Patience; the new endurance sport.

10/m/m

Plus regular wrk out

300 sit ups, 90 push ups ( 3sets of 30), 30 hamstring rolls and 30 glute crunches, squats, arms , planks

A etc.

10 m/m

Yoga pm

Working up to intervals again next week.

Did the whole workout+

10 ap, slow post aggressive ski day

9:38 ap

1@10m/.5@ 10mm/.5 @ 8:30mm = 7 repeats

Ap 9:40

Almost a week now on the treadmill. The inversion is driving me crazy. Thankfully it it crystal clear up the mountain and in Park city for the festival.

Could only get in about half an hour.....makes me crazy, but I was up at 5 and didn't get to bed till 1 am. Busy week at Sundance.

Just trying to maintain a little running.  I have been skiing everyday with my sis since her birthday. 

I can finally get back to running now that my sis is gone.  It was a fun 8 days.  But now I need to get some sleep and get back to my routine.

I am proud to say that after 8 days straight of partying hard, I only gained 3 pounds.  It seems miraculous in light of the parties, the restaurants, and birthday cake(s) (plural).

I ran 5 regular miles and then walk/jogged the last 3.  I wanted to do my normal Saturday 8-10, but wasn't up to it yet.

Gearing up to get back to it.  I took a week off to ski with my sis and her friends who were here for Sundance and my sister's 50th birthday. She brought her entire DC entourage and we didnt every single thing Sundance and Park City have to offer.  I skiied every day for 8 days at every resort in PC and SLC.  It was fun, but I have a skiing hangover.

9:30 ap

9:40 ap

10 m/m  been a really slow week -- trying to get back into the swing.

Ran  repeats:  10 m/m for 3 min: 9 m/m 30 seconds : 7:30 for 15 seconds.

However, on my mile 4 repeat sprints I jumped off the treadmill (instead of stopping the machine) to run to the bathroom.  I had the TV up really loud in the 6 am darkness and so when I went to get back on the treadmill--I stepped an unsuspecting foot onto the treadmill that was running almost 9 miles an hour (I'd forgotten I didn't turn it off).  I don't know exactly what happened but I have burned off skin from the top of my right hand/forearm and my right shoulder blade (just below the scapula).  I have a perfectly round 2x2 inch bruise on my left shoulder and a really sore right butt cheek/hip.  As I lay in the darkness after having been spit off the machine (having rolled once or twice?) trying to determine if anything was seriously damaged I had to laugh and wonder what that must have looked like.  

Finished my run just fine, except I didn't know about the rubbed off skin until the sweat started up again: ouchy. 

I ran really slow 11 m/m and reduced my post run sit ups and ham rolls.  I am really sore from yesterday (I didn't realize how much damage I'd done until this morning when I woke up).

I walked a slow 4 miles because after skiing --it became apparent that the real damage done by the 'treadmill incident' was done to my sacrum/ilum region.  Wow, I didn't know before skiing that there was more than a bruise.  Tempted by 10 inches of new powder I couldn't resist.  However, the first time my ski hit a bit of scrape beneath the powder I got a sharp pain that went up and down the left side of my leg and back--which then ached every time I sat on the chair lift.  Silly me, I skied  the rest of the day telling myself I'd be careful to stick with the powder. But when I came home and couldn't get out of the car by myself I wondered how I'd skied all day?  Its proof of my mind can ignore pain when I’m experiencing euphoria or some other pleasurable activity.  Because now, sitting down at my desk, I am in utter pain.  800 mg ibuprophen are not even touching the ache.  Ice helps.  The biggest bummer is not being able to ski this week.  It feels that serious.  Who knew my treadmill could betray me after 12,000 miles, a belt replacement and a tune up.  I can't believe what an idiot I have become (how could I have forgotten it was on?).

I walk jogged 4 miles and the did all my strengthening exercises (push-ups, squats, sit up).

ran 6 8.5 mm repeats . I feel like I've been in a car accident. Every day something else hurts. Today it's the bruised shoulder.

The second my back was feeling better, I skied all day long (both fri and sat ). It's hard to find (girl) friends who ski as aggressively/fast as I do, so I took advantage of my BIL's visit, and skied him into the ground (until HIS back was sore). The sun was out, the snow was soft, I got a hearty dose of vitamin D, and also......I skied with Ben Stiller (not kidding). I have a friend on the mountain (he's a makeup artist for several well known male actors, and he's a talented architect) who is selling a very expensive mountain home and Ben was a potential buyer. So he invited me for a few runs. I loved playing the part of the "local". The celebs like to hide in Utah. But they also want it to be fabulous enough to merit a 33 million dollar home.

I wanted to do 7, but I needed to take it easy.I had a massive hypoglycemic episode yesterday while I was alone, and really thought I might go into a coma. It was scary. So I have to do a better job with the oatmeal and barley (those are the only sure fire ways to get and keep my bloood sugar level for 3-4 hours). Also, our renters moved out, and while cleaning out the renal between clients, I found a box of PX90 cd's, the bungees, and the chin up bar! So I did the Yoga CD. It was intense.

9:15's. I was in a hurry.

Ran slow 11 mm

10 m/m

I think it's weird that walking and sitting long periods of time hurts my knees more than running. I didn't realize how decrepit / arthtritic I've become until I went to a basketball game at the Marriott  Center and realized I was silently wincing and holding my breath as I watched young people bouncing down the stars three at at time. Also, I have a huge bruise under the toenail of my big toe from my ski boot. Just get me one of those old people walkers already.

10 mm

9:45 ap

10 mm

hickenlooper loop trail

So ski season is winding down, I've skied more this winter than the past 4 previous winters. So now I'm sad its over. Also, I've put off a surgery I was scheduled for in February but begged the doc to put it off till then end of ski. So after I get back from spring break with my kids next week, I get to go under the knife again, and hope that yet again, I will recuperate 100%. I haven't been super excited to get really in shape right before this operation. I won't be running, lifting or doing sit ups for 4-5 weeks. The closing day at Sundance is april 7 but since I won't be there, my friends are having a special closing party for me up on Bearclaw. I will miss my ski pals. Skiing has been easier to figure out the hypoglycemia . Running is still tricky. I had to do a bunch of glucose tests to even determine if it is safe to operate. Sigh.

On an unrelated note, tonight when I was running, a carload of teenaged boys pulled along side of me with the windows down playing 'eye of the tiger" really loud. They made me laugh, so I gave the, the thumbs up. Love it, so funny.

I am running easy miles with super intervals each .3. I'm trying to maintain my knees which took a little beating this winter. Plus my whole strength training routine. I've actually been feeling really good. My runs in Oregon (which I have yet to record) were exhilarating. I ran 6'and 4 milers the whole week allowing myself longer miles because of the padded trails and sand. I am so very excited now June and July!!! My husband has consulting work in Chile. Naturally the people bringing him down want to make his wife happy, so they are putting me and my kids up at Portillo Ski Resort. It's long been a dream of mine to ski the Tres Valles (iI'll get there too) but Portillo is fancier so they think Ill like it better. I really don't care, I'm just so excited to finally get a ski vacay in Chile!!!!! And this whole thing is on the house. Man I'm glad I stayed married. This trip will ALMOST have made being married to a Chilean for 22 years worth it. Oh come on, JK.

