I Probably Should Make My Blog Public again

This has been a rough week.  Every time I think about putting it in my blog I find better things to do.

My husband's aunt passed away suddenly on Monday evening.  It was a massive heart attack.  Obviously no one was prepared.  It has been a rough week.  Lots of family coming in.  Lots of grieving.  Lots of reminiscing about her and about my husband's parents, which is emotionally draining. Just because of timing she is being waked on Sunday night (even though we've really been doing that all week) and the funeral is Monday morning.  Under different circumstances the funeral would have taken place already.

We're having Easter today.  The entire family (and it's a big one) is here.    

I don't really care about running right now.  Maybe next week.  Yesterday I started to do my scheduled workout, but walked for 1/2 hour right after my warm up, then ran 1.5 after that.  Today I left my watch at home and just ran in the rain.  That suited my mood.  And it was actually quite nice not to worry about pace or anything.

It seems so ridiculous to be worried about running right now.  At first I was going to run long on Sunday, but that doesn't feel right, it being Easter and all.   So instead I'm going to wake up early on Monday to run before the funeral.  If I get to 16 miles, great.  If not, big deal.

And I'm not depressed or anything.  Just sad.  I keep hearing her voice (just in my head, though--I'm not crazy) saying my name or arguing loudly (as she was wont to do) about politics.  One thing I feel guilty about is fighting with my husband about his trip to Arizona last week.  His aunt decided to go out to AZ during the same time.  Chuck's cousin Jennie (they grew up pretty much as brother and sister, and this is his aunt's daughter) told me on Thursday that it was nice that they were able to hang out together one last time, since they haven't been able to be together responsibility-free in years. 

And then of course everyone is still worried about Luke. 

And it was hard to call my mom to let her know.  They got along well and they were the same age.

I have no idea how I managed to accomplish this, but getting out the door at 5 and not having to be anywhere until 8:30 is part of it.

When I started my run it was dark, but my outfit (long pants and two long sleeve t-shirts) was too warm.  I took off one shirt about 2 miles in.  I did a 9 mile loop to start, and the sun gradually came up.  My garmin was dead, so I just estimated and gmapped it later, and it was .03 less than 9.  I came home, changed into shorts, swapped shirts, got my partially charged garmin and went out again.  On the next loop the fog rolled in, the air was moist and the wind picked up slightly.  When my watched chimed mile 13 and I looked down to see that it was 8:22 (I like Carolyn's arbitrary designation of anything faster than 8:30 being considered fast), I just pushed the pace, and ended my run with a 7:57, 8:07, 7:41, and then 8:15 for the last 1/4 mile.

Last week, thinking about Jane was emotionally draining.  This morning it gave me strength to think of her and pray.  I suppose it being Easter time also is uplifting.

The funeral was, like all funerals, draining.  I couldn't look at Jennie or Becky (two of Jane's kids) without losing it.  I did lose it at 4 moments:  the beginning of the Mass, we sang "Be Not Afraid" and "Here I am Lord" back to back and those songs remind me of my husband's parents; when they draped the coffin; at the beautifully written intentions read by Chuck's cousin Mike; and when we sang "How Great Thou Art," another song that reminds me of Chuck's parents, and I looked behind me to see Jane's oldest sister with tears streaming down her face. 

But I sat behind Jane's 5 beautiful grandkids and watched her youngest (2 year old Sophie) and I know Jane's love for life will live on in the family.

Jane's burial plot is right next to Chuck's parents.  They were neighbors in life--and they are neighbors once more.

On schedule for today was some speed.  I ran to the track, saw that they had a track meet going on, stopped to watch and talk to some people I used to work with, decided to scrap the workout and just ran back home for a total of 4 miles.  I was a little stiff from yesterday anyway.

I may be running a 10K on Sat. We're doing a benefit for Luke's family on Saturday that doesn't start until the afternoon, but we have some things to do first.  If I don't do the 10K, I will do the workout that I was supposed to do today instead.  

I got started later than normal because 1) we had some bad weather supposedly about to roll in 2) I had some housework to do.

Then when I was folding laundry I looked outside and it was all clear, so I decided to get in a quick run.

My almost dying garmin got only an hour's worth of recharging on Monday and I forgot to recharge it, so when I turned it on it gave me the low battery message.  I tried it anyway and it died in the first mile.

