THOU SHALT BE A COMEBACK

Little speedwork sharpener at the Y treddy. I feel like I'm peaking fitness wise and the timing is good...8 days out.

2 mile warmup

8 x 800 with 400 recovery from 5:56 to 5:46 pace, 2 mile cooldown. Felt great and pretty easy.

easy 10k, no watch. It started snowing while I was running.

No run, didn't get off until 8am, after a 14 hour shift, and it was single digits outside.  so no run.  I'm tapering baby.  So excited thought that slowjoe will be pacing me at Bandera!!

Easy 10k on the home treddy. Just breathing and calming. Almost time.

Ez

That was the most brutal experience of my running life. Details coming this evening when I get to a computer. In a nutshell-I was hoping for a better time and place, but Bandera took many victims that day, and I spent the entire second half in survival mode fighting for every step. I was mostly happy and despondence did not win. I passed one gal in the final miles and was closing on another, 2 minutes back at the last aid station...when the "bonus mile" happened. Tis the nature of the beast stumbling around on a trail in the dark and mist and rain. I'm not disappointed--I got what I really came for, which was to test myself and suffer and stay the course andget my buckle. I got a 7th place USATF medal too, which makes this little podunk Kansas ultrarunner happy!

alright, time for a real race report.  It took a while, my computer is broken and I needed to get to one.

I entered this race to gain experience in a Montrail cup race to maybe take a shot at a Western States entry in the future, plus I thought I would like a shiny USATF medal and the Bandera buckle is awesome, and I have lots of family in that part of Texas so all around it was a good situation.  I didn't have any illusions of being in the top two--the field was stacked with elite ladies from around the country, but I did want top 10 and one of those medals!  I also somehow thought I would run this a lot faster--but more on that to come.

Pre-race travel was pretty brutal, 11 hours by myself in the car on Thursday. Friday I went to the pre-race briefing and it was cold and drizzly--impending doom, Bandera was already getting muddied up and set to suck the soul out of many runner that day.  I saw a few of the running ladies that leave me starstruck but I was too shy to talk to them.  Friday evening I spent with Joe and Danielle(slowjoe from the blog) and they fed me pasta and pie and beer, and put me up for the night.  Awesome folks!  Joe and I discussed a little racing talk, as he would be my "safety runner"/pacer for the last 20 miles.  I slept like a log and was up at 3:45 am and headed to the park.  Once I got there I spent a lot of time resting in my car, reading "unbroken" on my phone, and feeling a bit dismayed at the rain showers.  Finally, at 7:15, I got out and lined up with the rest of the cold runners.  I stood back from the front a bit, and never ran with the lead ladies.

When the gun went off, I fell in pretty quickly with a group of fellas holding what felt like the right pace and we were off.  The rain had made the rocks slippery, and the first miles to the first aid station Nachos were a bit treacherous on the downhills.  Bandera is very technical--rocks rocks rocks.  I felt okay, warmed up, and ditched my rain jacket at the first aid station.  After this we got into some serious mud...the kind of mud that  sticks to your shoes and make you run on birds nest bricks and your shoes are so heavy.  There was no escaping this mud, or how tired it was making my legs prematurely.  By the time we reached the second aid station at Chapas, I knew it was going to be a long day.  Bandera went something like this:  all the flat smooth runnable stuff had become mucked up mud, so any time I thought I was gonna bank there was out the window.  The other parts of Bandera are technical rocky ups and downs.  I stink at those rocky downs, and they were slippery from the rain, and I'm just not skilled on them at all.  I went down slower than I would like so I wouldn't break my face.  I truly wish I could train on trails, but it's just not realistic for my life situation. 
It was, however, quite beautiful!  When we get to the tops of the climbs you could look down into the valley and it was quite breathtaking and pretty!  There isn't really switchbacks--you just hike right up the rocky side and through lots of Sotol cactus.  My legs were numb from the cold so it didn't really hurt but after the race my legs were scratched and bleeding from ankle to thigh.  I felt like I was sucking wind the whole time and panting.

By the time was back at the lodge and the first 50k loop was done, I saw a lot of defeated faces at the aid station.  One gal looked at me and told me she didn't think she could do it anymore.  I don't know if she went back out or not.  I did see Joe!  That was a boost, and he would be waiting for me in 11 miles at Chapas, so I was off on loop two fairly quickly before I changed my mind.  Truthfully, I was already completely exhausted.  My legs were fried from the mud and all the slipping and slogging and my feet hurt from the rocks.  My training didn't prepare me for this kind of terrain.  I pitched all goals other than to not be defeated and finish. I also had a pretty good handle that I was still in the top ten, so wanted to hang on for a USATF medal.  I decided that although it was going to be slow, and painful, and difficult, I was going to get 'er done and enjoy it as much as I could.