I am excited for Rad, Smooth, and Michelle. I keep thinking of them and remembering my own Boston Marathon experience. Mostly I miss my BOS friends who made the experience top notch for me. It was a race I can always be proud of, though I could have cut off as many as 5 minutes for having stopped to pose for a photo with a friend and her husband on the BPD who had some PD friends hold up a race sign outside of Wellesley where she works as a professor. Also, I went way conservative on the hills 11 m/m with the hope of finishing strong--which I . Miles 23-24 were a great triumph for me (getting into town and around Boston college) I really turned on the heat and still had some in the tank. What I remember as I got closer to the finish, how people completely inconvenienced by the marathon looked as they tried to board the trains. They looked disgusted and peeved. I remember thinking, it's just another day in the life of Bostonians, meanwhile I'm doing the coolest thing I've ever done in this moment. I also considered what it might be like to grab a beer at mile 24 offered by one of the BC students. Really?? It was a funny gesture. But, what great memories and a respectable finishing time.

Finding more energy without the ski. Though, I'm considering a trip to Sun Valley or Jackson for a last hurrah. Got to guard my knees though, they get stiff now after 6+. Following Rachel and Michelle. Michelle's done by now I'll bet, Rachel, a few more minutes. I hope they had good race days, remember last year and that crazy heat wave? So anticlimactic to run through the Provo slushy spring snow thinking about Boston and how far I've fallen from grace.

Can you even what happened in Boston yesterday?  Michelle, Cath, Smooth, Rachel and their travel companions all safe.  So grateful no one of our 'Utah' running family were hurt.  Cath's story is in the Daily Herald:  http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/provo-runner-it-was-panic-people-were-running-everywhere/article_13439e6c-1408-5ad4-bde2-6757c3b9611d.html 

The atrocity, and carnage of those that were in the explosion has been hard to comprehend.  I spent the day, well into the night trying to let the horror sink in.  I could not believe the level of violence against innocent spectators, children.   It's really hard to process that information.  It seems surreal.   The medical personnel who came prepared to take care of fatigue and dehydration were amazing and  heroic. The whole Boston community, PD, the volunteers, even some of the runners-- heroic in their calm in the face of utter chaos.   I could not stop looking at the photos and praying.  Who could do such a thing?  Think if all 4 bombs would have gone off instead of 2?  To introduce fear at a marathon finish line feels like sacralige  As if someone walked into "our church" and opened fire on our congregation and family.   Running is its own kind of religion and our fellow devotees, family.  Such a violation of trust.  Such a sad day.  Boston Marathon, tainted and forever changed.   

.2's sprints on every  mile, plus .2 cool down

8 m.m. /.2 sprints on the mile and half mile--so it was a good run.  Last one I'll have for a while.  I didn't even bother with the sit ups, except the planks because I won't be able to do any core work for like 3 weeks.  I have my little procedure tomorrow and I'm thinking of writing on my stomach in Sharpie pen:  While you're in there, could you give me a tummy tuck? hahaha.  

If you haven't seen Stephen Colbert's tribute to the Boston spirit in his Colbert Report opening from today, you should.  In the meantime, enjoy:

I have dreamed about running 3nights in a row. I don't even consider myself a runner anymore because I only do it for excersize now. But I dreamed about running with Josse. I dreamed about running South Fork and I dreamed about running hill repeats up the North Temple Side. I got the go ahead for the elliptical yesterday, so here I go. My recovery has been gross: twisting, sitting up, reaching for things pulls at the stitches and gives me the sick feeling I am tearing my own flesh. In the night my abs spasm where they sewed me up. It wakes me up, but it's getting better. The morphine and Lortab took 4 days to get out of my system. I appreciate the pain relief, but can not understand why anyone would take that stuff recreationally . It made me feel a prisoner in my own body instead of the driver. I am glad I made the decision not to also have my gall bladder removed. It was the right decision. The trouble is and has always been my liver, it just doesn't store sugar right. Anyway, here's to the elliptical. I was wise to buy one when I wrecked my hamstring up so badly in 2011. It's come in very handy. I have all restrictions removed in 5 weeks, but will work light running back in around the 3 week mark. As I have lay in bed, I have been mulling over in my mind the reality those who lost limbs last week are facing right now. I can't imagine waking up with no foot, leg, or legs. Not to to mention the folks in Texas and the explosion. What a terrible week. 45 min elliptical / resistance 8

Did 60 min @ 6 and 6. I had a hilarious moment on the workout mat as I attempted to position myself to figure out if I could do any form of sit up, plank, or push up. Which basically amounted to my rolling around on the ground wincing in a variety of awkward positions, while the dogs looked at me with blank stares. Also, no squats, hamstring rolls or weights. It's ok, I'm excited for the journey of getting back to where I was last fall (40+mile weeks, running with Rach and Smooth' and Cath) i'll get there by mid summer. My goal is to run "the other half" half marathon in Moab in October. See how that goes. If it goes well, I may sign up for Utah valley marathon 2014 and show that thing whose boss (since that was the beginning of the end for me in 2011). We'll see. But I'm feeling optimistic about my guts not spilling out and what I've learned about hypoglycemia and liver dysfunction (et. Al.). Anything is possible (in my mind). Patience, patience, patience.

Took my girlies out for a walk on the river trail, the day was deliciously sunny. I walked really fast and then jiggidy-jogged off and on. When I didn't feel any pain or bouncing, I just kept at it. I hope pain would indicate I'm doing something wrong and I'm not just wrecking stuff inside without feeling anything. On the trail today was a group of about 50 runners, they had "A 2 A" on their shirts. We ran a little ways with a small slower trio and asked what the logo was about and they said the running club is called Addict 2 Athlete and their motto is "erase and replace". I was impressed. I told each of them how amazing I thought they were and told them to keep it up (both the running and the sobriety). I thought replacing bad addictions for running was a terrific use of compulsive and addictive behavior. All runners fear the day they can't run, for fear of what compulsive behavior will replace the running? I read a funny article on the Onion a few weeks ago, the headline was "wife of Kobe Bryant really excited to spend 24/7 with her hubby for the next 9 months while he can't play ball". This was after Kobe broke his Achilles or whatever. I've been lucky to not have torn my hamstring or damaged it any worse than I did. I can still run moderate distances and enjoy a smaller version of what I always loved about running: being outside, sweating, and clearing my head. When we finished our course, my daughter said "when the doctor said you could work up to light running, I don't think he meant almost 5 miles next Saturday. I think he thinks 'light running' means a mile or two." Who knows what is considered light running. When he gave me the go-ahead for the elliptical, halfway through my first work out, I pondered if the envisioned me doing like an hour an high resistance. I sweat so good my huge bandages had sweated right off my skin. Not sure if he would've approved or not. But it didn't feel bad.

Log entry, Day 11:  At first it hurt when I tensed up my stomach muscles and they'd spasm at night if I stretched or flexed my feet.  Now it hurts if I relax them and let my belly hang heavy.  So at least I can start sucking in my gut again. I used to think my sit up routine didn't really did any (cosmetic) good; but after nearly 2 weeks without them, I can say with confidence that they make a difference. At first I just looked like I was 5 months pregnant, but as the swelling subsides I just look like I have a round little pot belly.  

