Patience; the new endurance sport.

I haven't blogged in a long while. My foot has mostly healed. It took over 9 months.It still hurts when I strap it into a ski boot. But I am blogging to write about something very strange and wonderful that has happened to me over time. I began to limit myself to only one hour of exercise every day, and a maximum of only 3-5 miles to walk or run since my foot healed. And suddenly exercising is fun and energizing again. While I understand that I have for a time, trained my body to run, long, hard and fast--I became injured, defeated and depressed when unable to perform. I became bored with races and running in general. I came to understand that at 47 there I had developed serious blood sugar issues and had limited energy that was split meagerly like a remaining roll at the dinner table between Teenage children, a husband, and my job (s). I simply did not have enough energy to do that and also running more than 6-8 miles. I have come to peace just excersizing to feel good. I do 3-5 miles after 30 minutes of targeted strength training, PT and stretching.  I feel the best Ive felt in 4 years and I'm finally at peace understanding that my liver will not process enough glycogen for more than 60-90 minutes without it ruining the rest of my day/life.  Maybe when my kids are grown and out of the house, , which will literally be 5 minutes from now, I can regain my hours long Saturday running schedule. But for now, I'm reconciled to health and strength. My body did not like so many years in a row of the abuse of long distances and it will have to wait until later. I am a slow learner. I desperately needed running for many years to overcome the grief of my childhood, the death of my father, the strains of marriage and raising children. But somewhere, as my children took up the torch at school, performing well and making me proud I needed running less and less for mental acuity and meditation. I was healing outside of running and running became a burden on my mind and body.  The FRB was an essential tool in my marathon training for many years, and Sasha the inspiration to qualifying and running Boston with great success.  But I am content for now, finally, after so many in ride and I'll eases, to be at peace with not treating my body like a machine, but a member of my family who needs care and attention.  It took breaking my stupid foot to teach me that.  I will be back on the trails in summer as always, but for now 3-5 miles and a few ski days a week are filling my heart with joy in a way I haven't felt in many years.  When my children leave me, there will be a hole to fill. And for that, there will always be running.

It's official.  I'm a jogger.  The data from this study has me convinced that I was onto something a few years ago when running performance started to decline and I sought out cross fit and then broke my hip tendon.  I'm at peace, I really am.  Not to say I still won't do a half, or a full marathon again...but I've always been in it for weight control, health and just being outside.  I can't believe what it said about 'fast and frequent running.' That came as a huge suprize.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/04/slow-runners-come-out-ahead/?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1409232722000&bicmet=1419773522000&_r=0

Spent my President's Day weekend in Moab with 4 girlfriends running, hiking, walking and doing Yoga.  One of my friends is an excellent Yogini and so we spent a lot of time each morning doing both Athsanga and restorative Hatha in the sunshine. I provided the (mostly) vegan cuisine including a truly delicoius azuki bean salad and tahini dip. Did I mention it was 70 degrees?  I'm not too happy about this ongoing dry & sunny weather but as long as it's not snowing at Sundance, I am glad I got out of town to soak in some legitimate vitamin D.

I wish FRB had an App that integrated with a smartphone to work like a Garmin and automatically log mileage and pace. Is there an App that does that? Turns your photos me into a Garmin?

It has been 8 years since I had surgery to remove a small tumor and repair my bladder. My daughter took 58 hours to be born and it ruined me. I Did the surgery after my first two marathons and it was very effective for about 6 years. I've had 2 inguinal, 1 femoral and 1 umbilical hernia. I was born with something wrong with the way the facia in my lower abdomen and pelvic floor was formed. I Never could understand how pregnant women could run into their 8th or 9th month of pregnancy without ruining their bodies, I guess I've just been unluckier than most. It snowed and blew into my face as I ran today thinking about my bladder, marathons and how grateful I feel for still being able to run at all.

univ av , ronald last and vintage park loop

I skiied everyday last  2 weeks following our 4+ 16 inch low pressure fiesta.  I got every ounce of enjoyment afforded me from that snowfall. The past 2 years have been so hit and miss that I feel like I gorge myself every time it snows.  It's so feast or famine. Mostly famine.  Busy week consulting and working and I would feel ok about not getting in much excersize this week but when I don't my back starts to hurt (from not doing my sit ups mostly).  I was doing so good, but you what you've gained in like 3 days.  