I never thought I would make it to mile 42 and Chapas and Joe's company.  It seemed like forever.  Doggedly mudslog, climb and scramble, slip and bumble down, mudslog some more.   Eat gin-gins, drink water, drink ramen broth, keep moving.  I panted like a dog.  I can tell the value in a pacer, because once I finally reached Chapas and Joe was there, my spirits lifted significantly.  Although I was still ragged, exhausted, fatigued deeply, and my legs were shot, it didn't seem so bad!  Joe faithfully slogged along behind me and off we went.

I ran, I hiked, I walked, I ate, I drank, I talked, Joe talked, forward and onward. Sometime along the way we passed a gal.  At nightfall, it got cold, and dark, really dark.  This is where I was really glad to have Joe.  It was pitch black, and the lights reflected back off the mist and I couldn't see well at all.  I slowed down a lot at nightfall because I literally felt as if I was stumbling around in the dark like a blind person. We finally reached the last aid station, and they told me the next gal was about two minutes away. I felt that I could catch her and off down the mudslog we went, and went...until I saw the portapoddies on the back end of the finish line and knew that wasn't right, so we turned around and slogged all the way back to the aid station so I could take the turn I missed.  15 minutes lost per Joe's garmin.  It cost me two places.  This was a little disheartening, but it happens.  Shortly after this I ran out of gas.  I felt all the energy drain out of my body and my legs felt like useless rubber.  I hadn't eaten for a while and the energy costs of the mud and cold were more than I bargained for I think.  I came to a complete standstill and plucked out my emergency cliff gel, double espresso.  I downed that, started moving, still felt like a noodle, and stopped and ate another one.  Within  a few minutes my legs came back to me.  We finally picked our way down the final rocky ascent and as soon as we hit the last half mile of jeep trail to the finish line I took off as fast as I could run.  I bombed right up on three fellas and they all sped up too and we all crossed the finish line very close together.

This is the happiest I've ever been to cross a finish line.  It is definitely the hardest I have ever worked to reach one.  The gal I was creeping up on before I ran my bonus mile was Traci Falbo, one of my heroes, American record holder for a trail 100 and world record holder for 48 hours.  She used to be 80 pounds overweight but that changed!  She clearly wasn't having a great day either, but settled into the mantra of just get it finished. I felt exactly the same way.  Would have been nice to catch up and run in with her!  Dang the missed turn!

Chris was there at the finish line.  He's kinda awesome.  He flew down so he could drive me home Sunday.  Pretty selfless guy!  I can't think Joe enough for his presence and patience, for all those slow hours he spent out on the trail with me.  Danielle and him are great hosts and I hope I can repay them someday!  There were some Canadians I think in front of me so in the championship I was 7th woman, but was 10th in the actual Bandera race.  I accept!  I got my medal I wanted and my awesome snake buckle.  I got mud and blood and sweat and tears.  I cried while we were driving to the hotel when I was alone in my car, mostly because it was just so so hard, and I needed to cry for a minute about it.  I'm slowly recovering and can't wait for the next one--probably Flatrock 101!

Having a hard time recovering from this one! The 10 hour drive home Sunday rendered me so stiff and locked up I could barely move. I had to do a lot of errands Monday, so no nap before work Monday night, and I was still a as tiff and sore wreck. It was foolish to go to work, but I'm a single Mom who's pretty keen on getting a full paycheck, so I took ibuprofen in hopes of being physically passable dragging patients and equipment, and off I went. By midnight the pain returned with vengeance, and the vomiting started. We dropped a patient off, I vomited all over the hospital bathroom, then dragged myself over the er doc and consulted a little. He said I had a little rhabdo, but my kidneys could take the ding and I would be fine with a little tlc. I left work, had iv fluids, tons of zofran, more oral fluids, and tylenol, and sleep. 12 hours later I was tired but functional, and stubborn, and worked Tuesday night. I'm fine now, but absolutely exhausted, and glad I have a few days off to really rest. I think I may wait a week or so to run or work out, and just let my body heal as much as possible when not working. This is the worst I have ever felt physically after a race!

Pawnee prairie trails to rails-to-trails with Kyle and Nick.  Legs felt decent, but definitely not 100%.  Was good to get moving again!  Signed up for Flatrock 101k!!

No school so headed to the Y with Nessa. 8 with about 5 of em 6:40ish pace...nice to stretch em out on flatness. I even did some abs afterward! Focus in February and march will be hills and strength, all the sad little teails I can find nearby, and not much speed. Flatrock is rocky with lots of short hills. Excited for my next adventure!!