I was planning on running 5, but I almost got hit by a car.  I will not lie--it was partly my fault.  But only partly.  I was crossing a rinky-dink side street and I heard a car, but I assumed that it was going straight.  Instead it turned left, but into the incorrect lane (where I was running).  It seemed like everything slowed down and I stopped and the driver stopped and a guy who I had just passed (he was walking his dog) said something like "Holy cow!"  It was a very near miss.

And I realized right after that I was wearing pretty dark clothes and the sun had set.  It's been a while since I have run at night and I didn't even think to wear my vest because there was still light when I started.  So I took that as my cue to head home instead of running on the street for one more mile.  Plus I didn't want to pass the dog-walking guy again.

My bad.  I'll be a little wiser tomorrow.  And I'll be running earlier.

Sat out in the 45 degrees, 30 mph wind for 3 hours as the head timer for a home track meet that I forgot I had signed up to work.  Surely that counts for some kind of exercise?

I have been so distracted lately.  In a perfect world I would have a clean house today, but that obviously didn't happen.  I would also have cross trained, but as soon as my butt touched the couch, it was all over for the night.  I fell asleep snuggling with my boys.  They stayed awake till dad came home at 9:30.  It was a late night for him at work, too.

Just nice and easy.  Trying to get back in the groove.

Okay.  I really did run a race, but first the more important thing:  Luke's benefit is today!  We got ready last night by putting together raffle prizes and by putting up pictures that the St. Malachy kids drew for him.  We put it up spelling "Luke's Team," cause that's what we are.  I'm the team photog and scrapbooker, so I'll try to post some of the pictures that I take on my blog for tomorrow.  We'll see if I can figure it out.  Maybe at that point I can also find a picture of myself to put up.  But those of you who are the family photogs understand:  I just don't have that many pictures of me--and none of them are taken BY me, so I am critical :)

So just one more plea:  please please please pray for Luke and his family.  This is the depressing note of today:  he is not doing well.  He had to be reintubated on Thursday evening and yesterday his heart rate shot up and his oxygen levels plummeted.  He is more stable this morning, but still really needs strength.

I try to ask in my prayers that God's will be done, but it's hard not to add an addendum.  This child has so much to offer this world.  For 1/5 of his life he has just been known as the really sick kid.  Just in case you are interested in reading his blog:  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lukeremington

 So on to the race:  If it was a 7.5K I would have taken first place for the ladies.  The first place finisher passed me at about that point.  I knew it at the time, but looking back at my splits, I COULD HAVE STAYED WITH HER. I slowed way down in the last lap of the race...

I hate racing.  I'm just not good at it.

But I'm going to go ahead and blame it on the fact that my "breakfast" was a pop tart. 

Even though the pop tart wasn't to blame.

Luke needs a miracle.  Please keep those prayers coming.  

I know I have been nothing but a Debbie Downer lately (and seriously, I have little use for emotion most of the time.  I'm an emotion bottler), but if Luke's condition does not improve in the next 24 hours or so, they are going to take him off the respirator.  I'm not quite at peace about that yet, but I am getting there.  We found out last night, had a restless night, and an overall emotional day today. 

At church this morning (which was said for Luke), I don't think Father knew the latest news and he asked Luke's grandma to give an update.  She didn't know what to do, and so gave a tearful update.  I was at least prepared, but I know most of the other people there were not.  Eli's baby-sitter (also a relative) took care of Luke from infancy till he went to school and she did not take the news well.  I almost left school early to pick up Eli from her, but decided that would be in no one's best interest.  She needed someone to hug her and I hope Eli was cuddlier than normal.

In running news:

I did most of my workout today, but I skipped 1 400 @ 5K pace and 1 1200 @ 10K pace because it was dark and the 3 other people who had been running on the track were getting ready to leave.  I did 1 400, 1 1200, and then 2 x 3200 @ HM pace.  I hit my paces on everything but the 400, where I was 4 seconds slow.  I'm trying to get my mind back into running just to give it some distraction, but it's hard.  I skipped my run on Sunday for no good reason, other than to clean house for Eli's b-day and to spend time with family.

Warmed up.  Was planning on 2 warm up miles, but when I looked down at my watch midway through the second one, I saw that I was under 8 min pace, so I went with it.  I am counting that .8 as fast, since avg. was 8:23 (thanks Carolyn!).

Then 3 miles (7:52, 7:44, 7:41), then cool down back home.  All of that was around 9 min. pace.