I read an article over the weekend about growing older with grace.  One of the finer points that has stuck with me was the idea that we need to learn acceptance of who we are now and not who we were 5 years ago.  For me, everything started down hill in 2011 and 2012.  It has taken me a solid 5 years to accept the new me. No one in my family lives past 73 and so I am technically way past middle age. My Dad once told me when I was running 40-60 mile marathon training weeks, that I should create a excersize routine that I can do 3-6 days a week for the rest of my life and to cut out the extremes.  He said they would eventually wear me down and leave me feeling defeated when I could not perform against myself.  When he lay dying in the hospital, he did not want to see pictures of himself as Mr. America in the 1970's -- those accomplishments depressed him in light of his situation.  I understand that now.  We can't look back to who we were.  We have to be who we are-- we have to be the best person we can be now.  So I'm learning. It's time for me to reconcile the energy &ability, time & interest spreadsheets. 

Facts I can't change:

1. I used to be faster

2. I should have started running faster and longer much sooner (age 25)

3. I can't make up for lost time runing time in my late 40's.

4. I broke 2 tendons

5. I can't control my blood sugar with 100% acuracy and need to wear a bracelet for my safety that specifies my condition while out running in case I am found unconcious.

Things I can change

1. I can run slower and shorter distances with some amount of enjoyment and confidence

2. I can do good amounts of strength training and Yoga to enable my continued participation in both running and skiing

3. I can lose 5 pounds to make running easier

4..  I can start a 3-7 mile running club ( 7 a.m. and 8 p.m.) for all my various wogging friends in the neighborhood able to do 10:30-12 m/m  who can sprint 100-400 at 8:30-9:30 pace.

5. I can decide to be happy with what is now

I took my doggies today and almost killed my old girl. I got her the year my Dad died. I had another runner dog who died within 2 months of my dad and I was so crushed by the loss I needed a friend dog to see me through the grief. I found Sara at a pet adoption day. They said she was 3. She leans her whole body into me when I hug her. Once she ran 30 miles with me in a day. She's either either 11 or 13. But my sweetest angel dog can no longer do more than 5 miles. The other dog stopped in protest and sat down on the pavement to draw attention to the suffering of her companion. I am grief stricken that my goodest girl only has a few more years before she goes the way of my Dad and Paton. She is my favorite and I don't know what I will do without her. For now, 3 mile walks are still ok. But running 5+ was ver bad for her.

   I got a solid 8 hours sleep in one stretch. It felt amazing. I had a ton of energy. I decided to take just the young dog (8 year old golden retriever) and leave behind the old dog (13 year old Aussie). It was sad at first for me to bring just the one, but it was the right choice. My girl is getting too old. What a gorgeous spring morning! Yellow forsythia and daffodils in every yard.  Finally I can get some vitamin D without climbing Mt. Everest. Still sad our Sumdamce is surely done by today. Too many days in the 70's.

The days between warm weather and skiing get me really down.  It happens in November when the temps drop but there won't be snow for 6-8 weeks. It happens again when the snow gets slushy and thin and we have to wait it out till the true warmth of Spring arrives.  There is nothing more cruel than the chilly sunshine of early Spring.  It's good running weather but it takes me 2-3 week to get "back" to running only.  

I did not know  where I was running today and ended up going a little too far.  I was kind of beat the rest of the day and I had so much to do for the Eagle Release event at Sundance.

I had my sister ride the bike next to me while I ran to the waterfountain up the canyon.  It was a beautiful morning at Timpanogas Park--but the heat was a little unexpected.  I can't believe it's this hot, this early in the Spring.  Freaky. I can't wait for the kids to get out of school. Early morning seminary is killing me.