2 warmup, 5 tempo, 1 down

Slow on the home mill with 12 x 2 minute hills

7:54 ap. Outside. Strange ball of fire was in the sky and made it so so bright.

Am: ems crossfit at work. Decline pushups off the back bumper kill me

Afternoon: had a little time for a zombie run under that great ball of fire before the squeeze of stuff to do and off to survive another night

No running.  I know, lame, but we did do 50 minutes of hardcore EMS crossfit and at 4am at work and it was a killer workout.

definitely an "off" week.  dragged myself to the East Y to make myself do something.  200 floors NES then 4 measly miles

7:56 ap. 90 minutes up and down soapbox hill with Kyle then 15 minute cooldown. Great hill workout. Got sleeted on a lot, good ol face stingers.

Am,,,50 minutes ems crossfit. Great workout

Afternoon...6 ez home treddy

Morning...ems crossfit, tough 50 minutes

Afternoon....8 ez on the Y treddy

50 minutes ems crossfit. Worked up a great sweat. I'm officially in that stage where I am not "training". Hiatus. Run when I want, but no pressure. I'm sure it will pass, but for now, I'm okay with it. This solo-parenting work at night no-life sleep-deprived existence sometimes calls for a break. I'm on break.

Home treddy with Vanessa settled watching television. She started puking lady night at my Mom's while I was at work, plus a fever and cough. I swooped her up and brought her home when I got off. sleep today has been sketchy. Totally reinforces my give-up-on-running-competitively mode. I will never be able to train the way I want,nights is killing me, survival and the "best I can" is all I've got. I'm too tired these days to be my best and I'm okay with that.

Home treddy. Home with sick kid. Didn't feel like leaving the house anyway. Did 12 x2 minute hills, mostly to work up a sweat and prevent fatness....

7:58. That afternoon sunshine was just what I needed.

Ez on the hometread watching Parenthood on netflix

Circles around post 2 at 3am.  got in about 30 minutes of ems crossfit afterward.  Hoping to hit another run this afternoon.

Ez on the treadmill. I'm that big of a wimp about cold these days

2.5 mile warmup, then 3 x 5 sets up the cessna stadium bleachers with a few half-mile jogs in between.  Had good company and conversation, just nice to hang out in the sun.

7 in circles around post at 3am.

Did an hour of strength and core in the afternoon and warmed up witj

with a mile.

Ez on home treddy. Still sore from Saturday's workout.

The work block from hell continues.  had a little time, hit the East Y, 1 mile warmup, 4 mile tempo 6:40, 6:35, 6:31, 6:27, 1 mile cooldown.  piddled with a little upper body weights.  I am out of shape but feeling motivated to change that before Flatrock 101 in a few months.

3Am circles around post. Also squeezed in 40 minutes of ems crossfit. One more day of 4 hours sleep today and one more night shift and the 7 days of hrll are over!!

330am--7 miles of circles at post.  this has been a sad week for mileage, but truly the best I could do with my schedule and my daughter.  Hoping to actually get in a second run after work.

Hometread fartlek. Tired. Sooo restless last night. No sleep, but 8 hours of hodgepodge including seeking proof of God and getting pretty into intelligent design, read a lot of Bible, looked up a lot of historical origins of Biblical text, got sidebarred off into "love " and it's relevance to all relationships including spiritual, but then moved along to poverty, watched a few documentaries that highlighted corruption, and pondered my own role in the less fortunate locally and globally. My head just won't turn off.

Hometread fartlek. Work was ridiculously busy, I think I am drunk off the fumes of my patients. Talked myself into this.

No watch. No sleep but not missing Kyle's 32 miles for 32 years. Went to the Kingman hills and ran the first 16 with Kyle, Nancy, and Fernando. Nancy went home after that and I went 6 more before the exhaustion took over. Fernando bailed at 24 and then we grabbes some of the beer and kept checking on Kyle until he was done. Great time out in the sticks with friends and big run for Kyle. His first 100k is in two months.

Treadmill East Y, threw in a two mile tempo and 5x1200 but nothing fast just 6:35-6:40 pace. Good way to press buttons and get some threshold type running.

snow bunny hopping.  good work on the legs--fun!

Home treddy squeeze between shifts.  Tried to do a little speedwork.  20 minute warm up, 5 x 60 seconds on/60 off 6:00 pace, 5 minute jog, 5 x 45 seconds on/75 seconds off 5:27 pace, 5 minute jog, 7 minutes 6:27 pace.  was supposed to be 10 but felt pukey.  cooled down to 8 miles.  I wonder about my home treadmill calibration.  All paces feel significantly harder than they do on the treadmills at the Y.  5:27 pace is risking my life on that belt.

7:45 pace with Fernando. I have such a long ways to go. Way out of shape.