I'm getting more healed every day AND Sego lilys were blooming everywhere in the foothills! The morning was calm, I could see clearly now the rain is gone.....all the way across Utah Valley and the stillness of the Utah Lake.  I walk/hiked really fast uphill taking the South side Bonneville Shoreline trail above Provo Canyon. The whole time I was thinking of the guy they arrested up there yesterday near squaw peak (naked and in the middle of a psychotic episode).  So glad I was not the one to discover him.  But today, even the creeping fear of sometimes of quasi-city perimeter wilderness (where the homeless sometimes camp) couldn't ruin my morning.  I have perfected the art of 'starting again' from ground zero (fitness wise).  I am no longer afraid of injury, or lost momentum, or the nagging thought that my hamstring might snap.  I know what to do in the face of minor adversity.  I have practice!   I am now the queen of moderation and patience (hear that marathon gods, I'mma comin').

Spent 60 minutes cranking 9 on the elliptical. It's a great work out. I've been watching all these old movies from the 60's and realized what is wrong with every American man between the ages of 60-80. All these movies glorify the rebellious, free spirit, rule breaking Maverick and the perils and stupidity of being subject to authority, rules and fear. Slow Hand Luke, Vanishing Point, Dr. strange love. It explains so much about my father I never understood. Especially vanishing point. It basically spells out how he'd rather die than slow down or keep the rules. Which is exactly how my Dad died--doing his own thing at 100 mph right into a wall. Lots of time spent on the treadmill, elliptical and in bed has allowed me time to catch up on my old movie fetish. I've come to realize how powerful the media has been over time in shaping the American conscious and attitude since who know how long. It shaped it, more than it was a reflection of it I think. Anyway, enough about running...... After working out, my sweat cooled as I ran around putting everyone to bed and doing the dishes. I got a chill from being wet and suddenly craved sitting in the warm tub more than I could possibly explain (it is my all time favorite activity while I own a body on this earth ). But I was prohibited from soaking for 3 weeks. Thats the longest Ive been without a bath in 7 years. I take one at least every day. So I taped up my sutures with really good waterproof tagaderm bandages and sat carefully into the water. The bandages worked, and I sat back and disappeared into its warmth. It felt so good and made me so happy, involuntary tears of gratitude filled my eyes. NOTHING in this word feels better than deep, warm, still water to sink your tired, chilled body into.

I have a new international college basketball athlete boy living at home for 4-5 months. Cramps my style a little to use my work out room knowing I can't take off my shirt or fart too loud (TMI? Sorry, no one's reading my blog anyway). But he is tall to reach tall cupboards and can carry in all my groceries from Costco.  Plus he also plays forward and golee and will run drills with my girl before her Varsity soccer try outs, and BB drills w/ my son before Freshman BB try outs this summer.

On today's Elliptical Classic Film menu was a revisiting of The Deer Hunter; Sad and depressing as always. Interesting side note: Though I don't prefer blond men (they age badly and generally have bad skin unless tan), but Christopher Walkin is pretty good-looking before all the 'nam horror of the film begins. I forgot about that. Plus he won my heart in the 90's doing the best version of SNL's "The Continental".  I always will love Robert DeNiro, though I can't forgive him for Meet the Fockers, etAl.

 For future reference, this is how I convert to miles when I elliptical:  stride length is approximately 28 ¼ inches (2.356 feet). Therefore, it will take approximately 2241 strides to equal 1 mile. To convert the number of stride to miles, take the number of strides on the display and divide by 2241.

I worked out so hard and fast it made me dry heave. The good news is I can sneeze and cough without pain now. By next week I should be pretty much back to normal. It will be nice to run, the elliptical is killing me. If you work it right, it is HARD work.

I ended up going walk-jogging twice today. I wish I had time to do this everyday. It sounds insane to do two work outs a day, but it is so much more palatable to do two shorter work outs in the am and the pm than one big one. Got a big weekend coming lots of soccer and basketball coming my way. I'm gonna see Cath and her girls on Sunday! So excited to see my girlie . I haven't seen her since she kicked out 50 k on her birthday and I got to drag her down for about 12 k of it. I have missed running with her. We postulated that we have approximately 500 hours of talking to catch up (since that's roughly the number of hours we would have spent running together these past 2 years. We used to run for 4 hours on a Saturday, and then stand outside the house talking for another 20 minutes. Man I miss Road therapy, and I miss my running friends.

Ran the 4.5 temple loop slowly and carefully. My intestines feel firmly stitched back into my abdomen. though I can feel they have been reassigned a new location. That was a strange feeling. I pulled out the 100% dead Garmin and charged it to 23% it died at 3.1 miles reporting an AP of 10:18 which was faster than I thought I was going. I finished that up with relative ease and then walk jogged the dogs around the cemetery. My knees ached later in the day with the all-at-once miles and the rain.

Did a treadmill run. Skipped yesterday had a migraine so bad I could not see and it lasted until this morning. Thankfully I only get about 1-2 a year. And normally they only last a few hours. Felt like I was having a stroke. I felt good today, little sore around my belly button. I can't wait to get back to sit ups and push ups. Not quite there yet.

So excited to report splits! 9:47/10:34/10:05/10:53/11:12/10:15.

Progress! Betcha can't guess where the hills Were. So glad the sun decided to return! Glorious day, in spite of it not being Friday.

I did 4 10 m/m and 2 12 m/m while finishing Full Metal Jacket.  This was my 4th movie about the Vietnam War in the past 2 week. I think I'm done for now.  But Full Metal Jacket was important because after watching it in 1987, 3 of my best friends in San Diego joined the Marines. 

I didn't mean to run this far today, and certainly I wasn't feeling it (10:37 ap)  but I really, really wanted to go to the water fountain and be in the canyon.  It feels like summer already.  En route I found a bumper to either a ford Taurus or a Mercury Sable.  Those bumpers in good condition (depending on the year) can run $300 at a wrecking yard (because those cars are so common in Utah and the first thing to go is the bumper/headlight or a quarter panel).  I don't know how it got dis-attached or thrown into the field.  But my guess is it was stolen off someone's car and then abandoned.  It was a whole bumper in very good condition.  I was tempted to go back and get it myself.