I ran first 2 11 m/m and then 2 10 m/m and then 1 9:40 mile on the treadmill.  I really feel I've turned a corner with the blood sugar thing.

I am feeling stronger than I have in 4 years.  The hamstring and the knee still ache, and I do get post-run arthritic stiffness--but for the first time in a long time I feel like my liver/gallbladder/pancreas is processing/storing/sugar correctly.  I think it was the years of pro-biotics.  I don't think it was the cysts at all.  I think the overuse of pro-biotics changed the way my liver processed gycogen.  Since being off pro-biotics since 2012, and drinking Braggs and water a couple times a week, I have felt a huge difference.  By body still isn't in shape per se, but the possiblity of rebuidling strength without passing out is real.  My blood sugar post work out today was still 75!  

Canyon water fountain, vintage park.

I was in Portland and Arch  Cape, OR last week for Spring Break with my boy (s) while my girl was in Washington DC on a student governement visit.  It was heaven to run at sea level, and in the clean air and humidity.  It was a bit rainy the first days, but I always carved out a time to run when it was dry.  Running the on the loney cold, flat sanded beaches with rolling waves as far as the eye could see, surrounded by cliffs and mountains is nothing short of majestic.  The trails in the mountains along the coast are heaven.  There is nothing but the quiet padding of your own feet along pine needles with the sound of the ocean somewhere distant.  The beauty, the green, the clean air refreshed my soul.  The days just before or after ski season are painful, frustrating depressing ones for me.  They are filled with dreary days, not yet one season or the next.  Oregon renewed me as I  rested my eyes upon the greenery and the misty, mysterious clouds clingining to the mountain tops. There is nothing compared to running on the coast of Oregon.  In the year 2000 I had a conference for work at a resort at Mount Hood.  There was a 5 mile loop around the mountain.  I will never forget how cold it was in July, and how many rasberries I ate along my run, or how the sound of a rushing river was never far.  I know a lot of wacked out  weirdos live in Oregon. But when I'm done raising kids, I think that's where I'm headed.  

Temple loop x2 rock canyon

I am in love again with running now I don't wear my Garmin or care how fast I'm going. A small handful of dry oatmeal and glass of water is enough to get me past 60 minutes of running. I can't wait for school to get out so I get back my favorite morning hour to myself. Today one kid had driver's ed at 6 a.m. the other had seminary.  So I got to go out at 6:30 which reminded me how much I loved running once.  I really started running in earnest the spring of the year 2000.  My son was 8 months old and my daughter almost 20 months.  I bought a double stroller and ran 5 miles every morning on the bike trail.  I ran only during the weekdays leaving weekends free for my family, and I never ran more than 5 miles.  I also never ran during the winter.  I treated running as a celebration of good weather.  Those were great days of pushing my kids in that stroller.  I pushed those kids until my girl was 8 and my son 6-- near 100 pounds of kids in that thing.  I remember the first days I stopped brinning them along and felt so liberated not pushing the stroller.  That's when I started running-running for real (races and marathons).  Those were also great days also, until they were not. But I'm feeling liberated of my own expectations. Running is becoming that thing again I always loved.  Time to myself, time outside, time to reflect, excersize.  

The guy who has been my assistant at work for the past 2 years has moved on, necessitating my return to full time. It's a big bummer. I loved that guy, but with all admin positions the shelf life is 2 years max. So in anticipatioN of my reduced daily energy level. I'm going to run less, or for shorter amounts twice a day, can't wait for a nice Saturday run.

Ran 3 in the a.m. And 2 in the p.m

Provo Canyon/waterfountain.

I ran into Cath on road.  I do miss my running buddies.

