Bunny the Cow

I was running pretty consistently up until December 26th when Taylor and I stopped running together. We were running about 3-5 times a week - 3.5 miles each time at 8 min pace. I decided it's best not to run alone in the dark so I am just not running. I can definitely tell that life is harder if I do not have a way to release stress through exercise. I decided today that it is best to not run alone in the winter and to do something else indoors. I will start running again if I have sunlight or when I feel like it. I find that life gets harder than necessary when I force myself to do something that isn't as practical as just exercising indoors. I still will not exercise in the morning because I do not want to worry about recovery during work. I am sad I am not running as much this winter but I think it is for the best.

8:38. I ran a mile today after not running for a few weeks! I just kept having panic attacks before every run and I wanted to make a fresh start. There are a lot of habits and mindset shifts I need to make so that I do not end up with the same problems. First, I think it's best that I don't push any run 90% of the time. I think if I push it more, then my body will start reacting negatively. So I need to push it very slowly. Second I should avoid looking at my watch or try hitting a set pace. Looking at my watch and trying to go faster constantly is not a good idea if I am trying to listen to my body. Third, I need to keep the mileage very low where I have an extremely quick recovery. I notice that when I run to the point where I need a nap, my day is already ruined by then, and my brain doesn't work very well at that level of exhaustion. My goal is to run at least half a mile a day. I should do it even when I am tired because it seems I am always tired, and half a mile won't hurt even if exhausted. I wish it didn't take this long to just get out for a mile, but I believe it was necessary to go when I feel ready. Healing is a very confusing process but I am figuring it out.

4:10. I didn't sleep enough and had to work 9 hours today, but I think it is good that I still did something. It helped keep my mood stable. I got dizzy again this morning and before I realized it I was on the ground while holding the baby and so I think there definitely is some type of deficiency like iron maybe that I should take care of. The enemy has been attacking me physically and emotionally to try to get me discouraged spiritually, but the enemy loses always. Praises be to God the Almighty, who is my Strength and Encouragement. I need to prioritize my health but also not worry or get discouraged. My health isn't bad at all, I just don't want to let it get worse and neglect myself anymore.

Half a mile up the hill in 4:17, then sat in the sun and journaled for an hour and went back down the hill in 4:08. It's been a really rough week. I should definitely take some supplements. But it's been hard emotionally and I think that's why I feel physically weak. I still have a pretty slow recovery time but I didn't get dizzy today at least. I haven't been dizzy at all but only if I run I might.

Half a mile up the hill in 4:26 then after sitting in the sun for 40 min did half a mile down in 4:11. I could go a lot faster but since I want to start running again without any problems at work, I think it's best to do the bare minimum. It will also help me stay consistent when my body knows that doing the daily run isn't going to be hard. I can do hard things, and I know it is good to run hard sometimes, but I don't need to worry about that yet.