10:14 ap I really should not have run so far yesterday, so I cut the miles down.  I was ramping up too fast.  I need a couple of weeks of 3-6's and then build from there.I ached a little, and was really tired the rest of the day.  Also my newly healing stitches had weird striation pain when I laid down at night.  Sebastian, one of my Chilean (basketball) sons just graduated from the University of Nebraska (on a scholarship my husband secured for him).  He made a side trip to Utah on his way from Nebraska to CA so I could meet his his girlfriend Leona ( who he will probably marry this year). I was so touched he brought her to meet me and wanted my approval.  He calls me Mama. He's been a good boy. He helped me a lot the summer he lived with us.  He never fails to remember me on mother's day and my birthday. Sebastian and Leona are absolutely the two most smokin' hot people I have ever seen together. They are going to make amazing children together.  He is 6' 3 and has the muscles of a moderately seasoned body builder.  Though his build is not ideal for basketball, he's got an 8 pack, biceps, and good calves.  He is perfectly proportioned and beautifully shaped. I notice these things because my father (a body builder himself) won many titles as he did the whole circuit from Mr. San Diego right on up to Mr. America in 1975-1977. So I spent a good deal of girlhood subjectively judging men's bodies; For better or worse that's the way it is. Sebastian's girl Leona is 6 feet tall.  Her mother is from Mexico, her Dad is black.  She lives in a part of Southern California that I am very familiar with (Imperial Valley, Brawley, Blythe). She is as willowy thin, but athletic and strong.  Her face is beautifully shaped and she has amazing hair and skin.  The best part is she is as sweet and Christian as she is good lookin.  They don't drink or smoke, and have for the most part kept each other out of trouble.  She finished up this year at Nebraska as well (volleyball scholarship). I am so proud of Sebastian.  Though Leona asked me if I was "going for a jog" when she saw me dressed for running.  Somehow the word "jog" cut me to the core.  I guess I'm a jogger now.

I had to get to work fast.  I plan to work out again this evening and add at least another 3 and try to do some push ups--see how that feels.  I'm coming up on 4 weeks post op!

I ran up the Goliath hill, around the Provo temple and back. It was basically the same 10k route of the Pioneer Day race. my legs Actually got and now they are sore. That hasn't happened in a whole. I won 2nd place in my AD that year averaging 8:13 m/m. Today, I averaged 11 m/m up those hills :(. It's only been 5 years! Wow, a lot has happened in 5 years. It's been a tough road.

9:44/9:49/10:08/10:12/10:01/10:19/8:38.

I'm actually pretty proud of these splits. They include some pretty significant uphill. Yesterday's run was terrible. In spite of eating well(so I thought) I was terribly hypoglycemic afterwards, took my blood sugar and it was 54, which is pretty bad. Today, after running even, it's 82-- which for me is a great number. I have tried everything, but plain old oatmeal raises and sustains my blood sugar more than barley, rice, wheat bread or cereal. I never really loved oatmeal, but it's getting to be like medicine, so I take it.

I just wanted to run forever today, it rained and rained...I'm a fan. Then the sun came out and the trail was fresh. The green! Everything so green. I felt bad for the Ogden Marathoners though. I've run 2 marathons in the pouring rain. It wasn't as fun as a fun run on a Saturday morning. However, I came home thrashed and had to a walk up the hills to get home.

Almost the last week of school, and I am counting down the hours. If I can get my kid to become a competent driver, my entire life will change for the better.

I'm just doing what I can this week. I have been out the door by 6 am and not home again until after 8 or 9 pm.

Had plans to go to San Diego this weekend for Memorial Day until I realized the kids have 3 days of school left after the Memorial Day weekend. I need to take a few extra days down there foe business, so it will have to wait until next weekend. The weather for running has been spectacular. Though I'm not running big miles, it's been delightfully cool. The world is green everything (save my roses) has bloomed. But the best flowers are yet to show. I love my roses and wait in eager anticipation for their arrival.

10:19/9:53/10:20/10:33/10:28/9:08/9:48/10:09/10:37/10:53. aP 10:12

Today's run was brought to you by: snakes, the triceps of male cyclists and Yasso Frozen Greek yougurt.

AP 10:17.  I ran 'fast' twice every other 1/8th mile.  It wasn't very effective in terms of the AP.  But I have to get back to sprinting a few times a  run each week. I just want to get back to easy 9:30s! I ran down a hill last week where I ran a 7:11 mile in 2010 during my Boston Marathon training.  I can't believe I'm struggling for 9:00's now. I try to focus on the fact that it is so great to be outside and in the canyon these mid -spring days. I'm finding some joy in Spring now that we are rounding the corner to summer.  Spring can be such a frenimy.  Sweet and perfect one second, stabbing you in the back the next.  It's not my favorite. But my garden is growing the roses soon to bloom. Every once and a while I get a whiff of sweet flowers in the air.  I love that. 

Just a quick, short fast jog and down Timpview Drive.  I've decided that distance running (particularly keeping a marathon traning schedule) and raising teenagers is incompatible. You need to sleep in order to run properly; and if you have teenagers approaching summertime, you better not sleep too deeply, lest you (and they) miss midnight curfew or you don't hear the click of the door closing behind them late into the night after you already said they could NOT go to someone's midnight sweet sixteen birthday bash.  I have not had a good night's sleep in 2 weeks and I am terrified of whats in store for the summer--particularly for my son.  This is the summer I have two full blown teenagers whose instincts are driving them to hunt and gather, take risks, find mates, and stay up till the break of dawn.  It is happening.  Both have committed to cross country training at 7 a.m. My son has lots of good friends running so I am keeping my fingers crossed he develops the discipline to sleep early and get up to run.  The testosterone has hit and he's developing his broad shoulders and lean muscles.  I'm sure the next two summers are going to keep me awake. Praying and praying for wholesome, physical sporting activities to monopolize most of his time and energy. Heaven help me.

Today the running gods wanted me to run without my Garmin. It was 0% charged and dead as a piece of plastic--which was good news in a way.  I needed time away from it.  I am sick of my abysmal splits/AP and the feeling I will trip or fall down if I run any faster than a 9:00 m/m (look out Granny's a comin'). Monday's run (although getting my distance back), the run was just depressingly hard. I was beat, maybe from running 10 on Saturday (before I'm properly conditioned). But today, I did what I call my "favorite loop" without my Garmin;  and I FELT GREAT.  I never needed to slow down, catch my breath or walk.  My legs felt strong, nothing hurt and my blood sugar was still 72 when I returned.  The cool rainy days have allowed me to run in the mid morning.  I have loved the lusciousness of this rain.  Yesterday was delicious.

Ran my favorite loop but cut off the first uphill .3 on Timpview and did two times around Vintage park. i walked up the lovers lane hill and still managed an Ap 10:08. Chilly this afternoon!

 10:31 AP I went up to run with Smooth and her neighborhood runner friends. They each remembered me from runs we'd done in 2011. One in which I got a speeding ticket in the middle of Nowhere West Lehi at 5:15 am driving over to meet them at the trailhead and the other when I almost keeled over of hypoglycemia in the savory wooded region of the Rose Park area on the northernmost end of the JPR. Fun times. Smooth and I were only going to run 10, but the morning trail was cool, the mountains beautiful, the conversation uplifting, and the company excellent. For the first time in a long time, I remembered what a training run with buddies feels like. It was euphoric. I finally am fit to run with company but now my favorite running pal is now going to be gone for 3 years. She is going to be an amazing mission President Mom. I have desperately needed a shot of Susanna and will forever be grateful she, Larry and Eric were safe in Boston. Some people are energy vampires they suck you dry and leave you exhausted. Some people are flowing fountains of love and light. She is the latter. She gives me good energy, makes me cry and softens my heart every time we run together. I always come away wanting to be a better person. There is no one stronger, more inspired, more filled with positive energy and faith than our girl Smooth. Now we have to share her with Australia. Next week is UVM and so I'll come to the course around mile 21 or 22 and head down to the finish. Maybe I'll find some buddies to cheer for or even pace to the end. Hopefully Smooth can come. If she can Ill have someone drop me off at the 13/half point and run the finish. Larry "gave permission" for smooth to run the half marathon (and we just laughed knowing theres no way she can only run the half. Whats the difference between 13 and 26 anyway, haha). I am looking forward to hearing all Susanna's mission president stories in 3 years time. Excited for UVM. If things keep going well this summer, I am going to run it next year.

