up at 620 am Thursday. 

dressed to run but had to take Amber to 6th grade Walk the Red Carpet all dressed up into the Water Gardens Theatre.  I looked like Cyndi Lauper.  Anyway it was fun to see Amber. So CUTE and her hair was crimped and braided nicely. So perfect!!! Anyway got hungry being there for two hours that I went home to eat breakfast first before running then one thing led to another...I didn't get out to run.  Helping my mom and other family and then Amber's soccer game.