Patience; the new endurance sport.

I am the only person who probably gains weight on a 50 mile hiking trek. I did a 50 miler in the spectacular mountains northwest of Taos with some friends and gained 5 pounds. Even scared of being killed by bears at night did not deter my appitite for dehydrated foods. But I will not complain about my body. It has been a blessing. My dear friend from college who made 11 million dollars by the time we were 25, married a gorgeous girl 10 years younger than us about 7 years ago. He now wants children and she doesn't (even though that is ostensibly why he married a girl so much younger than himself). They have not been able to conceive and she doesn't want to undergo invitro treatments. He says she is surrounded by younger men, in this moment, willing to live a life without children should they separate. It may end their marriage. As challenging as life is for me, with my many emotional, intellectual and mental shortcomings, I will always be grateful I had children in spite of the fact my genetic material may not be worth replicating. I won't ever have to wonder what it would have been like to have a family and I will never have to find another suitable mate to give me children and help me raise them. Those things are behind me now, and I am grateful I took the risk and committed myself to the task. I am grateful for an easy going mate who was a better nurturer than I when our children were small, who gave me confidence that I could be a mother. So I won't complain about how easy it is for me to gain weight. My size, my health, my body was fertile and I could have had as many children as I wanted. That was a meaningful part of my life and I have my body to thank for it.

Ap 9:50. I felt pretty heavy today, but overall a pretty nice run. The morning temps have dropped by 10 degrees in the last two weeks, and the sun is later to rise. So I get lots of cool shade almost to the end. Saw Sarah as I was heading home. I'll have to catch up with them on the trail. It would be nice to have a bit of company. I ran through the north gate area and two Pomeranians came running out of their long driveway at me barking madly and showing their teeth. I tried to stomp them away but they were Undeterred. They were running toward me so my choices were to turn around and hope they wouldn't chase my ankles or, jump into the bed of a pick up truck that was parked in someone's driveway. I chose the latter. And while I stood there in the bed of a stranger's truck, parked on said stranger's property, I looked down at these two furry piranhas barking viciously up at me (I mean viciously). I was stumped as to my next move until a kind, handsome, young man in a suit stopped his Land Rover to come to my aid. I have never felt so ridiculous. He was from the neighborhood and knew the dogs. He called them by name and distracted them enough for me to get down and runaway, but even then, they started to take after me until he would call them. Who knew Pomeranians could be so heartiness. thank you to the young man who came to my rescue, whoever you are.

I got out late.  Didn't get to bed till 1 a.m. because my girl made varsity soccer (a year early!), and stayed out late partying with her new teammates.  It was a huge achievement.  The girls soccer program is insanely competitive. But she is a rock-solid defender, and a fast runner with amazing instincts.  So they made the right choice and I was glad for her.  I saw Sasha pushing the double stroller this morning.  I've never seen him push the stroller before. I have a special place in my heart for dad's and jogger strollers. I had double jogger-stroller from 1997-2005 to the point I had over 100 lbs of children and their feet were longer than could be supported by the foot rest.  My poor children. I dragged them out of bed early every single day (still wearing pajamas and wrapped in blankets) and let them finish sleeping (in the stroller) while I ran. I remember always thinking "as soon as I don't have to push this stroller, I am going to run so fast!"  and I did, for a few years after.  I used to get a lot of looks; particularly when my oldest looked like a caged giant in the seat. That was a great stroller, and for as streamlined and lightweight as it was--it had pretty good suspension.  I finally sold it in 2007 for nearly what I bought it for.  I kept that thing oiled, clean and in perfect shape.  It was my life-line to the outside world and practically kept me sane/alive.

Loop better than yesterday.

slow. 10:14 ap --going out a 9 a.m. didn't help, even if it is cooler than it was a month ago.

As a runner, I have two choices I have to make every morning:  One big boob with a line of cleavage up to the middle of my neck?  Or flatten both boobs by shoving them into my armpits.  I swear, I would have a voluntary mastectomy if I could. The 3 pounds I lose and gain every few days is right there.  WHY OH WHY would anyone want more BOOBS? They get in your way, they hurt, they make your shirts fit badly, they are not aerodynamic or shock resistant.  What would I give to walk into Walmart, or Target  or any other cheap-ish store and buy a bathing suit, or sports bra off the shelf for $12?  Instead of having to special order a 32 D from France or pay $75 to a catalogue.  I didn't complain when I was working up to having babies. But once I was done sustaining life, I was done with the boobs.  OVER IT.  I'm at peace with my post-marathon running weight (about 5 pounds more than usual).  I feel like the older I get, the better my face looks when I'm fatter. But it doesn't help the boob situation. 

I keep forgetting to blog my miles.  It's hard when my sister's visiting.  I watched my son run his first XC meet yesterday.  I had to drag him, and he wasn't that happy about it. But he ran a solid race, made a fine effort and looked strong when he finished.  I was so proud when I saw him pass the finish I thought my heart would burst.  I ran over to hug him and he said 1: I'm about to hurl (good boy) and 2:  I can't believe I didn't suck the worst!  

So rewarding to see him building well deserved self-confidence.