10:17 AP/ Ran the temple and golden mile loop after eating two pieces of pizza and some ice cream.  It was a bad mistake.  But the sunset over the city from the top of Rock Canyon Bowl was worth it.

Met up with Rachel, Karen, Becca, and Smooth  at the JPR. Those girls were so nice to wait for me, I broke the cardinal rule of running--I was LATE. We ran and chatted and walked, and chatted some more.  Afterwards I made plans to meet / cheer everyone from mile 20 at UVM on Sat. and then run the last 10K w/ Smooth.  I gave Karen my number so I can join them on the Murdoch trail for some of their long runs.  It will be nice to hang with runners closer to my own age since Cath, Rach and Josse are at the height of their speediness. I had to work directly after and so I did the grossest things I have done yet in the name of running. I washed the sweat off my skin & face with some 'wet one' from the car as I was filling the tank at a gas station, I threw on a button down shirt-dress over my sweaty everything, jimmied out of my running stuff under the dress, put on  perfume and went to sell cars at the auction.  I felt really bad about it until I arrived at the auction and remembered that 73% of used car dealers arrive wearing acid wash jean shorts, socks with sandals and have questionable hygiene to begin with. As I arrived, a gentleman with a white 5 inch long handlebar mustache (waxed into a fine points) opened the door for me. Ahhh, car dealers.

Can't wait till Saturday! 

10:17/9:42/9:28/9:49/10:00/9:59/9:56

I couldn't run till the afternoon, and it felt hard. These times reflect walking up hills. But the fact it sub 10 mm suprized me. It really felt tough though. When I stopped running and stepped inside ! the sweat accumulated amd dripped all over. . I'm tired now.

I had to walk a couple of times today--really horrible run (AP 11:00).  I forgot to eat what I was supposed to before heading out the door.  I spent most of the run hoping stay conscious or throw up.  It sounds so easy to remember "to eat".  But it has to be the right food.  I had an orange and some milk.  I just forgot the oatmeal.

I had Diego drop me at the mouth of the canyon and I ran towards the mile 20 marker, at mile 19 Rachel ran by ( she was pacing the 4:00 hour group). She said Smooth was back there, so I ran up toward mile 18 cheering and clapping for runners as I went. I turned back toward mile 19 afraid since I'd told Smooth I'd be at 20. She could see me from way off and raised both her hands up and yelled my name. I was so happy. She looked strong. I'm sure the runners were getting hot, but I thought the day was gorgeous. Green canyon walls, blue skies. I promise I did not feel event millisecond of discomfort. Smooth got a little quiet around mile 24-24. She was afraid she was cramping up. So we sang "called to serve him" as we passed th temporary missionary housing and talked about her mission and son coming home. She should be greeting her son right this minute (2 years!). Today was her 47th marathon and last before Auatralia. As we came into downtown Provo, I started to get verklempt. I knew Smooth was exhausted, but I was sad the marathon end was coming so soon. As we approached the last .10, we saw Ericka sitting on the side with her camera. we said hi and then Smooth said 'lets sprint!" So we ran past this old guy making it into the finishers chute cause she wanted a picture with me crossing the finish. So basically we elbowed that old guy out of the way so he wouldn't block our photo op. Just kidding, everyone was clapping after we started sprinting. He got his own shot behind us. We saw. Rebecca who'd finished up with 3:16! Smooth, of course knew everyone and said hello. We waved at Rachel dipping her legs in the ice jacuzzi . Larry was kind enough to take me with them to lunch. We at where Smooth's so. Had lived at BYU called the village and we ate at the Aweful Waffle. It was delicious. I was so happy for Smooth getting to see her son today. She's off on a new adventure now. I am so glad I recovered enough and in time to do a few runs with her. I got to run past the spots on the UVM course that defeated me in 2011 and it felt great. I am totally going to do UVM next year.

I've been working since Sunday at 3:00 p.m. so like 56 hours of never sitting down.  First I had hours long meetings with business partners who flew in for our golf tournament. Then the CEO of my organization got into a car accident right before the tournament at 7 a.m.   It was left to me to direct the entire affair all day long; Which most especially included playing hostess to the most competitive personalities in all Utah: Kyle Whittingham, Ron McBride, Bronco Mendenhall and LaVell Edwards.  Our MC, Hans Olsen (an ex BYU football player, who is now an ESPN 700 radio announcer working mostly with the U) was the MC and he saved my bacon.  I generally don't love blond, football types. But he is now my new work boyfriend.  Mostly I had to direct the luncheon and keep my Vicodin addled coworker (who is supposed to be running the tournament) out of trouble and away from the players and "celebrity" players.   I wish I was in charge, he'd have been in rehab this year.  Tournament was a stressful, sad day for me to do it alone.  Today was my kids 14th birthday, and I started to get out the door this morning and remembered he has cross country at 7 a.m. so I turned around to decorate the hallway and kitchen with birthday notes and try to make it look like I didn’t forget it was his birthday by breakfast.  

I swam about a mile at Deer Creek this afternoon.  I cooked a bbq dinner and took a paddle board, a kayak and the kids up around 4.  While they played, I swam along the buoys that ran parallel to the shore.  It was very very hard.  It was windy and the waves slap you in the face when you're trying to breath and the water was cold so I had to keep moving.  I had to stop and rest at every buoy.  I'm a good swimmer, but not a fluid one.  And swimming against the wind is hard.  I knew someone that did a 2 mile swim in the ocean; I still can't imagine doing that without fins.  In La Jolla they have markers for swimming 1/4, 1/2, and 1 mile swim straight out.  I have a panic attack every time I try to go beyond the half mile marker.  Besides which, I've been invited to do it at night to see the phosphorescent kept and instead of marveling at the beauty of the phenomena, I was panic stricken that I would be bitten by a shark.  So Deer Creek doesn’t have sharks, but they do have some wicked wind that picks up the waves.  Not sure when I’ll be trying that again.  I think I’ll stick to paddleboarding.

I spent 13 minutes running the first mile straight uphill.  It's first like a 7% incline and then about .25 miles of 30%  so walking up is very similar to running up.  Did the run at 11 a.m. which seems like it should be bad at 84 degrees, but there was a good cooling breeze so I didn't feel at all bad.  While I was just finishing up, I hear a cat call whistle coming from a car and look over to see Cath and her girls riding up from behind.  She's been running at 6 a.m.  but ever since my kids have been in high school now, they are up and need my help between 6-7:00 a.m.  Soccer, cross country, driver's ed camp prep ,etc etc.  They put everything between 6-8 a.m. with the idea that the rest of the day is packed, but turns out it's just everyone trying to get their stuff done before it gets really hot.  So running early has gotten harder and harder this year. I guess pretty soon, once they are leaving for college no one will ever need me for anything except money so I'd just better suck it up for a while. 

