Sock tans

We ran to the upper fields and did 4x3 minute pickups with 2 minutes rest. Then ran back to the track and back home for FHE. Just under my knee was bugging at the end, probably an IT band issue. Or a definitive sign that these shoes are shot.

I'd like to believe everything is fine and dandy since everything that happened 6-7 months ago, and truthfully I do feel so much better. I was just thinking today how strange it was that I didn't feel super depressed, usually before whenever I got deep in thought or something affected me deeply, I'd naturally feel intense sadness. But now I don't. However, I still feel like subconsciously there's something not right. I don't know how to explain it. Although I'm no longer depressed and no longer have any suicidal ideation (and haven't at all in 5 months), I am very stressed and unmotivated, unsure where I want to go in life. I can distract myself by going out and doing my everyday things, but I often come back to wondering what I'm doing or what the point of everything is. I feel like I've been avoiding anything that might possibly bring me down a path that leads to depression, which is good but I almost go to the extremes. I transferred schools for one, I quit college running, I moved to Rexburg to "start over," I tried to forget everything that happened and act like I was just a normal student. But now I can feel my motivation slipping, I've often wanted to just withdraw from classes and work instead because at least then I'd be making money instead of digging myself into debt, but I truthfully just don't know where I should be focusing my efforts. I don't get excited about doing well anymore, I really could just care less. I don't really know what to do about it.

I think maybe it's time to find a therapist here in Rexburg. I am back in the habit of berating myself for not doing things right and I feel very stressed out. I am gravitating towards staying at home rather than doing things I need to more often now and I know that wasn't a good thing in the past. Also, one of my roommates is suicidal right now. I know it's an opportunity for me to help, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's good to have someone with similar experiences and be able to connect that way, but also she's been through this many times and has gone through a lot worse than I have, so I don't really know how to help her...

 So just under my knee still really hurts. I was going to meet up with Sawyer but I decided to let it rest for a minute. So, probs no running today

Today we went to Porter park and did 8x 2 minute pickups with 2 minute rest. For the first couple I hung onto the guys, but they were going pretty quick and I dropped back a bit after 3. Then cool down back to the track and Sawyer and I did 5 laps to get to 7. We were only planning on finishing to 6 but got talking and sorta just went to 7. Plus my usual .5 from running to/from the track.

4 miles, my legs felt heavy. It was also cold, the wind chill made it a bit bitter. I’m buckling up for this winter, I’ve heard it gets really cold here. I’ll happily enjoy this 30+ degree weather while it lasts ;) also the tree just outside my apartment dropped literally ALL of its leaves last night, that was crazy

Met up with Sawyer this morning before heading to Salt Lake. We went out towards the freeway entrance then up by the temple and the water tower, it turned out to be just over a 6 mile loop and we added a mile at the track. Going up to the water tower was long and steep, my legs are still heavy from earlier this week. I feel pretty out of shape but I hope to get up to higher miles soon. I just need to build up my base slowly.

Out and back on Foothill. I was planning on doing Wasatch loop, hopefully the extended 8 mile loop, but my legs felt sooo heavy and still a bit sore. I decided to listen to my body and go shorter to give it time to recover. Not sure why it’s taking so much out of me, but I guess I need to whip myself into shape :)