Last Tuesday, a girl I ran with for about a year in 2006, Amanda Davis, her husband was hit by a car.  This is the 4th person within a year I know of who has been critically injured or killed while excersizing (running or cycling).  I've almost been hit myself while running with Josse and Ericka one morning.  A driver turning right on a red light stopped for them, but rolled right on through as I trailed just behind them.  The car's bumper pushed into my knee and I fell/jumped onto the hood of the car (attempting to preserve my knees). The driver just stared at me as I slid off the hood and kept running.  

Amanda Davis's husband Derek died today.   I ran daily with Amanda in 2005 & 2006. She and Derek and I ran the Ogden Half Marathon (Amanda's First half marathon ever) and then trained with her for the Wasatch Back Ragnar, some time before they moved in 2007.  I am in shock. Derek was just 37 years old.  He was hit while he and Amanda were running together at 6:30 a.m. while using crosswalk. The driver, an 18 year old high school student, who accidentally ran a red light.  Derek was in critical condition, in ICU last week and seemed to improve until yesterday when he took a turn for the worst.  He passed away just a few minutes ago. It seems inconceiveable that you could lose a 37 year old husband and father of 4 to a jogging accident.  I am heartbroken for Amanda and their children.  Just heartbroken. 

I was able to get out the door at 7 and watched as the sun rose over the valley from the shoreline trail.  I will never get over, how the sun rises the day after a horrible tragedy-- indifferent to the suffering and seemingly end to our individual worlds.  The year or so that Amanda and I ran together each morning was so important to me.  It was when I was taking care of  my invalid and clinically insane father the year he died.  That was a lot of road therapy. We talked about everything important to two married women with small children and strange family histories.  My morning runs will now be tinged with sadness for quite a while to come.  Both Amanda and Derek ran, they were running together the morning he was hit by the car last week. It is incomprensible to me how much my friend's life is changed in just a few days.  We are neither the author of our beginning or our ending which leaves us free to create the narrative in between. 

9:54 AP (9:24/10:22/10:20/9:18/9:39/10:13)

Temple loop 2.1. Rock canyon bowl 1. Home 2.2

I spent my run thinking about Amanda burying Derek today. I wish I was in NC to do the evening memorial run tomorrow. I've always taught my Kids to make eye contact with drivers while in a crosswalk and to watch for cars making rolling right turns, and cars behind them turning in from the left hand turn lanes. People are distracted while driving and with the increased number of bikes and runners in the road it seems worse than the days of mothers against drunk drivers.

Single temple loop

Canyon water fountain

Temple loop x2 rock canyon bowl

My girl offered to ride her new bike while I ran.  We made a nice, early evening outing of it. I am going to miss her terribly next fall.  I know she'll be close, but she'll also be a world away.

Easy jog up to the cemetary x2 laps.

10:00 ap

My hamstring sometimes stings at the attachement point under my hip.

I think 'stinging' inside a tendon is strange and I don't understand it.

Today was great. We got up to plant flowers down the Provo Center Street planters with about 200 youth.  Afterwards BOTH of my kids came running with me up the canyon.  It rained/poured the whole time. I loved it. We just put on our rain gear and trudged along. It reminded me of the St. George Marathon in 2008 when it rained the whole time and never stopped.  It was wonderful to be outside with my kids. They both much faster than me but I hung onto a 9:40 pace so they wouldn't be bored to death.  Happy rainy wet run! Happy Mother's Day to me!

My hamstring/ sit bone ached after SAturday's 8 miler in the ran.  So I took days off with RICE.  It's helped but I've got to be careful.  I can feel the tendonitis flaring up and I guess it will always be there.  The good news is, I ran without the patellar tendon strap on Sat and it did not ache afterwards.

Woke up wide awake at 4:20, first thought on my mind was my next doctor's appt. It's going to be awesome.  So instead of laying there until it turned light outside, I put on my headlamp and ran around outside for a while.

The great thing about unseasably cold weather is that I don't have to restrict running outside to the earliest hours of the day.  This rain is crazy though.

9:23/10:00/10:06/9:43/9:48/9:45

Loving the rain. Loving it.