We went to Smooth's farewell on Sunday, All Smooth and Larry's children came from all over the country to be home. We are al going to miss our girl too much. Today I ran past Sasha. I forget we all live on this side of town now.

11:06/10:03/10:31/10:24/10:17/10:52/10:02

Ran to the water fountain at dusk. It was delicious.

temple loop-rock canyon bowl x 2

I dragged on this run.  I mean, dragged a dead horse. AP 11:10 

1) because I ran a long run less than 12 hours ago 2) it was 90 degrees by the time I got out 3) I have had the stomach flu and a migrane all night 4)  I spent an hour trying to get my blood sugar above 58 and finally just ran anyway.  It made for a horrible run.

I rocked this run, compared to yesterdays abysmal dragging a dead horse day.

Today's AP is 10:03 and that includes my uphill miles.  Mile 6 was flat and so I tried to run a 9:00  mile and ended up dry heaving for like a half a mile after (can you believe that?  over a 9 minute mile?? I can't, I'm disgusted).

 But overall, I kicked out a bunch of 9:30' and 10:00s (I'm at work now and don't have my splits.  I may add them in later).  That's better than the 11:00's of winter.

 This run felt good in spite of the fact I overestimated my distance up the canyon and had to run 8 instead of 7.  Today success is owed to the following factors: 

1) it was 65 degrees outside 2) I feel mostly recovered and only a little sick/nauseated but no migrane 3) The 20 kneeling squats I do a day are starting to strengthen my glues/hams.  I only half fell like I'll fall down if I try a sprint.

It was nice and cool this morning but because it was late ish (9:15) when I left, I decided to go up to Vivian from the mouth of the canyon. All the runners coming down bid me hello. I must have looked like a real runner to them. Wishful thinking I guess. Anyway, the run up to Vivian's went by incredibly fast. it was just so pretty on the trail and I was really enjoying myself. my hips got a little achy by the time I turned around. I don't have an AP cause my Garmin beeped its last breath this morning. But my guess is 10:30's.

This is the closest I've come to a 40 mile week in a few years. I decided to take off Friday, but if I hadn't I would have hit it. I need to do a few of these weeks and see if my body can tolerate the beating. My blood sugar was wacky for a while after, but it could have also been dehydration, or the sick idea bite I have in my leg. Otherwise, I went about my Sat. Business per usual and without major fatigue. So, pretty good!

Ran evening, it is so hot I think I'm dying. This rash has driven me mad. And the Meds are killing me. But the evening was lovely in spite of the intense heat.

Got up with the kids to do the Freedom Festival 5k. I was so excited we were "running as a family!" Until my daughter said "um, you don't expect me to run with you, right?" Then she finished in 21 minutes . Brat, but good for her. She runs so hard in soccer, she probably does a 5 por 10 k every game and she is FAST on the field. She said the 5k was only a moderate effort and felt easy compared to soccer. So that,axe me proud. My son on the other hand who comes home from XC to report his mileage like he's all that, ran the first mile with his sis and lost steam/confidence completely and finished 4 minutes after me. He started in on all the reasons he held back, lost steam, had a bad race. And hoping to teach him something about reality I said "son, there is ALWAYS a million reasons why we don't do our best and they don't even deserve mentioning them if you think they are excuses. In running, you either do or you do not finish with a respectable time. If you didn't try your hardest, no one's interested in why not. We want to hear what went right". He was quiet but I'm not sure if he was taking in a dose of running math reality, or if he was mad. In all fairness, this was his first attempt at 'racing' so I pointed out that starting out too fast before you can find a suitable sustainable pace is just as bad as just taking it easy and running slowly (time wise). I don't know what he'll take a way fom that. Fourteen year old boys, at least mine, seem delusional about their abilities. It's a cross between helping the, see reality so they can improve their performance, and allowing them to build a little confidence without self deceit. Not sure I'm the one to teach him those lessons though. Mom's "don't understand" .

Probably not such a great idea to run a half marathon the first Sat. after not running for 2 weeks. I ran extra miles on Thursday after the Freedom Festival and could feel it yesterday. On my last trail run, I got horrible poison ivy, probably using the bushes somewhere (tmi). Because of my immune system idiocy, the rash became pervasive and they had to put me on prednisone and augmentin. So I have been a dragging, swollen, bag of hives and blisters driven to the brink if itchy madness. The rash, is gorgeous, as far as rashes go. So there's that. But anyway, we wanted to run with Josse and Michelle, Rachel, etc. for some impromptu RHPC love for Josse and because Michelle's here from Hong Kong. I saw Michelle Thursday doing the Freedom 10k and cheered for her as she speeded past me going up 9th east going on to become the first woman finisher (way ahead). Anywho, I made the mistake of bringing my sweet old dog Sara today, who's 9 now and losing her hips. I did it to ensure that I would only run 6 or 8 miles. But Rach kept me company and before I knew it we'd already gone 5. So I let her go ahead, I finished the 6.6 is and waited so we could finish the canyon, I was actually feeling great, but my dog, not so much. Poor old girl. We actually had to wait on her a few times. She's no good for more than 6. The girls brought breakfast fruit and water (I got locked out of my house at 6am leaving my cut, chilled watermelon on the kitchen counter). It was good to see Josse and Mac and Michelle even briefly, but I really need to get with it and call Karen (Smooth's friend/neighbor). Running with the guys my own age was a revelation when I ran 13 or 14 with their group a few weeks ago. I'm ok with slowing down if I can keep some good company. Anyway, Josse's having it tough, more tough than anything I am fit to bear and so we wanted to show her our love and support today. I'm glad I went, though my dog and I will be a little sore today. If my rash and the fever would just subside ill start some regular mileage this week. The cooler weather and the rain were literal heaven to my skin. Sending my love and gratitude to the universe and saying a prayer for Josse, Jade and Karin and their family.

9:44/9:42/9:50/10:01/11:16/11:45/11:30/9:25/10:10/10:02/9:47/10:30/10:09

I waited until 9 pm to run. It was so dry and hot, and the air quality so bad. A runner went by in the afternoon breathing through a handkerchief and when he saw me watering the roses, he jogged up and asked me to spray him down. Why was he jogging at 101 degrees? And he was an older guy too with a UVM shirt, he should have known better. By 9 it was windy, blowing around the settled smoke and smog. It was perfect. I felt amazing. I clipped along at a good ap(9:50) it got cooler and cooler as I went. I ended up at Rock Canyon park running the path and getting hit by sprinklers. I felt like a kid, running in the dark soaking wet. It was delicious. Then the breeze cooled me down even more. It wasn't a pretty night out, but I definitely go the best of it. Furthermore, it was strange, there was hardly anyone out and about. I had the streets and the park to myself.

9:25/10:33/10:46/9:47/9:22/10:19. Ap 10

It's a bad idea to run after eating about a pound of Carmel popcorn your neighbor friend made for you and brought over 5 minutes before you run. But whatever....

I have been loving to run at night. It's cool and I feel free that all my duties are behind me. Also. The sprinklers go off at night and I find intense, almost perverse pleasure running into the sprinklers at full speed. So while the lovers are making out in the dark spaces of the park I am running along the path laughing by myself and soaking wet praying not to trip in the dark.