40 minutes double steps up and down the stairs at the dty with an old friend.  good talk.

Speedwork on the hometread.

15 minute warm up10 x 1 minute on/off at 5:56 to 5:27 pace

5 minute jog

10 minutes 6:27 pace

quick cooldown to 7

Easy 3am circles around post 6, followed by an hour of emscrossfit(slow night at work). We reached a whole new level today with

pushing our cars back and forth across the parking lot. Hard work!! Should get another run in this afternoon.

Afternoon--9 more ez in the sun, in 55 degrees, in a tank top, by Nessa's school. Glorious !

I made an appearance in the March issye of Ultrarunning magazine with an article about me at Heartland. I told my daughter I was famous and she was thrilled. ;)

Ez on the hometread at 4am while Nessa slept. Getting it in before our mother/daughter trip to KC!!

Got back from KC and rushed to the Y with Mini. 8 on the mill with a few fast hills to pree buttons but mostly easy. Two more ez on the track. Good enough for today!!

Called in sick to work tonight but I'm not sick. Nessa is at her usual place spending the night while I work. I'm not at work though. This is the only way for me to have a break. Free time. So I deceived everybody and now I'm holed up in a restaurant in a back booth by myself. Let's call it a mental health day. I might even go to an adult movie. I might not.

Today I ran on my home treddy out of view and spent some time grieving. It's a long story but in the end I still just cannot move past a few things. I've tried, prayed, ran, drank, smoked, screamed, cried, wrote, played, devoured books and journals, talked to friends, begged for mercy from any higher being, taken anti-depressants, gone to church. It always circles back.

I'm staring into the abyss again. I am grateful for my little blonde angel or I would have given up long ago. She is the reason I get out of bed every day and choose to live the best I can.

Am. Ems crossfit.

Pm. 8 at east y treddy with 8 x 90 seconds on/off at 5:56 to 5:42 pace

Ez. No watch. Glorious weather.

Ez on hometread. Legs feel fine

330 am, 5 miles in loops around post 6 slow

Afternoon, paced Kyle the last 15 of his 50 on the trail at Miller's Meadow.

A day of easygoing miles

ez breezy, no watch, in the sunshine

Guestimate on miles. Circles and lines chasing and running around Vanessa at the playground....a fartlek of sorts

Spring break and work are really making this running and sleeping thing hard.  Got a lil speedwork on the hometread today.

15 minute warm up

4 x 90 secs on/off 6:00 pace

3 minute jog

4 x 45 seconds on/off 5:27 pace

3 minute jog

8 minutes 6:27 pace

cooldown to 7

good enough for tired and time crunched

ez in circles around post 6

Hometread.  Just a few more days to spring break and I can get a long one outside.  did a button-pusher with a little turnover.  20 minute warm up, 4 x (5 x 1min on/off at 6:00 pace) with 5 minute jogs in between.  Cooldown to 10.

I ran 12. So what. The story of the day...WUUUUUUUUU SHOCK. NO WONDER KU HAS BEEN AVOIDING US!!!!!

15K in the sun. Last half mile fast. Felt surprisingly good.

Circles at work.

Great run in perfect weather! Game day!!

Ez by the river in the wind

Absurd amounts of circles around post 6 at 3am. Work slowed way down at midnight, and we managed to hoist a few out of the grave, so a good night.

squeezed it in at work.  got in about 7 x 200s and also did a pretty solid car pushing workout

Finally broke the hiatus today. My mind demanded it. I went to the Y, lifted weights an hour, then ran 6 at 6:40 pace on the treadmill. Surprisingly, it did not feel hard. Maybe I needed this break. Looking forward to running with a good friend tomorrow and Flatrock 101 is looming intwo weeks.

Easy with Prefontaine

Enjoyable run with a few 3/4 mile pickups.  Felt good in the sun.

Squeezed 1.5 in at work then we got a call

Afternoon: 6 miles at 6:40 pace, 1 mile easy, 1 mile on the track with strides

12 easy. 2 miles brisk walk up 10% grade. A few pushups and abs.

1 mile up 12% grade on the treddy. 6 miles slow by Nessa's school

Treddy fartlek with two minute intervals of hills and speed. Pretty random.

Treddy fartlek

Another fartlek and some weights

20 weeks preggy today. It's a girl. :)

Haven't ran much due to lots of contractions and not gaining weight, but I'm up 3 pounds and baby measures perfect. Going to try some slow easy miles this week.

Getting antsy now watching all the fall races!  4 more weeks to baby and then heal a bit and start running again!  been grounded from running for a while due to an umbilical cord problem, but baby is still healthy and thriving and growing well and doc thinks everything is going to be fine!  Lots of prayers answered in that situation and I am so grateful!