Word on Luke:  yesterday was peaceful, but no real change.  Today the doctors MAY have seen some sign of encouragement.  I don't know yet exactly what that means, except that they are leaving him on the respirator.

3 cross training miles

Out the door at 4:30 to get in these miles.  I'm actually pretty proud of myself--I hit my pace on all the miles I needed to.  I think that after this HM is over I am going to switch to morning running now that it is getting hot (and because I won't be running as many miles).  We'll see if I actually do it :)

2 miles wu.  5 miles at HM pace (7:59, 7:57, 7:57, 7:54, 7:44), 2.8 cool down.  

No real update on Luke, other than they kept him on the respirator because of a slight increase in his oxygen levels.  His little lungs are so battered...I also talked to the principal at St. Mal last night.  He was saying that he's not sure exactly what to tell kids, since he has such a range of ages (preschool through 8th grade).  But he also said that a 1st grader woke up yesterday morning and asked his dad if Luke was in heaven yet...

I'm not so worried about Luke anymore.  His condition is in God's hands--and if his fight ends, he will be with God.  I'm more worried about his brother (in 8th grade) and his parents because their struggle will continue.

Luke's battled ended on Friday night, a little before 9.  Even though you are never prepared for the death of a 10 year old, most of us had at least a little time to arrive at acceptance of it.  Since then, we have been grieving the only way we know how:  together.

Thank you for your kind words and your prayers.  Please continue to pray for those who love him.

In running news:  17 miles is a long time.  The last 2 miles was the hardest.

An early morning speed workout on the track.  2 ish mile wu, 2 x 1200 at 5K pace (I was about 10 seconds slow on both), 6 x 200 at 5K pace (I was about 4 seconds fast on each), 2 x 1200 at 5K pace (about 7 seconds slow on both).  Recovery (400 after each 1200, 100 after each 200),  2 ish mile cool down.

Funeral was this morning.  It was both a celebration of his life and a mourning of his death, but it was beautiful.  Maybe more details later.

I have just concentrated on my key workouts this week and kinda ignored recovery days.  If that means I won't reach my goal for next week's race, so be it.  

Today was 7 miles at HM pace.  I actually started out at about HM pace, quite accidentally (my garmin wasn't connecting to a satellite right away).  So I just did the 7 miles at HM pace first and then cooled down 4 miles.

Splits for HM miles:  8:20, 8:05, 7:51, 7:52, 7:53, 7:47, 7:48.  Then cool down was at just over 9 min. pace.

Eli got his cast off today.  He was actually not a happy camper.  The saw scared the crap out of him and then his arm was so stiff that it hurt.  At first I was afraid he would have to go back into another cast because he kept crying, but his arm was nicely healed.  He just has to get used to using it again.

6 easy

9 easy.  8:50 average.  It was raining, but I missed the worst of it.  Right after I was done a downpour started.  I was glad the skies didn't open up on me.

Approx. 2 miles to the track, where I was planning on doing my workout, but there was a track meet, so I just ran my 6 x 1/4 mile on the street.  My recovery varied in distance because I tried to make sure that I wasn't running full tilt into busy intersections.

I was fast on my 1/4 miles.  They were supposed to be at 10K pace, but they were a little under 5K pace (all between 1:40 and 1:47).  I tried to adjust my speed for the first 2, and then just went with what felt good.  

Then I ran about 2 miles home.

I mile at 8:50 pace and then I was warmed up sufficiently to get in 3 miles at HM pace (8:15, 7:42, 7:35).  Then I ran another 3 easy--all at about 8:45 pace.

I am mentally ready to race on Saturday.  I am physically ready to race.  My goal is to be between 7:45 and 8 min pace overall.  

I hope the weather cooperates.  Early in the week I heard driving rains and wind for the race, but now the forecast says slight chance of thunderstorms.  It is at least supposed to be warm (probably in the 50s at start time, maybe warming up more). 

I honestly have no idea what to wear.  Any suggestions?

My plan called for no run yesterday, and even though I didn't really need to take off, I did--mostly so I could finish my last paper for the semester (but my freedom is short-lived.  My summer semester starts next weekend).

I ran 3 easy this morning and I was either really slow, ran more than I thought, or left later than I thought.  I'm betting it was that I was really slow.  No garmin today.  Debating whether I should bring mine tomorrow.