It was really rainy this morning so I put off running until noon.  It was still cool, and muggy when I left.  Humid running reminds me of running in DC, NYC, or Boston.  The rivulets of sweat coming off your arms and face is deeply satisfying.  Usually Utah is so dry the sweat leaves salt patches on your neck and arms.  Not today.  I ran a little over two miles up the canyon with a handsome young lawyer visiting from Syracuse NY.  I seem to know a lot of people from Syracuse these past few years.  We chatted about upstate NY, weather, people we might know in common from here and there. He's here doing something for BYU law school and knows a few friends of friends (Moms of his friends and other Lawyers I know)  I was 23 years old when he was born.  I can't believe that there is an entire lifetime between how old I am and those in their 20's.  

I have decided that 9-10 p.m. is my new best running time.  Giving my best energy in the morning to running is no longer wise considering my changing family structure/needs.  I've got to reserve a lot of mental energy for the hours of 4-9 p.m.  If I run in the morning, that energy runs very low during those hours. Since my teenagers have begun a lives of their own it seems more important than ever that I be able to stay alert when they are most likely to talk to me which is either breakfast or bedtime. Though they get up at 7 a.m. to do cross country, soccer,basketball--they seem to function on 6-7 hours of sleep then come back to nap.  I do not have the luxury of napping and can not function on anything less than 8 hours of sleep.  I only have 4 more years total of trying to be a mother. I am in the home stretch. So I think I'm going to make it a habit to run during the hour they are getting ready for bed.  Also, running before bed has felt good because all the stress and anxiety of the day is behind me and running feels more like a celebration than a duty.  I'm happy to report that my AP is back in the 9:40 range which feels like a relief (like maybe I'm not dying after all).  This week my praise and thanks goes to Augmentin and Prednisone.  Aside from the weight I've gained from being on steroids, I am so grateful to whoever determined that suppressing your immune system could stop skin infections/hives/poison ivy/shingles, and arthritis from torturing you unto death.  I have NEVER been more miserable than I was for those 3 weeks with those weeping disgusting rashy blisters and open wounds all over my legs and torso and forearms.  It looked like leprosy.  I am so very grateful not to itch.  Itching is the worst kind of hell and feels like being burned alive.   Anyway, nice day for a run today.  I've had a pretty good running week taking it easy and enjoying the sprinklers and rain.  

I tried to run at the rock canyon park aiming for another night time run in the the sprinklers, but it was just a hot, dry night with no sprinklers.

Did my favorite Ronald Pugh vintage park loop. Ap 9:38. I have a strange thing to report. Since the skin infection they gave me a two week dose of prednisone. Since being on the prednisone, I have felt stronger, been less tired, have run faster and felt better overall than I have since 2010. I have been to an internist and endocrinologist with no answers to. my situation. I don't even know what prednisone treats besides suppressing the immune system for rashes or kidney transplants. But I feel the best I have felt in a very, very long time and I know it's the prednisone. I'll go off it in 2 days and so I can see if it really makes a difference. It's not good to take prednisone long term, but its interesting that the problem could be adrenal rather than endocrine. It's not like I can take prednisone long term, but I can say that it has changed my life in 2 weeks..

I finally heard from my daughter in Japan. She arrived on Sunday and I know she has been in love since the moment she arrived. One of her first friends in the neighborhood was a Japanese exchange student named Elisa. Elisa lives in Tokyo and so met her old friends from our high school for their tour. They are having a wonderful tour. She'll be in Nagano by Friday to stay the weekend with a family and go to school.

As for today's run, I felt very strong. Prednisone has changed my life and now my dosage for the skin rash/infection is done. It will be interesting to see if I revert.

On another FRB note, met Michelle L and Marion to swim the Spanish For Reservoir while Michelle is visiting from Hong Kong. It was so fun to see them. I miss those fun times we used to have at Michell's house. I have to go to Hong Kong and Australia next year. I just have to visit Michelle and Susanna.

9:15/9:36/9:31/9:30/9:35/9:26/11:36

Last day of prednisone was Sat. I can feel the difference in my joints, they are a little achy. I got rid of like 3 pounds of retained fluid within 24 hours. I didn't complain about the water weight gain though because I felt miraculously healthy and strong (like going back in time 3 years). One of the side effects of prednisone is that it raises blood sugar --that could be another reason I felt so awesome on it.   It will be interesting to see if, after 2 weeks I can still maintain my normal 9:30 ap. I never thought I'd see the 9's again. But the prednisone brought me back. It's too bad steroid is not reasonable therapy until you have like, MS or something. I'd better be glad I don't have MS. I think it also gives you fatty liver--which I don't need.  My liver has glycogen storage disorder as it is.

Today marks the end of prednisone.

I had to drag myself through a 10:00 ap, I felt like I would die, I started to cry on the way home, I wanted to lay down on the side of the trail. All the exhaustion, muscle weakness , and low blood sugar has returned. I'd been averaging blood sugar into the 90's which before had only been possible by eating pure sugar. When I finished my run today, my blood was 64 in spite of the fact I had a reasonably sized bowl of raw muesli . I a, so sad and discouraged to know that there is something seriously wrong. I might actually risk liver disease if taking prednisone is my only option to feeling normal. I don't know what this means or what to do about it. I read an article yesterday about GDD (glycogen storage disorder) of the liver. The worst class (1a) is helped by drinking corn starch every 4 hours. The starch metabolizes as sugar at the perfect rate, but must be taken regularly. Though my life is not threatened like the children who have these serious liver disorders, it's worth a try.

In other news I ran into my handsome son running the canyon trail with the XC team this morning. I picked him out of the group immediately, though not the fastest, he is definitely strong. His shoulders are getting broad and his face so handsome. I'm really proud of him for getting up every day at 6:30 am during summer to run.

This was a trail run up in the American Fork canyon which ended at Silver Lake where we swam for more than 2 hours. It was the most breathtaking lake, surrounded by a granite quarry and mountains. The water was so clear and perfect we swam across the lake 3 times and jumped off a big boulder on the opposite side of the lake. It was a spectacular run up, but we walked back down the trail cause my hamstring doesn't work going downhill.

Yesterday I had a piece of cake and this morning I had some granola. I don't think I can digest sucrose anymore. It makes me sick. I left my regular muesli at my sister's house at Sundance, so I ate this stuff I bought at Costco a while back that has pumpkin seed and flax. But my body can't tolerate refined sugar very well. My run was so-so. Not as bad as Tuesday. At the mouth of the canyon as I was going up, some cute girl called my name and it took me a sec to recognize Sarah! I haven't seen fastrunningblog mommy for a very long time. She's cute as ever and says she's ready for baby #9. We ran a little over a mile to chat, but I had many more circles to run before heading home for the rigamarow of the day. 9:03/9:17/9:32/9:38/10:03/10:27/9:37/10:40

9:34/9:31/10:57/10:08/9:54/9:42/10:09/9:13/8:34/9:25/10:02/9:46

What a great day for a run. Overcast with occasional sprinkles. Going to spend the rest of my day at Sundance. Read a really interesting informative article by my friend Keena Hooker (Coach Keena) regarding adrenal fatigue, hormones and nutritional needs. Amazingly good information about the need for good fats and liver cleansing. She's on Facebook under Keena Hooker Schaerrer. I didn't realize adrenal fatigue was a thing or that training too hard makes progesterone lower but raises cortisol levels = weight gains despite calorie deficiencies. Good info.

I am the only person who probably gains weight on a 50 mile hiking trek. I did a 50 miler in the spectacular mountains northwest of Taos with some friends and gained 5 pounds. Even scared of being killed by bears at night did not deter my appitite for dehydrated foods. But I will not complain about my body. It has been a blessing. My dear friend from college who made 11 million dollars by the time we were 25, married a gorgeous girl 10 years younger than us about 7 years ago. He now wants children and she doesn't (even though that is ostensibly why he married a girl so much younger than himself). They have not been able to conceive and she doesn't want to undergo invitro treatments. He says she is surrounded by younger men, in this moment, willing to live a life without children should they separate. It may end their marriage. As challenging as life is for me, with my many emotional, intellectual and mental shortcomings, I will always be grateful I had children in spite of the fact my genetic material may not be worth replicating. I won't ever have to wonder what it would have been like to have a family and I will never have to find another suitable mate to give me children and help me raise them. Those things are behind me now, and I am grateful I took the risk and committed myself to the task. I am grateful for an easy going mate who was a better nurturer than I when our children were small, who gave me confidence that I could be a mother. So I won't complain about how easy it is for me to gain weight. My size, my health, my body was fertile and I could have had as many children as I wanted. That was a meaningful part of my life and I have my body to thank for it.

Ap 9:50. I felt pretty heavy today, but overall a pretty nice run. The morning temps have dropped by 10 degrees in the last two weeks, and the sun is later to rise. So I get lots of cool shade almost to the end. Saw Sarah as I was heading home. I'll have to catch up with them on the trail. It would be nice to have a bit of company. I ran through the north gate area and two Pomeranians came running out of their long driveway at me barking madly and showing their teeth. I tried to stomp them away but they were Undeterred. They were running toward me so my choices were to turn around and hope they wouldn't chase my ankles or, jump into the bed of a pick up truck that was parked in someone's driveway. I chose the latter. And while I stood there in the bed of a stranger's truck, parked on said stranger's property, I looked down at these two furry piranhas barking viciously up at me (I mean viciously). I was stumped as to my next move until a kind, handsome, young man in a suit stopped his Land Rover to come to my aid. I have never felt so ridiculous. He was from the neighborhood and knew the dogs. He called them by name and distracted them enough for me to get down and runaway, but even then, they started to take after me until he would call them. Who knew Pomeranians could be so heartiness. thank you to the young man who came to my rescue, whoever you are.

I got out late.  Didn't get to bed till 1 a.m. because my girl made varsity soccer (a year early!), and stayed out late partying with her new teammates.  It was a huge achievement.  The girls soccer program is insanely competitive. But she is a rock-solid defender, and a fast runner with amazing instincts.  So they made the right choice and I was glad for her.  I saw Sasha pushing the double stroller this morning.  I've never seen him push the stroller before. I have a special place in my heart for dad's and jogger strollers. I had double jogger-stroller from 1997-2005 to the point I had over 100 lbs of children and their feet were longer than could be supported by the foot rest.  My poor children. I dragged them out of bed early every single day (still wearing pajamas and wrapped in blankets) and let them finish sleeping (in the stroller) while I ran. I remember always thinking "as soon as I don't have to push this stroller, I am going to run so fast!"  and I did, for a few years after.  I used to get a lot of looks; particularly when my oldest looked like a caged giant in the seat. That was a great stroller, and for as streamlined and lightweight as it was--it had pretty good suspension.  I finally sold it in 2007 for nearly what I bought it for.  I kept that thing oiled, clean and in perfect shape.  It was my life-line to the outside world and practically kept me sane/alive.

Loop better than yesterday.

slow. 10:14 ap --going out a 9 a.m. didn't help, even if it is cooler than it was a month ago.

As a runner, I have two choices I have to make every morning:  One big boob with a line of cleavage up to the middle of my neck?  Or flatten both boobs by shoving them into my armpits.  I swear, I would have a voluntary mastectomy if I could. The 3 pounds I lose and gain every few days is right there.  WHY OH WHY would anyone want more BOOBS? They get in your way, they hurt, they make your shirts fit badly, they are not aerodynamic or shock resistant.  What would I give to walk into Walmart, or Target  or any other cheap-ish store and buy a bathing suit, or sports bra off the shelf for $12?  Instead of having to special order a 32 D from France or pay $75 to a catalogue.  I didn't complain when I was working up to having babies. But once I was done sustaining life, I was done with the boobs.  OVER IT.  I'm at peace with my post-marathon running weight (about 5 pounds more than usual).  I feel like the older I get, the better my face looks when I'm fatter. But it doesn't help the boob situation. 

I keep forgetting to blog my miles.  It's hard when my sister's visiting.  I watched my son run his first XC meet yesterday.  I had to drag him, and he wasn't that happy about it. But he ran a solid race, made a fine effort and looked strong when he finished.  I was so proud when I saw him pass the finish I thought my heart would burst.  I ran over to hug him and he said 1: I'm about to hurl (good boy) and 2:  I can't believe I didn't suck the worst!  

So rewarding to see him building well deserved self-confidence.  

For starters I have not kept up with my runnning blog since August so I'm adding a low ball average of 22+ miles a week (en masse). I am underestimating my miles, but se la vie.  I didn't keep them recorded, so they are lost. I never topped a 30 mile week. That's the best I can do.

Today is the pefect winter solstace.  I walked 3 miles with Cath, who is adorably 19 weeks preggers.  Then took to the trail and ran another 4 miles in 3 inches of fresh snow with my dogs.  You could not wipe the perma smile off my face.  SNOW!!!  The only trouble to running in the snow is that you have to do a flat foot for more traction, but if you do step on ice you are 100% committed to falling.  Thankfully no one slipped and fell but the dogs (who oviously run too fast).  But I can't afford even the tiniest injury to either knee or hamstring.

 This fall was very busy and gratifying watching my kids succeed in Soccer and cross country.  My girl plays defense and in the whole season, they were only scored against 4 times. She is fierce. They won every game (she played JV and Varsity when required).  My other kid hit a 20 minute 5K at region XC meet, which I was proud of particularly since he's a very laid back kind of person-- and has all but given up basketball.  My favorite moment of the last 3 months was taking my kids to San Diego for fall break. We rented a beach house and brought a few of the kids friends.  Every morning when I was coming back from my sunrise jog, I'd catch my group of gorgeous, healthy, strong teenagers running ladders along the shore.  It was like Chariots of Fire, I kid you not. They took turns sprinting their ladder to the top and then look back and their friend laughing. I'd stop on the boardwalk and turn to watch them run the shore in the very golden morning sunlight of my Southern California youth. It literally brought tears to my eyes to see how beautiful, strong and happy they were.  I had a moment to recognize that they were enjoying thee healthy bodies I've helped them work toward having, and and enjoying the beauty in their youth--without knowing that's what they were doing.  If I had known how much gratifying it would be to have teenagers, I may have tried to have more babies.